Halloween Masks

(This blog was originally posted on October 31, 2016)

Every October 31, people have an opportunity to don costumes and assume temporary identities of someone or even something else. I am fascinated by the costume choices people make, whether they choose to embody Disney characters from the hit film, Frozen, favorite rock stars/musicians, monsters (werewolves or vampires), superheroes, princesses/princes, animals or even politicians. Halloween celebrations become a free-for-all of fantastical expression; even grown-ups can get in on the fun. My question is: What, or who, does that chosen alter-ego represent to the person behind the mask?

I have observed that the costume expression that Halloween celebrants embody range from fun and good-natured to genuinely frightening or even sinister. The subconscious motivation of those dressed as heroes/superheroes, Disney characters, royalty and other generally positive or benign identities might represent the person’s abilities or personality or project an aspect of wish-fulfillment. (Who hasn’t ever wanted to be a prince or princess, or to possess a super-human skill that could save the world? I certainly did.) Perhaps the costume is even a conscious projection of an intention to attract a skill or talent into the person’s life, which is represented what he or she is wearing.

At the other end of this spectrum are costumes that are designed to trigger anxiety or even a fear response. Apparently the zombies from The Walking Dead television series are popular costume choices in the scary/monster end of the dress-up spectrum. Unlike vampires—at least, the seductive incarnation of vampires in modern Young Adult novels and movies—zombies are the epitome of everything terrifying we imagine about death. Not only do zombies appear in various stages of decay and possess untold, albeit clumsy, strength, their very survival depends on killing and eating (brains) their victims. Could there be anything more frightening than seeing your dearly-departed relative wandering around, intent on doing you harm?

Another popular costume last year honored the 2016 Presidential candidates: Democratic Party nominee, Hillary Rodham Clinton and Republican Party nominee, now President Donald J. Trump (R). Did the real candidates represent a real or perceived threat that the Halloween celebrants to metaphorically exorcise before the election on November 8? Or, did the costume enable the wearer to publicly express some secretly admired behaviors or traits that the person did not want to (publicly) own?

It’s something to think about.

Happy Halloween!

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2017

When It Really Is About You

(This blog was originally posted on October 19, 2016)

Photo by Rick Hustead

When we get in a bad mood, for whatever reason, it is “okay” to trudge around the house or office scowling, grumbling or whatever because, well, it just is, right? Something happened earlier in the day or afternoon that set us off; it’s got nothing to do with you, so stop taking everything so personally! We think or say: Everything will be fine in a little while or tomorrow or next week…. You shouldn’t be so sensitive!

Of course, when the bad mood or unnecessary gruffness isn’t our own, it can be very difficult if not impossible to extend the same amount of patience, tolerance or even indifference to another person. More often than not, the subconscious mind goes right to: What did I do? Don’t snap at me! Just chill out, won’t you! It truly is like there are different rules for different players in the same game.

Any time we find ourselves internalizing another person’s bad mood or caustic comment as a personal affront, this is a good time to do a reality check about the situation. Ask yourself whether you actually or accidentally did or said something that might have caused offense. If the answer to this question is “no,” consider the likelihood that the other person is not intentionally, specifically striking out at you. Low self-esteem is often correlated with negative self-talk (“chatter”), whereby it is easy to wear a mantle of guilt about or misplaced sense of responsibility for causing any other negativity in the environment. Imagine going into that part of your subconscious mind or even body where your self-esteem resides and turn the dial up until you no longer notice or perceive the conflict around you. How does that feel in your mind and body? What it does it look like to be (more) indifferent to the other person’s bad mood or problem?

Also remember that being hungry (low blood-sugar level) can affect how we perceive and react to our environment. In this case, a colleague’s sarcastic comment or ribald joke that normally would not irritate you could easily trigger a chain reaction of hurt feelings, hostility and a barrage of snide remarks in response. On the other hand, you might even laugh at that same comment if you hear it after you eat lunch that contains some form of protein (meat or plant-based).

Whenever possible, practice an attitude of empathy and imagine that possibility that your colleague/boss/relative/friend is having a really hard time at the moment for reasons you may not or even need to know. Consider what, if any, gesture of empathy would ease your emotional burden in a similar situation. Depending upon your relationship with the person, it may be appropriate to ask if everything is okay and offer to help resolve or just talk through whatever is causing the problem. Maybe the best course of action might be to remain silent and let the person work through whatever is going on, alone, until/unless you are asked or invited to help. (Of course, if the individual’s problem or attitude is endangering your or another person’s safety/well-being, take steps to protect yourself and get out of that situation.) 

Keep in mind that most of the time, someone else’s bad mood really isn’t about you. However, the sentiment, “Don’t judge another person until you have walked a mile in his shoes” and an open, empathetic and compassionate attitude toward the other person helps to get through these situations.

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2017

Correction...Not Perfection

(This blog was originally posted on October 17, 2016)

Photo by Rick Hustead

As with any behavior-modification program—which hypnotherapy is, by the way—clients typically come in with a list of all the things they believe are “wrong” with them. They can’t stay away from sweet or high-calorie/high-fat foods. They can’t give up cigarettes. They can’t get over the former spouse or lover and accept that the relationship is truly over. They don’t like to be or even feel safe when they are outside their comfort zone, an area that may not extend beyond the confines of their home. They “completely freak out” when they see a spider. And so on.

In addition to changing or abolishing the negative behavior, clients often want to know how it took hold in the first place. I couch this explanation in the context of John Kappas, Ph.D.’s model, Theory of Mind. Basically, the person learned to do “x” or adopted “y” belief by imitating, or modeling, these behaviors they observed in their social environment. A parent or guardian, peer or another role model explicitly or implicitly taught the individual to do it, and the person derived some kind of reward for doing it, too.

Another factor comes into play here, too: constant repetition of the behavior reinforces its strength and significance in the subconscious mind. There is a lot of truth to the expression, “Perfect practice makes perfect performance,” and this is especially true when it comes to reinforcing any behavior in the subconscious mind. Remember, the SCM does not know the difference between fantasy and reality, objective observation and a joke. So long as the behavior is giving the person some kind of positive feedback (pleasure), the individual will continue to do (practice) that activity. Furthermore, this practice is perfect, as far as the subconscious mind is concerned.

I help my hypnotherapy clients change unwanted behaviors or beliefs by rewriting the content of the subconscious mental script that previously reinforced those old patterns. Since everything we do and believe has been learned, these patterns can also be corrected and even un-learned when we decide they no longer work for us or serve our best interest. Then we can create a different, positive mental script and continue to reinforce the behaviors and attitudes that will help us accomplish our new self-improvement goals.

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2017