Lazy, Hazy, Crazy Days of Summer

Photo courtesy of Sara Fogan

Making a wish at Trevi Fountain in Rome, Italy in 2011.

 

                It is only June first—not even “officially” summertime—and the weather in some parts of Southern California has already been hitting the century mark for the past couple of couple of weeks. Some kids I have known since they were ten years old graduated high school, last week; a few more have just graduated from college. (I admit it, I feel old right now!) The Belmont Stakes will be run next week; I still have six days to hope and fantasize that California Chrome crosses the finish line to become the first Triple Crown winner in thirty-six years. Although most of my favorite television programs are now on summer hiatus, at least there is still Shark Week on the Discovery Channel to look forward to starting the beginning of August.

                Although Summer isn’t my favorite time of year, I do appreciate it for the symbolic respite that this season offers. As the weather heats up, time seems to slow down to the pace of thick molasses. This is the season of slathering on sunscreen, sipping iced-tea by the pool and reading a novel under the shade of a tree (or beach umbrella). Now that the school year is over—or just about over—many people will start their exodus out of town to enjoy a couple of well-deserved weeks of rest and relaxation with their families. Some will hang out at the beach or in the local mountains. Others may go to visit relatives or amusement parks in a different city or state or even travel to a foreign country. This is when we can dig into those projects around the house that we have been putting off doing earlier in the year. Or… not.

                It is more traditional to reflect on what we have done during the year, at the end of the year. But consider this: there is really no time to say something to or do something with someone during the last few hours of the last night of the year. However, the beginning of summer is an ideal time to take stock of our accomplishments and any goals we have not achieved because we still have six more months in which to make any desired changes in our lives. This is the time when we are more likely to be relaxed and to have the time to at least lay down the foundations for making that desired change. Yes, Summer time is an opportunity to recharge our emotional, physical and psychological batteries so we can be in a more productive frame of mind to reinforce those behaviors that will help us realize our goals. But this is also a great time to start making those changes so we can feel good about having already said and done a lot of the things we set out to do at the beginning of the year.

 

 

 Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy®, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2014

 

Toxic Worry

“Worry is love. How will your children know you love them if you don’t

worry about them?” -- Anonymous

 

 

                When I came upon that quote a few weeks ago, I knew I had to address this sentiment in a blog. Have you ever loved someone so much that it is physically painful to imagine anything or anyone hurting that person? Have you ever loved someone so much that, to assuage this worry (i.e., self-inflicted pain), you tried to control and even micro-manage the other person’s activities to prevent this misfortune to such an extent that neither of you could live your own, authentic life?

                Not only does this preoccupation cause anxiety in the person who is doing the worrying, it also induces stress in the object of our affection. It is can feel difficult to breathe, let alone live, when we feel as though someone else is dictating how we are going through our lives. And here is another thought to consider: if energy attracts like energy, worrying (negative energy) about a possible disaster can attract that which you are trying to avoid (negative outcome). Now imagine this dynamic in the context of toxic worry. While you are so concerned about your loved one’s well-being, your mind starts to wander to those dark scenarios in which some kind of emotional or physical disaster befalls that person. And then you might become anxious or stressed out because you’re worried that your worry caused whatever happened. And, so on.

Stop it.

While I was completing my hypnotherapy certification at the Hypnosis Motivation Institute, one of my favorite instructors, the late Marc Gravelle often warned us about the perils of “toxic worry.” It is characterized by the trap (never-ending circle) of wondering “What if X happens…?” and then even worrying about being worried about that dilemma. I believe that the anxiety people often feel about whether their loved ones fully appreciate the depth and sincerity of this devotion falls into this kind of toxic worry.

Loving someone can be a beautiful experience, but it is not possible, nor should it be possible, to control whether that person reciprocates that sentiment. In an ideal world, parents love their children and want/work hard to keep them safe and secure. Parents’ behavior influences their children’s developing suggestibility and personality, as well as teaches (directly and by example) how to negotiating various life challenges and even moral dilemmas. But perhaps the most import part of raising a child is allowing that youngster to live and experiment (within reason) so that he or she can eventually leave the family home and live as an independent adult.

There is no way to guarantee that the information, wisdom and example you provide will completely protect your child from any of the possible misfortunes that you are worried might affect him or her. In fact, some of our greatest life lessons are those painful or challenging ones we all have to go through at some point. Do yourself and your loved ones a favor and avoid the trap of toxic worry about possible consequences of a situation that have not and may not even arise. Instead, spend that valuable time talking to and teaching your child to behave and follow the morals and ethics that are important to you. Take an emotional step or two back and remove yourself from the very center of your child’s life to give him or her that opportunity to prove that the youngster deserves your trust and can/will make good decisions. You may well find that your willingness to allow your child to live his or her life will not only alleviate your toxic worry, but will also motivate him or her to want the guidance you long to provide.

 

 Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy®, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2014

 

The Systems Approach in Hypnotherapy

 

                The basic idea or premise of the Systems Approach is that every part of the social/emotional system will affect the entire system. In other words, you cannot separate one component of the system from the sub-total or entire system. It doesn’t matter whether one spouse returns to college and completes the Bachelor of Arts degree she abandoned long ago to have children or whether her husband loses weight to improve his health and suddenly attracts a bevy of female admirers. The changes in behavior can affect the basic structure of the relationship or system and create resistance within it. The ultimate goal of the Systems Approach is to bring the System back into balance.

                For example, if a man comes in for hypnotherapy his “presenting issue” is marital discord, and the hypnotherapist is working only with the man (husband). However, if the hypnotherapist doesn’t keep the client’s wife in mind during the therapy, she is liable to walk out of the marriage because she has not been taken into account within the “system.” Ideally, both spouses would come in for hypnotherapy to work on their marital issues. If this is not possible or the spouse refuses to come in, the hypnotherapist could work just with the client to specifically teach him how to deal with her.

                According to Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder John Kappas, Ph.D., no matter what the client’s problem or issue happens to be, the systems approach infiltrates all areas of therapy. Even if only one member of the family or one spouse or partner in a relationship is seeking therapy, that issue must be dealt with within the context of the client’s own system. Therefore, the hypnotherapist must address components in the person’s work, relationships, family past, the hypnotherapy he or she is receiving, plus aspects of the entire social system or relationship. If these other issues aren’t taken into account, the therapy won’t be successful and only the issue being addressed in therapy will be “treated” (improved or eliminated) per the client’s goal, Dr. Kappas warned.

 

 Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy®, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2014

 

People Live Everywhere

Photo courtesy of Fotolia

 

                One of my grandmothers used to say, “People live everywhere!” She would emphasize the “every,” but not the “where.” We used to laugh when she said that; the trill in her voice reminded me of the sensation of being tickled. This expression typically followed her observation about something that someone did which she had never seen or heard of before. When I was little, I had no idea what she might have meant by this; of course people live everywhere, I thought. At the time, I didn’t get that she wasn’t referring solely to geography. She was including her observations about how similar people were, despite the differences in their behaviors. In all honesty, I have only recently begun to truly appreciate what Mama Lil was talking about in the context of my hypnotherapy practice.

                No matter where you live or what beliefs you hold, you are a product of the social environment and culture in which you were born and raised. Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder John Kappas, Ph.D. held that we all begin to write our mental script from the moment we are born. Our subconscious mind categorizes each one of our early experiences as a positive (pleasure) or negative (pain) “known.” Family, friends and peers may continue to influence our behaviors to various degrees during our lifetimes. Each one of us may become more or less open than our peers to tolerate or accept other belief systems even while, deep down, we will probably always hold that our way of doing something is “better” than anyone else’s. (Until proved otherwise, that is.)

                No matter whom you are or where you are from, your beliefs, perceptions and experiences are valid. They are yours—but, they are also products of your environment and what you know or have learned. As you live your life, you will have dreams, set goals and follow a path that you set—a path that is not only made for you, but one that you (your SCM) designed. Meanwhile, remember that somewhere along the way, you will encounter or hear about other people that live very near or very far away, who happen to share similar interests and have similar aspirations. Like you, they will be more or less amenable to changing their behavior or adopting a new belief system in relation to their suggestibility and whether their subconscious mind will accept that new known.

                Wherever you go and whatever you do as you fulfill your life script, you are likely to meet someone who shares your interests. You are equally likely to discover that you have absolutely nothing in common with that person. Just remember: you are still sharing the same planet with other people, even if you don’t live in the same metaphoric world. When you meet, they may also marvel, “People live everywhere!”

 

 Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy®, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2014

Compliance and Motivation

Photo courtesy of PresentationPro

Hypnotherapy can be and is a marvelous adjunct and complement to medical
treatments and other psychological therapies.  

                Imagine you have been taking antibiotics to treat a bad sinus infection. The symptoms have gone away, but you still have three days’ worth of medication left to take. Not only have you lost some of your motivation to take the meds now that you feel better, but you find it very inconvenient to make sure to eat something first, to prevent getting an upset stomach. Since your physical discomfort has gone away, you (your conscious mind) may wonder why you need to finish the prescription, at all. Your SCM might even try to solve that problem for you when you “forget” to take the next dose.

                It can be even tougher to follow through with a treatment plan when there is no end in sight. Even if you don’t consciously object to doing something—you know that you need to keep taking insulin to control your diabetes—your subconscious mind might not be so willing to go along with the program. Indeed, sometimes the “remedy” feels or may actually be more uncomfortable than the disease you are trying to fight. Between the discomfort and/or pain that you experience from the illness and the perceived inconvenience of all the things you must do to get better, sometimes the temptation to let everything slide for a day or two may be incredible. However, hypnotherapy can help you to follow “doctor’s orders” and provide some physical, emotional and mental comfort, as well.

When I work with someone to facilitate a medically-related, health-related behavior change, the first thing I do is obtain a referral from the licensed medical practitioner or psychotherapist who is treating that individual (Business and Professions Code 2908). I use my client’s own words or expressions to create the hypnotic script that will motivate him or her to follow the medical or mental-health expert’s treatment regimen or advice. Each suggestion that I give to this client will reflect the person’s physical or emotional suggestibility, which will enable the person’s subconscious mind to easily understand and accept the suggestions to easily and comfortably facilitate achieving the stated compliance objectives.

Some other examples of when hypnotherapy can facilitate compliance with a recommended medical, health or addiction-recovery protocol include:

·         Following Alcoholics Anonymous/Narcotics Anonymous, etc. guidelines during rehabilitation from a substance addiction;

·         Observing a prescribed physical-fitness or exercise program to facilitate physical therapy;

·         Adhering to a medically-recommended diet to control noninsulin-dependent diabetes.

                Remember: Hypnosis is not and should never be provided as a substitute for medical, psychotherapeutic or addiction-recovery care from a licensed practitioner. (I also require clients who have a substance-addiction to currently participate in a 12-step program while I work with them, because these programs are the most effective tool to help them recover from their addiction.) However, hypnosis can be and is a marvelous adjunct and complement to these therapies because the hypnotherapeutic script will gently and effectively reinforce the client’s specific motivations and desires to comply with the referring doctor or psychologist’s treatment recommendations.

               

               

 Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy®, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2014

Breath Exchange Revisited

(This blog was originally posted on February 4, 2014.)

Slow, deep breathing is an important component of my hypnotherapy work. Breathing this way not only relaxes the physical body; it also provides them a tangible example of their ability to control a specific, physical behavior. Breathing is also a relevant metaphor for the idea of releasing old habits or beliefs and replacing them with the new, desired behaviors and mental scripts that they believe will improve their lives in some way. Following is a simple imagery exercise that you can do at the end of the day to help you relax and let go of any negative emotion or tension in your body before going to bed:

Start by taking a slow, deep breath through your nose. Visualize or imagine that you are drawing cool, clean air all the way into the bottom of your lungs. Hold this breath for the count of four, three, two, one… This air that you have inhaled is filled with tiny molecules of relaxation, calm, comfort and confidence that travels from your lungs and moves throughout your body. 

On zero, release the breath slowly through your mouth. Visualize and imagine that you are releasing with this breath any tightness or tension that you have been carrying around in your body; you are releasing any negative emotion (e.g., anger, frustration, etc.) that you no longer want or need to carry inside of you. Just let go of all of those negative emotions and physical tensions, allow them to dissipate in the atmosphere where they can no longer affect you or anyone else.

Repeat this exercise several times as needed until you feel completely relaxed and start drifting into sleep.

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2014

 

Knowns

(This blog was originally posted on December 25, 2013.)

 

For many of us, doing something new or unfamiliar can be very scary. But, you know what? After you do that thing just one time it loses that essence of being scary. It becomes “known” to your subconscious mind and is integrated with your repertoire of behaviors. Your subconscious mind will file away the memory of that sensation, experience, or associated emotion for future reference for future behaviors the rest of your life—even if you never repeat the specific behavior. (Advanced calculus, anyone?)

John G. Kappas, Ph.D., and Alex G. Kappas Ph.D., revolutionized the practice of hypnotherapy based on their findings that not everyone receives hypnotic suggestions the same way (suggestibility). Suggestibility refers to how you learn, and it influences how you interpret every experience. In Kappasinian Hypnotherapy there are two categories of “known” (learned) experiences:

·         Pain: Anything new or unfamiliar (unknown). It may also refer to a physically or emotionally painful experience. 

·          Pleasure: An experience that is known and familiar, although it may not necessarily be pleasurable. “Pleasure” can be a positive or a negative emotional/physical experience.

When you first learned how to walk, the first step or two was probably wobbly. You probably held onto a parent’s hand for dear life for the first attempts; it may have taken a week before you could make it across a room without stumbling and falling down (Pain). Fast-forward a week, a year, 20 years to today. Now you are able to skip, jump and run without even thinking about it (Pleasure) because these activities are familiar and comfortable.

Just imagine all of the New Year’s Resolutions you will achieve when your subconscious mind recognizes and accepts that these new behaviors are now “knowns” and they are here to stay!

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy®, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.