Avoidance Behavior

It’s 10 p.m., and your presentation for work is still not complete. This is your last chance to make a positive impression on your employers since your last two projects were abject failures and lost the company money. But rather than doing a final edit of your work or even double-checking the facts you plan to discuss, you are cleaning the break room. Or, you spend time and even money you don’t have to prepare and bringing meals to a friend who has recently lost his job while one of your siblings is also out of work and would also appreciate your help. And my favorite, albeit most extreme, example on this theme: Anthony Hopkins’ character in the 1993 film The Remains of the Day continued to work, serving a fancy meal at a manor while his father is dying nearby. Each of these scenarios is an example of the lengths to which people are willing to go to avoid or even completely remove ourselves from a distressing situation or emotions. 

According to John Kappas, Ph.D.’s Theory of Mind, each person is subconsciously motivated to maintain and/or restore a known physical and emotional status of comfort and security. From the moment we are born, we start to accumulate and associate experiences in the context of two types of subconscious knowns: positive (pleasure) or negative (pain). The SCM is motivated or even programmed to seek the pleasure stimuli; not only do these experiences and stimuli not hurt (pain), this absence of pain also comes to represent comfort and security (pleasure). Even when a person’s “usual” behavior or belief system does not produce a “pleasurable: feeling or association, his or her SCM will seek stimuli (environmental, physical body) that reinforce the positive known or association. Even when this known causes physical and/or emotional discomfort, this is the status to which a person will return because this is where the SCM is most comfortable.

Each of the behaviors described in the above scenarios are examples of the ways in which the subconscious mind does whatever it can to help a person remain comfortable. It will even employ avoidance behaviors such as procrastination, projection identification and emotional withdrawal to avoid experiencing emotional, physical and/or spiritual discomfort (pain) associated with the circumstances. Maybe you are cleaning the break room because this is a task you are confident you can do well, while there are no guarantees that the new project will even get off the ground. Also, it is possible that since your previous projects have failed, your SCM has created known associations with this status (failure) and it is trying to maintain this known for you. In the second example, you feel more comfortable supporting your friend because you worry that you could easily be in your sibling’s position (out of a job), and you want to distance yourself from that situation (projection identification). This association could be even more uncomfortable for you if you are highly motivated to succeed. Finally, Anthony Hopkins’ character literally withdrew from the emotional pain of his father’s death by focusing on his job to the extent that he could physically be “removed” from his father when the other man died. If the men did not share an emotionally close relationship, we can see how Hopkins’ SCM was simply following an already-established subconscious mental script; any behavior changes at this stage of his life would be painful.

These types of avoidance behaviors all share the following characteristics. They are unconscious, self-deceptive, contain elements of denial, and distort reality/thoughts/actions. Hypnotherapy can help people work through these behaviors and associated belief systems.

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy®, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

 © 2017

What Do You Eat?

(This blog was originally posted on February 13, 2015)

Photo by Rick Hustead

When Bill Maher asked when was the last time your doctor asked you what you eat on the February 6, 2015 episode of Real Time with Bill Maher, I started to wonder the same thing. Depending on what the blood-test results show, a lecture about the dangers of high cholesterol and how certain foods affect this level may be forthcoming. They also want to know if and how much I exercise each week; presumably that is because exercise is an easily quantifiable and relatively benign question to ask. Ditto for getting the stats about daily alcohol consumption (basically, none). But I honestly could not remember any time a physician or even a nurse (RN or LVN) asked me what I actually eat on a regular basis versus offering advice about what to avoid eating, altogether.

However, one of the first things I do ask my hypnotherapy clients is about their diet. This is true whether the person wants to increase his or her self-confidence, improve a golf swing or lose weight. I want to find out what they eat and even when they eat. I want to know these details because nutrition plays a huge role in how we perceive and respond to events in our environment.

Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder John Kappas, Ph.D., observed that low blood-sugar levels can exacerbate or even cause a person’s presenting problem (behavior or belief). For example, a sudden drop in blood sugar can trigger physical symptoms such as shaking, light-headedness and feeling tired, or even psychological symptoms such as depression, paranoia, irritability and memory problems. Furthermore, Dr. Kappas found an association between a person’s low blood-sugar levels and fluctuating suggestibility with the onset of a phobic response. (This fluctuation in suggestibility literally becomes obvious in our handwriting: lines of writing literally become “wavy” when the person is hungry and blood-sugar level is lower).

Not only do I ask my clients about their food choices and eating patterns, I describe how and why what they ingest (and imbibe) can affect their behavior. In addition, I explain how eating nutritious meals that contain protein prevents the sudden drop in blood-sugar level that can contribute to those physical and psychological symptoms of anxiety. If and when necessary, I will refer a client for a further medical and/or psychological evaluation if the individual describes dysfunctional eating behaviors (e.g., bingeing/purging, starvation) or beliefs about food or nutrition that are out of scope of my professional expertise.

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2017

Empty Your Mind

(This blog was originally posted on August 19, 2014)

Photo courtesy of Sara Fogan

                When I was an editor at Black Belt® magazine, I often came across the following quote in which martial artists were urged to practice mushin no shin or “mind of no mind” during combat or competition. Basically, this term philosophy urges you to empty your mind and turn off your emotions so you can think and perceive what’s going on around you. I had an opportunity to practice this philosophy while I hung out with Galahad this afternoon. 

                The time I spent with my horse was not in combat but in a kind of moving meditation as I groomed him. Once I had him secured in the cross-ties, I turned all of my attention to making him feel relaxed while I gently curried away shedding hairs and dirt. He did a lot of sighing and fluttered his nostrils a few times, so I am pretty sure he was beyond comfortable and probably a little blissed out during his mega-grooming session. (My trainer has commented several times that my horse is a bit hedonistic.) 

Unlike complete Galahad, relaxation has never been easy for me; it is a rare day that I am not doing two or three things at one time. Even spending quiet time at the barn is not an inherently relaxing activity. For example, I always need to know where my feet and hands are to avoid being accidentally stepped on or nibbled when I give Galahad a treat. I have to be careful not to let my horse walk directly behind me when I lead him or he could run right over me if something spooked him and he bolted forward. When I ride, I must use various parts of my body to ensure that I communicate exactly what I want my horse to do and he understands what I am asking for. In addition, my entire body must be soft and relaxed while I remain aware of my surroundings and alert to anything that could spook my horse, including changes in my body that indicate I’m not focused on what I’m doing.

Of course, the reason why I sometimes have so much trouble quieting my mind and directing my focus is, multi-tasking is my go-to behavior. It is my known. Even though I was physically relaxed while I groomed my horse—the repetitive motions of currying and brushing are actually hypnotizing, pun intended—my mind was anything but. Random thoughts kept popping into my head: What should I blog about today? Has so-and-so received my e-mail? I have to get ready for that meeting tomorrow, etc. Whenever my thoughts drifted away from what I was doing with Galahad, he would politely by pointedly change his posture as if to remind me to pay attention to what I was doing. After all, this was his time to be with me and get fussed over.

Spending time with my horse is my favorite time of day and my absolute favorite thing to do, but I sometimes have trouble completely turning off the rest of the world even when I’m with him. Today was one of those days. I know I shouldn’t have to work so hard at relaxing but, let’s face it: sometimes tuning out is really hard work. My conscious mind knows that it should not be more stressful to relax and take time to decompress from the day than it is for me to multi-task various responsibilities I must fulfill and projects to complete during the day. My subconscious mind knows otherwise: Multi-tasking is my default, go-to behavior. It is a subconscious known, an established behavior, a mental script. Furthermore, according to John Kappas, Ph.D.’s Theory of Mind, I reinforce that behavior every day, when I am working (e.g., preparing for a session, working and following up with clients after their appointment and taking continuing education courses). Then I go out to the barn and ride/hang out with my horse, where I typically do several things at the barn just to stay safe. (As much as I love and trust Galahad, I know that I am physically no match against his 900-pound might if I ended up in the wrong place at the wrong time.)

Well, I have been working very diligently to rewrite that old subconscious mental script that says I have to multi-task every minute of my day. I’m pleased to say that after a few false starts this afternoon I was finally able to get into a groove with Galahad when I was able to tune out that extra chatter in my head for longer and longer periods of time. When I caught myself thinking about something that didn’t have to do with him, I simply re-directed my attention back on Galahad where it belonged. By the end of our afternoon together, the image and sound of him contentedly nibbling on grass and the earthy smells around me were the only thoughts on my mind.

Mind of no mind.

               

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2017