The Red Box

Photo by Rick Hustead

Queen Victoria is known for many things. Until very recently, her reign was the longest of any British monarch. During that time there were considerable industrial and scientific advances, including growth of the railroad and building the London Underground, and development of Charles Darwin’s theory of evolutionary development. Her strong work ethic and public persona of prim behavior and proper etiquette became legendary. But when I think about this queen, what comes first to my mind is the Red Box.

The queen reportedly kept a red box on her desk in which urgent documents and communications were supposed to be placed until she could deal with the issue. As it turned out, less important papers such as generic requests for an audience (appointment) with the queen also found their way into that box. Of course, over time the box got very full. The monarch became frustrated and more than a little stressed out about all those things she had to “do.” Finally, her husband, Prince Albert of Saxe-Coburg and Gotha, looked inside the box and pointed out that a lot of the material inside didn’t belong there at all. Queen Victoria could lighten her work load by addressing only the most urgent matters and postponing or even delegating the rest to him and/or her ministers, secretaries, etc. to handle. Long story short, the queen took his advice and adopted a new and more efficient strategy for managing her monarchy.

Whether she vocally resisted (argued) adopting the new system or immediately accepted her husband’s suggestion to reorganize the contents of that box is probably unknown. However, it is likely that the queen initially found this task daunting and even annoying. Suddenly, she had to change a familiar, relatively simple behavior of putting documents in one place and take more time separating and classifying each item based on specific criteria. Once she got the hang of it this process would prove simpler and more efficient, but she would have to get used to it, first.

Call it what you will, but Queen Victoria’s new and even the intention of her original organizational system sounds an awful lot like the Neurolinguistic Programming technique of “chunking it down.”

And if aspects of this tale sounds familiar in your own life that is the point I am trying to make. From time to time, a lot of us—including monarchs!—need help prioritizing assignments, jobs, projects and even relationships to be more efficient and productive in other areas of our lives. We are used to doing things a particular way, and every time we repeat that behavior (“way”) we reinforce it. However, it becomes easier to adopt a new process as we practice doing it for a while—i.e., incorporating these new actions (“knowns”) into the behavioral repertoire to create your new subconscious mental script. It is also easier to make a change when someone we respect or admire (hypno-modality) encourages/helps/teaches us what we need to do to implement the behavior/belief system, as Prince Albert did for his wife in this instance.

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2016

Processing the Outcome

Photo by Rick Hustead

The ballots are in. The votes are counted. Acceptance and concession speeches, respectively, have been delivered. Many people are thrilled with the outcome of this contentious presidential campaign; many people are not. But even though Americans have made their choice who will be the next Commander-in-Chief, there is plenty of raw emotion on display. 

For months, many Americans believed and expected that former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton would win the election. Ultimately, that was not to be. Last night, millions of citizens who had grown frustrated, weary and jaded by the business-as-usual antics of lifelong Washington politicians effectively expressed this dismay in electing Republican candidate Donald J. Trump as the United States’ 45^th president. The stunning outcome of the presidential race was surprising, exciting, disappointing depending which candidate you supported. On the one hand, the election was a great civics lesson for all Americans to illustrate how this country’s election process works and why every citizen’s vote really does make a difference. People who had been frustrated, angry and, yes, scared, about where they thought the country was headed dropped the metaphoric gauntlet for change, and the new President-Elect picked up that mantle. In his acceptance speech, he swore to be their champion and effect all those social changes his supporters wanted.

Meanwhile, many of Secretary Clinton’s supporters are experiencing grief and even confusion about what happened last night and, more significant, anxiety what will happen in the next four years. Those who voted for and expected her to win this presidential race also had a special vested (subconscious) interest in her inauguration. A Democratic president has occupied this office for eight years. In addition to supporting causes that are particularly important to this party, people have become comfortable with what Mrs. Clinton represents and stands for. In the 30-plus years she has been politically active, her political mind-set and decision-making processes/actions had become familiar and known. It was unlikely she would say or do anything unexpected or whimsical. She represented a reliable, “safe” choice for a leader who promised to fulfill certain specific campaign promises.

However, more people in the country wanted and demanded a change from business-as-usual. Mr. Trump’s message spoke clearly and directly to his party. He promises to deliver what his supporters haven’t enjoyed for a long time—including, they insist, a sense of feeling safe and protected. Whether he consciously employed hypno-modality techniques at political rallies, the President-Elect (more) successfully used these tools to convince voters that he was the better candidate for the job.

Almost 24 hours later, Americans are still processing the outcome of this recent election and what it means—and will mean—for this country. It is okay to feel disappointment and even grief if your candidate did not win. Many people’s dreams, hopes and optimism for a better future started to be realized at the exact same moment those of other people were dashed. Depending on your level of investment in this race, you may need to revise your previous subconscious mental script or even construct a completely new one to adapt to these unexpected/unwanted changes in your long-term plan. Meanwhile, take care to prevent getting carried away in daydreams or falling into a spiral of toxic worry about the future. Get plenty of sleep at night and be sure to eat healthy, nutritious meals that contain protein (meat or plant-based) that will help keep your mood even and anxiety levels low. Diaphragmatic breathing exercises and practicing the Emotional Freedom Technique are also great ways to increase relaxation and reduce anxiety and any negative emotions/associations about the outcome of this election.

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2016

Pearls

Image courtesy of Microsoft

It started as a parasite or even a grain of sand, irritating the sensitive flesh of the oyster in which it is embedded. To ease this discomfort and defend itself against this intrusion, the mollusk secretes a substance that covers that granule until, eventually, a pearl is created. The pearl stays there throughout the host’s life, but at least its smoother contours are more comfortable for the shellfish. Over time, this tiny irritant can even become a valuable gem.

I like to use the creation of a pearl as a metaphor to illustrate how unpleasant experiences often become valuable learning experiences and even cherished memories. Think about a challenge you are enduring or recently faced. Consider what you are doing or the actions you had to take to overcome it. Did you have to change a behavior or replace a belief system? What kind of discomfort or inconvenience (pain) do/did you have to deal with during this ordeal? If the situation is resolved, what positive aspect or lesson did you take away with you? If you are still dealing with the conflict, what is the ideal or desired outcome for you, when it is over? For example, one or both partners may experience emotional pain and anxiety at the end of the romantic relationship. Hopefully, over time the individuals will be able to overcome these negative emotions and form successful, loving relationships with other people and be able to look back at the former partner in a positive light. Even if a truly positive “spin” can’t be associated with the former partner, the lessons the couple learned about themselves and what they want and need in a relationship will prove valuable tools in the future.

Let’s go back to the image of that original pearl. Now harvested, it is has been attached with many other pearls to create a necklace. The natural luster of these gems is breathtaking, and the owner of this string of pearls wears the jewelry with considerable pride. Over the years, this item of jewelry is handed down through the generations as a gift to the first daughter to get married, on her wedding day. While the individual pearls maintain their value, the string that links them together start to decompose. Unless the pearls are restrung, the slightest tug could easily break necklace and the pearls will fall dramatically away.

This image is another useful metaphor for how ideals, beliefs and behaviors (subconscious mental script) can change over time. Sometimes these changes occur or evolve naturally. Perhaps that third-generation bride really isn’t interested in wearing her great-grandmother’s necklace in its current form, but would like to reconstruct the pearls as a couple bracelets and some earrings. Times have changed, and this woman has very different ideas about what kind of jewelry she likes. Whatever she ultimately decides to do with the pearls, it is definitely past time to do some maintenance work and replace the disintegrating string. Her relatives might not be too happy about her plans to deconstruct the original necklace, though…

Similar maintenance is often needed for long-held beliefs and behaviors. Over time, many of these principles become outdated and even incompatible with current social and cultural values. I liken hypnotherapy with the metaphoric “restringing” of Grandma’s pearl necklace. As the original string is cut, the pearls (old beliefs and behaviors) are allowed to just fall away to be reassembled or even redesigned to complement the owner’s preferences and style. Maybe some of the original pearls have become discolored or cracked or a flaw is discovered, and those specific jewels are not included in the new design. Or, the person likes everything about that necklace and wants to keep/wear it as it is, but just wants to restring the pearls to prevent accidental breakage. Hypnotherapy can be like that, too: an opportunity for maintenance and tuning up of current beliefs and behaviors by strengthening the metaphoric jeweled foundation (self-confidence and self-esteem, etc.) upon which they are based.

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2016     

Election Decisions

Image courtesy of Microsoft

Tomorrow, November 8, 2016, Americans will elect their next Commander-in-Chief. This election cycle has been especially tough for the candidates and voters, alike. For today’s blog I have selected some quotes which, hopefully, will motivate and reassure you when you head out to the polls tomorrow to exercise your right to help choose our next President of the United States.

• “I’ve learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision.” –  Maya Angelou

• “Snap decisions usually need a better fastener.” – Rick Polad

• “You can't make decisions based on fear and the possibility of what might happen.” – Michelle Obama

• “The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity.” – Amelia Earhart

• “Leaders have a bias toward action. Make a decision. Do something.” – Dan V. Forbes

• “One of the hardest decisions you will ever have to make is when to stay put or when to move on.” – Lolly Daskal

• “Never make a permanent decision based on a temporary storm, no matter how raging the whirlwind. Remind yourself: ‘This, too, shall pass.’” – T.D. Jakes

• “Every accomplishment starts with the decision to try.” – Gail Devers

• “Indecision is the thief of opportunity.” – Jim Rohn

• “The hard part isn't making the decision. It's living with it.” – Jonas Cantrell, Law Abiding Citizen

• “It’s not hard to make decisions once you know what your values are.” – Roy E. Disney

• “Be decisive. A wrong decision is generally less disastrous than indecision.” – Bernhard Langer

• “I am not a product of my circumstances. I am a product of my decisions.” – Stephen Covey

• “It is in your moments of decision that your destiny is shaped.” – Anthony Robbins

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2016