All About Emotional and Physical Sexuality, Part 2

The cornerstone of Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder John Kappas, Ph.D.’s hypnotherapy practice was the concept of Emotional and Physical Sexuality.  In my blog titled, All About Emotional and Physical Sexuality, Part 1, I described the characteristics of these personalities and the importance of knowing a client’s sexual personality as a way to understand, predict and even mold his or her behavior. In today’s blog I will further describe the priorities and goals of each personality in the context of a romantic (sexual) relationship. Please keep in mind that, like suggestibility, there are varying degrees of the Emotional and Physical Sexuality traits; no one is 100-percent “Emotional” or 100 percent “Physical” in terms of the degree to which dominant sexual-personality traits is manifested.

Below is an easy-reference table to summarize each group’s priorities:

E&P PRIORITIES

EMOTIONAL	PHYSICAL
Career/$ Security (If financial security doesn’t exist, everything else falls by the wayside.)	Relationship/Sex (Relationship and Sex are interchangeable for the Physical. Sex is how the Physical expresses love)
Hobbies/Kids (Emotional male has no friends or work acquaintance, etc. or 1 Physical male friend considers; Emotional female partner as friend. Emotional female has other Emotional female friends. “Kids” are a hobby for an ethnic Emotional)	Children/Family
Relationship/Family (Home base)	Hobbies/ Friends (Physical Female has Physical male friends, often ex-partners, lack of competition; a Physical male will have Physical male friends.)
Sex	Career/$ Security

If you are interested in finding out what whether yours is an Emotional Sexual or Physical Sexual personality, check out the relationship quiz. It is can be hard to be objective about your own behavior when answering these questions, so I suggest that you take the quiz for (about) your spouse/partner and have the other person do the same for you. Once you know and understand Dr. Kappas’s E&P Sexual Personality model, a whole new world will open up for you in terms of recognizing, predicting and even helping to shape your own behavior and that of other people with whom you share a significant personal relationship.

I will provide some tips for ameliorating negative tension between Emotional Sexual and Physical Sexual partners in the relationship in my next blog.

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2016

All About Emotional & Physical Sexuality, Part 1

The concept of Emotional and Physical Sexuality formed the cornerstone of Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder John Kappas, Ph.D.’s  therapeutic philosophies and approach. He believed that these personality traits were more important and influential than a person’s suggestibility, because sexual personality was all about the individual’s motivations and behavior in an intimate relationship. 

Whereas suggestibility (how we learn) is learned/acquired from the primary caretaker (usually, mom), the secondary caretaker (typically dad or another father figure) typically models sexual personality traits. Like suggestibility, a person’s Sexual Personality (“E & P”) is described as varying degrees of “Emotional” and “Physical” characteristics. However, emotional and physical Sexual Personality characteristics are not interchangeable with emotional and physical Suggestibility. In his research, Dr. Kappas observed that an individual’s Sexual Personality starts to develop during childhood, typically when the youngster is between eight and fourteen years old. He hypothesized that, at a very subconscious level, modeling the sexual personality traits of the father figure is a way for the child to get (metaphorically) closer to Mother. 

Unlike suggestibility, which can change somewhat and be affected by different events in an individual’s life, Sexual Personality does not alter that much during a person’s lifetime. Furthermore, these characteristics facilitate understanding and the ability to predict and shape a person’s behavior. I and my colleagues who also went through the hypnotherapy certification program at HMI appreciate the value and utility of this model when we work with our own clients to achieve their vocational and avocational self-improvement goals.

Following are highlights of Dr. Kappas’s model of E&P Sexual Personality:

·         Emotional and Physical Sexuality is NOT a male/female thing. The male can be emotional and the female can be Physical, and vice versa.

·         Opposites attract: An Emotional (e.g., social wall-flower) is drawn to the Physical (e.g., social butterfly), and vice versa because we are naturally attracted to our equal opposites. There is more intensity, more vulnerability with your opposite.

·         There is a subconscious goal to increase/raise the subdominant personality. For example: The goal of the Physical partner is to raise the Emotional partner’s subdominant trait (physicality).          

·         Different partners trigger different behaviors, depending on your E/P score

·         The E&P score will also differ depending on the phase of the relationship (Honeymoon vs. Crisis)

·         50/50 scores on the Sexuality test indicate: “We don’t know what you are.” You will have a different score for different relationships, different phases of the relationship. But you will always have a basic personality.

·         You can out-Phys/out-Emo a “same” partner. “Opposite” partners/relationships are more intense, but there is 10 times more vulnerability when you are with your subconscious opposite.

4 CORE TRAITS of the Emotional/Physical Sexual Personality

(You must have positive confirmation of 3 core traits before deciding/identifying the sexual personality.)

1.                   Parental background (when the pattern breaks, you need to find out why. Parents may be going through a different phase of their relationship.)

2.                 Response to rejection (When rejected, the Physical Sexual clings to the partner vs. an Emotional Sexual, who “freezes out” the partner)

3.                   Relationship with the physical body (comfortable vs. uncomfortable with physical contact) A Physical Sexual is connected/immediacy to the emotion, needs physical contact. There is a physical sensation with emotional reaction, somatization in the body. The Emotional Sexual has a disconnect of physical sensation to emotion. Sometimes the Emotional doesn’t know how he/she feels. Emotional protects the body, has a territory/boundary because the Emotional doesn’t know how they feel about their body or feelings.

4.                   Patterns of personal relationships (History of E/P partners. For example, if you are constantly attracted to a Physical Sexual, you are probably an Emotional Sexual, and vice versa.)

I will describe the priorities and behavioral motivations of the Emotional and Sexual Personalities in my next blog.

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2016

How Hypnotherapy Can Change Negative Self-Perceptions

"People are constantly changing and growing. Do not cling to a limited, disconnected, negative image of a person in the past." – Brian Weiss

When I saw that quote on a Twitter feed, I knew I had found my blog topic for the day. In addition to holding onto an outdated image of others, we often carry around the baggage of similarly disconnected and negative images of ourselves. The longer you held that perception, the more time your subconscious mind was bombarded with chatter to reinforce that negative opinion of yourself. Ironically, you may be the only person who continues to see yourself in that old light; but other people’s perceptions alone are not powerful enough to not persuade the subconscious mind to change a long-held belief about personal worth. No matter how much work you have put into changing or getting rid of an unwanted habit or belief, it can seem really tough to completely evict the negative perception about yourself that went along with that old behavior.

But tough is not impossible, and hypnotherapy is a very effective way to dismantle the subconscious mental scripts that no longer reflect the person you are and want to be.

A lot of these negative belief systems about perceived futility of change come from and are reinforced by low self-esteem and low self-confidence. If the person believes that he or she has or can never make a positive life change, lack of experience in actualizing a previous change in behavior only reinforces this negative belief system. Through hypnosis and therapeutic guided imagery, I help my clients imagine how it feels to be able to completely and effectively make the new, desired behavior changes. Since the subconscious mind does not know the difference between what is reality or pretend, it is ideal to practice and reinforce these new behaviors while in hypnosis, where a new positive mental script can be written.

Hypnotherapy and therapeutic guided-imagery techniques are also effective tools to further dismantle the former negative beliefs and replacing them with powerful new mental scripts to reinforce the client’s self-power, confidence and willingness to embrace the desired behavior change. Every time you “practice” the new desired behavior, confidence in your ability to make the desired change continues to grow and the realization that self-directed change is possible further increases self-esteem. Over time, repeated reinforcement of the new subconscious mental script—“I can do X, I am worthy, etc.”—replaces the negativity and self-doubt until you also believe that your power to change and the changes you have made are here to stay.

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2016

Thoughts of the Day for 1.29.2016

Photo by Sara Fogan

Every now and then I like (and need) to take a few moments and remind myself about what is really important to me, in my life. If you follow me on my Calminsense Hypnotherapy Facebook page you may have seen some of these quotes before on this page, or will in the future. Many of these Quotes of the Day are beautiful examples and illustrations of the work I do as a certified hypnotherapist, so I will probably draw on them in future essays.

 

• “If you’re helping someone and expecting something in return, you’re doing business not kindness.” – Unknown

• “Our greatest weakness lies in giving up.” – Thomas A. Edison

• “Above all, be the heroine of your own life.” – Nora Ephron

• “Don’t wait for people to be friendly. Show them how.” – Unknown

• “If you light a lamp for someone else, it will also brighten your path.” – Buddha

• “No one can dim the light that shines from within.” – Maya Angelou

• “We are made to persist. That is how we find out who we are.” – Tobias Wolff

• “The miracle is this: The more we share, the more we have.” – Leonard Nimoy

• “Your past is just a story. And once you realize this, it has no power over you.” – Lifehack.org

• “You do not become good by trying to be good, but by finding the goodness that is already within you and allowing it to emerge.” – Eckhart Tolle

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2016