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Tuesday, July 18, 2017

Modes of Communication

(This blog was originally posted on June 7, 2016)

Photo by Rick Hustead

It took me a long time to come up with a topic for this blog.

While I waited for my temporary writer’s block to pass, I stayed busy catching up on my e-mail and social-media accounts and mulled over possible topics. In the background, my iPod was tuned into the “Love Songs” broadcast on KOST 103.5 FM. One of the hosts had posed a question for listeners. She wanted to know: What is the one thing you require in a future long-term partner before you commit to having the relationship with that person? Some callers said the prospective partner needed to share the same religious beliefs or political beliefs with them. Others cited a mutual desire for children (or not) was the priority. Financial security was another big factor. Listening to these responses inspired today’s essay: Communication.

Obviously, the caller and his or her prospective partner or spouse would have needed to have a conversation or some other mode of discussion to discover whether they were truly on the same page with this priority. The way this information was exchanged would have also likely influenced how and whether it was perceived, interpreted and processed. Did one or both of them have the same level of enthusiasm/passion/dedication to this position? Was one or both of them willing to compromise or change a behavior to accommodate the other person’s goals and nurture the relationship? If so, how was this negotiated? Or, was a negotiation even possible? In some cases, apparently, it was not.

As I listened to the callers’ anecdotes, it also occurred to me that they were still communicating with the significant other, not to mention the radio host and the thousands of people listening to the program. Many of these callers had selected a specific song to play for the loved one—something with lyrics that epitomized the other person’s characteristics or paid tribute to aspects of the relationship. Whenever someone didn’t have a song picked out, the deejay made the choice for the caller based on the information he or she provided.

There it was, again: communication.

Of all the things we do during the day, communication is one of the most significant activities or even pastimes we engage in. Think about the number of conversations you have during the average day. Whether you are talking to your spouse, your kid(s), a pet, a boss or colleague, etc., you are communicating in some way. Writing a letter, text message or e-mail, “reacting” to someone or something on Facebook or Twitter are all forms of communication. Even non-communication is a form of communication. When we give someone a cold shoulder or the silent treatment is a way to express (communicate) displeasure, anger or annoyance.

It is no wonder that good communication is one of the seven key components to a successful relationship.

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

Monday, July 17, 2017

Hypnotherapy and Grief

(This blog was originally posted on March 16, 2016)

Photo by Rick Hustead

There are many kinds of loss, and it is normal to experience grief (sadness) and mourn for the life or even experience when we no longer have it. In addition to the death of a loved one (spouse/partner, child, relative, friend), we can mourn for the passing of a colleague or mentor, pet, home or job, etc. It is common to grieve when a role model passes away, as I described in a previous blog titled, Mourning the Ones We Lost…But Never Knew.

Grief: The affective (emotional) response to the loss/death. There are four recognized stages of grief:

Acute: shock, numbness and disbelief that the person has died, followed by pining, yearning, protest or a sense of prevailing numbness.
Protest: anxiety, panic, searching behaviors, social withdrawal, acute somatic distress.
Depression: The person acknowledges that the loved one can’t/won’t come back and depression symptoms may be experienced (simultaneously with/preceding the protest phase.)
Adaptation/restitution: The survivor creates a new identity that is independent of the deceased loved one, establishes new emotional bonds and embarks on a new life.

Mourning: Specific emotional and social behaviors a person manifests during grief. There is no limit to the depth or the amount of time a person may grieve for or mourn a significant loss. For example, Great Britain’s Queen Victoria mourned for her husband, Prince Albert, every day from the day he died until her own death forty years later. Hers is an extreme example of grief and mourning that would require a referral from a licensed medical doctor and/or a licensed mental-health worker to address in hypnotherapy (Business & Professions Code 2908). However, in most situations, hypnotherapy is a powerful forum in which to work through the sadness and practical challenges of bereavement by accessing the person’s subconscious fortitude and resources, thus enabling the person to manage emotional and social deficits of the loss.

Bereavement: The objective state of having lost a loved one. There are three components, or stages, of bereavement. These include:

· Loss-Orientation: The process of “working through” bereavement by focusing on/thinking about the deceased and aspects of the person’s death. Behaviors may include: rumination, yearning for the deceased, confronting/crying over the loss.

· Restoration-Orientation: The process of adjustment to the changes that are consequences of the loss: i.e., attending to tasks previously fulfilled by the deceased and simply carrying on with other “normal” aspects of day-to-day life.

· Oscillation: The process of alternating between Loss-Orientation and Restoration-Orientation processes of grief resolution. This is important because it mediates the potentially severe consequences of bereavement on physical and mental well-being that may result from constantly confronting or avoiding grief.

Following is a summary of some of the ways hypnotherapy can help a person work through and manage his or her grief and bereavement:

· Hypnotherapy provides a “safe” environment (no shame/no blame) in which the person can express his or her feelings about and process the loss.

· Therapeutic guided-imagery journeys and hypnotic scripts are specifically catered to the needs of each client, based on how the person is dealing with the loss/stage of grief, to help the person experience and/or work through the bereavement.

· Hypnotherapy, Imagery, Neuro-Linguistic Programming techniques to help the bereaved person “chunk down” various tasks or responsibilities that the person finds overwhelming at that time into smaller, more manageable tasks.

· Provides techniques to ameliorate symptoms/behaviors of panic, fear, confusion, anxiety, etc. after the loss and encourage the person to live a healthy lifestyle (nutrition, good sleeping and exercise habits, seek medical advice, etc. when necessary).

· Dream therapy to help the person vent out any emotions, unresolved issues in order to make room for

· Helps the person realize/identify that he or she has options available re: how to process the loss, return to social interactions/seek social, practical or emotional assistance if necessary. Also, increases motivation, self-esteem, and self-confidence about the ability to accomplish tasks that the person may have never had to do outside of the relationship.

Friday, July 14, 2017

Thoughts of the Day

Photo by Sara Fogan

Every now and then I like (and need) to take a few moments and remind myself about what is really important to me, in my life. If you follow me on my Calminsense Hypnotherapy Facebook page you may have seen some of these quotes before on this page, or will in the future. Many of these Quotes of the Day are beautiful examples and illustrations of the work I do as a hypnotherapist, so I will probably draw on them in future essays.

“Pull a string and it’ll follow wherever you wish. Push it and it’ll go nowhere at all.” – Dwight D. Eisenhower

“The greatest test of courage on earth is to bear defeat without losing heart.” – Robert G. Ingersoll

“Pay no attention to what the critics say; no statue has ever been erected to a critic.” – Jean Sibelius

“Life isn’t about finding yourself. It’s about creating yourself.” – George Bernard Shaw

“The more layers of lies and limiting beliefs you remove, the more truth and empowerment emerges into your life.” – Bruce Van Horn

“The best cure for the body is a quiet mind.” – Napoleon Bonaparte

“I’ve learned that mistakes can often be as good a teacher as success.” – Jack Welch “Feelings come and go like clouds in a windy sky. Conscious breathing is my anchor.” – Lolly Daskal

“The secret is to remove all ideas, all concepts, in order for the truth to have a chance to penetrate, to reveal itself.” – Thich Nhat Hanh

“Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning.” – Albert Einstein

“There is no elevator to success. You have to take the stairs.” – Stieg Larsson

Thursday, July 13, 2017

The Hand-Clasp Induction

(This blog was originally posted on June 6, 2016)

Photo by Rick Hustead

According to Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder John Kappas, Ph.D., the hand-clasp is a secondary-induction technique that can help deepen the hypnotic trance during the first hypnotherapy session. As always, start with the arm-raising induction followed by a progressive relaxation; then “awaken” the client and do the hand-clasp induction and give another suggestion. “This process will make the client feel like you are taking him deeper into hypnosis,” the hypnotherapist explained. However, this induction should never be used as a primary induction technique to hypnotize a person, he warned.

To do the hand-clasp induction, the client is instructed to clasp his or her hands in front of the body while looking directly into the hypnotherapist’s eyes. The individual is then instructed to close the eyes while the hypnotherapist holds the outstretched arms at the elbow. At this point, the hypnotherapist counts down from five to zero, explaining that the person’s hands will tighten and the fingers will interlock with each count. By the time the count reaches “zero,” the person’s body will be totally relaxed. Meanwhile, the hands will be tightly locked together so that the harder the individual tries to separate them, the tighter this grip will become (double-bind), Dr. Kappas said.

At the hypnotherapist’s suggestion the arms begin to feel very heavy and start to drop into the person’s lap in small, jerking motions. “As the arms reach the lap [the client] will go deeper and deeper into hypnosis.”

In a variation of the hand-clasp induction, the client is instructed to raise the arms—bent at the elbow—with the fingers and palms facing each other. There should be several inches between the hands to start. There will be a tendency for the fingers to draw together until they are touching. At this point, the hypnotherapist instructs the client to close the eyes and concentrate on the hands moving closer together. When the fingers touch, the person will be at the height of his or her suggestibility, Dr. Kappas explained.