Have a Nice Day!

(This blog was originally posted on January 25, 2016)

“When the world gets in my way I say, ‘Have a nice day!’” – Bon Jovi

Image courtesy of Microsoft

What do you do when everything seems to go wrong in your day? I pondered this question while driving home from the barn this afternoon when “Have a Nice Day” by Bon Jovi came up on my playlist. It is so easy to internalize the frustration and run the unending loop of self-recrimination or to blame others when a plan doesn’t work out the way we plan or want it to.

Some people yell. Others get in their car and take a fast (and sometimes reckless) drive in the hope of blowing off some steam. It is always tempting and too easy to channel frustration and take it out on the next person you see, such as give the barista at Starbucks® a hard time for getting your order wrong. It is usually a little more challenging to just let go of your immediate (and usually transitory) angst to focus on what is actually going right in your day.

The late Dr. John Kappas, founder of the Hypnosis Motivation Institute, used to include the following suggestion in many hypnotic scripts: I like it. It was (and is) a great motivator when you are learning a new behavior, such as politely refusing dessert after a meal to comply with your weight-loss program. Even when something “goes wrong” or does not fulfill your expectations or desires, this simple suggestion enables you to open your eyes to the opportunities this inconvenience could yield. So, you burned the special meal you spent all day preparing for that special someone? Yes, that is inconvenient and frustrating. However, Dr. Kappas’s suggestion facilitated a new attitude and ability to see an opportunity in the experience—a shared laugh or maybe even an impromptu, very romantic picnic of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches on the living-room floor.

So, someone cut you off on the freeway and prevented you from getting off the highway at your intended exit? Once again, this new attitude of “liking it” enables you to pass the negative emotion (frustration) and continue on your way. Who knows, your unintended detour might steer you clear of a traffic jam further up the road on your intended route that might have also added even more time to your original journey.

Many of us have experienced a situation in which someone seems to be taking out his or her frustrations on us. This person hasn’t learned the power of Dr. Kappas’s nifty little trick of “liking it” and instead tries to feel better by making things more difficult or awkward for others. That’s okay. You can still turn the potentially unpleasant situation around by reminding yourself that you like what is happening because it the situation is giving you a new perspective/experience that you can learn and grow from. Then, as Bon Jovi does in their hit song titled Have a Nice Day, politely tell the person to have a nice day and walk away. It is impossible to experience two opposite emotions at the same time: e.g., anxiety versus relaxation, frustration versus optimism. Ultimately, saying and believing “I like it!” and expressing a positive outlook and sentiments for others enables you to improve the situation for yourself by finding opportunities where someone else may only see obstacles.

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2017

 

Paying It Forward

Photo by Sara Fogan

A couple years ago, someone in the car ahead of me at my local Starbucks® drive-through paid for the coffee I had ordered. It was right before Christmas, and the line was long. People were stocking up on caffeine and sugary snacks in preparation of an anticipated long drive to their holiday destinations—or just to wait in even longer lines at the airport. In my rear-view mirror, I could see a driver tapping his fingers on the steering wheel. Was he keeping rhythm with a song playing on the radio, or was he simply impatient for the line to move again?

When it was my turn to pay and pick up my drink, the cashier cheerily told me that the customer in front of me had paid for my order. Would I like to do the same for the person behind me? I was so touched and excited and happy about this random act of kindness that I immediately said yes. I wondered what would inspire someone to just buy a drink for a complete stranger. Was it holiday spirit? Or, was it something more? Looking back I can imagine that my subconscious mind was immediately whirring, translating a kind gesture from one person into an inference that a similar reciprocal gesture would be expected for the next.

When I got home, I learned that someone in another state had initiated a paying-it-forward movement at his local Starbucks. Individuals had been buying drinks for complete strangers for many hours until someone reportedly declined the barista’s suggestion/invitation to continue the trend. Branch managers went on the record to say that staff were not supposed or allowed to suggest that other customers should pay it forward like that because people were feeling pressured and bullied to purchase items they couldn’t necessarily afford—or want—to buy. I could understand that perspective, too. But it made me think: what inspires people to randomly do something nice for someone else? Presumably, the person on the receiving end of this arrangement gets a gift of something--extra time, extra money, a desired object. But, what does the person bestowing that gift get out of it?

Speaking for myself, I experienced various physiological sensations of delight: increased heart-rate and a gasped intake of breath, tingling in my arms and up and down my spine. I couldn’t stop smiling. I was so temporarily overwhelmed by that random act of generosity that I was easily persuaded to accept the barista’s suggestion that I purchase the order for the people in the car behind me. (Yes, there was a second or two of concern, wondering/worrying how big that order would be, but I talked myself out of that anxiety by reminding myself: “It’s Christmas!”) And to my own surprise, when I handed my gift card over to pay for that order I felt another wave of happiness and delight. I literally felt lighter, energized, optimistic, inspired. I truly understood what this expression means: “It’s better to give than to receive.”

Since that day, I have tried to pay it forward as often as I can. Whether it is inviting a customer with fewer items than I have to stand ahead of me to pay for groceries or hold a door open for someone else that is what I will do. I might pay a compliment to a stranger, post an endorsement to praise the service I have received from a local company or wave a car in the next lane to merge in front of me when traffic is heavy. And sometimes I even purchase an item of food or beverage for a stranger just because doing something nice for someone else is also a way to express appreciation, respect and gratitude for all that I have in my life. These things don’t really take any time and don’t have to cost any money, but the mutual reward of giving and receiving an unexpected, random gift truly is priceless.

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2016

What Is Your Stragegy?

(This blog was originally posted on April 11, 2014)

Photo courtesy of Sara Fogan

I stopped at a local Starbucks® on my way home from the barn today. It was a hot afternoon so I thought an iced beverage would be a good choice: but, which one? Sweetened iced tea? Iced coffee?  Iced tea or tea with lemonade would be refreshing, but I would probably drink it very fast and need something more to completely quench my thirst. Iced coffee was a possibility. Then again, an iced hazelnut latte or an iced caramel macchiato was appealing, but the milk and syrups would make the drinks seem too heavy and less likely to quench my thirst. The line was long enough that I had several minutes to ponder my options. Even though I was going to use a gift card to pay for the drink I still had to consider the cost: iced tea costs less than a latte, a latte is less expensive than the macchiato…what did I want to drink, and did I have enough on the card to pay for a more expensive beverage? (I thought so.)

I still hadn’t completely made up my mind when the barista asked me what I would like to order. Ultimately, I settled on none of the drinks that I and I had previously considered and ordered a Starbucks double shot over ice. On the one hand, I wasn’t really surprised about my ultimate choice because it is my favorite, go-to beverage on a hot day. Its strong flavor and the image of milk swirling and drifting to the bottom of the plastic cup are so aesthetically appealing to me as to be temporarily mesmerizing. Also, since I used to prepare this drink at a local Barnes and Noble Café, its sight, smell and taste have become “knowns” in my subconscious mind. So, why did it take so long for me to make up my mind that I wanted this beverage before I ordered it? It’s not like this was a major purchase or anything…

On the other hand, when I really want to do something—when something is very important to me—I just do it. I don’t do too much strategizing about how to attain that specific goal, either. I basically just visualize, imagine, picture and pretend that I have already achieved it and then carry on as if success is a foregone conclusion. When I decided to pursue my postgraduate degree in London, England, I worked hard to earn the requisite grade-point average that would qualify me for a spot on the course; then I just sent in the application and waited for my acceptance letter. Similarly, when I decided that I wanted to fulfill one of my lifelong dreams to own a horse, I simply pitched a couple of offers to my then-trainer, Jim O’Leary, to buy one of his schooling horses that I liked. When Jim and his wife, Connie, accepted my second bid, I bought the horse. (They even let me write the purchase agreement.)

One of the classes in my Neurolinguistic Programming certification course at the Hypnosis Motivation Institute addressed strategies for achieving a goal. It wasn’t until I volunteered to allow one of the instructors, Joe Leeway, C.Ht., and my classmates analyze my horse-purchasing strategy that I realized a lot more thought and planning typically goes into accomplishing a major goal or task. My process seemed to be overly simplistic, similar to the motto I once saw on a Cowgirls Unlimited T-shirt that read: “Cowgirls (Saw it, Wanted it, Had a Fit) Got It.” Surely, there had to be more to my story then just seeing the horse, wanting and then buying him? Didn’t I have to readjust my goal? Did I ever need to recruit help or activate other resources or strategies to attain it? Joe and the other students asked over and over.

Actually, no: Before I actually met or even rode my future (first) horse, I saw his name on a stall door: Jeeves. That was on the day of my first riding lesson in about 20 years. I remember saying to myself, “I have to meet this horse.” I had lived in England for seven years and was a fan of the Jeeves and Wooster novels by P.G. Wodehouse. I had even met and had a photo taken with actor Stephen Frye, the actor that portrays “Jeeves.” As far as I was concerned, this horse was destined to be in my life, end of story. I just sent a picture of myself owning the horse out to the universe, and then waited a few months for that dream to become manifest—no strategizing required, just patience.

And he was worth the wait.

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2015