Thoughts of the Day

Photo by Sara Fogan

      Every now and then I like (and need) to take a few moments and remind myself about what is really important to me, in my life. If you follow me on my Calminsense Hypnotherapy Facebook page you may have seen some of these quotes before on this page, or will in the future. Many of these Quotes of the Day are beautiful examples and illustrations of the work I do as a hypnotherapist, so I will probably draw on them in future essays.

• “People change for two main reasons: Their minds have been opened, or their hearts have been broken.” – Steven Aitchison

• “You are beautiful. Own it. Walk like your hips move mountains.” – Unknown

• “And at the end of the day, your feet should be dirty, your hair messy and your eyes sparkling.” – Unknown

• “I am thankful for my struggle because without it, I wouldn’t have stumbled upon my strength.” – Alex Elle

• “If we all did things we are capable of doing we would literally astound ourselves.” – Thomas Edison

• “If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.” – Derek Bok

• “What other people think of me is none of my business.” – Gary Oldman

• “The leadership instinct you are born with is the backbone. You develop the funny bone and the wish bone that go with it.” – Elaine Agathe

• “Every majestic oak tree was once a nut who stood his ground.” – Unknown

• “The greatest prayer is patience.” – Buddha

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2016

The Law of Association and the Law of Dominance

During a typical hypnotherapy session, one of the most powerful tools to reinforce hypnotic suggestions is the Law of Association: an association between a suggestion (identification of a specific stimulus) and a specific, desired response. One example of this law is, when the hypnotherapist’s hand moves to dim the lights in the office and the client immediately, automatically moves to the recliner in preparation of being hypnotized. This association is possible because long before you come in for your first hypnotherapy session, the Law of Association has facilitated the development of your suggestibility. 

In a therapeutic context, when I work with a client to overcome a fear or phobia, I create hypnotic scripts that enable the person to associate the relaxation response (deep breathing, focused mind, increased confidence) with a non-reaction to the original stimulus. Repeated exposure to that stimulus in conjunction with the associated relaxation response eventually extinguishes the fear or phobia. 

When the Law of Dominance is employed during hypnotherapy, the hypnotherapist employs a stance of authority by assuming that the client will respond or behave in a specific way (e.g., go into hypnosis). An example of this law is when I say “deep sleep” firmly, not forcefully, and snap my fingers or touch the client’s forehead to deepen the hypnotic state. Through the Law of Association, the individual has already shown that he or she has already associated the link between my dimming the office lights and moving to the recliner. When I say “deep sleep,” these words instruct (directly or inferentially) the client to close his or her eyes as the person drifts into the relaxed hypnotic state that facilitates the desired behavior change (e.g., extinguishing a fear or phobia).

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2016

Selective Listening

“Winning is habit. Unfortunately, so is losing.” – Vince Lombardi

Winning. Losing. Some people do a lot of one; others do a lot of the other. No matter what you do, the more you practice (repeat) a behavior, the more likely it is to become a habit. And as many of us know, it can be very difficult to change an unwanted behavior because, well, change is hard.

As I explained in a previous blog titled Traditions: It’s All in the Family, the subconscious part of the mind likes and wants to do what is familiar (known), because this sense of familiarity represents “safety” and comfort. Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder John Kappas, Ph.D. proposed that human behavior is based on the subconscious mental scripts that we create during early childhood. During this time the subconscious mind is accumulating and storing various message units that will ultimately comprise the subconscious life script. We will behave and even think in ways that are consistent with it even when the script does not facilitate achievement of our personal goals. Each message is ultimately categorized as a positive (pleasure) or negative (pain) experience, and anything that the subconscious mind does not recognize falls under the category of “pain.” Even if the conscious mind questions the behavior, its logic/reasoning/will-power/decision-making faculties will be no match for the unspoken acceptance of that action, in the subconscious mind.

Fortunately, it is possible to change or get rid of an unwanted habit. This change starts in the conscious mind, where logic, reasoning, decision-making and reasoning faculties hold court. This is the area of the mind where we notice that this particular behavior isn’t working and is even making life more challenging for us. Noticing and deciding that you want to make this change is the first positive step to making it happen. However, the real change happens in the subconscious mind. This is the area of the mind where the subconscious mental script was originally written and continues to be carefully, lovingly nurtured to keep us comfortable. Or so we think.

Because each of us is most suggestible to ourselves, when we feel discouraged or sad or unhappy or are even hungry, we may be more likely to not only hear but also listen to those negative messages. The more down on ourselves we become, the more we subconsciously behave in ways that reinforce the feedback we give ourselves. For example, consider the individuals who are running for President right now. Pay attention to the language they are using in their campaign: “If I become President” versus “When I become President.” Have you noticed a trend whereby the individuals who say when seem to be doing better in the polls and in recent elections? Of course there are other issues at stake and to consider, but it is striking how many more candidates who seem less confident about being electable are not doing so well or have suspended their campaigns.

For example, a John Grisham novel called Gray Mountain features a protagonist who recently been furloughed from a well-paying, high-status job as a lawyer. It is 2008, right before the recession. As a condition of her unemployment, she can keep her health-care benefits and a chance to get her job back if she does the volunteer work at one of the small law firms her P.R. department has recommended. After she receives nine rejections in one day while applying for pro bono (unpaid) work, she decides (conscious decision) that she does not want to get a tenth one, so she makes a conscious effort to change her negative attitude about her situation. Yes, the prospective firm is tiny by comparison, located in a tiny town and she will have to practice the kind of law she hasn’t done since she was in law school. She tries to be more optimistic and enthusiastic about the opportunity to practice real law for “real” clients, as time passes she discovers that she really enjoys and values the work she is doing at this tiny law firm, compared to the corporate law that she has become used to. She is finally doing the work that she (her subconscious mind and subconscious mental script) believes is truly worthwhile and meaningful for clients who really need her. The more she believes her work is valuable and valued, the harder she works to do the right thing for her clients. And the harder she works for her clients, the more they appreciate her and what she is doing for them. (Well, most of them. This is a thriller, after all.) The important thing to remember in this instance is that the protagonist’s subconscious mental script identifies with those ideals she originally held when she decided to become a lawyer. The idea and ideal of actually helping people resonates with what she must do to fulfill the conditions of her furlough.

At the end of the day, each one of us behaves in way(s) that fulfill our subconscious goals. Whenever we make a conscious decision to change a behavior, the success of that decision is largely dependent upon our subconscious mind facilitating that change. Remember: the conscious messages you pay attention to the most that reinforce which subconscious messages and which mental script most resonates with you. The more you listen to and believe the negative messages, the more you reinforce those negative beliefs. Conversely, the more attention you pay to and believe the positive messages, the more you reinforce those beliefs. Ultimately, the subconscious mental script and the extent to which your subconscious mind accepts these goals determine whether your desired behavior change can and will occur.

If you want to achieve a desired goal, pay attention to what messages you’re listening to!

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2016

Paying It Forward

Photo by Sara Fogan

A couple years ago, someone in the car ahead of me at my local Starbucks® drive-through paid for the coffee I had ordered. It was right before Christmas, and the line was long. People were stocking up on caffeine and sugary snacks in preparation of an anticipated long drive to their holiday destinations—or just to wait in even longer lines at the airport. In my rear-view mirror, I could see a driver tapping his fingers on the steering wheel. Was he keeping rhythm with a song playing on the radio, or was he simply impatient for the line to move again?

When it was my turn to pay and pick up my drink, the cashier cheerily told me that the customer in front of me had paid for my order. Would I like to do the same for the person behind me? I was so touched and excited and happy about this random act of kindness that I immediately said yes. I wondered what would inspire someone to just buy a drink for a complete stranger. Was it holiday spirit? Or, was it something more? Looking back I can imagine that my subconscious mind was immediately whirring, translating a kind gesture from one person into an inference that a similar reciprocal gesture would be expected for the next.

When I got home, I learned that someone in another state had initiated a paying-it-forward movement at his local Starbucks. Individuals had been buying drinks for complete strangers for many hours until someone reportedly declined the barista’s suggestion/invitation to continue the trend. Branch managers went on the record to say that staff were not supposed or allowed to suggest that other customers should pay it forward like that because people were feeling pressured and bullied to purchase items they couldn’t necessarily afford—or want—to buy. I could understand that perspective, too. But it made me think: what inspires people to randomly do something nice for someone else? Presumably, the person on the receiving end of this arrangement gets a gift of something--extra time, extra money, a desired object. But, what does the person bestowing that gift get out of it?

Speaking for myself, I experienced various physiological sensations of delight: increased heart-rate and a gasped intake of breath, tingling in my arms and up and down my spine. I couldn’t stop smiling. I was so temporarily overwhelmed by that random act of generosity that I was easily persuaded to accept the barista’s suggestion that I purchase the order for the people in the car behind me. (Yes, there was a second or two of concern, wondering/worrying how big that order would be, but I talked myself out of that anxiety by reminding myself: “It’s Christmas!”) And to my own surprise, when I handed my gift card over to pay for that order I felt another wave of happiness and delight. I literally felt lighter, energized, optimistic, inspired. I truly understood what this expression means: “It’s better to give than to receive.”

Since that day, I have tried to pay it forward as often as I can. Whether it is inviting a customer with fewer items than I have to stand ahead of me to pay for groceries or hold a door open for someone else that is what I will do. I might pay a compliment to a stranger, post an endorsement to praise the service I have received from a local company or wave a car in the next lane to merge in front of me when traffic is heavy. And sometimes I even purchase an item of food or beverage for a stranger just because doing something nice for someone else is also a way to express appreciation, respect and gratitude for all that I have in my life. These things don’t really take any time and don’t have to cost any money, but the mutual reward of giving and receiving an unexpected, random gift truly is priceless.

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2016