Accept the Apology You Never Received

(This blog was originally posted on June 2, 2016)

“Don’t let yourself go/’Cause everybody cries/And everybody hurts sometimes.” – R.E.M.

Photo by Rick Hustead

During the course of a lifetime, it is unlikely that many of us will never be hurt—emotionally if not physically—by someone we care about. Whether it’s a verbal slight, cruel teasing, bullying, or a physical or sexual assault, emotional and even physical pain can be caused. To add insult to the injury, the person who hurt you may never offer a genuine apology for or show remorse about this behavior. But that doesn’t mean you can’t act “as if” one has been offered so we can get on with our lives. Following are some techniques I teach my hypnotherapy clients that can facilitate this process.

• Write a letter to the person who hurt you. Explain or describe how that individual’s actions/behavior made you feel. Even if you never send this letter to the person, the process of writing this letter enables you to vent/release unexpressed emotions. Be sure to include information about how strong/loving/confident, etc. you still are and always will be, regardless of this incident or exchange.

• Write a letter from the person who hurt you. In this letter, write the things you want to know about what happened. Why did the person say or do that hurtful thing? Remember, this is an explanation, not an excuse. What could the person say to help you believe this apology is genuine? Even if you are/do not feel ready to forgive this action—and you certainly don’t have to be—use the words, phrases, expressions that you wish this person would say to you to express his or her contrition. Be sure to write this letter at night before you go to bed, so the subconscious mind can more easily accept and integrate this information. You know what you need to hear, so go ahead and say/write what will make you feel better. The subconscious mind doesn’t know the difference between an actual or imaginary apology, and will accept this information as real.

• Imagery and Hypnosis. After these letters are written, the positive/self-affirming messages in the text can be incorporated into a hypnotic script to help you let go of the negative situation. One of my favorite imagery journeys for this kind of situation has the client imagine that he or she is climbing a mountain. Eventually and gradually, the person drops or removes any heavy burdens (i.e., this pain or hurt) the individual doesn’t want to carry around anymore and enjoy the freedom of being finally free of this emotional burden.

• Systematic Desensitization. While you are in hypnosis, I desensitize you to the various aspects/triggers of the pain and disappointment you may still be carrying around. I will also teach you diaphragmatic breathing and help you create an emotional anchor so you can return to this extremely relaxed state whenever needed.

For more information about the concept of letting go of previous (emotional) burdens, I invite to read my blog titled, Why Are You Still Carrying It?

Summer Promotion: Hypnosis for Weight Loss

Let the power of your subconscious mind help you release extra weight and increase your motivation to make healthier eating/nutrition and exercise choices. Book the entire 10-week series and save $250!

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2019

 

Overcoming Fear of Flying With Hypnosis, Part 2

(This blog was originally posted on May 15, 2014)

Image courtesy of Fotolia

If you are afraid of flying, hypnosis and guided imagery can alleviate this anxiety and help to make your journey more comfortable. In this blog, I will describe how I use hypnosis and therapeutic guided-imagery concepts to help desensitize my clients to any negative associations they may have with and fear of flying.

The first thing I do is confirm that the client has a fear and not a phobia of the stimulus (flying). According to Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder John Kappas, Ph.D., a fear is distinguished from a phobia if it has a specific cause or origin. For example, if the plane you were last on went through a thunderstorm and you experienced a lot of turbulence and sudden drop in altitude, or a loved one had been injured or died in a plane crash, you might develop a fear of flying. Conversely, a phobia is a generalized anxiety response that is associated with low blood-sugar levels and no specific event triggered the reaction.

Once I make this determination, I will teach the person some basic relaxation techniques, such as diaphragmatic breathing and special-place imagery. When the client is in hypnosis and is in a deep state of relaxation, I will help him or her to create a finger-press anchor to “lock in” that sensation of calm and comfort, which the person can employ if and when he or she feels anxious or afraid. I also guide the person through a series of imagery exercises to desensitize him or her to anticipatory anxiety about flying and to the specific stimulus or stimuli that trigger the fear or anxiety response (e.g., words such as terminal, last call and final destination). I also have the person “rehearse” preparing for and taking the scheduled flight: making travel arrangements, packing for the flight, waking up the day of the trip, eating a nutritious meal, leaving for the airport and boarding the plane. During this exercise, the client gets to visualize, imagine picture or pretend that he or she hears and sees the doors close on the aircraft and feel the plane take off, fly for the estimated duration of the journey and land at the destination. I will then guide the client through a similar exercise to prepare for the trip home.

I incorporate the client’s words/expressions in the hypnotic script to emphasize and reinforce his or her reasons/motivations to overcome the fear (or phobia) about flying. I use guided imagery to help the client replace negative associations between the sensation of flying, with that of the deep relaxation and sense of calm and comfort experienced during hypnosis. In this and future hypnotherapy sessions, I will continue to desensitize the person to triggers of this fear of flying and reinforce the new association between feeling confident, relaxed and in control while traveling in an airplane. Once the client has returned to an alert and aware state I will provide some practical tips to further reduce anxiety while traveling and provide a recording of the hypnosis/visualization portion of the session to further reinforce this relaxed state.

Practical tips to make your flight more comfortable:

• Drink water and eat a nutritious meal that contains protein to keep your mood even and anxiety low.

• Do not drink alcohol or caffeinated beverages before or during the flight, which can affect suggestibility and may increase your anxiety.

• Get plenty of sleep the night before you travel.

• Listen to the reinforcement track before bed the night before your flight and on a personal stereo during the flight.

• Practice diaphragmatic breathing and activate the finger-press anchor whenever you need to reduce stress or anxiety before or during the flight.

Summer Promotion: Hypnosis for Weight Loss

Let the power of your subconscious mind help you release extra weight and increase your motivation to make healthier eating/nutrition and exercise choices. Book the entire 10-week series and save $250!

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com

© 2019