The Art of Perfecting a Behavior

(This blog was originally posted on February 11, 2014)

     Everybody has a different idea of perfection. There is perfect weather. A perfect test score. And then there is the perfect boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse. The list goes on, ad infinitum—as do our expectations of what constitutes perfection and our desire to possess it. What if I were to tell you that you are already perfect, just the way you are?

     It is true. Your subconscious mind is literally programmed to try to do everything you ask or want it to do—including those behaviors and beliefs that no longer work for you and want to change or get rid of. The longer you have done or been practicing that behavior, the more deeply you ingrain it in your mind. Eventually, it becomes a default, a comfort zone, a known. Every time you repeat that behavior or habit, you send another positive message to your subconscious that reinforces your comfortable association with what you are doing. In his Theory of Mind, John Kappas, Ph.D., refers to the subconscious mind categorizing certain events or stimuli as “pleasure.” In this context, pleasure is something the person identifies as familiar or known, but not necessarily “pleasurable.” In other words, you are equally likely to continue to behave in a particular way even if it is uncomfortable, because that behavior is what you know and where your subconscious mind tells you that you are safe.

    For example, a chronic smoker has smoked two packs of cigarettes each day since she was 14. Her parents smoked for as long as she can remember, and her mother actually gave her that first-ever cigarette. Even though she is battling emphysema, she continues to smoke partly because, subconsciously, the smells of a just-lit cigarette or the sulfur from an extinguished match take her back to memories of that rare moment of mother-daughter bonding. Or, a recent Lottery winner blows through his entire jackpot in a matter of months: having struggled financially throughout his adult life, he had no experience (subconscious knowns) of how to enjoy this windfall in a responsible way. And then there is that individual who continues to embark on a series of disastrous romances in which the love interest already has a partner, or is physically/emotionally abusive or emotionally unavailable. Even though he or she can recognize the repeating pattern, the person seems incapable of leaving, let alone avoiding, that situation again and again.

    When I work with you to change or replace unwanted behaviors through hypnotherapy, one of the first things I do is explain Dr. Kappas’ Theory of Mind in relation to how it is applicable to your current beliefs and behaviors. I explain how your “knowns” were created in your subconscious mind, and how the SCM reinforces them each time you repeat that behavior. Finally, I will reassure you that since you are so good (perfect) at reinforcing this undesired, original habit, you are perfectly equipped to learn and practice the new, desired behavior. With the exception of your reactions to the fear of falling and the fear of loud noises—which every person is born with—you have had to learn every one of your beliefs and behaviors. If you want to change or get rid of one of them, it is in your power to do just that.

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2015

Release and Let it Go

(This blog was originally posted on February 26, 2014)

Photo courtesy of Microsoft

      Everyone lives in the context of a pain/pleasure principle. We prefer—and try—to do what makes us feel good (pleasure) and avoid the things that cause discomfort (pain) in the context of the “knowns” in the subconscious mind. For example, John Kappas, Ph.D., theorized that the SCM would categorize your 10-year feud with your siblings as pleasure (known) because it is so comfortable with all of the emotions it associates with this grudge.

      When anger morphs into a long-term resentment, it is a habit. Like any other habit or behavior, it is something you learned. The great news is, since you learned how to feel angry about a particular situation or at a specific person; therefore, you can unlearn the anger response in that context. Following are some basic strategies I would use as a hypnotherapist to help the individual transform his or her anger response into one of forgiveness, healing and emotional and spiritual freedom:

• I describe the person's strained relationship with the other person in the context of Dr. Kappas's Theory of Mind to explain/help the client understand how he or she has substituted/emphasized anger to avoid feeling any emotional pain the conflict has caused.

• Once the client is in hypnosis, I help him or her to feel and acknowledge the hurt the original incident caused. I would also employ therapeutic-guided imagery and desensitization techniques to help the person work through the triggers that continue to incite the anger and hurt. I do not use age-regression techniques to bring up these triggers, I will desensitize the client only to the memories/associations that he or she remembers and has described during an alert/aware state.

• I will use more deepening/relaxation techniques and guided imagery to help the person forgive him- or herself for having been in a position to have been hurt, in the first place. Next, I will use these techniques to help the client also forgive the other person for doing whatever he or she did to cause the original pain in the first place.

      Marc Gravelle, a former instructor of the Hypnosis Motivation Institute, once advised: “As long as you remain angry at a person, you’re giving him permission to control you physically, emotionally and intellectually. When you forgive the other person, you’re not giving him permission to do ‘whatever.’ He’s still guilty of doing that, but you (the client) can move on and the other person no longer controls you.”

 Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/. 
© 2015