Inner Resources

“In the midst of change we often discover wings we never

knew we had.” – Ekaterina Walter

Photo by Rick Hustead

Less than one week ago, an alleged obsessed fan shot and killed a talented young singer named Christina Grimmie  at meet-and-greet following her concert in Orlando, Florida. In the early hours of Sunday, June 12, a man armed with a high-caliber machine gun burst into Pulse Night Club, also located in Orlando, and opened fire. Forty-nine guests died at the scene; fifty-three more were transported to local hospitals, some in critical or even grave condition. President Obama swiftly decried the shooting as a terrorist attack as well as a hate crime. And then, yesterday evening, an alligator attack claimed the life of a young child vacationing with his family at a resort in Disney World, Orlando. Apparently, the reptile grabbed and dragged the two-year-old boy into a lake where he had been wading. Despite their herculean efforts, his parents were unable to wrestle the child out of its grasp; the authorities reportedly found his body earlier today.

There are so many different situations that require us to change not only an attitude or belief system, but our very way of life. It’s not an impossible thing to do, but at the moment tragedy strikes, it certainly seems that way. How do we go on after something like that? 

Grief comes in many different forms, and each one of us grieves and mourns in different ways for the loss we have experienced. There is no time limit or restriction when it comes to feeling sadness, anger/rage or even in disbelief about the specific tragedy we have experienced. These emotions can feel overwhelming and often come in waves (versus “stages”). In one moment we laugh while we think about the special, loving, fun times with the person who has died; in the next, we can’t stop sobbing, inconsolable.

But it also at times like this that we usually discover, eventually, inner resources to keep on going, keep on living and keep on loving. With the love and support of other friends, relatives and social resources, we re-discover that source of inner strength we forgot we always had, the one that helped us get through a previous challenge or loss. Sometimes, it feels like learning how to walk for the first time: step by step, one foot in front of the other. Baby steps. And then, one day, we wake up and experience maybe one moment, an hour, or just a few seconds of optimism about something in our lives. It may not be complete happiness or joy, but just a flash of brightness—a sensation of lightness—that reminds us that those other, positive, long-forgotten emotions are still possible.

Maybe not today or even tomorrow, but someday. And on days like these, that possibility is cause for hope and even motivation to take those steps. 

In a final note, I would like to offer my deepest condolences to the victims, survivors and family members and friends of these recent tragedies. These senseless and tragic losses of life will not be forgotten.

  

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2016

Referrals

Photo by Rick Hustead

Recently, I had to take my cat to the vet. Her regular doctor was on vacation, so a new, per diem veterinarian examined her. At first I considered postponing the appointment until our regular vet returned, but I quickly rationalized that it shouldn’t really make a huge difference which veterinarian in the practice we saw. I knew that our regular doctor would not have hired someone who didn’t have the skills (veterinary and people) to do a good job for her regular clients and patients. I trusted her, so I was willing to give the new doctor the benefit of the doubt.

That is basically how referrals work, as well. As I mentioned in a previous blog titled My Professional Network Group, I am a member of a professional group that meets for lunch each week to promote personal and other members’ businesses. Word-of-mouth is an excellent way to get new clients because these individuals are more likely to take a chance on a person or company who is recommended by another person/vender they know, trust and are already doing business. One of my good friends and fellow Network Referral Group partner, Jennifer Lamm, is a mortgage broker with The Loan Gallery. Virtually every one of her clients has been referred to her by another client, whether it is a friend, relative, co-worker or another NRG member. The first time I ever had a chiropractic adjustment was when I met Dr. Brian Wildemuth, a chiropractor, about 10 years ago. He is another NRG member/group founder. My former riding instructor at the time kept urging me to get a chiropractic adjustment to help improve my posture on my horse. Several friends in the group saw Dr. B. regularly for adjustments, so I finally decided to give it a try. Now, I can’t believe I waited so long before I ever tried it, but it was definitely my friends’ encouragement and recommendations that sent me to his office that first time.

Our willingness and even preference to participate in various activities is founded on those early-life experiences—Theory of Mind—that helped to create our subconscious mental script. What feels comfortable? What feels "safe" (known)? What do you like (or dislike)? During early childhood, a primary caretaker (usually mom) has the most influence on our behavior in terms of helping to form our suggestibility. At around eight or nine years old, the secondary caretaker (usually) dad becomes more influential, as can teachers and peers/colleagues, etc. A successful, long-term (romantic) relationship is based on various qualities; trust, mutual respect, good communication and liking the other person also feature in other types of relationships that can influence behavior. Have you ever taken the advice or recommendation of a friend or colleague to listen to a new band or try a food you have never had, let alone thought of eating, before? Have you ever accepted an invitation to attend an office party with your spouse for one of his or her colleagues without knowing many or any of the other attendees before you arrive? All of these are examples of referrals, too.

The more comfortable we feel with/trust someone, the more suggestible we become to that person and the more likely we are to be influenced by him or her to change, try or even adopt a new behavior.

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2016

Inferential Learning

Me with Monty Roberts at the Pomona Equine Affaire in 2008

Photo courtesy of Sara Fogan

The first time I heard the term “inferential learning” was at a Monty Roberts horse-training seminar at the 2008 Equine Affaire in Pomona, California. To help a horse overcome its fear of obstacles, Mr. Roberts asked some assistants to roll and lay out a blue tarp on the ground for the animal to investigate. Over the course of about 10 minutes or so, the horse sniffed, pawed at and eventually put a hoof on the tarp. With some encouragement and tons of praise, he eventually built up enough confidence to stand on the material. Mr. Roberts explained that this process facilitated the horse’s inferential learning: by allowing it to investigate at its own speed and even make a few mistakes along the way—the horse did balk at the tarp when it was first laid out—he was able to figure out how to negotiate the new stimulus and get the situation to work for him.

I went through a similar process when I started to write this blog.

For some reason, the cursor pad on my laptop stopped working a few weeks ago. The technicians at Staples deduced there was a problem with the computer but I could easily navigate the screen with an external mouse. That was no problem until tonight, when the cursor froze again. This time I was in my office waiting for a client to arrive; there was no time to go back to Staples to get assistance. If I couldn’t use the computer it wouldn’t be the worst thing—I would have to improvise creating the reinforcement track on a different machine at home, was all. However, I had a few minutes to spare so I decided to figure out a way to resolve my problem, a la inferential learning.

I knew that the remote external mouse I use worked off of a USB attachment, so I started moving the attachment back and forth to different ports. I soon discovered that one of the ports was not working at all, but I had no problem using the mouse when it was plugged into one of the other ports. Phew! At least I could get my work done this evening and deal with the defective USB port when I had more time (and no one waiting for me).

Once again, I had to credit my hypnotherapy training for helping me remain calm and using the rational, logical part of my mind to address the unexpected challenge. Ten years ago, I probably (definitely) would have become panicked and frustrated right away. I am sure that it would have taken a lot longer for me to even consider trying possible solutions for this problem. In fact, I felt like I imagine my horse does when he figures out a new movement in his dressage training. When he gets it right, his tail floats merrily from side to side and he even gets a little spring in his step when he trots off again. Whenever Galahad completes a turn on the haunches, a lateral movement he is currently learning, my trainer or I give him a lot of verbal praise and a few pats on his neck or shoulder to acknowledge his success.

Maybe I should give myself a pat on the back for my successful problem-solving with my computer.

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

Thoughts of the Day

Photo by Sara Fogan

      Every now and then I like (and need) to take a few moments and remind myself about what is really important to me, in my life. If you follow me on my Calminsense Hypnotherapy Facebook page you may have seen some of these quotes before on this page, or will in the future. Many of these Quotes of the Day are beautiful examples and illustrations of the work I do as a hypnotherapist, so I will probably draw on them in future essays.

• “Whatever you do, never go back to what broke you.” – Frank Ocean

• “We can’t take any credit for our talents. It’s how we use them that counts.” – Madeleine L’Engle

• “There are three constants in life…change, choice and principles.” – Steven R. Covey

• “Success is liking yourself, liking what you do, and liking how you do it.” – Maya Angelou

• “Trust because you are willing to accept the risk, not because it’s safe or certain.” – Anonymous

• “You can never cross the ocean unless you have the courage to lose sight of the shore.” – Christopher Columbus

• “No one can create negativity or stress within you. Only you can do that by virtue of how you process your world.” – Wayne W. Dyer

• “Today is your day, your mountain is waiting, so get on your way.” – Dr. Seuss

• “All that we are is the result of what we have thought.” – Buddha

• “When you practice gratefulness, there is a sense of respect toward others.” – Dalai Lama

• “The past has no power over the present moment.” – Eckhart  Tolle

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.