Dealing With a Disappointment

(This blog was originally posted on March 2, 2014)

            At some time in our lives, each of us experiences a disappointment. It hurts; it can even make us angry, because that thing or person or event that you wanted or expected to happen, falls through. Perhaps you did not make the football team or cheer-leading squad this year. Your “dream” college rejected your application. The love of your life and the person you believed to be your future spouse turned out to be just a summer romance. You were one of the few Academy Award nominees on your award-winning movie who did not receive an Oscar. How did you handle this disappointment? What did you do?

             Since you were born, your subconscious mind has learned and knows only two kinds of responses: pleasure and pain. In the context of the examples above, when you get what you want (or worked or wished for), you may experience pleasure. When you don’t get these things, you may experience pain in the form of disappointment. This pain may feel, be or seem exponential if you have experienced similar disappointments in the past. After all, if this kind of thing has happened before, your subconscious mind must know how to “do” this, right? Or, what if your subconscious mind just takes this message unit (e.g., failure at, disappointment at) and stockpiles it as a “known” for the next time you’re in a similar situation?

Everything you had and then lost—or almost had and then lost—last night, last week, last month, last year felt like the worst of the worst kind of pain you have ever experienced. But, you got through that pain (somehow) and went on to triumph in another way, on another day, right? You must have, because you are reading this blog right now. You will get up again tomorrow morning, too, and start over again, because that is what your subconscious mind also knows how to do. Your subconscious mind works, wants and loves to please you. This is true even when it seems like your SCM is hanging onto memories of this pain and repeating your negative, mental chatter as if to sabotage next time’s chance for you, too.

            Hypnotherapy and therapeutic guided imagery are great ways with which to deal with a disappointment, because both tools give you direct access to the area where the emotional reaction to that experience has occurred—your subconscious mind. During hypnosis and guided imagery, you can explore alternative scenarios to what happened and other ways you could have responded in this situation, including possible benefits to not have realized this particular dream. (For more information on this topic, check out my blog titled “Turn it Around.”) While you are in this relaxed state, you can also learn a new response to disappointment: replace the old response (e.g., hurt, anger, sadness) it with “X” (a positive, optimistic, etc. emotion of your choosing) for having an opportunity to experience “Y.” Then, anchor the new emotion to the sensation of feeling relaxed, comfortable, etc. that you experienced in hypnosis or during your guided-imagery journey, so the next time your wish for today didn’t come true, you can feel relaxed and positive about still being in the game for next time.

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2015

Because...That's What You Like

(This blog was originally posted on November 28, 2014)

                In the Season 3 finale episode of Sherlock, that ever-perceptive and insightful sleuth, Sherlock Holmes, pointed out the obvious to his good friend and colleague, Dr. John Watson. Watson had experienced certain stressful, potentially traumatic and even life-threatening events during his life because he had invited those situations to occur. Even his choices of friends (Sherlock) and life partner were being dictated by these subconscious messages, preferences, choices that Watson kept making, over and over again because, basically, that is what the good doctor liked.

         Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder John Kappas, Ph.D., explained this behavior in his Theory of Mind: Each person’s subconscious mind learns and adopts behaviors and ways of thinking from a very young age. By the time you are about 5 years old the blueprint of your future beliefs and behaviors is established, based on what you have learned during these early years of your life. For example, if you like (or even hate) to eat a particular kind of food, it is likely that you were given this or a similar item as a youngster. You associate the experience of eating this item with memories about how it tasted, if you like the taste, who served it to you/who was with you, etc. Other behaviors and interests (preferences) are learned in a similar way: Some people prefer to stay at home on a Friday night and curl up with a good book or watch something on television, instead of going to a party with their friends. Others enjoy skydiving and participate in various high-adrenaline sports; they think nothing of skiing down a “widow-maker” slope. Some people enjoy the hustle and thrum of having a busy social life while living in the center of a bustling city. Others prefer a quiet family life in the suburbs.

These are extreme examples of personalities at either end of a spectrum, but the drive or motivation behind these preferences comes from the same place: the subconscious mind. This is the place where you store and reinforce your beliefs and behaviors by doing what you do—without thinking about it—every time you say, think or do that behavior. Even if you do not consciously like or enjoy the belief or behavior that you reinforce, by now it has become comfortable, familiar (pleasure) to you—even if it is not “pleasurable.” According to Kappas, everyone carries the association and enjoyment (or not) of our “known” behaviors and beliefs throughout your life or, until you are motivated to change this belief or behavior.

I help my hypnotherapy clients to change their various unwanted behaviors; hypnotherapy works because and when the person wants to make this change. Your subconscious mind may know what you really want, but in your conscious mind you have the will-power, decision-making, reasoning and logic to literally change your mind. 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2015

A Greater Sense of Control

(This blog was originally posted on June 26, 2014)

                Many people seek hypnotherapy to help them change an unwanted behavior: quit smoking, lose weight, increase self-confidence, be able to relax, etc. Whatever their ultimate goal happens to be, the person will have to control, change or override a familiar behavior (known) to achieve it. When they make that initial phone call to set up a first hypnotherapy appointment they may have some or no previous experience being hypnotized, but many people have an idea about what it may entail.

                During that initial conversation or our first meeting the person will express a conscious, enthusiastic desire to make a positive change in his or her life. The idea of having my (or another hypnotherapist’s) undivided attention for about an hour, including the 15 to 20 minutes they will spend in hypnosis to work on changing their undesired behaviors, appeals to a lot of clients. They know that this appointment is their time to be listened to in a confidential, supportive, nonjudgmental environment. They understand that hypnosis and therapeutic guided-imagery are effective tools that hypnotherapists use to help replace the unwanted behaviors that no longer work for them. But one nagging doubt still lingers in the back of their mind: Will you be able to control my mind?

                This is one of the most common concerns people have about hypnosis. My answer is, no. Hypnosis is an ancient, natural and drug-free state that can be used as an effective therapeutic tool. I explain to each of my clients at our first appointment that hypnosis cannot make a person say anything or behave in a way that he or she wouldn’t ordinarily act when in a fully alert and aware state. I incorporate the language of the person’s subconscious mind (suggestibility) with the person’s words and expressions in the hypnotic script that will help motivate, encourage and support the desired behavioral change. The client is hypnotizing him- or herself; as the hypnotherapist, I guide and facilitate this process.

                Hypnosis is one of the most relaxing states that you can experience. In fact, everyone is in a light state of trance (hypnosis) twice each day: for 30 minutes after waking up in the morning and 30 minutes before drifting to sleep. Contrary to popular belief, it is not a state of unconsciousness or even sleep. Every sense is heightened during hypnosis. Yes, you will be more receptive to suggestions and other sensory influences while you are in this state. You may even suddenly notice a slight itching sensation on your neck when I bring your attention to the label sewn into the collar of your shirt.

However, during hypnotherapy the only person who can and will control your mind is you, and that is how and why the avocational and vocational self-improvement changes you want to make in your life will be achieved. It provides an opportunity to gain even more control over an aspect of your life that you may not have previously been able to change. If you would like to get rid of an unwanted habit or behavior why not give hypnotherapy a try? You will find that you have even more control over—not risk of losing control of—your mind, behavior and beliefs than you ever imagined!

SPECIAL OFFER!

I am currently offering a 15 percent discount on all hypnotherapy for weight-loss/weight-management* sessions. This offer is good through June 15, 2015 and is not exchangeable for cash. For more information and to set up an appointment, please contact Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. at (661) 433-9430 or send an e-mail to calminsensehypnosis@yahoo.com.

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis MotivationInstitute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/

© 2015

Empty Your Mind

(This blog was originally posted on August 19, 2015)

Photo courtesy of Sara Fogan

                When I was an editor at Black Belt® magazine, I often came across the following quote in which martial artists were urged to practice mushin no shin or “mind of no mind” during combat or competition. Basically, this term philosophy urges you to empty your mind and turn off your emotions so you can think and perceive what’s going on around you. I had an opportunity to practice this philosophy while I hung out with Galahad this afternoon.

               The time I spent with my horse was not in combat but in a kind of moving meditation as I groomed him. Once I had him secured in the cross-ties, I turned all of my attention to making him feel relaxed while I gently curried away shedding hairs and dirt. He did a lot of sighing and fluttered his nostrils a few times, so I am pretty sure he was beyond comfortable and probably a little blissed out during his mega-grooming session. (My trainer has commented several times that my horse is a bit hedonistic.)

Unlike complete Galahad, relaxation has never been easy for me; it is a rare day that I am not doing two or three things at one time. Even spending quiet time at the barn is not an inherently relaxing activity. For example, I always need to know where my feet and hands are to avoid being accidentally stepped on or nibbled when I give Galahad a treat. I have to be careful not to let my horse walk directly behind me when I lead him or he could run right over me if something spooked him and he bolted forward. When I ride, I must use various parts of my body to ensure that I communicate exactly what I want my horse to do and he understands what I am asking for. In addition, my entire body must be soft and relaxed while I remain aware of my surroundings and alert to anything that could spook my horse, including changes in my body that indicate I’m not focused on what I’m doing.

Of course, the reason why I sometimes have so much trouble quieting my mind and directing my focus is, multitasking is my go-to behavior. It is my known. Even though I was physically relaxed while I groomed my horse—the repetitive motions of currying and brushing are actually hypnotizing, pun intended—my mind was anything but. Random thoughts kept popping into my head: What should I blog about today? Has so-and-so received my e-mail? I have to get ready for that meeting tomorrow, etc. Whenever my thoughts drifted away from what I was doing with Galahad, he would politely by pointedly change his posture as if to remind me to pay attention to what I was doing. After all, this was his time to be with me and get fussed over.

Spending time with my horse is my favorite time of day and my absolute favorite thing to do, but I sometimes have trouble completely turning off the rest of the world even when I’m with him. Today was one of those days. I know I shouldn’t have to work so hard at relaxing but, let’s face it: sometimes tuning out is really hard work. My conscious mind knows that it should not be more stressful to relax and take time to decompress from the day than it is for me to multi-task various responsibilities I must fulfill and projects to complete during the day. My subconscious mind knows otherwise: Multitasking is my default, go-to behavior. It is a subconscious known, an established behavior, a mental script. Furthermore, according to John Kappas, Ph.D.’s Theory of Mind, I reinforce that behavior every day, when I am working (e.g., preparing for a session, working and following up with clients after their appointment and taking continuing education courses). Then I go out to the barn and ride/hang out with my horse, where I typically do several things at the barn just to stay safe. (As much as I love and trust Galahad, I know that I am physically no match against his 900-pound might if I ended up in the wrong place at the wrong time.)

Well, I have been working very diligently to rewrite that old mental script that says I have to multitask every minute of my day. I’m pleased to say that after a few false starts this afternoon I was finally able to get into a groove with Galahad when I was able to tune out that extra chatter in my head for longer and longer periods of time. When I caught myself thinking about something that didn’t have to do with him, I simply re-directed my attention back on Galahad where it belonged. By the end of our afternoon together, the image and sound of him contentedly nibbling on grass and the earthy smells around me were the only thoughts on my mind.

Mind of no mind.

               

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/. 

© 2015