(This blog was originally posted on September 23, 2014)
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| Photo by Rick Hustead |
“Disobedience is my joy.” Princess Margaret of England (1930-2002)
The lyrics of the 19th
Century nursery rhyme titled “What
Are Little Boys Made of?” proclaim that little girls are made of “sugar and
spice and all things nice.” On the other hand, so says the poem, little boys
are made of “snips and snails and puppy dog tails.” Not only is this attitude
about boys very mean-spirited, it is also an inaccurate and unfair portrayal of
both sexes’ behavior. No one is
generally good all of the time; and no one is generally bad. Human behavior varies
along a sliding scale that can fluctuate from day to day. So, why don’t social
expectations about girls being “good” and boys being “bad” seem to change?
Moreover, why is it more socially acceptable for a male than a female to not be
good all the time?
Why do people believe—and encourage
others (future generations) to believe—that this dichotomy is a good thing? Perhaps
my question isn’t about social acceptability but subconscious knowns. At some
point during our lifetime, probably when we were very little children, we learned
a belief/attitude and behavior that we practiced over and over, until it became
a subconscious life script. Little girls sit with crossed legs and like to play
with dolls? Check. Little boys pull pranks on their sisters and prefer rough
play? Check. We see someone model these behaviors and we are rewarded for doing
that, too.
The thing about
these kinds of stereotypes is that they establish false expectations about how
most people generally behave in the real world. Fairy tales about young women
languishing in a tower just waiting for a dashing prince to rescue them from an
uncertain fate so they can live happily ever after is incredibly detrimental to
their self-esteem and self-confidence. Who says the woman couldn’t or shouldn’t
be able to do something to rescue herself? After all, Maggie Q’s portrayal of
the title character in Nikita, Scandal’s
Olivia Pope and virtually every female in Game
of Thrones take matters into their own hands to create their own fate
in every episode. Why shouldn’t we encourage modern females to model and
emulate their smarts, strength and emotional fortitude? Oh, right. Because
these women may not always do the socially acceptable correct and expected
thing; sometimes, like their bad-boy counterparts, they go a little rogue to
get the job done.
Meanwhile, many
of us follow the media’s lead in practically glorifying the “bad boy” motif. GloriaEstefan sings about them. Movies and television series fashion them as
veritable demi-gods. As I recall, Jake Ryan—Molly Ringwold’s character’s crush
in Sixteen Candles—was supposed to
have been one (sort of). Last night, television audiences learned in the season
finale of Dallas, J.R. Ewing—the man everyone
“loved” to hate on the original series—has
a self-proclaimed rival in his son John Ross. Even the POTUS on Scandal has immoral (and some criminal)
tendencies. Finally: hands up, Vampire Diaries fans,
if you think Damon Salvatore is much more fun than his brother Stefan. Nonetheless,
no matter what dastardly deeds they have done or plan to do, they somehow,
typically end up winning the day. Furthermore, no matter what evil these men
unleash on their family, friends or foes, audiences just want more of the same.
Maybe that’s because we want to live vicariously through their misbehavior. As
for the women in these men’s lives, well…they’re turning out to have a darker
side, too.
Not a “bad”
side; just a more realistic one.
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Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern
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