Packing Things Away

Photo by Rick Hustead

Now that it is officially Spring, I have no excuse to postpone my Spring cleaning. Specifically, to go through my closets and dresser drawers and separate the clothes I still wear from the ones that just take up storage space. The thing is, even the items I haven’t worn for years have a lot of sentimental value and I just don’t want to get rid of them yet. Fortunately, I had a very enlightening conversation with Linda Hammond, one of my friends (and Network Referral Group partner) about how to handle this issue.

Linda is the group’s interior-design “guru.” In addition to having fabulous taste in color pallets and furniture placement, she also has practical solutions for just about any (and every) home-decorating/organization crisis to come along. Today’s informal topic was what to do with all the things I didn’t want to be without, even though I haven’t thought about (let alone worn) one of those items in ages. Her simple solution was simple. First: organize the clothes into “must have,” “don’t want” and “can’t part with” categories. The articles I wanted to keep would obviously be re-folded/placed on a hanger and put back where I found them. The stuff I didn’t want anymore (or no longer fit into) would go into a box to donate at a nearby Goodwill or similar outlet. Finally the items I couldn’t bear to part with (yet) would be placed in another box to store just out of reach but accessible if I really, really can’t get rid of them yet—but one day. That plan sounded do-able and I thanked her profusely for the suggestions.

When I thought about our conversation later in the evening, I was struck by how practical this plan was and its similarity to some of the strategies I help my hypnotherapy clients develop to address an uncomfortable issue.

1. Chunk it down (divide the items into discrete categories or groups to deal with individually). This is a neuro-linguistic programming technique in which the person divides a big task or concept into several smaller ones in order to better manage/handle it.

2. Begin separating or detaching from the items you’re not quite ready to part with by storing them in an out-of-the-way place where you can get to them if necessary but will take some effort to retrieve. Whenever you think about or remember that you still have them, do a quick inventory of whether these objects still have the same sentimental value or are you ready to release this attachment so someone else can enjoy them. As Linda said, it’s okay to hold onto these items and there should never be any pressure to absolutely discard them; but the time may eventually come when it is and feels okay to say goodbye and send them on their way with love.

3. Evaluate how much of this attachment to the garment is genuine (sentimental value) or habit. For example, I have owned (but rarely worn) an old Cricket sweater since 1989. Do I hold onto it because I still hold fond memories of the year I bought it? It is more likely that I have kept the sweater because I’m not sure what to do with it and I’m just a little bit afraid that I might miss it when it’s gone. That anxiety goes right back to Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder John Kappas, Ph.D.’s Theory of Mind: The subconscious mind is afraid of what it doesn’t know. I have actually owned that Cricket sweater more than half of my life, but the perceived pain isn’t separating from a beloved item of clothes (which I haven’t worn since I bought it). No, the anxiety and discomfort comes from the idea of not having it anymore.

I hope this information and tips are helpful to you as you embark on your own Spring-cleaning/donation rituals. It certainly helped me to write this blog: the decision is made and sweater is staying. At least until next year.

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2016

Handwriting: Under Pressure!

Image courtesy of Microsoft

The April 25, 2016 installment of The Family Circus cartoon strip featured one of the characters, Billy, working on a homework assignment. When his mom asks why he is pressing so hard, the little boy explains that he wants his teacher to know that he means what he is writing. I knew right away that I had the topic for today’s blog. In addition to addressing what is literally meant in the written word, this scenario also addressed the (literally) unwritten part of communication that is so often ignored: what we mean by the words we use and what the reader understands or infers.

Let’s start with handwriting. As I have explained in my previous blog titled What I Look for in an Informal Handwriting Sample, handwriting—a manifestation of what we consciously think—is motivated by a subconscious ideomotor (automatic physical) response. In addition to the various characteristics of writing such as the form of the letters, letter slant, and straightness of the lines of writing, pressure of the sample is also very important. In fact, this is one of the first things I consider when I analyze handwriting. The presence or absence of significant pressure of the writing suggests that the person invested more or less “feeling” in what he or she wrote. This is identified by checking for the presence or absence of indentations on the opposite side of the page. These are comparable to reflections of the writing sample that can be seen and/or felt on the reverse side. Sometimes you can see the deep formation of the letters or even pin-holes of light where the pressure was so strong that it actually made tiny tears in the paper.

The second feature that interested me about this cartoon is about suggestibility. In the cartoon, Billy tells his mother that he wants the teacher to know (see) that he means what he has written by the amount of pressure he used to write his essay. This is a trait of a Physical Suggestible: I mean what I say and I say what I mean. His apparent emotional investment in writing this assignment is to appear honest or, at least, that he has completed the assignment to the best of his understanding when he answered the question. (By the way, all young children possess Physical Suggestibility.) However, the teacher may not equate the pressure of the pencil on the paper the way he intends her to do. For example, if she is an Emotional Suggestible she might infer that the deep indentations in the paper indicate that Billy was frustrated or even angry about doing the assignment in the first place. Or, she may interpret that the force of his writing reflects his deep interest about the essay topic or questions. If Billy’s answers are wrong or if he misunderstood the question he was supposed to answer in the assignment, the teacher may believe that her student was expressing frustration about what he has been asked to do. Then again, she may not even notice or care about this feature of his writing and grade the assignment simply on the accuracy or correct interpretation of the boy’s answers.

When I ask someone to provide a handwriting sample for analysis, I instruct the person to write about personally meaningful topic to get a good sense of the ideomotor response being activated. Copying information off of a document or providing the rhyme used to memorize position of letters on a keyboard activates only the conscious mind and does not reveal very much about the person’s subconscious behavior and personality. I don’t know how old Billy is in this sketch, but he looks very young. Even if he is writing an essay, the amount of original thought and analysis he puts into what he is writing, versus stringing related facts into a series of sentences, would depend on his age. It is more likely that Billy’s writing sample constitutes parroting back information versus sharing a new idea that would bear more insight into his subconscious mind. Finally, you can see in that he is writing on lined paper. Ideally, a handwriting sample is done on plain (unlined) paper so I can get a good picture of the natural slant of the person’s writing and width of their margins, etc.

For more information about handwriting analysis, check out the following blogs: Handwriting Analysis for Hypnotherapy; And Your Handwriting Says; And Your Handwriting Says, Part 2; Handwriting Analysis: Doodles; and When Illness Shows Up in Your Handwriting. If you are interested in getting a formal analysis of your own handwriting, please contact me at (661) 433-9430 or send an e-mail to me at calminsensehypnosis@yahoo.com.

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2016

Breaking Up Is Hard to Do

Photo by Rick Hustead

According to John Kappas, Ph.D., Emotional Sexuals do not get hung up in a failed relationship for as long or the way a Physical Sexual is likely to do. Physicals focus their lives on a relationship and a loving commitment. Once the relationship becomes physically (sexually) intimate, they tend to plan the future and have high expectations for commitment with the partner.

“The Physical Sexual female subconsciously thinks, ‘Would he make a good husband/father of my child? Could I spend an eternity with him?” The Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder explained. If the other person is a good candidate for such a relationship, this evolution of the partnership will happen naturally.  However, if the relationship seems to be failing or if the other partner (typically an Emotional Sexual) rejects the person’s advances, the Physical Sexual will panic about losing the person and cling even more. When the Physical Sexual backs off a bit—perhaps even making the Emotional Sexual jealous—the relationship tends to start up again.

When the relationship is finally over and the Physical Sexual leaves for good, the person doesn’t go back. However, the person’s fear of the emotional pain resulting from this separation and the fact that self-worth is so closely tied to the relationship makes it difficult to make this final break, Dr. Kappas observed. This fear and the person’s lack of confidence that he or she can survive without the partner will subconsciously motivate the person to hold onto the dead relationship. However, it may be prudent to let the relationship go if you’re not getting what you want or need, he advised.

Since people continue to evolve over time, you should become involved with another person with whom you can grow in this way, Dr. Kappas said. Don’t hold onto a relationship that’s not going anywhere for you and replace expectations about getting married and having a partner with that partner, specifically. “You need to separate what you want for yourself. You have to project availability and attainability. Lovers are not forever, but for now or tomorrow.”

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2016

Thoughts of the Day

Photo by Sara Fogan

      Every now and then I like (and need) to take a few moments and remind myself about what is really important to me, in my life. If you follow me on my Calminsense Hypnotherapy Facebook page you may have seen some of these quotes before on this page, or will in the future. Many of these Quotes of the Day are beautiful examples and illustrations of the work I do as a hypnotherapist, so I will probably draw on them in future essays.

• “Be mindful of how you manage your negativity so that it does not reflect back into your reality.” – Deepak Chopra

• “Our thoughts create our reality – where we put our focus is the direction we go.” – P. McWilliams

• “Awareness is the greatest agent of change.” – Eckhart Tolle

• “If, in our heart, we still cling to anything: anger, anxiety, or possessions – we cannot be free.” – Thich Nhat Hanh

• “It’s not how many friends you can count, it’s how many of those you can count on.” – Anthony Liccione

• “The more you like yourself, the less you are like anyone else, which makes you unique.” – Walt Disney

• “Be miserable. Or motivate yourself. Whatever has to be done, it’s always your choice.” – Wayne Dyer

• “To be wronged is nothing, unless you continue to remember it.” – Confucious

• “If you are lucky enough to find a way of life you love, you have to find the courage to live it.” – John Irving

• “We see the world not as it is, but as we are—or, as we are conditioned to see it.” – Stephen Covey

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2016