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Tuesday, November 8, 2016

Pearls

Image courtesy of Microsoft

It started as a parasite or even a grain of sand, irritating the sensitive flesh of the oyster in which it is embedded. To ease this discomfort and defend itself against this intrusion, the mollusk secretes a substance that covers that granule until, eventually, a pearl is created. The pearl stays there throughout the host’s life, but at least its smoother contours are more comfortable for the shellfish. Over time, this tiny irritant can even become a valuable gem.

I like to use the creation of a pearl as a metaphor to illustrate how unpleasant experiences often become valuable learning experiences and even cherished memories. Think about a challenge you are enduring or recently faced. Consider what you are doing or the actions you had to take to overcome it. Did you have to change a behavior or replace a belief system? What kind of discomfort or inconvenience (pain) do/did you have to deal with during this ordeal? If the situation is resolved, what positive aspect or lesson did you take away with you? If you are still dealing with the conflict, what is the ideal or desired outcome for you, when it is over? For example, one or both partners may experience emotional pain and anxiety at the end of the romantic relationship. Hopefully, over time the individuals will be able to overcome these negative emotions and form successful, loving relationships with other people and be able to look back at the former partner in a positive light. Even if a truly positive “spin” can’t be associated with the former partner, the lessons the couple learned about themselves and what they want and need in a relationship will prove valuable tools in the future.

Let’s go back to the image of that original pearl. Now harvested, it is has been attached with many other pearls to create a necklace. The natural luster of these gems is breathtaking, and the owner of this string of pearls wears the jewelry with considerable pride. Over the years, this item of jewelry is handed down through the generations as a gift to the first daughter to get married, on her wedding day. While the individual pearls maintain their value, the string that links them together start to decompose. Unless the pearls are restrung, the slightest tug could easily break necklace and the pearls will fall dramatically away.

This image is another useful metaphor for how ideals, beliefs and behaviors (subconscious mental script) can change over time. Sometimes these changes occur or evolve naturally. Perhaps that third-generation bride really isn’t interested in wearing her great-grandmother’s necklace in its current form, but would like to reconstruct the pearls as a couple bracelets and some earrings. Times have changed, and this woman has very different ideas about what kind of jewelry she likes. Whatever she ultimately decides to do with the pearls, it is definitely past time to do some maintenance work and replace the disintegrating string. Her relatives might not be too happy about her plans to deconstruct the original necklace, though…

Similar maintenance is often needed for long-held beliefs and behaviors. Over time, many of these principles become outdated and even incompatible with current social and cultural values. I liken hypnotherapy with the metaphoric “restringing” of Grandma’s pearl necklace. As the original string is cut, the pearls (old beliefs and behaviors) are allowed to just fall away to be reassembled or even redesigned to complement the owner’s preferences and style. Maybe some of the original pearls have become discolored or cracked or a flaw is discovered, and those specific jewels are not included in the new design. Or, the person likes everything about that necklace and wants to keep/wear it as it is, but just wants to restring the pearls to prevent accidental breakage. Hypnotherapy can be like that, too: an opportunity for maintenance and tuning up of current beliefs and behaviors by strengthening the metaphoric jeweled foundation (self-confidence and self-esteem, etc.) upon which they are based.

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

Monday, November 7, 2016

Election Decisions

Image courtesy of Microsoft

Tomorrow, November 8, 2016, Americans will elect their next Commander-in-Chief. This election cycle has been especially tough for the candidates and voters, alike. For today’s blog I have selected some quotes which, hopefully, will motivate and reassure you when you head out to the polls tomorrow to exercise your right to help choose our next President of the United States.

“I’ve learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision.” – Maya Angelou

“Snap decisions usually need a better fastener.” – Rick Polad

“You can't make decisions based on fear and the possibility of what might happen.” – Michelle Obama

“The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity.” – Amelia Earhart

“Leaders have a bias toward action. Make a decision. Do something.” – Dan V. Forbes

“One of the hardest decisions you will ever have to make is when to stay put or when to move on.” – Lolly Daskal

“Never make a permanent decision based on a temporary storm, no matter how raging the whirlwind. Remind yourself: ‘This, too, shall pass.’” – T.D. Jakes

“Every accomplishment starts with the decision to try.” – Gail Devers

“Indecision is the thief of opportunity.” – Jim Rohn

“The hard part isn't making the decision. It's living with it.” – Jonas Cantrell, Law Abiding Citizen

“It’s not hard to make decisions once you know what your values are.” – Roy E. Disney

“Be decisive. A wrong decision is generally less disastrous than indecision.” – Bernhard Langer

“I am not a product of my circumstances. I am a product of my decisions.” – Stephen Covey

“It is in your moments of decision that your destiny is shaped.” – Anthony Robbins

Friday, November 4, 2016

Thoughts of the Day

Photo by Sara Fogan

Every now and then I like (and need) to take a few moments and remind myself about what is really important to me, in my life. If you follow me on my Calminsense Hypnotherapy Facebook page you may have seen some of these quotes before on this page, or will in the future. Many of these Quotes of the Day are beautiful examples and illustrations of the work I do as a hypnotherapist, so I will probably draw on them in future essays.

“If life doesn't offer a game worth playing, then invent a new one.” – Anthony D’Angelo

“Hardships often prepare ordinary people for an extraordinary destiny.” – C.S. Lewis

“All things are ready, if our minds be so.” – William Shakespeare

“Leadership is a matter of having people look at you and gain confidence in how you react. If you’re not in control, they're in control.” – Tom Landry

“We become what we think about most of the time, and that's the strangest secret.” – Earl Nightingale

“The winds of grace are always blowing, but you have to raise the sail.”– Ramakrishna

“Stop looking for someone who makes you happy and be someone who makes you happy!” – Bruce Van Horn

“To conquer oneself is a greater victory than to conquer thousands in a battle.” – Buddha

“No matter how much fault you find with another, and regardless of how much you blame him, it will not change you.” – Wayne Dyer

“Being happy is a choice, but it takes constant effort to make it happen.” – Lolly Daskal

Thursday, November 3, 2016

World Series Champions (Again) at Last

Photo courtesy of Microsoft

History was made last night.

The Chicago Cubs defeated the Cleveland Indians in the tenth inning of the seventh game of the 2016 World Series to take the title in one of the hardest fought titles I have ever seen. Like so many other people who are not necessarily Cubs fans, I was curious to see how the team would fare. Despite the team’s best efforts over the years to clinch another World Series title, the infamous “Billy Goat curse” had haunted the ball club since their last World Series appearance in 1945. The last time they won a World Series was 108 years ago, in 1908. Why should this year be any different?

Needless to say, my interest in how this team would fare had less to do with being a fan of baseball compared to how they would deal with the pressure of such high-octane competition and a particular subconscious mental script. A curse like the one bestowed on the Chicago Cubs all those years ago is particularly insidious because its effectiveness is derived from people’s belief in it. Apparently, a local bar owner named Bill “Billy Goat” Sianis promised that the team would stop winning games because he wasn’t allowed to bring his pet goat in to watch Game 4 of the World Series at Wrigley Field. (The goat reportedly had a ticket, too.) The curse seemed to have worked because the Cubs didn’t make it back into these championship games until this year. Generations of baseball fans and even baseball players that compose this and other baseball clubs may or may not believe/believed in the curse. And regardless of their belief in it, the very idea of a curse was certainly a convenient explanation (defense mechanism) for why the team couldn’t win, let alone get into, another World Series.

My question is this: Was that curse really so powerful and effective to undermine the post-season success of this team all these years? Other teams have had long “droughts” between winning and even entering the World Series, and they don’t carry the burden of a curse to explain/excuse their post-season performances.

The fact that such a negative proclamation even existed likely helped to undermine fans’ and even the players’ own confidence and belief in the Cubs ability to win a championship. If you don’t believe me, consider how much better teams/athletes generally fare when they have a home-field advantage. Just like in Jack Norworth’s iconic song, “Take Me out to the Ball Game,” local fans generally do “root, root, root for the home team.” The positive energy that comes from an excited, supportive crowd cheering, whistling and chanting for their home team cannot be dismissed; athletes truly seem buoyed by the home advantage. Similarly, the negative energy and disdain this crowd projects when the visiting team scores or prevents the local heroes from scoring or ultimately winning, is palpable. (I will address that phenomenon in a future essay.) Of course, this is exactly what the Chicago Cubs did last night.

As I reflect on the excitement and, yes, anxiety-inducing action that took place during the 2016 World Series Games, I do not doubt the power the curse might have had over the team and their fans over the years. Their belief systems and the negative chatter/subconscious mental scripts that fueled and reinforced those beliefs were obviously very powerful. But let’s turn this scenario around for a moment. What if it had simply taken all these years for a World Series-caliber Chicago Cubs team to come into being?

Now that we all know this baseball team is capable of winning a world championship, hopefully the athletes, future team members, coaches, club owners and fans can store this memory and experience as a new subconscious “known.” The Chicago Cubs played fabulous baseball this season and the cooperation and talent of each player proved once and for all that this is a championship team. I think these past seven (game) days prove that their curse is finally, officially lifted/exorcised/over. So, no more excuses…. Just play world championship-caliber baseball!