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Friday, August 8, 2014

A Different Perspective

Photo courtesy of Microsoft

It’s uncanny how spending time and distance away from something gives you a brand new perspective on that situation when you come back. For example, as I finish re-reading Night Fall by Nelson DeMille, just about every page is yielding new details or references to the looming Al Qaeda attacks of 2001 than I remember reading before. The words on the pages and the plot twists in the book have not changed. However, my familiarity with the story, protagonists and the author’s writing style has probably enabled me to notice details I overlooked before.

One explanation for this phenomenon could be that I am actually more relaxed than I was the first time I read the novel. This makes sense: Night Fall is a very exciting and fast read. I still remember how hard my heart pounded as I got swept up into the action. I couldn’t read fast enough to find out what would happen next, and it was all I could do to not turn to the next page before I finished the one I was on. Even though reading is typically relaxing for me, my physiological response indicated that I was actually agitated—even anxious or stressed—than relaxed. My conscious mind knew that I was not in imminent danger, but DeMille’s writing conjured specific images in my subconscious mind and convinced it that the opposite was true. In other words, my SCM translated the anxiety/excitement I felt while reading the novel as “danger” and my sympathetic nervous system probably went into fight/flight mode to protect me (my body). I couldn’t take the extra time to consider and digest each word on the page because I was literally “running” away from the danger my SCM believed I was in. Without intending to do this, I started skipping words or phrases that my mind identified as triggers of my anxiety before my conscious mind could process their meaning or implication.

Now that I am reading the book for the third or fourth time, I am more desensitized to some of the more shocking scenes in it. Since my conscious and subconscious mind know what is coming next, I can allow myself to linger over or even re-read a paragraph that I don’t remember from the last time(s) I was on that page. Night Fall is still a thrilling thriller for me, but now that I am able to be more relaxed as I read it, I am able to enjoy each and every word of it.

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

Thursday, August 7, 2014

Jumping to Conclusions

Photo courtesy of Fotolia

Children are cautioned to not jump to any conclusions about what they might have seen or heard on the playground because it might not be accurate or true. Scientists must follow specific research guidelines when they conduct an experiment to ensure that what they observe in the lab is a legitimate result and not a fluke produced by confounding data. Criminal investigators are also expected to follow a protocol when they collect clues so they can correctly deduce not only who committed a crime but also know when and how it was done. Without this information, there can be no case to prosecute; and if the evidence is incorrect or prejudiced, the mystery will not be solved. Despite these warnings, it can be very hard to resist the temptation to fill in the blanks and provide some kind of answer to an unusual situation, even if our explanation is equally likely to be wrong.

Two stories have been featured in the news recently that likely fall into the category of erroneous conclusions versus actual fact. The first addresses the constant rumors that the Duchess of Cambridge is pregnant again. Speculation about her being pregnant really amped up a couple of days ago when some photographs were released that showed Kate clutching a handbag in front of her abdomen. The fact that she and Prince William are apparently planning to stay at their new home this month is only adding fuel to people’s new-baby theory. Why else would they stay home, right?

In the second story, a security camera recently filmed a grainy image of a large cat- or dog-like animal prowling a neighborhood in Norwalk, California. Local residents and wildlife experts have pitched different explanations for the creature: it’s a cougar; no it’s a large dog; uh-uh, it’s an African lion that escaped from the zoo, and so on. Television viewers and social media are also discussing a possible identity of the mystery animal; I have even heard speculations about it being a cross between a large dog and a mountain lion (unlikely). Having said that, as I am writing this blog no one has identified the animal; however, one biologist speculated that it could also be an African lion which someone is keeping illegally as an exotic pet.

I am fascinated with these stories not because of their content, but how people react and respond to them. I am interested in which message units and subconscious knowns these news reports trigger in us that we want to look for reasons, information and explanations to support our beliefs about what is really going on in these situations. Not knowing something or not having a believable explanation is uncomfortable, even painful. As John Kappas, Ph.D. explained in his Theory of Mind, the subconscious mind will default to a story or mental script that it already knows and is comfortable with to avoid the discomfort of not knowing. This is true even when the conscious mind also doubts that this script is accurate.

Perhaps our fascination with the Duchess of Cambridge stems from all those fairy tales we were told during childhood, stories about beautiful women who married a handsome prince and went on to live happily ever after. Lo and behold, fairytales obviously do come true because look at the Duchess of Cambridge: She grew up (sort of) like “one of us,” fell in love with a handsome prince and married an heir to the British throne. Now, people want to know everything about her, and when that information isn’t forthcoming, they look for “clues” or evidence that will support their ideas about what her life is like. Rumor has it that they want to have another baby, and Kate had such bad morning sickness last time; it just makes more sense that they want to stay in England right now. It just doesn’t make sense to us that she and Prince William would rather spend their summer vacation setting up their new home and hanging out with their son instead of jetting off to an exotic location. No, the real reason they aren’t going away must be that she is pregnant again, right? Well, that’s our story, and we’re sticking to it. And so on.

As for that mysterious animal in Norwalk, human mythology is rife with tales about mysterious creatures of the night. It is fun to imagine what this one is and how it got here. We ultimately may learn that it is just a very large dog that jumped out of its yard, or a mountain lion that came down from wherever to scavenge for food and water. However, the grainy quality of the surveillance video combined with the eerie night lighting and the ambiguous form prowling around a peaceful neighborhood set our imaginations into overdrive. The fact that no one knew what it was gave us license to imagine what it could be.

Stay tuned…

Wednesday, August 6, 2014

Vicarious Training

Training clinics are great opportunities to learn tips and techniques from celebrated athletes in your sport. Similarly, you can improve your skill by watching and critiquing video-recordings of yourself training and/or discussing your observations with your coach. Finally, you can also learn a lot observing other members of your team when they are training or competing, and listening to the coach’s advice or instruction to the other athlete.

One benefit of this kind of vicarious training is that you can observe what the athlete is doing and how he or she is doing it, in terms of what the instructor is asking for. You will also have a firsthand look at how the technique looks when it is done correctly or incorrectly, accompanied by the trainer’s feedback to the athlete without the pressure of being in the spotlight, yourself. You can focus on and mentally process these instructions and corrections in the context their being a (hopefully) supportive critique of that athlete’s technical performance. You can then incorporate what you learned during this “lesson” into visualization and imagery exercises to improve your own execution of that or a similar technique.

Another benefit of vicarious training is that you can test your skill at identifying those minute technical movements that facilitate the successful execution of a technique or an error. If the student makes similar mistakes that your coach has also previously called you on, listen closely to his or her suggestions to correct that error. Hypnotherapist and Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder John Kappas, Ph.D. explained why suggestibility can be a game-changer in how you perceive and process information no matter how clear and concise these instructions are. For example, a physical suggestible person learns best from direct and literal instructions or cues from the environment. This athlete will take in the instruction at the moment it is given during the training session when learning how to do the technique or correct a previous mistake. However, an emotional suggestible learns from metaphor and inference. In addition to taking in the literal instructions, this athlete truly learns by projecting the coach’s corrections and tips for the other student onto his or her own athletic performance. This is one reason why vicarious learning opportunities such as viewing training videos, auditing clinics and watching peers practice or compete in the sport are so effective in improving athletic performance.

Finally, you are also likely to glean additional information about the sport, in general, and the specific technique or movement being practiced, during conversations between the instructor and the athlete. Even if you have heard it all before, as it were, it is beneficial to listen to this information again to reinforce the information you have learned about the techniques you are or will be working on. Furthermore, the coach may use different phrases or expression to clarify what he or she wants the student to learn. You never know, but this slight variation in the instructor’s language or communication technique may also resonate with you and deepen your own understanding of the skill you have been training and vicariously learning more about.

Tuesday, August 5, 2014

Family Ties

Last night, Late Night host Seth Meyers had his younger brother, Josh, as a guest on the show to help promote their new animated series, The Awesomes. This was the first time I ever saw them interact together, and I was immediately struck by how easy, comfortable and familiar they were. That made sense; not only are they brothers, they are obviously very good friends. Watching the interview was less like a promotion for their shared venture on the Hulu® network and more like being a fly on the wall at a family reunion. It was fun to listen to them reminisce about their childhood and adolescence, the private names they call each other and the verbal shorthand they use to communicate. Apparently, the brothers knew each other so well that when Seth offered to pick up a sandwich for Josh, the younger sibling immediately knew that the family dog had died. Similarly, when Josh started a phone conversation by saying “I’m all right,” Seth knew those words were actually a code for, I’m alive, but this, this and this happened to me on the ski slopes today, or whatever.

Family members aren’t the only ones who communicate like this. Good friends, spouses, romantic partners or military personnel also share a similar verbal short-hand. Words don’t even need to be spoken, yet a gesture or facial expression tells an entire story to the other party in this non-verbal exchange. An observer, someone who is not part of this immediate group, might wonder if the members are even psychic the way they finish each other’s sentences. Even spookier is when one person says something and another says, “I was just going to say that!” and you know it is true. Extra-sensory perception may or may not have a part in the fluidity of this exchange, but you can definitely chalk up the mutual understanding to shared experiences and shared subconscious knowns. Siblings are a great example of this phenomenon.

Consider this second example of shared, familial knowns versus what we learn from non-family members (strangers). The popular detective series of the late 1980s and early 1990s, Inspector Morse, got a new spinoff a few years ago titled Endeavour. This new series follows Shaun Evans’ rookie detective constable at the start of Morse’s police career, negotiating department politics while he solves complicated murders. I think Evans is well-cast as Morse. He has the clear-blue eyes for which John Thaw’s Chief Inspector Morse was known, and the younger man has mastered Thaw’s facial expressions, posture and pattern of speech. But Thaw’s daughter, Abigail, who has a recurring role in the new series, is even more like her late father than the man who portrays him. In addition to bearing some physical resemblance to him, Ms. Thaw absolutely has that raised eyebrow, grimace, slow smile that fans remember from her father’s embodiment of “Morse.” These are not gestures that she would have had to study and learn so she could mimic them in her role, the way Evans would have had to do to convincingly portray a younger version of Inspector Morse. Rather, she would have acquired them over the years while sitting on her father’s knee listening to a story when she was a little girl or any number of casual interactions with him during a family get-together.

Whether or not you are emotionally close to your family, if you were raised and grew up together you already share more than DNA. You also learned various behaviors and beliefs from your parent(s)/guardian(s) through the development of your suggestibility, as did your sibling(s). You learned to associate certain events or stimuli with pleasure or pain, and these experiences became the knowns that would create, support and reinforce your subconscious life script. This process is the basis of Hypnosis Motivation Founder John Kappas, Ph.D.’s Theory of mind and development of suggestibility. Whenever someone observes how two “like” minds think alike, I would say that is true more frequently about family members’—especially, siblings’—mental processes than that of two “strangers” such as spouses or close friends. Dr. Kappas’ Theory of Mind probably also goes a long way to explain the role of nurture in terms of contributing to our social development.

Monday, August 4, 2014

Moving On, Part 2

Image courtesy of Microsoft

In 1967, psychiatrists Thomas Holmes and Richard Rahe conducted a study to identify which stressful life events cause physical illness.(1) They published the results of this study as the Social Readjustment Rating Scale. It comes as little or no surprise that Holmes and Rahe’s research rated death of a spouse, divorce and marital separation, respectively, as the three most stressful life events. Whatever the cause, letting go of a relationship can be very difficult and painful. For some people, it is traumatic. In this blog, I explain how experiencing grief and working through the five stages of loss during hypnotherapy can help you accept that the relationship is finished.

When someone is having trouble accepting that the relationship is over, Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder John Kappas, Ph.D., advised taking the client through the stages of grief and loss(2) during hypnotherapy. Although there are five stages of loss, it is important to remember that not everyone experiences each stage of grief or even go through them consecutively. It is also possible to repeat these stages and to experience one or more at the same time.

· Stage 1: Denial, characterized by shock and numbness, and refusing to accept that the relationship is over.

· Stage 2: Resentment. Anger at the other person(s) in the relationship or anyone else who is around.

· Stage 3: Bargaining, wherein the person tries to make a deal with God, themselves and other people in his or her life to just get the person/relationship back.

· Stage 4: Grief. This stage is characterized by crying and/or emotional withdrawal. (If the person is crying excessively, I would also require a medical or psychological referral so I could address this issue in hypnosis.)

· Stage 5: Resolution. During this final stage of grief and mourning, the person starts to get his or her life back on track. The individual begins to feel more hopeful and accepts the fact that the relationship is over, the other person(s) is not coming back.

Remember: the emotional pain we experience at the end of a significant relationship isn’t just sadness about the person who is no longer in our lives. We also feel pain because we have lost or can no longer follow an important mental script or “known” in our subconscious mind. Regardless of the quality of that bond, disengaging from it and the habits or behaviors you have practiced during the relationship entails breaking script. Now, you must venture into the unknown experience of being independent from that relationship. I use therapeutic guided imagery to facilitate the process of forgiveness—of the self and the other person(s)—to help you heal and leave the finished relationship behind. I also employ guided imagery to help you relax and increase/rebuild your self-confidence, improve your self-esteem and reinforce your self-image as you forge this new path.

It is only when we can say goodbye with love and respect to the lost relationship and the person(s) we shared it with that we can truly move forward in our lives.

1) Holmes TH, Rahe RH (1967). "The Social Readjustment Rating Scale". J Psychosom Res 11 (2): 213–8.

2) Kübler-Ross, E. (1969) On Death and Dying, Routledge, ISBN 0-415-04015-9

Sunday, August 3, 2014

Moving On, Part 1

Image courtesy of Microsoft

I recently read a quote from Redefining Refuge which really resonated with me: “Cutting people out of your life doesn’t mean you hate them, it simply means you respect yourself. Not everyone is meant to stay.” Think about it: children are born, grow up and eventually move out of the family home. They may attend college, get married and start their own families; or, they choose a vocation and start their career, perhaps moving out of state (or out of the country) to establish their own lives. Changing and moving on is part of living; growing up emotionally as well as physically and chronologically. While these separations are initially hard for both the parents and the “kids,” that doesn’t mean these life transitions should not occur.

Just as we grow up and outgrow our roles as children in the family home, we can also outgrow the relationships we have forged during the course of our lives. As we mature, it is natural to develop different and separate interests from the ones we shared with our childhood and school friends. We often away from friendships and romantic relationships we have enjoyed as adults. But, why shouldn’t this occur? We continue to grow and mature every minute of our lives. It is not so unusual to discover that the things that you couldn’t imagine liking or wanting to do at seventeen have become sources of profound enjoyment at thirty-seven. If the relationship devolves from friendship and respect to resentment and even physical and/or physical abuse, it is time to cut those ties and move on to a healthier relationship and a safer environment. But knowing this doesn’t make it easier to do. Does it?

It isn’t just that we continue to feel strong emotions about or bonds to the other person that makes this separation so difficult. Rather, per John Kappas, Ph.D.’s Theory of Mind, it is so difficult to “leave” a relationship we have outgrown because we must give up a powerful known in our subconscious mind. This relationship and the person(s) we share it with have become part of our mental script; the longer we have been following this script by interacting in loving and respectful ways with the other person, the more difficult it is to stop following that script. The same is also true if and when we have been following an unloving and disrespectful or abusive script. Even if you do not or no longer have positive feelings about the other person or people, this separation may be painful because you must venture into the unknown experience of being independent from that relationship. Regardless of the quality of that bond, disengaging from it and the habits or behaviors you have practiced during the relationship entails breaking script.

Whatever the cause, letting go of a relationship can be very difficult and painful. In the next blog, I will explain how experiencing grief and the five stages of loss during hypnotherapy can help accept that the relationship is finished. When we are able to say goodbye with love and respect, we can move forward in our lives and so can they.

Friday, August 1, 2014

Why Being Uncomfortable Feels “Comfortable”

(This blog was originally posted on February 18, 2014)

Consider the expression, “Better the devil you know (than the one you don’t).” If you have done some activity before, you will have a pretty good idea of what to expect (result) this time. Based on this experience, you probably even have a strategy or two for dealing with that or a similar situation. Well, your subconscious mind loves what is familiar, too! According to John Kappas, Ph.D.’s Theory of Mind, the subconscious mind even covets physically or emotionally painful experiences; anything that is “known” is deemed familiar or safe. That is how behaviors, including undesirable habits, are created.

People seek my hypnotherapy services to help them change (or get rid of) a habit that no longer works for them. For example, they want to be able to lose weight, to quit smoking or stop procrastinating, to increase self-confidence, and a host of other behaviors. These goals may make sense to the conscious mind, where logic, reasoning, will-power and decision-making reside; but the subconscious mind is not so easily convinced. The SCM is used to doing things a particular way—its way, the comfortable way, the “easy way”—and it resists changing its modus operandi. It doesn’t care that you (and your conscious mind) are worried that your habit of smoking two packs of cigarettes each day is likely to result in a debilitating lung disease. Your SCM quite enjoys eating that pint of fudge-brownie ice cream before bed; this indulgence is so much like reminiscent of the bedtime treats you used to enjoy as a small child. And as for procrastination, well, didn’t Miss Scarlett in Gone With the Wind always promise herself that she would deal with her problems tomorrow? That strategy worked just fine for her, so why shouldn’t it work for you or me?

If you are happy and comfortable doing things the way you have always done and continue to do them, that is fine. You are not ready to change your behavior yet, and your subconscious mind will likely reject any attempts to change this behavior. Remember, however, that any and every habit and behavior you have learned can also be unlearned. Moreover, hypnotherapy is an effective, drug-free and natural way to help you override (unlearn) that previous mental script and change or dump those habits that no longer work for you. Hypnotherapy is a great way to help you start living the kind of life you want and deserve to be living.