The Cubical Release

Photo by Rick Hustead

“Cubical release” refers to the volume of sperm a man releases in an ejaculation. According to John Kappas, Ph.D., there is a significant difference between the amount of sperm that a Physical Sexual male versus an Emotional Sexual male release during sex (penetration or masturbation).

According to the Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder, a Physical Sexual man wants to dominate his (female) partner and prove he is her best lover. By releasing one cubical of sperm in each ejaculation he can have as many as four releases in the duration of an encounter. This individual often represses his orgasm to increase the intensity of the experience and to work to pleasure his partner. However, repressing an ejaculation this way can increase the man’s risk of prostate trouble later in life.

Conversely, an Emotional Sexual man has tone goal in sex: to achieve orgasm. Whether he masturbates or has intercourse, he will release three cubicals of sperm in one ejaculation and is generally “done” with sex for the night after that. He may be able to have 1 ½ ejaculations before needing recovery time. However, the Emotional Sexual male risks having a “dry” release as a consequence of repeated sex if he does not control the amount of sperm released in each ejaculation. An exception would be if the relationship is new or if it is in the honeymoon stage, during which he is generally more amenable to and interested in sexual congress. 

Cubical release is tied into the stages of development in terms of what the man was taught about masturbation and sex as he was growing up and his early/previous sexual experiences. For example, his first sexual experience as a teenager may be highlighted by the need to rush to ejaculate quickly, before his parents came home unexpectedly and he got caught having sex with his girlfriend. Or, if a man’s partner was not responsive to his sexual overtures he may subconsciously inhibit his sexual desire or ejaculatory response (e.g., the three-day cycle for sexual receptivity or Emotional and Physical incompatibilities). Cultural taboos about intercourse or masturbation may also affect a man’s sexual desire, behavior and/or ability to ejaculate in some situations.

However, during hypnosis the hypnotherapist can use suggestions to replace the negative associations about sex, ejaculation or orgasm that the man or his partner may have that also contribute to the sexual dysfunction. The hypnotherapist can also explain techniques for the couple to incorporate in their sexual repertoire, including oral sex and changing positions to control the cubical release and thus increase a man’s ability to have intercourse.

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2016

Family Roles

Photo by Rick Hustead

In my previous blog titled Family Systems Issues, I explained various behavior patterns that facilitate the continued function of dysfunctional family system. Keep in mind that children are born helpless; they will literally die if a parent or guardian is not around and available to take care of them. Consequently, a child will do whatever it takes to survive. To do so, he or she (subconsciously) adopts behaviors that attract nurturing attention—even to the detriment of the youngster’s mental and psychological well-being. Today I will describe characteristics of the specific roles family members occupy in a dysfunctional family system.

• The Hero: Someone in this role is a “parentified child” and usually the oldest sibling. The individual can become a workaholic and retreat into an ability to achieve or over-achieve. It seems like this person can never do enough or achieve enough and is usually a good student with a high need for approval. However, the person often experiences deep feelings of inadequacy, denial and fear. Heroes usually marry a dependent partner whom they can control and manipulate. Sometimes the person’s high need for approval can inspire the individual to take on tasks or perform jobs that inspire an employer to also depend on him or her.

• The Lost Child: This person is never the trouble-maker; instead, he or she is “invisible” in the family. The individual survives by not being obvious in the family; the child avoids trouble, may be withdrawn and is often an emotional sexual personality. If the person is an only child, he or she may be a “parentified child” and the parent’s best friend. The Lost Child has trouble making friends and comes across as being very adult.

• Mascot: The person in this role is characterized as a “chameleon,” willing to turn into anything or anyone the family wants and needs at that time. The individual thrives on attention and love. He or she can keep other members’ secrets and is dependent on others. He or she is likely to marry a “hero” in the partner’s family system.

• The Scapegoat: This is the “problem child,” whose acting out manifests the stress/anxiety/unhappiness of the family. The individual typically has problems with authority and defiance behaviors are manifestations of underlying anxiety. When the roles of artist, scholar or bad child are already occupied in the family, this person occupies this other niche with very little self-esteem.

When there are behavioral issues with an individual in a family, the entire family is the client. In this case, the hypnotherapist should agree to work with the person only if the entire family also receives therapy from a licensed mental-health professional (Business and Professions Code 2908).

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2016

Family Systems Issues

Photo by Rick Hustead

In a typical, ideal family the parents are loving leaders who take care of and set healthy boundaries for their children. They give their kids an opportunity to explore all aspects of their individual personalities. However, within the context of these family dynamics each member has and is expected to fulfill a specific role. There are leaders and followers; but if one family member doesn’t follow the expected or proscribed role the entire family system can break down. Before that can happen, however, other members rally round and do what they can to keep the person in the original, expected role.

Whether it is physical illness, a negative behavior (shoplifting, promiscuity), low grades, a learning disability, etc., after a while the family dysfunction is familiar, known and normal in the context of the group. Consequently, everyone else in the family revolves around that issue and behaves in ways that will help to keep the person in that role.

The following behaviors facilitate the continued function of dysfunctional family system:

• Enmeshed: A clinical label used to describe a family whose members are unable to make identities separate from or outside the family. People are the “property” of one another and it is hard for others to come in.

• Co-Dependency: One person’s preoccupation with taking care of another individual’s needs over his or her own.

• Manipulation is needed to get needs met. As relationships become dependent, intimacy problems are normal in a manipulative system.

• Rigid attitudes and reverence for past traditions

• Very rigid gender laws/expectations of gender-appropriate behavior.

• Frequent illness of one individual becomes a secondary gain that temporarily stops other family members from fighting, but suspicion and jealousy can develop between the others because one person is seen as the “favorite.”

When there are behavioral issues with an individual in a family, the entire family is the client. In this case, the hypnotherapist should agree to work with the person only if the entire family also receives therapy from a licensed mental-health professional (Business and Professions Code 2908).

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2016

Olympic Master Class

Photo by Rick Hustead

The goal of most, if not all, horse riders is to be so in-synch with our equine partner that each movement, every breath, every heartbeat seems to come from one organism. Like the centaur of Greek mythology, the equestrian partnership makes it seem as though horse and human truly are one individual. Watching the equestrian events during the 2016 Rio Olympic Games was like witnessing a Master Class in what such a relationship should and does look like.

This morning’s equestrian competition was dressage, the sport I also train in. I have a long way to go to achieve the skill and experience these riders possess, let alone what is required to even compete in grand prix tests. Nonetheless, just observing and studying what each rider had to do to elicit the desired response or gait from his or her horse was an invaluable opportunity to learn and create new imagery for my own training. After all, it isn’t every day that I get to watch the world’s best dressage riders perform in one place, in the space of about 90 minutes.

The highlight for me was watching Charlotte Dujardin and Valegro successfully defend the gold medal they won at the 2012 Olympics in London. The communication between them was and is so subtle it is practically invisible. Ms. Dujardin’s hands and upper body are so still and quiet, yet it is obvious how much strength and balance are needed to sit his huge extended trot and extended canter strides. I know that my physical strength and balance have greatly improved since I started practicing yoga again, but watching them “under sail” was certainly humbling and motivating.

I also paid close attention to all of the competitors’ leg aids. My first horse, Geeves, usually only needed one squeeze or kick to encourage him to transition up to another gait. Conversely, and like the horses competing today, my gelding Galahad also requires constant communication when I ride him. The smallest shift of my body in the saddle or repositioning of my leg is a separate question, which he answers even if I didn’t mean to ask it. Watching the Olympians communicate with their equine partners this way illustrated how each calf squeeze, re-positioned leg to cue a tempi stride or tiny weight adjustment in the saddle truly was part of a bigger conversation between them. The rider asked and the horse answered.

My second thrill this morning was to watch Isabell Werth compete. She has been one of my dressage role models and inspirations for my (dressage) imagery since the 2008 Olympics in Hong Kong where she won a team gold and individual silver medal. (As of today, Ms. Werth has won 10 Olympic medals, including five team gold, one individual gold, and four individual silver.) In addition to her skill as an equestrian, I identify with her most in terms of physique and complexion, compared to three-time individual Olympic gold medalist Anky Van Grunsven or even Ms. Dujardin. The real treat for me was in knowing that Charlotte Dujardin once used imagery of Ms. Werth performing a half-pass at the trot to successfully perform this movement in her own ride later that day. (For more information about this imagery, see my blog titled Continuing Education.)

Finally, each of the competitors accessed various roles/characteristics of a master herder¹ to encourage/inspire (leader), direct/correct (dominant), reassure (comforter/companion) and watch out for possible problems/opportunities (sentinel) during each of their rides. Last Thursday, we saw Carl Hester bring his gelding Nip Tuck back from a spook during their preliminary/qualifying dressage test. Then Adilende Cornelissen, a competitor from the Netherlands, dropped out of Olympic competition after her horse, Parzival, became ill after being bitten by a poisonous insect. Although the veterinarian cleared him to compete the following day, the equestrian could tell he was not at his best to continue the ride and made the brave and noble decision to not risk his health. Instead, she took him home—essentially culling them from any chances of winning an Olympic medal at these Games (predator). 

From their masterful rides to the ways they conducted themselves during the competitions I will  always remember the lessons I learned from the riders and horses of the 2016 Olympics in Rio de Janeiro.

1.        Kohanov, Linda. The Five Roles of a Master Herder: A Revolutionary Model for Socially Intelligent Leadership. 2016. Novato, CA: New World Library.

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2016