Family Roles

(This blog was originally posted on August 17, 2016)

Photo by Rick Hustead

In my blog titled Family Systems Issues, I explained various behavior patterns that facilitate the continued function of dysfunctional family system. Keep in mind that children are born helpless; they will literally die if a parent or guardian is not around and available to take care of them. Consequently, a child will do whatever it takes to survive. To do so, he or she (subconsciously) adopts behaviors that attract nurturing attention—even to the detriment of the youngster’s mental and psychological well-being. Today I will describe characteristics of the specific roles family members occupy in a dysfunctional family system.

The Hero: Someone in this role is a “parentified child” and usually the oldest sibling. The individual can become a workaholic and retreat into an ability to achieve or over-achieve. It seems like this person can never do enough or achieve enough and is usually a good student with a high need for approval. However, the person often experiences deep feelings of inadequacy, denial and fear. Heroes usually marry a dependent partner whom they can control and manipulate. Sometimes the person’s high need for approval can inspire the individual to take on tasks or perform jobs that inspire an employer to also depend on him or her.

The Lost Child: This person is never the trouble-maker; instead, he or she is “invisible” in the family. The individual survives by not being obvious in the family; the child avoids trouble, may be withdrawn and is often an emotional sexual personality. If the person is an only child, he or she may be a “parentified child” and the parent’s best friend. The Lost Child has trouble making friends and comes across as being very adult. 

Mascot: The person in this role is characterized as a “chameleon,” willing to turn into anything or anyone the family wants and needs at that time. The individual thrives on attention and love. He or she can keep other members’ secrets and is dependent on others. He or she is likely to marry a “hero” in the partner’s family system.

The Scapegoat: This is the “problem child,” whose acting out manifests the stress/anxiety/unhappiness of the family. The individual typically has problems with authority and defiance behaviors are manifestations of underlying anxiety. When the roles of artist, scholar or bad child are already occupied in the family, this person occupies this other niche with very little self-esteem. 

Any time there are behavioral issues with an individual in a family, the entire family is the client. In this case, the hypnotherapist should agree to work with the person only if the entire family also receives therapy from a licensed mental-health professional (Business and Professions Code 2908).

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2017

Thoughts of the Day

Photo by Sara Fogan

     Every now and then I like (and need) to take a few moments and remind myself about what is really important to me, in my life. If you follow me on my Calminsense Hypnotherapy Facebook page you may have seen some of these quotes before on this page, or will in the future. Many of these Quotes of the Day are beautiful examples and illustrations of the work I do as a hypnotherapist, so I will probably draw on them in future essays.

• “Don’t look for it outside. Joy is always in you, all you’ve got to do is awaken to it.” – Roxana Jones

• “I make the most of all that comes and the least of all that goes.” – Sara Teasdale

• “You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one.” – Unknown

• “We have more possibilities available in each moment than we realize.” – Thich Nhat Hanh

• “It doesn’t matter where you are coming from. All that matters is where you are going.” – Brian Tracy

• “Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.” – Confucius

• “Ships in harbor are safe, but that’s not what ships are built for.” – John Shedd

• “Choose to be happy and you will find plenty of reasons to be happy.” – Lolly Daskal

• “My best friend is the one who brings out the best in me.” – Henry Ford

• “Happiness will come to you when it comes from you.” – Anonymous

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2017

Some Things to Know About Habits

(This blog was originally posted on August 8, 2016)

Photo by Rick Hustead

Most people seek hypnotherapy to change or get rid of (quit) an unwanted habit. Whether you want to lose weight, quit smoking, stop procrastinating, improve sleeping habits or any myriad of behaviors, hypnosis and therapeutic guided imagery are powerful, effective tools to help you achieve your self-improvement goal. While I do not typically need to delve into your entire back-story to understand why you started, and want to change the unwanted habit, I will need certain, specific details about it to create an effective hypnotic script. Following is some important information about habits and habit-change to keep in mind.

·         You must be coming in for hypnotherapy because you want to change the behavior for this therapy to be effective.

·         While you (your conscious mind) want to change an unwanted habit, the subconscious mind is unlikely to share that goal. Changing habits entails getting out of your comfort zone (rejecting a subconscious known) which the subconscious mind considers “pain.”

·         Hypnotherapy can help create and establish healthier/more productive and desirable behaviors in the subconscious mind to replace the unwanted one(s). However, habits do not begin overnight and habits do not change overnight. Furthermore, the longer you have been practicing that behavior, the more time it may take to change it. Remember, each time you have engaged in the habit strengthened its positive association in your subconscious mind.

·         Increasing awareness of when you engage in the undesired habit helps you gain greater control over that behavior.

·         Some behaviors may be a defense mechanism to avoid change and thereby protect the subconscious mind from the pain induced by change. In this instance, it may be necessary to address the cause of the behavior (habit) to help you achieve your vocational/avocational self-improvement goal.*

*California law allows access by California residents to complementary and alternative health care practitioners who are not providing services that require medical training and credentials. The purpose of a program of hypnotherapy is for vocational and avocational self-improvement (Business and Professions Code 2908) and as an alternative or complementary treatment to healing arts services licensed by the state. A hypnotherapist is not a licensed physician or psychologist, and hypnotherapy services are not licensed by the state of California. Services are non-diagnostic and do not include the practice of medicine, neither should they be considered a substitute for licensed medical or psychological services or procedures.

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2017