Why Do We Keep Returning to Pain?

“The difficulty lies not so much in developing new ideas

as in escaping from old ones.” – J. M. Keynes

Photo by Rick Hustead

Many years ago, an aerobics teacher commented to my class that the discomfort of childbirth is the only kind of natural, “healthy” pain we should experience. Every other kind or source indicates that something is very wrong in the body and should receive immediate attention. This warning is also true of emotional pain—or, it certainly should be—but it is so often disregarded or even intentionally ignored to return to the source or cause of that pain. Why ?

When I explain “Theory of Mind,” I often use the example of how individuals frequently return to an abusive romantic partner to explain how even a painful experience can be associated with the familiarity of what is known. From very early childhood we are taught to associate physical pain and discomfort as negative, bad, something to be avoided or fixed right away. Conversely, in an effort to avoid conflict or even a physical altercation we repeat the mantra, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me.” We are encouraged to ignore the verbal slights and barbs and do whatever is necessary to maintain peace in the environment. (This model also applies in a physically abusive relationship.) We learn to look the other way or look for the good, positive attributes once attracted us to him or her and enter the relationship. Over time, every time we repeat this behavior and return to the source of the pain, we are actually reinforcing the subconscious known which provides that temporary comfort of familiarity in the relationship.

As Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder John Kappas, Ph.D. explained, we are all subconsciously motivated to maintain and/or restore a known physical and emotional status of comfort and security. Since the subconscious mind is motivated and even programmed to seek this comfort, we naturally, repeatedly gravitate toward the source of that comfortable, secure state until something or someone is available to replace that familiar stimulus. In some respects this response can be likened to addictive behaviors: Every positive gesture or response the person receives is an emotional reward that literally lights up the pleasure areas of the brain. However, when the response is negative—hurtful or even abusive—the subconscious association of familiarity in this situation knowing that it will likely turn around again is equally if not more powerful. No matter how frustrating and even humiliating the “pain” of that rejection is, the lingering hope that the situation will turn around and the negative behavior will actually change keeps us toughing out the temporary pain, luring us back.

Fortunately, hypnotherapy and guided imagery can help you change this behavior pattern by replacing and rewriting the subconscious mental script that has been keeping you in this pattern for so long. A hypnotherapeutic process called de-loving is also extremely effective to help dissolve the subconscious associations to the feelings and emotions that you carry for the other person and/or relationship. Instead of erasing any memories of the other person or situation, however, de-loving helps you return to a neutral and even indifferent attitude that enables you to focus on yourself, personal goals and other (more) important areas of your life.

For more information about this topic and to set up an appointment with me, call or send a text to (661) 433-9430 or send an e-mail to me at calminsensehypnosis@yahoo.com.

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2016

 

Session #1: Hypnosis Deepening Techniques

Photo by Rick Hustead

“There are no second chances to make a first impression.”

 This expression is certainly true when it comes to hypnosis. From the moment a prospective client contacts me until the individual leaves my office after the first hypnotherapy appointment I am focused on inducing the deepest state of trance possible. Most people come to hypnotherapy with a very open mind about its nature and efficacy; nonetheless, these same individuals usually harbor some preconceptions and even concerns about what hypnosis is, why it works and how it feels. The best way to alleviate these concerns is to hypnotize the person so he or she has a real-life association with this experience. Since a person can be hypnotized “for the first time” only once, it is up to the hypnotherapist to help the client achieve the deepest trance state during that first session.

 To achieve maximum hypnotic depth, I use the inferred arm-raising technique as my first hypnotic induction. This process entails the client achieving a very relaxed state through deep breathing and pointing out various physiological responses that automatically start to happen, such as fluttering of the eyelids and dryness around the mouth, lips and tongue. Meanwhile, a specific verbal patter is used to overload the person’s subconscious mind with suggestions (message units) that one arm is lifting and rising until the hand or fingers make skin-to-skin contact with the face. At that point, the individual will have achieved the peak of his or her suggestibility and entered the hypnotic trance. 

At this point, the following techniques may be employed to further deepen the hypnotic sleep:

• Eye-Challenge: Tell the client to try to open his or her eyes while simultaneously giving a double-bind suggestion: “The harder you try to open the eyes, the tighter the eye-lids will squeeze shut,” etc.

• Heavy-Light: Give the client a suggestion to hold the arms straight out from the body while imagining that a helium balloon is tied to a finger on one hand while the other hand is holding a specified amount of weight. The person perceives increasing heaviness in the hand and arm supporting the weight; extra hypnotic depth is achieved once the arm drops back down to the thigh.

• Eye-Fascination: The person is instructed to stare at a spot on the ceiling or some other object in the room until this becomes physically uncomfortable (e.g., eyes start to blink or feel dry) and chooses to allow the eyelids to gently close.

• Reactional Hypnosis: The hypnotherapist instructs the individual to open and then close the eyes several times, until the client’s eyelids become heavy and the eyes are glassy. (The hypnotherapist decides how many times this action will be done.)

• Arm-Rigidity: The hypnotherapist instructs the client to stiffen one arm and send any and all negative emotions/associations, etc. about the therapeutic issue down the arm into a clenched fist, to be released when the hand unclenches.

• Staircase Imagery: This technique—along with a progressive relaxation—will also be used in every subsequent hypnotherapy session to facilitate an even deeper state of hypnosis. Imagery of going down or descending a staircase is an inferred suggestion of hypnotic depth.

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2016

The Pros and Cons of Making Connections

Photo by Rick Hustead

My original goal for communicating on social media was for services like Twitter and Facebook to help me market my services as a hypnotherapist. To be honest, I was initially very reluctant to join either of those services. It seemed like a false and impersonal way to get my message out, let alone explain and assuage doubts about what hypnotherapy can do to help a person achieve self-improvement goals. A lot has changed.

My website, www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com, does the majority of “explanation” heavy-lifting for me. However, social media has been very beneficial in helping me introduce myself and what I do to a worldwide audience and market new hypnotherapy skills and promotional offers. It has also enabled me to become socially active in causes about which I am passionate—such as animal conservation, anti-poaching and helping to rehome shelter animals—as well as connect with very good friends. In fact, I have never even met some of my on-line friends.

Before the advent of social media, interpersonal connections were made in the course of face-to-face encounters, introductions through mutual contacts and well-placed advertisements in newspapers and magazines. These days, entire populations of potential contacts are available at the touch of a button on a computer or SmartPhone. It has truly never been easier to make a potentially career-altering connection.

Indeed, there is a caveat to the benefits of having such widespread and easy access. Social media is that these various outlets offer a chance to express any and all feelings you want to share without offering an option or warning to take a time-out before pressing that “send” button. Unlike face-to-face or even voice-to-voice communication in which you have a chance to perceive nuances in language and expression, there is no or very little opportunity to make this kind of interpretation in 140 typed characters. (Facebook does provide the option to use emojis to support the emotions behind the sentiment the writer is trying to convey.) As Dr. Alex G. Kappas liked to say, “I know you believe you think you understand what I have just said; but I am not sure that what you heard is not what I meant.” Indeed, during the course of a passionate written exchange it is easy to lose track of the emotions and words that are being expressed and leave a long-lasting, sometimes negative, impression that overshadows the original intent of the message.

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2016

How the Body Expresses Extreme Emotional Trauma

Photo by Rick Hustead

When trauma or extreme emotional distress occurs, if the person cannot (verbally) express and work through and resolve feelings about the event, these emotions may be manifested as physical symptoms. As I explained in a previous blog titled Body Syndromes, these symptoms are likely to occur in areas of the body that correspond to the trauma or presenting issue. For example, if a woman is raped she may subsequently experience vaginal tightness that prevents any kind of sexual pleasure and even find intercourse painful. 

When psychologist and hypnotherapist John Kappas, Ph.D., treated these symptoms in hypnotherapy, the Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder recommended explaining how the client’s subconscious denial of the rape may have contributed to these symptoms. If appropriate and if she was ready to deal with the trauma, a hypnotherapist could help her go through the stages of loss during hypnotherapy, he said.

Dr. Kappas also advised including the client’s husband/partner in the therapy using the Systems Approach even if the other person is not present during the sessions. This inclusion is necessary because the client’s past trauma is likely affecting their sexual relationship; or, finally confronting the emotional trauma caused by the rape, in therapy, may have repercussions on the current relationship.

“It’s possible that removing the denial will reveal traumas,” the HMI founder warned. Therefore, the hypnotherapist must correct the client’s denial mechanism but not remove it completely. The hypnotherapist would also need to bring up more of her physical suggestibility to help her work through her physical symptoms*, he added.

*California law allows access by California residents to complementary and alternative health care practitioners who are not providing services that require medical training and credentials. The purpose of a program of hypnotherapy is for vocational and avocational self-improvement (Business and Professions Code 2908) and as an alternative or complementary treatment to healing arts services licensed by the state. A hypnotherapist is not a licensed physician or psychologist, and hypnotherapy services are not licensed by the state of California. Services are non-diagnostic and do not include the practice of medicine, neither should they be considered a substitute for licensed medical or psychological services or procedures.

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2016