The Origins of Emotional and Physical Sexuality: A Caveat

(This blog was originally posted on March 1, 2017)

Photo by Rick Hustead

According to psychologist and hypnotherapist Dr. John Kappas, an individual develops his or her sexual personality by modeling these behaviors of the secondary caretaker, usually dad or another male role model. Indeed, once I know whether my client is an Emotional or Physical Sexual, I have a great picture of how the person’s parents interacted in their relationship. This model is so accurate that I can usually correctly identify who was the primary earner and who tended to make the first move toward reconciliation after an argument or fight. 

As I explained in a previous blog titled All About Emotional and Physical Sexuality, Part 1, sexual personality is modeled after the secondary caretaker (usually dad or another primary male role model) starting when you are around eight years old. If this person was focused on work and running the household you are likely to adopt these priorities in your life, as well. Conversely, if he spent more time focused on relationships and his hobbies, etc., these will probably become your priorities (core traits), too. However, there are a couple of instances in which this model does not apply.

• Identity of the secondary caretaker. Although mothers are typically the primary caretaker who assumes most of the day-to-day responsibility of raising a child, sometimes dad or another relative has this role. If the father has the primary-caretaker role, he will model suggestibility and mom (or the other adult) will model the sexual personality. This pattern is also applicable if the child has two moms or two dads, etc.

• Stage of your parents’ relationship. Emotional expression between partners tends to ebb and flow depending on where the couple is in their relationship. For example, during the honeymoon stage both individual are more affectionate and participate more in each other’s hobbies and family activities. A youngster perceives and processes these behaviors as a subconscious known and begins to model them. Conversely, if this role model is focused on earning an income or developing his career or business, the child is likely to develop similar priorities.

• Birth order. This category also reflects the stage of the parents’ relationship in that experience raising a child may make the parents more or less relaxed about being a parent during your upbringing. If you are the first child and were born very early in your parent’s relationship/marriage, the secondary caretaker may be more focused on securing the family’s financial stability. Younger children may have a different relationship with their parents who feel more relaxed and comfortable in their role after nurturing other kids. In this case, the way your parents communicated and interacted with you as a young child will also affect which traits and core values you integrate in your own behavior.

• No interaction with the secondary caregiver. Finally, little or no interaction with a secondary caretaker between ages eight to 14 years old, or a difficult relationship with that person, can result in modeling the primary caretaker’s sexual personality as well as suggestibility.

For more information about Emotional and Physical sexuality, I invite you to check out my other blogs titled:

·         All About Emotional and Physical Sexuality, Part 1

·         All About Emotional and Physical Sexuality, Part 2

·         All About Emotional and Physical Sexuality, Part 3

·         A Shorthand Guide to E & P Communication

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

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