Patience

(This blog was originally posted on May 5, 2014)

            Some days, it seems like nothing goes to plan. A “quick” errand ends up taking two hours. Traffic is still stop-and-go, several hours after rush-hour. Severe weather on the East Coast causes delays travel on all routes; you may not make it to your cousin’s wedding on time—and you are in the best man or maid-of-honor. Your computer server goes down on the day your term paper or an important project for work is due. What can you do to improve your circumstances? It may help you feel better to have a full-blown temper tantrum, but any relief this outburst brings is likely to be short-lived. Also, you will have to deal with the physical and/or social consequences of your melt-down. There is another way, and it is patience.

            Patience is a rare and often maligned or ridiculed virtue. Some people seem to be born with it. Nothing fazes them, and no matter what is done or said to or about them, these people carry on as if everything is fine and life is still good. But even those of us who do not naturally possess this kind of fortitude need not despair: anyone can learn to be patient. I did, and you can, too.

            Before I started my hypnotherapy training, I was constantly racing—if not battling—myself to be better/faster/stronger or whatever I thought I needed to do to succeed. If something went wrong or did not occur in what I considered to be a timely manner, well, let’s just say that I would be very frustrated. Even though I knew I would eventually finish the project or task, I would resent the fact that I had lost even a little bit of control of the process I was working on. And then one day it dawned on me that patience was not the issue or conflict that I and others like me probably needed to work on: it was the willingness to allow myself to relinquish my need for control.

It is actually very easy to be patient when you are relaxed and open to new experiences. How many times have you looked back on an event and acknowledged that, if not for that inconvenient delay you might be in a very different place in your life, or that project might have had a different (and not so good) outcome? We have come to believe that society expects and even nurtures that frenetic, Type-A desire to succeed at all costs, including our health and relationships. But this belief is a learned behavior, and even those of us who like to micro-manage every aspect of every day can master the art of taking some pressure off ourselves and relaxing into a state of calm, patience and relaxation.

The great thing about learning how to become patient is that this behavior naturally reinforces itself. Every time you release the anxiety or stress that is fueling your sense of impatience, your physical body naturally relaxes, your breathing deepens and your heart rate slows down and regulates. The body naturally prefers this state of being, or homeostasis, because it is under less pressure to function normally. As you release this physical stress and allow yourself to just “be” in the moment, your subconscious mind creates a new known or positive association with this state. Monty Roberts, one of my favorite horsemen likes to say, “Low adrenaline equals high learning.” In other words, when you are relaxed, calm and patient, your mind naturally opens up to the new and interesting experiences that life is trying to show you.

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

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