Thursday, June 29, 2023

7 Keys to a Successful, Long-term Intimate Relationship

I am continuing to suspend in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. However, phone, and Zoom consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE! 

 

(This blog was originally posted on February 14, 2014)

 


Photo courtesy of Microsoft

 

 

On Valentine’s Day, many couples around the world spend the day celebrating their love and relationship. Some people will exchange cards and love letters. Others will give their partner a box of chocolates and/or a bouquet of flowers. And, certainly, no other day of the year is more romantic to become engaged. In honor of June being a favorite month in which to get married, I have decided to re-post this blog.

In 2005, I attended an eye-opening seminar at the Hypnosis Motivation Institute about the keys to a healthy, intimate relationship based on the concepts of John Kappas, Ph.D.’s Emotional and Physical Sexuality. In this seminar, instructor Marc Gravelle identified the following seven qualities of a healthy relationship. Following is this list to help you evaluate whether you and your partner are ready to take your relationship to the next level:

1.      You like each other. (This is the most important factor)

2.      You trust each other.

3.      You respect each other.

4.      You have good communication, where you can honestly share your thoughts and feelings about an issue with the other person.

5.      You have good sex (each partner gets his or her needs met).

6.      You have similar interests.

7.      You have separate interests.

Notice that the terms “love” and “in love” are not included in this list. That is because romantic love is what you feel during the honeymoon or early stages of a relationship. Yes, it is exciting, exhilarating and often intoxicating; but the high level of energy required to sustain this stage of infatuation eventually wears away. However, with these seven elements firmly in place, you can still enjoy and appreciate all of these ingredients (qualities) about your partner that first attracted you to each other, and your relationship will continue to flourish.

 

Special Offer:

Hypnotherapy to Release Weight

Hypnosis for weight loss series$1,250 for 10-week series. (This is a $250 savings!) The $200 fee for the first session will be included in this rate only when the package is purchased up front. Book this package before June 30, 2023, to lock in this price as my rates will be going up on July 1, 2023.

*May not be combined with any other offer. Not redeemable for cash.

 

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. Sara has been voted the Best Hypnotherapist in Santa Clarita, California, four years in a row (2019-2022). For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/

© 2023

 

 

Wednesday, June 28, 2023

Defense Mechanisms: Turning Against Self

I am continuing to suspend in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. However, phone, and Zoom consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE! 

 

(This blog was originally posted on January 14, 2015)


Photo by Rick Hustead

 

Sometimes, emotional pain or intense disappointment because something didn’t go our way can lead to self-criticism and self-recrimination (self-blame). Rather than direct our negative emotion toward the cause or source of this pain, we turn on ourselves. For example, have you ever told yourself that the reason a romantic partner ended the relationship with you was because you were unattractive and actually “unworthy” of his or her love? Have you ever scolded yourself for being unskilled and “hopeless” at your job when a relatively new, junior colleague got the pay-raise or promotion you deserved after you landed that big account? Or, have you ever blamed yourself for “doing something stupid” that resulted in an injury while playing your favorite sport or doing a maintenance project around the house? If so, you have turned against yourself, which is a form of defense mechanism.

I previously touched on this phenomenon in my blog titled Stop! Negative Self Talk. Every time we disparage ourselves we create powerful, negative subconscious messages about ourselves that undermine our self-confidence and self-esteem. Since the subconscious mind doesn’t know the difference between fantasy (imagination) and reality, thinking or speaking these negative beliefs in a moment of pique cause equal damage.

Like other defense mechanisms, turning against self is: 1) unconscious; 2) self-deceptive; 3) and it distorts reality through thoughts and action. According to the Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder John Kappas, Ph.D.’s Theory of Mind, people are subconsciously motivated to maintain and/or restore a known physical and emotional status of comfort and security. Whenever someone says or does something that causes physical injury, hurts your feelings or challenges your beliefs, your mind automatically tries to compensate for this threat or “pain” by activating this or another form of defense mechanism. In this case, you turn against yourself to avoid having to experience the pain of rejection or disappointment that someone else caused you.

To help someone change this behavior, while the client is in hypnosis I desensitize him or her to the situation (and similar situations) that triggered this defense mechanism. I also employ therapeutic guided-imagery techniques to help them reframe their negative beliefs and self-recrimination to positive thoughts that are self-nurturing and promote self-love and self-confidence. Finally, I use imagery techniques to enable the individual to find solutions for those situations and visualize how they have overcome this setback and which lessons they learned from this experience have increased self-confidence and social coping skills.

 

Special Offer:

Hypnotherapy to Release Weight

Hypnosis for weight loss series$1,250 for 10-week series. (This is a $250 savings!) The $200 fee for the first session will be included in this rate only when the package is purchased up front. Book this package before June 30, 2023, to lock in this price as my rates will be going up on July 1, 2023.

*May not be combined with any other offer. Not redeemable for cash.

 

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. Sara has been voted the Best Hypnotherapist in Santa Clarita, California, four years in a row (2019-2022). For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/

© 2023

 

 

Tuesday, June 27, 2023

The Most Powerful Words in the Universe

I am continuing to suspend in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. However, phone, and Zoom consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE! 

 

(This blog was originally posted on February 15, 2018)

 


 

Photo by Rick Hustead

 

Author and designer Karen Salmonsahn wrote, “What are the most powerful words in the universe? The ones you use to talk to yourself.” This is so true.

I previously explained the potential destructive or negative power of our own words in my blog titled Don’t Believe Everything You Tell Yourself. As I complete a course about hypnosis and the Law of Attraction, it seemed worthwhile to address this topic again. This time, I will take a more positive approach.

If you write affirmations each night or morning, you are already familiar with the power that a sentence or two can have to influence (and manifest) a positive change in your life. Of course, it isn’t just the words that do this. You must also believe in the power of those sentiments and your ability to quiet that annoying voice of self-doubt and skepticism that lives in the subconscious mind. If you have ever had to do battle with (turn off) that kind of chatter, you know how hard it can be to remain confident, optimistic and believe in your ability to achieve your goal.

To get into the right head space and attitude to accomplish your goals, it is important to focus on the positive thoughts/beliefs and encouraging feedback. If you notice any negativity creeping into your subconscious mental script, acknowledge the presence of the thought and return to positive imagery about the successful outcome you are working toward. For example: “Thank you for bringing this to my attention, but I don’t need you anymore.” Directly acknowledging a negative thought this way actually negates its power and influence over you, because you are no longer distracted by it. Thinking or verbalizing this sentiment draws a metaphoric line or boundary around the focus of your energy (intention), which negativity may not cross. Even more important, the act of thinking or saying “no” to and shutting down unwanted thoughts or belief systems strengthens self-confidence and your belief that you can accomplish your goals.

How is that for power?

 

Special Offer:

Hypnotherapy to Release Weight

Hypnosis for weight loss series$1,250 for 10-week series. (This is a $250 savings!) The $200 fee for the first session will be included in this rate only when the package is purchased up front. Book this package before June 30, 2023, to lock in this price as my rates will be going up on July 1, 2023.

*May not be combined with any other offer. Not redeemable for cash.

 

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. Sara has been voted the Best Hypnotherapist in Santa Clarita, California, four years in a row (2019-2022). For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/

© 2023

 

 

Monday, June 26, 2023

Horse Ownership Is an Honor and a Privilege

I am continuing to suspend in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. However, phone, and Zoom consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE! 


(This blog was originally posted on February 10, 2016)


Photo by Morgen Stern

 

Many years ago, I attended a case conference where Hypnosis Motivation Institute instructor Lisa Machenberg described how she helped someone to regard even the negative, inconvenient aspects of car ownership in terms of being a privilege. Apparently, this individual was procrastinating about getting new tires for his car because not having a vehicle for one morning would be inconvenient and expensive. His justification for not doing anything to facilitate the repair was: “Hey, the car is still drivable, so what is the rush?”

Ms. Machenberg said the client eventually became motivated to get the tires changed when they explored the benefits—independence, convenience, the enjoyment of driving—and the potential consequences of not taking the car in. The greatest inspiration for him turned out to be the potential financial burden of having to pay for additional repairs to the body of his or another person’s car if a flat or blown-out tire caused a crash. At this point in the conversation, she said, they discussed how the benefits of car-ownership is as much a privilege as taking good care of the vehicle is a responsibility. This message became incorporated in the hypnotic script she created for his hypnotherapy. It also so resonated with me in terms of how I feel about owning a horse that I use it as a kind of mantra to keep persevering in my riding and how I take care of him, as well as to remind Galahad how much I love and appreciate him.

 As most equestrians (and even non-riders) know, riding and owning a horse is an expensive investment of time, money and emotion. Depending whom you ask, it can be a toss-up which one of these resources is most expensive at any one time. Despite their strength, size and speed, these animals are actually more fragile in some ways than they seem. For example, the extreme changes in summer-like temperatures we are experiencing in Southern California pose a greater risk of colic. (Who else has the barn veterinarian’s phone number on speed dial this week?) A training mishap can result in a pulled muscle, tendon or ligament for horse or rider. As the price of hay gets higher every season, finding a good deal on what we feed our equine partner also becomes more challenging and frustrating. After a heavy rain we must determine that the footing is good enough to turn the horse out to play or ride without risk of injuring the animal. Then there is the herculean effort it will take on our part to clean the gray gelding up after he enjoys rolling in the fresh mud that it looks like his original black coat has grown back. And so, the list goes on.

By the time we’re done riding and have completed all the barn chores at the end of the day, all we want to do is get in a hot shower or bubble bath and wash the dirt and stress away. But, wait. The horse still needs to be properly cooled out, cleaned up and “tucked in” before we can do any of the other stuff. And that is what I mean by responsibility and privilege of owning a horse.

There is a common expression around most barns: If you don’t have time to groom, you don’t have time to ride. When I was a teen-ager, all I wanted to do was get on a horse and go, go, go; grooming afterward was not something I looked forward to and, in all honesty, I probable did a barely acceptable job. At that time, I didn’t have my own horse and there was always someone at the barn who would do the “dirty work” that students like me didn’t like or want to do. But my attitude did a complete 180-degree turn when I grew up and got a horse of my own.

I like to believe that the more time I spend grooming and hanging out with him or just watching him play with the other geldings in his herd, are opportunities where we do the most bonding. This is the time where the responsibility of horse-ownership truly is a privilege. Yes, riding is great and it is a lot of fun. The reward and pride I feel for both of us when we finally get those 20-meter circles round and circles is immense. But nothing is as wonderful, to me, as feeling my horse stretching his neck closer and into the curry comb while I massage the dust and dirt out of his coat afterward.

There is nothing like the sound of his teeth crunching on a slice of apple or carrot when I reward him for working so hard for me during our lesson in the arena. There is nothing like hearing my trainer praise me and Galahad about our progress and improved skills after a lesson. There is nothing like how happy and proud I am when Galahad is able to calmly walk past barking dogs or that new donkey at a neighbor’s property during one of our trail ride. His calm demeanor at those moments are testament to his temperament as well as the time spent working to increase his self-confidence and trust in me when he feels challenged or threatened. There is nothing like the relief I feel when the veterinarian gives my horse a clean bill of health, or after Galahad’s hooves are trimmed. And, yes, there is nothing like the satisfaction I feel each month when I pay for his board and training, or even when I pay dues to renew his insurance and breed memberships.

Like the client described at the beginning of this essay, horse ownership—like car ownership—is undoubtedly an incredible privilege. Horses bring so much joy, fun and pleasure to our lives that the time, physical effort and expense seem inconsequential. Knowing that one of these big (or small), powerful prey animals will cooperate, trust and even seem to seek our companionship is a wonderful honor to anyone who has an equine partner in his or her life.

 

Special Offer:

Hypnotherapy to Release Weight

Hypnosis for weight loss series$1,250 for 10-week series. (This is a $250 savings!) The $200 fee for the first session will be included in this rate only when the package is purchased up front. Book this package before June 30, 2023, to lock in this price as my rates will be going up on July 1, 2023.

*May not be combined with any other offer. Not redeemable for cash.

 

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. Sara has been voted the Best Hypnotherapist in Santa Clarita, California, four years in a row (2019-2022). For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/

© 2023

Thursday, June 22, 2023

The Power of Imagery

I am continuing to suspend in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. However, phone, and Zoom consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE! 

 

 

(This blog was originally posted on February 21, 2017)

“Imagination is a place where all the important answers live.” – Joe Meno

 

 


Photo by Rick Hustead


 

I am continuing to suspend in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. However, phone, and Zoom consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE! 

 

 

(This blog was originally posted on February 21, 2017)

“Imagination is a place where all the important answers live.” – Joe Meno

 

 

Photo by Rick Hustead

 

I use therapeutic guided imagery in every hypnotherapy session. Let me tell you why.

·        It is an effective deepening technique. When you use imagery, you invoke every perception: visual, olfactory (smell), auditory (hearing), tactile (touch) and taste. All of the senses are more finely attuned during hypnosis. Therefore, when I suggest that you “Visualize, imagine, picture or pretend…” that you are in the middle of a specific scenario you subconsciously incorporate the experiences of these sensations/perceptions, which also strengthens the hypnotic suggestion. The more perceptual details you notice and process, the greater sensory overload you will experience and the more deeply relaxed you will become during your hypnotherapy session.

·        The subconscious mind does not know the difference between fantasy and reality, you can practice in your mind those new beliefs and behaviors you want to adopt before you try them out in the real world. Therefore, once you have imagined doing something—as far as your SCM is concerned—you have actually done it.

·        Imagery of nature scenes/being in nature is a great way to release stress and tension. Many people experience a deep sense of relaxation and state of calm when they are in nature. Virtually any natural environment—at the beach, in a mountain forest or desert, or near a body of water (moving or still)—brings a sense of calm and comfort that can be difficult to match in our daily lives. The opportunity to take a mini-vacation to one of these scenes during a guided-imagery journey can be just what you need to rejuvenate and feel re-energized to complete a task at work or resolve a problem.

·        Through imagery, you can access problem-solving skills and resources that you have used before to help you overcome a similar situation and conquer the current setback. The theory behind this practice is: If you have overcome ‘X’ before, your subconscious mind knows how to use these skills to succeed, again!

 

For more information about how therapeutic guided imagery in hypnotherapy can help you achieve your vocational and avocational self-improvement goals, please contact me at (661) 433-9430 or send an e-mail to calminsensehypnosis@yahoo.com.

 

 

Special Offer:

Hypnotherapy to Release Weight

Hypnosis for weight loss series$1,250 for 10-week series. (This is a $250 savings!) The $200 fee for the first session will be included in this rate only when the package is purchased up front. Book this package before June 30, 2023, to lock in this price as my rates will be going up on July 1, 2023.

*May not be combined with any other offer. Not redeemable for cash.

 

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. Sara has been voted the Best Hypnotherapist in Santa Clarita, California, four years in a row (2019-2022). For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/

© 2023

 

 

 

 

Wednesday, June 21, 2023

Emotional Vampires

I am continuing to suspend in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. However, phone, and Zoom consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE! 

 

(This blog was originally posted on May 7, 2014)


Photo by Rick Hustead

 


Vampires are very popular these days. They show up as main characters in popular television series and movies. They are heroes (or anti-heroes) in novels for young-adult and adult readers. The Count on Sesame Street teaches young viewers about numbers and counting. Finally, vampires represent a powerful metaphor to describe a person who literally drains someone else of positive energy and emotional fortitude. Maybe you even know or have someone like this in your life. Like the creatures represented in literature and on film, emotional vampires “prey” on just about anyone they can sink their emotional fangs into. Just like Kristen Wiig’s character of “Penelope” on Saturday Night Live, they are very needy individuals who try to one-up every other person in the room in order to feel more confident and in control of their lives. However, like the supernatural creatures they represent, emotional vampires share specific characteristics and must also observe certain behavioral protocols that make them easy to recognize and defend against.

 

How to recognize an emotional vampire:

  • Emotional vampires have a lower vibrational energy than others around them.
  • They are often in the middle of or just getting through some kind of emotional disaster. Part of their charm or attraction is that they give off a lost or needy vibe that motivates others to want to just look after them during a crisis. By then, of course, you are already “hooked” and eager to offer more support when another problem develops.
  • They often revel in their negative experiences or other people’s disappointments.
  • When you share a painful confidence with this person, he or she seems to be in competition with you to describe an even more distressing experience: “When that happened to me….” When you interact with an emotional vampire, you actually feel worse about what is going on in your life than you did before.
  • An emotional vampire’s negative energy literally “sucks” out and dampens the optimism, good mood and spiritual/psychic energy of everyone else in his or her environment.

 

How to defend against an emotional vampire:

  • Remember: Just like the vampires in horror movies, an emotional vampire must be invited or welcomed into your emotional/personal life. Whenever you feel uncomfortable in someone’s presence, pay attention/listen to that emergency alert from the primitive part of your subconscious mind, warning you to stay away from someone who could be emotionally (or even physically) dangerous to you.
  • Be a true friend to one or several people and surround yourself with individuals who are true friends to you. These are people who like, trust and respect you. They are individuals with whom you share various mutual and separate interests. They may challenge you, but their support does not waver. They celebrate your successes with you, but they do not insult or ridicule you and they do not try to make you bad or worse about a misfortune. They look out for your best interests, and you do the same for them. They also “close ranks” around you and try to shield you from the negative energy of others who try to bring you down.
  • Participate in activities that you enjoy doing and make you feel relaxed, happy, positive and self-confident. The more positive energy you give off, the more positive energy you will attract!
  • Use your positive energy (attitude) to neutralize negativity in your environment. See my blog titled “Energy Exchange” for more information about how to raise the energy level in your environment.
  • Finally, try this cool imagery exercise (one of my favorites!) to create a protective energy shield around you. Visualize, imagine, picture or pretend that you are surrounding yourself with silken strands of pure, positive energy. This energy is manifested as the most delicate strands of gold and silver light, more delicate than the silk of a spider’s web but millions of times stronger. (Remember: silk from a spider’s web is already proportionally stronger than steel. In other words, very strong!) Gradually wind these gold and silver strands around yourself, starting with your feet, and work your way up your body. These strands appear invisible to you and everyone around you, but only until the emotional vampire tries to get to close to you. Unlike a traditional spider’s web, this silk repels rather than ensnares the threat. These strands of beautiful, pure energy encase you like a knight’s armor. They are strong as iron but slippery as soap or ice. Since there is nothing for an energy vampire to hold or sink his or her fangs into, this person has no choice but to is go away and find another “victim.”

 

 

Special Offer:


Hypnotherapy to Release Weight

Hypnosis for weight loss series$1,250 for 10-week series. (This is a $250 savings!) The $200 fee for the first session will be included in this rate only when the package is purchased up front. Book this package before June 30, 2023, to lock in this price as my rates will be going up on July 1, 2023.

*May not be combined with any other offer. Not redeemable for cash.

 

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. Sara has been voted the Best Hypnotherapist in Santa Clarita, California, four years in a row (2019-2022). For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/

© 2023

  

Tuesday, June 20, 2023

Creating the Hypnotic Script

I am continuing to suspend in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. However, phone, and Zoom consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE! 

 

(This blog was originally posted on March 26, 2014)

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Photo by Rick Hustead

 

Each hypnotic script that I create for my clients is unique. It has to be, since each person is idiosyncratic and individual, even similar issues such as the desire to stop smoking, lose weight or increase self-confidence to speak in public will be as unique as the person who is wants to replace or discard an unwanted behavior. Furthermore, the origins of that unwanted behavior or habit will vary as much as each person’s reasons and motivations to change it and the degree of their suggestibility (how they learn). While I have and know many basic hypnotherapeutic “ingredients” to help my clients achieve their specific vocational and avocational self-improvement goal, it is up to me to create the specific “recipe” that will achieve this objective.

I create and tailor hypnotic scripts in a three-part process:

1.     First, I actively listen to what the person is telling me/explaining about his or her situation and goals to change a behavior. I will ask questions and even re-state or reframe what the person has said to make sure I understand what is going on.

2.   Meanwhile, I will be processing/integrating this information into a basic hypnotic script that I already know is or will be useful to address this issue. Literally hundreds of generic hypnotic scripts exist to address various topics, but each one is not necessarily appropriate for or applicable to every situation.

3. Next, I construct the actual script using the client’s own words (descriptions) about why, how, when, etc., he or she wants to change the unwanted behavior based on his or her suggestibility. If the person is a physical suggestible, I know that the person’s subconscious will understand and process direct and literal suggestions such as, “Your eyes are closing.”) An emotional suggestible client’s subconscious will respond to indirect or metaphoric suggestions, such as “Your eyelids feel heavy.”

Once I choose a working framework for the hypnotic script I will use, I can be somewhat creative with how/when/where I include the client’s specific words or phrases in the suggestions. I may incorporate an imagery exercise or specific elements from a different (albeit related) script to support the hypnotherapy work I am doing with a particular client. For example, I like to include imagery around the color red to reinforce the idea of “stopping” the unwanted behavior (e.g., eating sweets, smoking, nail-biting, etc.) whenever the person sees this color. I can also decide—even at the last second—to not do a particular technique with a client, such as Inner Child work, if I see that the individual is abreacting (negative physical response) to some suggestions, which could indicate that his or her subconscious mind is not ready to accept or process this information.

Basically, during this process I am following jeet kune do creator and martial arts legend Bruce Lee’s advice: “Absorb what is useful. Discard what is not. Add what is uniquely your own.” I take the basic framework of a hypnotherapy process and subtly tailor the script to make it specific and relevant for the client I am working with, based on the fast decisions I must make about which material to use and how and when to use it during the session.



Special Offer:

Hypnotherapy to Release Weight

Hypnosis for weight loss series$1,250 for 10-week series. (This is a $250 savings!) The $200 fee for the first session will be included in this rate only when the package is purchased up front. Book this package before June 30, 2023, to lock in this price as my rates will be going up on July 1, 2023.

*May not be combined with any other offer. Not redeemable for cash.

 

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. Sara has been voted the Best Hypnotherapist in Santa Clarita, California, four years in a row (2019-2022). For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/

© 2023