Family Traditions

(This blog was originally posted on October 17, 2014)

 

Photo courtesy of Microsoft

     Most of us have traditions. Perhaps you always take your kids to spend a couple of weeks at the beach each summer. Maybe your mom serves stuffing according to her grandma’s recipe at every Thanksgiving feast. Many people participate in individual or team sports, and enjoy watching these activities on television after a holiday meal (e.g., football games on Thanksgiving and New Year’s Day). I know several people who share the same profession as their parents and even grandparents. Have you ever wondered why these behaviors are repeated? I have. My answer: Theory of Mind.

Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder John Kappas, Ph.D. stated that the subconscious part of the mind likes and wants to do what is familiar (known) because familiarity represents “safety” and comfort. He proposed that human behavior is based on the subconscious mental scripts that we create during early childhood, whereby the SCM is accumulating and storing various message units that will ultimately comprise the subconscious life script. Each message is ultimately categorized as a positive (pleasure) or negative (pain) experience, and anything that the subconscious mind does not recognize falls under the category of “pain.” Consequently, the SCM often resists doing anything new or different even when the logic, reason, will-power/free-will and reasoning faculties of the conscious mind says that it’s okay (safe) to do so. We repeat certain behaviors and/or continue to hold particular beliefs that we already know because these are familiar and comfortable or even convenient to perpetuate. These behaviors are the basis of Dr. Kappas’s Theory of Mind. 

I know, I know. I make at least a passing reference to this concept in virtually every one of my blogs, but that is because I find examples of it in virtually everything I do and/or observe. The premise of this model is so simple, so logical: observe a behavior, learn and repeat that action and finally model/teach it to someone else. Traditions are a great example of this pattern. For example, imagine you learned—probably from a very young age—that your mom’s grandmother’s recipe for Thanksgiving stuffing is the very best ever. As a child of four or five you probably didn’t have an opportunity to try other people’s version of this dish. However, the people in your environment kept praising it—especially Mom, who was likely your primary caretaker and to whom you are particularly suggestible—and you adopted that belief as your own. You know that one day you will prepare that dish at Thanksgiving to carry on your mother’s grandmother’s holiday tradition.

Or, when it came time to think about getting a career you found yourself gravitating to a similar vocation as one or both of your parents. I have several friends who ultimately became a teacher like their parents. Another friend’s spouse is a law-enforcement officer, as are this person’s father-in-law and a couple of uncles. I love to spend time and vacation in the mountains because when I was a very little girl, my family used to spend a couple of weeks at a property near Big Bear every summer. I have very happy memories (positive knowns) of that environment and would love to spend more time there or someplace like it. And speaking of sports, not only are brothers Peyton Manning and Eli Manning quarterback football players on NFL teams, their dad, Archie Manning, is a former NFL quarterback, too! 

Consider your “traditions” for a moment. What things do you do day in and day out without much thought? Do you know where, when, why and how they came about? The answer(s) may surprise you.

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

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