Thoughts of the Day for 1.29.2016

Photo by Sara Fogan

Every now and then I like (and need) to take a few moments and remind myself about what is really important to me, in my life. If you follow me on my Calminsense Hypnotherapy Facebook page you may have seen some of these quotes before on this page, or will in the future. Many of these Quotes of the Day are beautiful examples and illustrations of the work I do as a certified hypnotherapist, so I will probably draw on them in future essays.

 

• “If you’re helping someone and expecting something in return, you’re doing business not kindness.” – Unknown

• “Our greatest weakness lies in giving up.” – Thomas A. Edison

• “Above all, be the heroine of your own life.” – Nora Ephron

• “Don’t wait for people to be friendly. Show them how.” – Unknown

• “If you light a lamp for someone else, it will also brighten your path.” – Buddha

• “No one can dim the light that shines from within.” – Maya Angelou

• “We are made to persist. That is how we find out who we are.” – Tobias Wolff

• “The miracle is this: The more we share, the more we have.” – Leonard Nimoy

• “Your past is just a story. And once you realize this, it has no power over you.” – Lifehack.org

• “You do not become good by trying to be good, but by finding the goodness that is already within you and allowing it to emerge.” – Eckhart Tolle

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2016

Am I Suggestible...Or Just Gullible?

Many years ago, someone told me that she would happily give someone the benefit of the doubt and to believe what another person was telling her to be true until that “fact” was called into question. Her implicit trust impressed me—especially since this statement was made around the time that The X-Files was at the height of its popularity. During the late 1990s, just about everyone I knew kept reciting the series’ famous tagline: “Trust no one.” Some mutual friends liked to tease her for this gullibility, but I respected her open-mindedness. It’s a lonely world to question, doubt and double-think everything that somebody tells you. When I started my hypnotherapy certification at the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2004, I learned that gullibility is really just a disparaging description of suggestibility. Furthermore, we are all probably susceptible to being led down that too-good-to-be-true rosy path to some extent, at some point during our lives.

John Kappas, Ph.D., a psychologist and founder of the Hypnosis Motivation Institute, described suggestibility in terms of how a person learns. It develops between when we are born through the first eight or so years of life, through interactions with the primary caretaker (usually, mother). If Mom’s communications were typically direct and literal—i.e., “I say what I mean and I mean what I say”—you’re more likely to take other people at their word because that is how you were taught/learned to communicate. This is type of communication and understanding is a hallmark of Physical Suggestibility. Conversely, someone whose caregiver who did not always follow through or support her words with congruent actions is more likely to always wonder if there is a hidden meaning behind what was said. For example: Mom tells you to finish your homework before you’re allowed to play with your friends but eventually she gives in to your begging and whining and allows you to play first (for just a little while). In this case, you also rely on the speaker’s tone of voice and context of the communication/action to infer the meaning behind her words: She “said” I can’t go play but she just pointed to the door and indicated I should leave the house. The comparative ambiguity of this communication creates Emotional Suggestibility.

Now, as very young children, most of us are taught at a very young age to listen to and respect adults and to always tell the truth (not lie). This is all well and good until the first time an older relative comes to visit at the holidays and teases or pranks you. Deep down, you know that Mom has only run out to the market to pick up some ingredients for the meal; but your grandparent or an older cousin tells you (smiling) that mom has actually gone away on a trip without you. You have been taught to trust and believe grown-ups—and you basically do—until Mom saunters back into the house with an armful of groceries and you realize that you have been “had.” Where does that trusting instinct go from here?

Our suggestibility will continue to be challenged throughout our lifetime. Often, this happens willingly (with our permission), such as when we suspend our disbelief about a plot-twist while watching a movie or reading a book, or even when we go shopping for groceries or clothes. Yes, I really do want to buy that chocolate cake/those Jimmy Choo stilettos; I just “need” someone to persuade me to give into that whim. When we are engrossed in a thrilling story or interacting with a highly motivated salesperson, it is even more difficult to be skeptical and overcome the power of the hypnotic modalities that increase our suggestibility in the first place.

Someone who is ready and willing to believe anything and everything probably possess a somnambulist suggestibility and go through most days in hypnosis. (The friend I described at the beginning of this essay probably fit this description.) As I explained in a previous blog, it is not uncommon for me to have to de-hypnotize a client before we can work on the issue the person wanted to address. This technique is also effective for increasing our critical thinking, logic and reasoning faculties in the conscious mind that enable us to resist and/or avoid the temptations to which our suggestibility can make us vulnerable.

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/. 

© 2016

Why We Do Those Things We Do

Earlier today, the news broadcast a story about a firestorm surrounding Spanish matador, Francisco Rivera Ordóñez, who was photographed holding his infant daughter while fighting a bull. He defended his demonstration explaining how it was a family tradition for a matador to hold his child while fighting a bull. He even showed a picture of his father, also a matador, holding him in a very similar position when Ordóñez was a very young boy. Apparently, that tradition extended back several generations and he had no intention of doing anything differently. He had been previously photographed holding his older daughter this exact same way.

Is this (and other) behaviors passed down between generations an example of a cultural family tradition or, more simply, sharing subconscious “knowns”?

Consider the following examples. It is a popular romantic (albeit dated) tradition for a man to get down on bended knee to propose marriage to his sweetheart. While less common in the 21^st Century, there was a time when this was considered the only legitimate and acceptable way to ask someone to marry you. Or, when looking at family photographs you notice that you are holding your brand-new baby the exact same way your parents held you and grandparents held your mother or father. In some families, members of subsequent generations enter the same vocation that a parent, grandparent and great-grandparent chose, such as fire-fighting, joining the police force or armed services, becoming a physician, etc. At some point this career choice seems to be less of an option and more of a predetermined destiny. And even that observation is too simplistic.

As I explained in a previous blog titled Traditions: It’s All in the Family, the subconscious part of the mind likes and wants to do what is familiar (known), because this sense of familiarity represents “safety” and comfort. Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder John Kappas, Ph.D. proposed that human behavior is based on the subconscious mental scripts that we create during early childhood, at which time the subconscious mind is accumulating and storing various message units that will ultimately comprise the subconscious life script. Each message is ultimately categorized as a positive (pleasure) or negative (pain) experience, and anything that the subconscious mind does not recognize falls under the category of “pain.” Even if the conscious mind questions the behavior, its logic/reasoning/will-power/decision-making faculties will be no match for the unspoken acceptance of that action, in the subconscious mind.

Furthermore, the subconscious mind typically resists doing anything new or different (e.g., not hold a child during a bull-fight) even when the logic, reason, will-power/free-will and reasoning faculties of the conscious mind says that it’s okay (safe) to do so. These behaviors are the basis of Dr. Kappas’s Theory of Mind. The more times these behaviors are (and have been) repeated, the “safer” and more comfortable they feel. Consequently, people tend to repeat certain behaviors and/or continue to hold particular beliefs that they already know or recognize, simply because these actions are familiar, comfortable, convenient and even expected of them to perpetuate.

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2016

How is a Fear of Needles Related to a Fear of Death?

According to John Kappas, Ph.D., a fear of loss of control is related to a fear of death. This fear usually starts very early in life and is often associated with a phobia, such as a fear of needles, the Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder explained. The subconscious mind connects the association: “Needles could cause death [via] penetration of the skin,” he said.

When you’re trying to determine if a phobic reaction is associated with this fear, ascertain whether the client has ever awoken in the middle of the night and was unable to move or speak, the hypnotherapist advised. To treat the phobia of needles, the hypnotherapist must provide suggestions for total physical relaxation in addition to systematically desensitizing the client to stimuli and ideas that are associated with death and dying.

Also, be sure to explain the physiological process that occurs when the person wakes up and is initially unable to speak or move, Dr. Kappas said. “This physical reaction is related to suggestibility [about] a fear of death and dying.”

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2016