Waiting Room

Photo courtesy of PresentationPro

 

                Sometimes, there is nothing to do but wait. Wait for the bus or train to show up at the station. Wait for the traffic light to change. Wait for the movie, concert or theater performance to start. Wait for a laboratory test result to come in. Wait for that important phone call. Wait for a child to be born, two weeks after its due date. Wait for that acceptance (or rejection) letter from the college of choice to arrive in the mail. Just…wait.

                Waiting seems like it should be an innocuous pastime; but it can be an extremely stressful activity under these and similar situations. Some people seem to be “good” at waiting; they know how to be patient. They have an apparently natural ability to put anxiety out of their minds and just be in the moment. They carry on living their lives, “soldiering on” whether they get the result they were hoping for.

Others are plagued by self-doubt and negative expectations. They pace the floor and run on nervous energy (adrenaline), trying to keep busy enough to get ahead of or escape the anxiety, anger and/or fear that they are experiencing while they wait. Even when the anticipated outcome is a positive one, tempers flare and emotions overflow during these tense periods of waiting. When I work with these clients in hypnotherapy, I use hypnosis and therapeutic guided-imagery techniques to desensitize them to specific stimuli that trigger anxiety or other negative behavioral response during a stressful situation. I also teach them how to do diaphragmatic breathing and how to create and access an anchor that will help them return to the relaxed, calm and focused feeling they enjoyed while in hypnosis as they cope with an anticipated (or unanticipated) stressful situation when they are in an alert state.

Finally, I teach my clients to employ the following “Mindful Parenting” skill to defuse and tamp out any emotional flare-ups they experience during moments of stress, frustration and/or impatience. (I have been using this skill on a regular basis myself since I learned it from Lisa Machenberg, C.Ht., an instructor at the Hypnosis Motivation Institute.) It really works!

1.       Relax the muscles in your forehead and around face, and “smile” with your eyes. (Soft eyes)

2.       Ask yourself: What do I want to do at this moment? How do I want to respond to the insensitive comment/blaring horn/traffic jam, etc.?

3.       Take a deep breath from the bottom of your lungs all the way down to the soles of both feet (diaphragmatic breath).

4.       Exhale on the word calm, love, peace, etc.

5.       Make a choice about what you want to do next/how you want to behave to release the stress.

                 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2014

Progress

Photo courtesy of Sara Fogan

This photo of Galahad was taken in 2011, before I bought him
and before his serious training as a dressage horse began.

 

Yesterday, I finally had a few hours free so I could watch my dressage trainer, Laurel van der Linde, school my horse, Galahad. While I do spend time with him every day, now that my hypnotherapy practice is growing, I don’t get as many opportunities to watch him work as often as I used to. My horse’s training is much further along than my own, so it is a real treat for me to be able to see Galahad’s progress for myself. And he has progressed a lot in the past five weeks or so.

When I watched him work yesterday, I suddenly understood what my grandparents meant when they told me how grown up I seemed since the last time they saw me. The Santa Ana winds were blowing hard during his schooling session, but Galahad remained calm, relaxed and focused the whole time he was in the arena. Even from my seat outside the arena, I could see that his back was up and stretched all the way through his topline; I think I got a virtual back stretch just watching him move. The length of his trot strides was longer, and the movement of his hindquarters reminded me of pumping pistons as my horse pushed his body forward. When Laurel asked for canter transitions, my horse easily picked up a comfortable, rhythmic canter that seemed both slower and more contained than I remembered him doing last time I watched them train. Galahad has always been a very balanced horse in that he carries his weight pretty equally (self-carriage) at each gait—walk, trot and canter—while tracking both to the right and to the left. Yesterday, he seemed even freer in the shoulder and through the back while cantering on the right lead, which has always been a little stiffer for him in the past. Also, he has had a tendency to rush a bit in some of his canter-trot transitions—especially when on the right lead—but yesterday Galahad’s body moved in that even, flowing cadence of a true rocking-horse canter.

I was most impressed by the way he was able to maintain an almost-vertical flexion in his poll and the lift in his back throughout Laurel’s ride. It has taken a lot of time, training and conditioning to get him to this point, but Galahad seems to understand that his work is easier to do the more collected he is. How do I know this? Well, at the risk of seeming to anthropomorphize my horse’s interpretation of collection, whenever he received praise after he completed a movement, he needed very little aid to transition back into what he had just done.

He suddenly seemed like a much more mature and “together” version of himself than I had ever seen. I couldn't take my eyes off him: Is this really my horse? I kept thinking. Laurel has been fine-tuning his flying lead changes, and Galahad did some gorgeous ones yesterday. He looked like a real dressage horse. I have already started visualizing, imagining, picturing and pretending how he will look doing—and how it will feel to ride—his single tempi lead changes, one day.

 

I am so lucky to have this wonderful horse in my life. Now, I have to work hard to keep up with him!

 

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2014

And the Wisdom to Know the Difference…

 

                Sometimes, it seems like one of the most powerful human desires is the one for control. We want to control some aspect(s) of our social or physical environment. We want to control our behavior. (Hey, that’s what hypnotherapy is good for, right?) Or, we want to control (change) someone else’s behavior. Can hypnotherapy help you achieve each of these goals?

My scope of expertise as a hypnotherapist is to help my clients achieve vocational and avocational self-improvement goals. There is really no way to control or change specific aspects of a physical environment—such as the weather or climate where we live—unless we physically move out of the area. Most of us can’t even rearrange the furniture or décor in the lobby at work without having to get permission from the employer and/or the building’s landlord. Similarly, none of us has the ability to control someone else’s behaviors or beliefs if that individual doesn’t want to make this change. However, we can use hypnotherapy and guided-imagery techniques to help us replace our own unwanted habits or belief systems with behaviors that are more effective for us. The skills you practice and learn in hypnosis can also help you adapt to, cope with and even flourish in a challenging personal, social or work situation over which you have no control. Your ability to remain relaxed, focused and calm in this context will significantly reduce or even eliminate any personal effects that the tension in this situation may cause you. You may even find that this ability to control your emotions in this way indirectly influences (changes) the way other people around you behave.

Before the next scheduled interaction with the person or exposure to that environment, work with me in hypnotherapy to help you desensitize to the negative stimuli associated with that encounter. Give yourself permission to let go of any grudges, bitterness or other negative associations you have with this situation. Give the other person(s) permission to own their critical, negative, etc., nature or beliefs that they have previously expressed to you. Then, visualize, imagine, picture or pretend that you are as relaxed, calm and focused when you have that encounter as you are while you are in hypnosis. Anchor that image of yourself responding in a positive, confident and controlled way with the relaxed and comfortable sensation you are enjoying in hypnosis so you can access your new calm and “in control” demeanor when you need to. Even if the other person’s behavior or attitude does not significantly change at that time, you will be better equipped to deal with that challenge.

I liken this attitude and technique to the Serenity Prayer. Most of the time, each of us can change our behavior and, in so doing, truly change a negative or challenging situation into a positive or mutually rewarding experience. Sometimes, we can do absolutely nothing about the circumstance except to just get through it by changing the way we perceive and respond to it. The key to a successful outcome in either circumstance is having the wisdom to know what kind of attitude adjustment we can make at that moment.

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2014

 

Anchors

Photo courtesy of Microsoft

 

                In my previous blogs, I described how I help my clients “anchor” a positive association to their new, desired behavior. This is done while the person is in hypnosis and most likely to be enjoying the deep relaxation, calm and comfort that this state naturally provides. He or she can activate this new anchor at any time to reinforce the new, desired behavior and replace unwanted habits. But, hypnosis isn’t the only time we create anchors. In fact, these subconscious associations can occur in various situations and at any time whether we intend to do this or not. This is how many of those habits that we consciously want to change have been created in the first place.

                Smells can create very strong, pervasive anchors for many people. The scent of the cologne or perfume can bring up a happy association with a beloved grandparent or may trigger negative emotions if the smell reminds you of your ex. The smell of freshly baked apple pie might­ take you back to coming home from college to enjoy a holiday meals; but this same smell could be frustrating or even torturous for someone who is on a diet. These are just a few reasons why I do not wear perfume or even use scented candles when I work with my hypnotherapy clients. I also want to avoid creating an unintended trigger to hypnosis that could be activated if the person perceives a scent that their subconscious mind already associates with me.

                We can also create subconscious anchors to food or physical sensations (touch). Do you remember the first time you touched a hot stove? You may not if this first experience happened when you were very young. However, your subconscious mind sure does; you probably even can’t recall a time when you have not been cautious about touching a surface that might be hot. The same is true if you have ever avoided a certain food because you once got food poisoning eating that item, or you can no longer tolerate the taste or smell of a favorite snack since you had your child because that was all you could eat while you were pregnant.

You can even create a subconscious anchor to sounds or music. For example, whenever I hear Bon Jovi’s hit song, “Always,” my mind immediately flashes to an early memory of lounging on a beach at the end of a summer day. The sun is still bright in the sky but the temperature is no longer hot, and an almost-cold breeze is coming off th­e ocean. The song sounds almost tinny as it blasts out of the portable, one-speaker stereo that belongs to a nearby sunbather. I can barely detect the scent of Coppertone® sunscreen as the salty air fills my nostrils. Do you see how much imagery and how many associations are evoked by this one, specific song? To this day, I only need to catch the first few bars and I see this scene. I wasn’t even a Bon Jovi fan the first time I heard “Always” and I’m still not overly fond of that song—or sunbathing on the beach, for that matter.

Isn’t that interesting….

               

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2014

The Origins of Fears and Phobias

Photo courtesy of Microsoft

Someone who has a phobia generally cannot identify
when or why it first developed, only that it just grew.

 

                Every person is born with two specific fear reactions: fear of loud noises and fear of falling. Every other fear is a learned behavior. Although they have different origins, both fears and phobias can be very inconvenient and even debilitating until you can overcome and work through the anxiety that is associated with the specific stimuli (e.g., fear of dogs, water, spiders, flying, riding in elevators, etc.). Following is a brief description of each of these phenomena:

·         Fears, which are generally formed earlier in life, are triggered by a specific event or exposure to the stimulus. Although a fear can develop during adulthood, it usually starts during childhood because children are typically more suggestible or impressionable. A fear is a rational response—the result of a traumatic experience—that is manifested by a very severe emotional reaction, such as changes in breathing or heart-rate. For example, perhaps you were bitten by a relative’s Chihuahua when you were a toddler and have carried a generalized fear of dogs ever since.

·         Phobias can develop at any age, although they typically have a later onset than fears. Also, the person is aware that the phobic reaction is unnatural and even illogical, and the cause of the phobia cannot be traced to a particular event or trigger. Phobias, especially agoraphobia (fear of open spaces) are often associated with a sudden drop in blood-sugar level. When this happens, the body automatically “defends” itself by substituting adrenaline for glucose (sugar). The bloodstream carries and delivers this hormone to the organs, muscles and glands to activate the fight/flight or survival response. When blood-sugar levels are low, it is common to experience various physical symptoms such as nervousness, anxiety, dizziness or nausea; in extreme cases, you may have a panic attack or even faint. Meanwhile, your subconscious mind automatically attaches significance to whatever you are doing or even your location when this discomfort sets in, and the phobia is born.

Hypnotherapy is a great modality with which to “unlearn” and change or replace these unwanted fear and phobia behaviors. When the person is in hypnosis, I guide him or her through a visualization exercise in which he or she “experiences” every phase of the fear/phobia response while systematically desensitizing him or her to the negative (trigger) stimulus. I also use imagery to replace the anxiety response (association) with the relaxation, calm and comfort the client is currently enjoying. Finally, I teach the individual how to create an emotional anchor that can be activated whenever he or she feels stressed or anxious. For more information about the relationship between nutrition and the development of phobias, please read my “Nutrition and Hypnotherapy” blog (January 14, 2014).

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2014

 



Isn’t It Interesting…?

 

                During my senior year at college I took an art (drawing) class as one of my electives. I preferred to look at and create portraits of people, animals and even scenery; “modern art” was not my thing. However, one of the class projects entailed using more abstract techniques such as lines, angles, shapes and bold splashes of color so that the specific object I drew would be virtually unrecognizable. The instructor even took the class on a field trip to check out a modern-art display at the Museum of Contemporary Art in Los Angeles. The excursion was meant to inspire the class and get everyone thinking not just about the specific techniques the artist used to create his or her masterpiece. In addition, we were supposed to consider the meaning or interpretation of a few specific pieces that “spoke” to us.

                I admit that I felt a little panicked and completely out of my element during most of this excursion. (Did I mention that modern art was not my thing?) I spent a lot of time staring, squinting and moving around different paintings trying to figure out what I was supposed to “get” out of them. What was I looking at? What was I supposed to see? I made notes about artistic techniques I recognized from the class. I did quick sketches of what I was looking at and scribbled questions to myself beside the illustrations. Nothing so far was really speaking to me; none of these works even made any sense to me. Time was ticking away and the field trip was almost over. Finally, I did the only thing I could think of: I put aside all of my expectations and preconceptions about what I should be seeing so I could just observe the details in front of my eyes. There would be plenty of time to assess and analyze everything, later. So, I looked.

                My eyes were opened that day. The second I stopped trying to categorize everything I saw, I could see and appreciate the tiny details of artistic technique—the slightest feathering of a brush stroke at the end of a line; was this intentional or accidental?—that I might never have noticed. I considered the angles and geometric shapes, shade and lightening of the color, in terms of how I might or could create a similar effect in my next project. And then I was able to wonder: What could or would these effects mean for the image I was trying to represent?

One of my friends has a favorite expression that I have started to use a lot, too: “Isn’t it interesting…” As in, isn’t it interesting how someone with physical suggestibility hears a question directly and literally but will make a statement that is full of metaphor and inference? Or, isn’t it interesting how two people with the same self-improvement goal can have completely different triggers for the unwanted behavior? Looking back, that field trip was the first time I was intentionally, consciously noticing and appreciating interesting and unique aspects of an otherwise-familiar situation. I looked at lines, smudges and shapes drawn in charcoal pencil. I regarded splashes of watercolor paint, or heavy lines and smudges of acrylic paint smeared onto canvas screens and sheets of metal. And then, somehow, all of this information (message units) coalesced into some kind of recognizable image in my subconscious mind. Suddenly, many individual pictures came together to create a story in my mind.

Isn’t that interesting?

 

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2014

 

Passive Aggressive Behavior

Photo by Sara Fogan

Passive aggression is like a glacier: it's strong, solid and
makes its opinion obvious without seeming to do much of anything.

                You must repeatedly remind your teenage son to end a phone conversation with his friend so he can pick up his younger sibling from band practice before he finally snaps the phone shut and stomps out of the room. When you ask your spouse to make a stop on the way home from work to pick up the food you ordered for supper, the response is a loud sigh and a sarcastic comment: “Sure, it’s not as if I don’t have enough to do during the day.” Maybe you consistently forget to return a novel you borrowed from your friend, even though you see each other just about every day at school or work. Sound familiar?

These behaviors are examples of passive aggression, a common form of defensive behavior. It is not exclusive to males or females, and it can be manifested at any age starting from very early childhood until the end of the person’s life. It can start at age 18 months to between two and five years old, when a child starts to differentiate from the parent or caretaker in a subconscious bid to become more independent and autonomous. The more the adult tries to exert authority over the youngster, the more resistant the child becomes: You say yes, the child says no. If the parent does not provide options or alternatives for the desired behavior, but simply demands the child to do what he or she has been told, the youngster doesn’t have a chance to experience the desired autonomy. The child may then exert his or her independence by forgetting to do something or make jokes or sarcastic comments in front of other people as a way to express frustration about the situation. Over time, this tactic becomes a “known” in the subconscious mind and, eventually, the preferred problem-solving strategy and technique.

With the exception of reactions to fear of falling and fear of loud noises, passive aggression—like all other behaviors—is learned; therefore, it can be unlearned. When I work with a client to overcome this “resistant lifestyle,” I will first explore the different emotional triggers for the client’s behavior, such as tone of voice/words used of the person making a request, the time of day the client is most likely to respond this way, etc. Then, while the person is in hypnosis, I will systematically desensitize him or her to these triggers and teach a relaxation response that can be substituted for the previous “known” behavior (passive aggression).  Finally, I may incorporate some hypnodrama and therapeutic guided imagery or visualization techniques to give the person a chance to rehearse expressing his or her needs in these specific situations. Over time, by practicing the relaxation response and communicating what he or she needs at that time, the person can establish these behaviors as a new known response in other similar situations.

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2014