The Family that Plays Together

(This blog was originally posted on May 19, 2014)

     The Brady Bunch. The Partridge Family. Eight Is Enough. The Ingalls family of Little House on the Prairie and the Walton family of The Waltons. The Corleones of The Godfather. The Ewings of Dallas and the Cartwrights of Bonanza. These are just a few iconic examples of television families that I grew up with. More recently, there are the five ruling clans in George R.R. Martin’s Game of Thrones series, and the extended Grantham family of Downton Abbey. While no one in my family was (or is) really like any of the characters in these fictional families, we all share the respect, loyalty, love and rivalry that characterize a familial bond. These fictitious families taught each other important lessons about how to enjoy the benefits of and negotiate the specific challenges that existed in their world. They learned how it feels to “belong” in a group and to feel protected by people who would sacrifice everything and anything to keep them safe.

      This is not to say that families or specific members in a family are always easy to deal with or that the conflicts which can flare up between them are always simple or comfortable to resolve. Some family feuds go on so long that the members who were involved in the original quarrel have died or simply don’t know or remember why they are fighting, only that they are fighting. However, have you ever noticed what happens if someone outside of the family unit threatens the family or one of its members? The family closes ranks and creates a virtual wagon circle around the individual who is under attack: “It’s one thing for me to say or do something to hurt someone in my family, but don’t you even try it!”

      A sweet dessert and a glass of milk are a common panacea for most causes of hurt and disappointment that occurs in television families. However, patience, compassion/empathy and willingness to compromise are keys to achieving true conflict resolution in real-life families. It can be (and often is) hard work to try to understand why someone you love and who is supposed to love you could have done or said that incredibly hurtful thing. It is even more challenging, but equally necessary, to also take a hard look at how you may have contributed to the fight by something you said or did, whether these actions were intentional or not. It is challenging to offer an apology and admit when you are wrong, but it can also be challenging to graciously accept an apology from someone who hurt you and then work together to move past that painful event.

      Whatever your “family” looks like, this relationship—or lack thereof—is one of the most important ones that you will probably experience during your lifetime. Even if you do not share genetic material (the “nature” component) with anyone in it, you will have scores of memories of shared experiences with the person(s) who raised you (the “nurture” component). Whoever was your primary caretaker helped to establish your suggestibility (how you learn); you would have likely modeled your personality after the person who was a secondary caretaker for you growing up. You can (and probably have) compared notes about your upbringing with your siblings to make sure that everyone got the same treatment. You might be surprised at the similarities between how your parents raised their children, how your aunts and uncles raised your cousins, and even how your grandparents raised your parents. Even if longtime friends and even a spouse or lover drift out of your life, the bonds you share with one or both parents, a sibling (or several) and more distant relatives tend to be more permanent. Like it or not, family is (usually) here to stay.

 Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy®, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2015

That Lightbulb Moment

(This blog was originally posted on May 6, 2014)

Photo courtesy of Microsoft

          According to Albert Einstein, the definition of insanity is “doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” Comedian Bill Maher once told his Real Time With Bill Maher audience that some of the best decisions he ever made involved quitting a behavior or lifestyle that didn’t make him happy, including quitting smoking and leaving Catholicism. He explained that continuing to smoke cigarettes was jeopardizing his heath, and practicing a religion he didn’t believe in was making him miserable (Maher is now an atheist). The comedian realized that he needed to change or even abandon some of his previous beliefs and behaviors in order to lead a life that was more authentic for him.

But what about Thomas Edison, who famously joked that through his efforts, society now knew about 999 ways not to build a light bulb before he perfected the design on the 1,000^th or so attempt? His success was the product of hard work, dedication and perseverance as a scientist. He was able to turn disappointment into motivation and even a teachable moment. If he had stopped trying to perfect his invention on the third or 999^th attempt someone else, somewhere else, likely would have created the light bulb. Creating the light bulb was Edison’s invention, his goal to achieve, his life path to follow—and he stayed on-course until he realized this dream.

When my clients initially contact me to help them achieve a new vocational or avocational self-improvement goal through hypnotherapy, they often want to give up a habit that no longer works for them. Some people want to quit smoking; others want to lose weight (stop over-eating). Still others want to increase their self-confidence and build their self-esteem so they can truly, finally, leave an unhealthy social, work or romantic relationship. Others want to learn skills or techniques that will help them relax and follow through with a plan or persevere and finally complete a project.

According to Einstein’s logic, stopping or quitting unproductive or even potentially harmful behaviors might be construed as a sign of sanity or even genius. On the other hand, he might argue that it’s a waste of time to spend years, money and energy repeating a pattern or design that seems to never work out—except, it did. In my role as a certified hypnotherapist, I focus on the most efficient and ecologically sound ways of helping the client achieve those goals that will not harm the person or others in his or her environment. I use hypnosis and guided imagery techniques to help the person explore his or her motivations to change an undesired habit that is limiting personal growth and replace it with one(s) that will enhance and maximize that individual’s potential. You know what you want to achieve. Your conscious mind thinks it knows what you are capable of. Through hypnotherapy, you can re-program any limiting or negative mental scripts into those of self-confidence, dedication and perseverance. I trust and respect your desire to do this work so you can also live the life you want to be leading, and I look forward to helping you achieve these self-improvement goals!

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2015

Recurring Dreams

(This blog was originally posted on June 24, 2014)

Photo courtesy of Fotolia

      Have you ever had the same dream—or a dream about a specific topic—more than one time? These are recurring dreams, and they occur when the subconscious mind is unable to release or vent the content of the dream for one reason or another. You are likely to continue dreaming about this topic until your SCM has worked through, resolved or released your subconscious attachment to that issue. If this has happened to you, don’t worry: recurring dreams are your mind’s way of letting you know that you need to let go of a behavior, emotion or attachment that is preventing or hindering your personal growth.

     In his book, Professional Hypnotism Manual, Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder John Kappas, Ph.D. observed that an individual may also have recurring dreams about a stage of development that they may have missed. He theorized that the person’s dreams repeatedly address a specific literal or symbolic representation of a conflict, whereby the subconscious mind tries to relive and work through whatever is keeping the person “stuck” in that stage. Those dreams would likely cease once the person consciously or subconsciously resolved the conflict, thus releasing him or her to enter a new stage of development.

     For example, if someone seeks hypnotherapy to “stop” his or her recurring dreams about a former partner or aspect(s) of that previous relationship, I would first help the individual to analyze those dreams. I would specifically be interested to know what his or her dream interpretation reveals. What new insights does the client have about the behavior, emotions or beliefs associated with that former partner or relationship? In other words: What are you subconsciously holding onto? What do you subconsciously not want to give up or refuse to release? Next, I would incorporate this information into the hypnotic script(s) to encourage the client to give him- or herself permission to release any remaining emotional attachment to the person/relationship that may be preventing personal growth. I would also incorporate information about the positive lessons and experiences that the person acquired through this relationship, which my client could apply in a future and more successful or rewarding relationship. Finally, I would give the person a hypnotic suggestion to release residual emotions or behavioral attachment to the former partner or relationship—specifically, to the habit of dreaming about them—in early-morning venting dreams. Such release will not only provide a resolution for the conflict(s) that the person’s SCM has been working so hard to resolve, but will also enable him or her to pursue other goals that will facilitate continuing personal growth.

    I have addressed the psychological and physiological benefits of dreams, and hypnotherapy and how to analyze dreams, in several previous blogs: Dream Therapy, Part 1; Dream Therapy, Part 2; and Dream Therapy, Part 3.

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2015