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Thursday, February 9, 2017

Defense Mechanisms: Turning Against Self

(This blog was originally posted on January 14, 2015)

Photo by Rick Hustead

Sometimes, emotional pain or intense disappointment because something didn’t go our way can lead to self-criticism and self-recrimination (self-blame). Rather than direct our negative emotion toward the cause or source of this pain, we turn on ourselves. For example, have you ever told yourself that the reason a romantic partner ended the relationship with you was because you were unattractive and actually “unworthy” of his or her love? Have you ever scolded yourself for being unskilled and “hopeless” at your job when a relatively new, junior colleague got the pay-raise or promotion you deserved after you landed that big account? Or, have you ever blamed yourself for “doing something stupid” that resulted in an injury while playing your favorite sport or doing a maintenance project around the house? If so, you have turned against yourself, which is a form of defense mechanism.

I previously touched on this phenomenon in my blog titled Stop! Negative Self Talk. Every time we disparage ourselves we create powerful, negative subconscious messages about ourselves that undermine our self-confidence and self-esteem. Since the subconscious mind doesn’t know the difference between fantasy (imagination) and reality, thinking or speaking these negative beliefs in a moment of pique cause equal damage.

Like other defense mechanisms, turning against self is: 1) unconscious; 2) self-deceptive; 3) and it distorts reality through thoughts and action. According to the Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder John Kappas, Ph.D.’s Theory of Mind, people are subconsciously motivated to maintain and/or restore a known physical and emotional status of comfort and security. Whenever someone says or does something that causes physical injury, hurts your feelings or challenges your beliefs, your mind automatically tries to compensate for this threat or “pain” by activating this or another form of defense mechanism. In this case, you turn against yourself to avoid having to experience the pain of rejection or disappointment that someone else caused you.

To help someone change this behavior, while the client is in hypnosis I desensitize him or her to the situation (and similar situations) that triggered this defense mechanism. I also employ therapeutic guided-imagery techniques to help them reframe their negative beliefs and self-recrimination to positive thoughts that are self-nurturing and promote self-love and self-confidence. Finally, I use imagery techniques to enable the individual to find solutions for those situations and visualize how they have overcome this setback and which lessons they learned from this experience have increased self-confidence and social coping skills.

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

Wednesday, February 8, 2017

The Critical Area of the Mind: A Real-Life Example

(This blog was originally posted on January 13, 2016)

Photo by Rick Hustead

This afternoon, I sat in the waiting area while my friend finished a meeting. While I flicked through a copy of Us Weekly, a man approached the reception desk and asked one of the assistants if it was possible for him to speak to someone in the accounting department. The receptionist smiled politely and suggested he sit down while she went to check if the employee he needed was available to talk to the customer. When she returned a few minutes later, it was to apologize: the gentleman he wanted to talk to was in a meeting. Could she have “Mr. Jones” call the customer later?

The man smiled slightly, nodded and walked out of the office, probably disappointed but he didn’t seem very surprised. He didn’t have an appointment; at this time of year it would be very unlikely to squeeze in an impromptu meeting with an accountant. Guess what? This kind of solicitation and rejection occurs many, many times each day between the conscious and subconscious areas of the mind.

The “heavy” that sends the conscious mind’s desired new beliefs or behaviors away is called the Critical Area of the mind. This very small region of the mind is divided equally between the Conscious Mind and Subconscious Mind. Its responsibility, as it were, is to maintain the comfort (homeostasis) between these areas of the mind.

As I have explained in several previous blogs (Why Being Comfortable Feels Uncomfortable, Intuition, Because…That’s What You Like), your behavior is dictated by the subconscious mental script that is created very early in your life. This script is created by the multitude of positive and negative message units that the SCM processes and interprets as pain or pleasure during your early childhood. A positive experience, such as your pet dog licking your face in greeting, is classified as “pleasure.” A negative experience, such as burning your hand on a hot stove, would likely be classified as pain. However, even a message unit that is initially perceived as negative or “painful” can become recognized as “pleasure”, such as returning to or remaining in an abusive relationship because it is familiar or comfortable.

Conversely, if your dog bites (instead of licks) your face, or you decide to stand up to or even leave an abusive partner, the Critical Area of the mind is likely to reject the new message unit that the conscious mind is processing. Rejecting this new information is the Critical Mind’s job: If the information is unfamiliar, it is uncomfortable and therefore unwelcome: What do you mean, Fido bit me? He doesn’t bite! It was just a love nip. Or, I can’t leave my partner; I have nowhere to go! Since this information challenges the known subconscious mental script, it is unlikely that you will accept this information and change your behavior right away.

Now, let’s put this model in the context of what the interaction I observed this afternoon when someone asked to meet with “Mr. Jones.” The receptionist (Critical Area of the mind) checked with the gentleman in question (processed the message unit) and reported that Mr. Jones was busy. Since the client was also not an expected appointment (unknown to the subconscious mind), she sent him away (rejected the message unit). You might also recognize this process when you check the Caller-I.D. application on your phone and decide whether to pick up the call or let a message go to voice-mail.

For more information about the role of the Critical Area of the mind, I invite you to read my blog titled, Why Are New Ideas Scary?

Tuesday, February 7, 2017

Why Are You Still Carrying It?

(This blog was originally posted on January 11, 2016)

Photo by Sara Fogan

Many years ago, a yoga instructor read a story at the end of class that continues to resonate with me. The tale goes something like this:

Three monks set out on a walk to a monastery. Each monk is carrying a heavy load of clothing and other goods to donate to the poor. In addition, each one has taken a vow of silence, so they cannot pass the time talking during their journey. They come across a fast-moving river, where they see a young woman struggling to cross the water. She is losing her balance trying to keep her parcels dry, at risk of slipping into the water and drowning. One of the monks puts his belongings on the ground and goes into the river to help the stranger get across safely. He may have spoken to her at some point, just to reassure that he would help her get across the river to the other bank. Or, maybe he did not; but he was a gentle person with a kind heart, and the woman instinctively knew she had nothing to fear. Since he was very strong, it was easy to pick her up and carry the woman and her belongings the rest of the way across the river to the opposite shore. Once she was safely deposited there, the monk returned her bow to acknowledge her gratitude and crossed the river again to finish the journey to the monastery with his colleagues.

When they started walking, the first monk could immediately sense the other men’s great disgruntlement and frustration. Their strides and posture told him that they were very unhappy, maybe even angry, and he wondered what could be wrong. Finally, one of the other monks stopped and turned to glare at him. He said: “What did you think you were doing? We have taken a vow of silence! We have sworn to avoid the company and contact with women! And what do you do? You stop to help a maiden cross a river!”

“You touched her and you spoke to her,” the third monk exclaimed. “You broke your vow of silence and your promise not to have contact with the opposite sex! How dare you?”

The first monk sighed thoughtfully. Yes, he had done those things; but the woman was at risk of drowning in the fast-moving current. What else could he have done, except try to save her?

“Yes,” he said. “I did those things. But I put her down three miles ago. You are the ones who are still carrying her.”

This tale reminds me that it is usually a waste of time, energy and emotion to dwell on an event that has happened in the past. That action is over. There are rarely opportunities for a do-over. Often, we must make a split-second decision how to behave, think or even what to say in a conversation. Each of those decisions will be contingent upon the context in which they occur. As Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder John Kappas, Ph.D., liked to say, we all do everything exactly the right way at exactly the right time. That is because our existing subconscious knowns, which are created by previous experiences and beliefs, have programmed our subconscious mental script that dictates how we will behave in that situation. Perhaps if the river’s current had not been so fast or the woman had not been burdened with packages to carry, the first monk may not have stopped to help her. Whatever earlier-life experiences the first monk had or the beliefs he held about the value of a vow of silence or celibacy versus the importance of saving a woman’s life, dictated his decision to rescue her. And who knows? If that monk had not decided to rescue her, maybe one of his other companions would have done so instead.