Stop! Negative Self-Talk

(This blog was originally posted on January 17, 2014)

 

 

                From time to time, in a moment of frustration or anger or even fear, we say something negative and hurtful to someone very close to us. The incident that sparked the outburst may turn out to be inconsequential, but in that instant there is nothing more important or urgent than giving that other person a piece of our mind for causing so much trouble in the first place. We can always apologize and make amends to the other person once tempers have cooled down and the issue is resolved. But, what if the person you are so mad at is you? Do you apologize for the hurtful things you have said or thought about you, to yourself?

                According to John Kappas, Ph.D., the subconscious mind works on expectation and imagination. Over time, we learn to expect others to respond to and interact with us in a particular way based on our previous experience with those individuals. We also learn to internalize the message or emotion we perceive in those interactions, which can affect self-confidence and self-esteem. No matter what the “message” is, as you hear and repeat it to yourself your subconscious mind starts to internalize and believe that message. If people in your social circle constantly bombard you with criticism and negativity, perhaps it is time to change who you hang out with. If you are the one trash-talking yourself, it is time to rewrite your mental script to be ­­­more loving and accepting of yourself.

                During hypnosis, I teach my clients simple breathing and relaxation techniques by which to dial down or even turn off the negative self-talk. I also desensitize my clients to the stimuli that typically trigger their self-criticism and self-reproach. Finally, I use therapeutic guided-imagery techniques to enable my clients to find solutions for those situations and then visualize, imagine, picture or pretend that they have successfully resolved a conflict with self-confidence and self-love.

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

I Wear One. Do You?

Photo by Rick Hustead

When Geeves and I posed for this photo, we weren't planning to
move or go anywhere...but I put on my helmet just in case!

 

 

 

                Yesterday (July 12, 2014) was International Helmet Awareness Day 2014. Local tack shops and equestrian catalogs offered promotional discounts on riding helmets to encourage riders to invest in and encourage use of this important safety equipment.

                Helmets are probably the most important equipment that equestrians use when they ride and work around horses. You don’t absolutely need a saddle to ride a horse. Many people, including Gaia Horsemanship founder and instructor Ellen Cochrane, can and do forgo a bridle and reins (http://www.gaiahorsemanship.co.uk/) when they ride. I would love to do that one day, too. But ride without protective headgear? No. Way.

When I was about 10 years old, someone I know went temporarily blind after falling off of a pony. She wasn’t wearing a helmet. That was my wake-up call, as well as that of everyone else where I rode at that time. From that day on, I (and everyone else at the stable) wore protective headgear. For me, putting on a hard hat before I get on a horse is as automatic as fastening my seatbelt when I got into a car. Much of the professional and amateur equestrian community received their big wake-up call about helmet awareness when former Olympian Courtney King-Dye sustained a traumatic brain injury after she came off a young horse during a schooling session in 2010. As I recall, she wasn’t even working on particularly advanced dressage movements at the time; the youngster stumbled, she fell off and landed beneath him. King-Dye wasn’t wearing a helmet at the time and fractured her skull and suffered a traumatic brain injury as a result of the accident. If an experienced and talented Olympic rider could get hurt like that, so could any of us.

Like so many things in life, it is very difficult to change a known behavior that we have been doing for most of our lives. After all, there is something very romantic and liberating about the image of galloping a horse with your hair billowing out behind you. I just can’t imagine doing that anymore. After witnessing a fall that temporarily blinded someone very close to me, and hearing my dad (a retired neurologist) constantly telling me how dangerous horses and riding are (yes, they can be), I err on the side of caution. In fact, caution is an early and very well-established known in my subconscious mental script.

                In light of Ms. King-Dye’s accident, in 2013 the United States Equestrian Federation (www.usef.org) decreed that all dressage competitors from introductory to Grand Prix must wear approved GPA titanium helmets at local and national competitions. (There went my fantasy about wearing the coat and top hat.) Even though the international show organization, Fédération Équestre Internationale  (FEI), does not currently have a similar mandate, riders are seen sporting helmets more and more frequently at the international competitions. Charlotte Dujardin, the dressage champion at the 2012 Olympics, won team (United Kingdom) and individual gold medals, and she wore a helmet instead of the traditional top hat. In fact, she was the only competitor I saw who made this choice, although she certainly didn’t have to. I think that must have been another game-changing moment for the Riders4Helmets campaign: If an Olympic champion chooses to wear a certified helmet in competition, so can you.

                I confess that I was really looking forward to the day when I would be a good enough a rider to be eligible to compete in the Prix St. George (and above) dressage classes. Not just because I wanted to ride canter pirouettes, tempi changes, passage and piaffe, but also because I wanted to be able to wear the top-hat-and-tails that dressage fashion riders sport in these upper-level competitions. (By the way, that is the only “fashion” or look that really interests me.) However, I am not prepared to sacrifice my health and well-being and (hopefully) many more years of enjoyment working with and riding my horse to wear a garment that would not protect me if the worst ever happened.

For more information about Courtney King-Dye, the Riders4Helmets program and the role of protective headgear in preventing riding-related TBI, read http://www.dressage-news.com/?p=5307,  http://www.postandcourier.com/article/20140709/PC20/140709363 and http://www.dressage-news.com/?p=9828.  

 

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2014

Theory of Mind in Dawn of the Planet of the Apes

(Warning: this blog may contain spoiler information about the film Dawn of the Planet of the Apes. Please do not read any further if you have not yet watched and plan to see the movie.)

Photo by Microsoft

 

                I remember the day a science teacher told my high-school physics class that mosquitos can see colors on the light spectrum that humans can’t ever imagine and certainly are not capable of seeing themselves. I don’t know how Mr. Kirby knew this fact, or even if it was true. But the comment has stuck with me all these years and even created a great context for tonight’s blog.

                The entire time I watched the movie, Dawn of the Planet of the Apes, I couldn’t help but consider the cinematic and dramatic themes of the film in the context of John Kappas, Ph.D.’s Theory of Mind. To be honest, my curiosity about the ways in which this theory would apply to Dawn was the primary reason why I wanted to watch it. When I was very little, my family used to watch the Planet of the Apes television series, but I never saw 2011’s Rise of the Planet of the Apes and knew very little about it except James Franco starred in it. Therefore, I was able to watch to the sequel with no (well, few) expectations about what it would be like except for the suggestions of the plot that had been featured in countless television advertisements. Let’s just say that my expectations about what could/might/would happen—and why—were very consistent with the knowns in my subconscious mind.

                According to Dr. Kappas, the subconscious part of the mind is uncomfortable about and resistant to doing new or different things even when the conscious mind (logic, reason, will-power/free-will and reasoning) says that it’s okay to do so. The SCM likes and wants to stick to what is familiar, comforting and safe: i.e., what it knows. Going back to my science teacher’s comment about mosquitos’ visual perception, it is very difficult if not impossible to even imagine doing something that we have never done before. The writers, director and producer used plenty of imagination and computer-generated effects to bring the story to vibrant life on the screen; however, they were still limited by the scope of their own “known” experiences.

Long story short: as humans, we have no real experience or idea what apes feel or think beyond what biologists have already observed these sentient creatures doing. Even then, how much can and do humans really know and understand about these animals’ emotions and motivations? Since apes do not speak English—or any other human language, as far as we know—the sound of their “voices” could only be as realistic or fantastic as the imaginations of the cast and crew that created the sound of those words.

Dawn also emphasizes the importance of trust in the human-human, ape-ape and human-ape bonds. As I described in a previous blog, “7 Keys to a Successful, Long-Term Relationship (February 14, 2014), this concept is a very important part of successful human partnerships/relationships. However, it is a human word. I am not saying that apes (or any other non-human animal) do not have trust or a similar construct in their social relationships; but why should our word be theirs? Once again, consider Dr. Kappas’ Theory of Mind: trust is a known in the SCM of the humans who made the film; but, also, the apes in the film who say this word were the ones who apparently had the most contact with humans in the previous film.

In another example, the animals that had experienced non-violent relationships with humans in the past were willing to trust the people currently in their midst because their known was a positive association with people. Conversely, those who had negative experiences with humans expected to receive pain and be tortured or killed because that was the mental script (known) of these animals. The same is true of Dawn’s humans: the people who associated the apes with causing a pandemic that decimated the world’s population (and their families) with danger. Those who knew and understood the biology/science about the virus seemed to empathize with the simians’ point of view and just wanted both species to get along.

I will probably revisit the themes in Dawn of the Planet of the Apes in a future blog. Meanwhile, please let me know what you think of these observations when you have seen the movie. What do/did recurring characters seem to learn from their old and new relationships and circumstances in this movie and in Rise of the Planet of the Apes? I would love to read and learn about other connections you find between this film and the ways characters in this film respond to the relationships and circumstances in each of these movies.

 

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2014

Passive Aggression and the Fear of Success

Photo by Sara Fogan

                 Passive-aggressive behavior is one of the most common ways that we sabotage ourselves. According to developmental psychologist Erik Erikson, this behavior usually starts very early in life: between the ages of 3 and 6 years old (although as young as 18 months is possible). During this time, which Erikson characterized as the play-age/loco-motor stage of development, a child is learning the difference between right and wrong behavior, on his or her way to learning to become independent.

                To facilitate healthy development at this stage, Erikson believed that children should be encouraged to be creative and use their imagination when they play. In addition, they should be allowed to play adult roles and assert their individuality by taking initiative and doing things on their own. Otherwise, they may develop a sense of guilt and believe that everything they do is “wrong.” When children are not allowed or is discouraged from expressing their feelings, they may try to punish their parents for causing this discomfort. When they continue this behavior as adults, however, they become the object of this punishment, Erikson warned.

“A passive-aggressive person first believes that asserting himself will cause him pain, so he backs off from people who challenge him,” John Kappas, Ph.D., explained. However, even if the individual initially seems very passive and cooperative, the objective in this behavior is to teach someone a lesson. Passive-aggression is self-sabotaging and is at the passive-aggressive person’s expense, such as quitting a job before being fired, the founder of Hypnosis Motivation Institute (www.hypnosis.edu).

For example, even if a person wants to have a successful career in a specific vocation, he or she may find reasons to not pursue this goal. The individual may decide that it is taking too long to achieve that goal, even though the person is already very good at this job. It may even be true that he or she could earn more money doing something else instead of wasting precious time learning pre-requisite skills to advance and achieve the desired career. But that is what the conscious mind—the area of will-power/free will, decision-making, reason and logic—says. This is what the subconscious mind, which still follows an early-life mental script, says: “You will never be good/talented/smart enough to do that.” This belief is the actual reason why the person will actually walk away from that “dream” job.

My role as this person’s hypnotherapist would be to change his or her mental script by helping to increase his or her self-confidence and perception of self-worth. I would also help the individual change the passive-aggressive tendencies to assertiveness by setting realistic career goals, following through with goals and reinforcing his or her new self-confidence (behaviors and beliefs). Finally, I would teach my client about the Mental Bank Concept and incorporate it in the person’s daily life to reinforce these new behaviors and perception (belief) of self-worth.

For more information about passive-aggressive behavior, read my March 31, 2014 blog titled “Passive-Aggressive Behavior.” You can also find out more about how the Mental Bank process works in my July 7, 2014 blog titled “Mental Bank Concept” or go to http://www.hypnosis.edu/streaming/#Mental-Bank-Program.

 

 

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2014

Privilege of Responsibility

                This afternoon, Honda® issued a recall notice for several models of their vehicles sold in California because there is a defect in the air-bag/air-bag deployment. I am sure that this announcement is probably frustrating and frightening for owners of these vehicles. In addition to their concern that the problem may endanger their and their passengers’ lives before the car goes in for service, needing to get this repair done is probably an inconvenience (and stress) they could do without. Welcome to the world of having to take responsibility for and taking care of the things we own.

                Responsibility follows us everywhere we go. If we want to drive a car, we need to have a driver’s license and car insurance. We need to be responsible drivers by following the rules (laws) of the road and making sure that our vehicles are safe and serviceable. We need to make sure that we have enough gas to get us where we need to go and regularly check the car’s oil/brakes/tire-pressure.

                The same is true if you own a home. When a water pipe breaks or a toilet overflows, it is up to you to repair the problem or call someone to do it for you. You may need to repaint the outside of the house or replace the shingles on the roof from time to time, to ensure you will be protected from the elements during inclement weather. If you own a lot of land, you are responsible for cutting down weeds or tall grasses and trimming dead branches off trees to safeguard your property from fires (and reduce fire hazards).

                The responsibilities multiply quickly when you take care of other people or animals in your family, and they can be overwhelming. Rather than consider them in terms of “work” you need to do, try this to lighten your load: turn your thoughts into attitudes of appreciation or gratitude that you have these privileges in your life. Lisa Machenberg, one of my favorite instructors at the Hypnosis Motivation Institute (www.hypnosis.edu), shared this insight (attitude-shift) with my class during a case conference many years ago. Acknowledging and expressing gratitude for something you “must do” not only symbolically pay for the privilege of having that object in your life; this new perspective actually adds relief or even joy to doing that activity. You or I would go right to the doctor to set our (or our child’s) broken leg, or call a veterinarian if one of our pets was sick. We probably wouldn’t even think twice about doing this, either, because the physical comfort of setting the bone would equal the emotional relief of knowing that this procedure, while temporarily uncomfortable, will prevent future inconvenience down the road.

The same is true of fixing and maintaining your home, car and every other object you value. When we change that mental script in our subconscious mind from owning and maintaining (“when necessary”) something to a script which values, cherishes and takes care of that object, we start to appreciate its true worth. A car isn’t just a car: it is the equivalent of a magical carriage that literally carries us and/or our family to a specific destination and makes sure we reach it safely. The house or apartment in which we live isn’t just a structure but the home that provides shelter from inclement elements and safety from perceived threats. It is the place where we have made (and keep) our favorite memories, and will make many more.

I am grateful for the opportunity to give the people and home I adore, and the car and other objects in my life that make my life so convenient, a little (or a lot) of tender, loving care when they need it. In fact, it is a privilege to do this. After all, where would I be without them?

 

 

 

 

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy®, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

 

Heroes

 

“Your rescue is within you.” – Lauretta NgCobo, Nigerian Writer

 

 

I have been thinking about heroes a lot lately.

Another season of 24 is almost concluded, and once again I am thinking about how fantastic it would be if there really was a Jack Bauer to sweep in and save the world. Yes, he is very rough around the edges and sometimes takes a—well let’s just say he tends to go “rogue” when it comes to getting the job done. But he does get the job done. Whenever I hear Bonnie Tyler’s song, “Holding out for a hero,” I think of Jack.

                On a similar theme, another one of my favorite television hero-types is a disgraced detective-turned-cab-driver called Mike Olshansky on CBS’s short-lived series, Hack. The hero—or anti-hero, depending on your point of view—has a knack for turning up at the right time when someone (usually one of his fares) is in the wrong place. He saves the day and then quietly disappears. The only token of gratitude Olshansky ever wants is a promise that whomever he has just rescued will not reveal his role in the rescue or even his presence at the scene. The tagline for the series is, “When you need someone who answers to no one,” and that line still resonates with me.

                The television characters of Mike Olshansky and Jack Bauer use their experiences and skills in law-enforcement officers to rescue clients or, in Bauer’s case, save the world. As far-fetched as some of their actions and derring-do might seem, these abilities make sense when we think about all of these behavioral knowns stored in the mental script of each man’s subconscious mind.

When I saw Ms. NgCobo’s quote, it reminded me of times in my life when I have had to rely on myself to solve a problem or to get the job done. While I never went to any of the extremes that my television heroes did to save my day, looking back, I am very proud of those accomplishments. I even have a couple of songs to remind me about this on my iPod—Mariah Carey’s “Hero” and Whitney Houston’s “Greatest Love of All”—that still make me smile when I listen to them. The wistful lyrics, and the soaring voices of the women who deliver them, are like a mini pep-rally that remind me I still (and always did) have that can-do attitude.

My training at the Hypnosis Motivation Institute (www.hypnosis.edu) helped me to identify, refine and nurture the skills and beliefs that brought me to HMI in the first place. In a way, earning my hypnotherapy certification was a kind of “self” rescue. But this education also opened my eyes to the fact that every one of us is capable of stepping up to a challenge and becoming our own hero. We all possess a particular skill set that enables us to achieve great things, things that no one else can do the way we do them. We just have to be reminded or become aware of all those wonderful things we can do.

Guess what? When you are your own hero, no others need apply—and you might even get to help rescue someone else along the way. How cool is that?

 

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy®, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

Blogging

Photo courtesy of Presentation Pro

I write my blogs to inform, educate and inspire readers
about hypnotherapy's many benefits.

                The first time I ever heard the words “blog” and “blogging” was from a former client. I admit that I initially didn’t really get what blogging was about or what it could do—let alone why someone would do it in the first place. All that changed when I saw the film Julie and Julia, which starred Amy Adams and Meryl Streep. Computer blogging was the cornerstone of the movie in which Adams’ character (Julie Powell) wrote a blog each day for one year about her experiences cooking and eating food that she had prepared from a Julia Child cookbook. She also included other details about her life in these essays and provided background information about the late chef’s personal and culinary challenges and triumphs. Ultimately, Powell’s online journal was not only a chronicle of her own culinary adventures that year, but it also provided a cornucopia of life experiences and philosophies that she had learned in the process.

                I often think about this film when I sit down to write my own blogs. I think about Powell’s passion about recreating each of Julia Child’s recipes exactly how the chef wrote them. I think about the author’s dedication to sharing each aspect of these culinary projects with anyone and everyone who was interested or curious in what she was trying to do. Unlike Powell, I do not have a general or generic book of hypnosis recipes that I can replicate and will share with you each night. In fact, each one of the hypnotic scripts that I create for my clients is as individual and specific as the person for whom I have created it. Also, for ethical reasons I would not and could not share this information in order to preserve client/therapist confidentiality.

However, I am like Julie Powell in that I do have a lot of information, skills and experience in my own area of expertise that can help and motivate you to achieve your own goals. I can share the theoretical premises behind hypnosis and hypnotherapy, and human behavior/motivation. I can explain how and why hypnosis works. I can tell you how and why the subconscious mind responds to the negative (or positive!) “chatter” that you have been telling yourself so that you continue to practice a behavior or habit that no longer works for you. I can share information about the many and various hypnotherapeutic techniques that I have learned and mastered since I first started working as a hypnotherapist. I can write blogs about all of these things to inspire you to give hypnotherapy and therapeutic guided imagery a try so you can also achieve your own vocational and avocational self-improvement goals.

Hypnotherapy worked for me…I know it will work for you, too!

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2014