Getting Caught Up In the Action

Photo by Rick Hustead

According to John G. Kappas, Ph.D., founder of the Hypnosis Motivation Institute, “hypnosis is created by an overload of message units, disorganizing our inhibitory process, triggering our fight-flight mechanism and ultimately resulting in a hyper-suggestible state, providing access to the subconscious mind.” In other words, when the mind is overloaded by multiple, multi-faceted physical and emotional stimuli, we actually “escape” into hypnosis to avoid the anxiety produced by this over-stimulation. In today’s blog I will share some common examples of emotional responses/reactions people make when they are in hypnosis.

• Have you ever been in love? During the peak of infatuation, it is common to adopt the preferences (e.g., musical, film, books, etc.), behaviors or even habits you have observed in your beloved. This tendency is actually a product of suggestibility, whereby we become “suggestible” to a romantic partner’s beliefs/attitudes/behaviors during the relationship.

• Did you cry when Leonardo DiCaprio’s character, Jack Dawson, died at the end of Titanic? Deep down, you knew that the actor was alive and well somewhere. However, the message units that flooded your mind during this scene—sounds and images of this character perishing in the icy North Atlantic Ocean—overwhelmed your conscious mind so you slipped into a light trance. DiCaprio’s on-screen charm and acting prowess sealed the deal in terms of your “buying into” the story that Jack Dawson died. Did you do on-line research after the movie let out to see if he was a real person and died on the R.M.S. Titanic? If so, the cast and Titanic writer/director James Cameron accomplished their goal of creating for the audience a realistic experience of sailing on and witnessing the demise of this historic ship.

• Do you cry and curse Game of Thrones author George R.R. Martin every time he “kills off” one of your favorite characters but cheer when a true villain meets a particularly gruesome/unusual demise? Your conscious mind knows that the individuals who populate Martin’s exciting, horrifying, creative, fantastical kingdoms do not really exist. Nonetheless, when you have a visceral (physiological/emotional) response to the words you read on the pages of these books, you can be sure you were sucked into this alternate reality. Yes, you were hypnotized.

• Consider the last time you went to the grocery store. Did you buy any item(s) that were not on your original shopping list? Did you take one or any of the free food samples you were offered? If so, there is a good chance that you were in a light state of trance during your shopping trip: i.e. Hypnotized by the Grocery Store.

So, next time you find yourself completely engrossed in what is going on when you are watching a movie or television program or reading novel, or after you leave the grocery store laden with various item(s) you never intended to purchase, look in the mirror. If your eyes look glassy/glazed over, that is a sure sign you were in a state of trance. I also invite you to check out my blog titled, Are You Sure I Was Hypnotized? to learn about other physiological responses that your body makes when you are in hypnosis.

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

Applying the Model of Emotional and Physical Sexuality When the Client Is Having an Affair, Part 2

Photo by Rick Hustead

In my blog titled Applying the Model of Emotional and Physical Sexuality When the Client Is Having an Affair, Part 1, I explained the hypnotherapist’s role in keeping the client’s confidence about this disclosure. In this essay, I describe the process of helping the person salvage or even end the marriage/original partnership, depending on the client’s relationship goals.

Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder John Kappas, Ph.D. suggested it may be useful for the hypnotherapist to meet with the client’s spouse (without disclosing information about the affair) to gauge how to construct an appropriate therapy for the client. From there, the hypnotherapist can work with the client to identify which issues need to be addressed and devise a plan or program for working out the relationship conflicts. If both partners want to salvage the relationship and the other person also wants to receive hypnotherapy to address these issues, a different hypnotherapist should with him or her to prevent conflict of interest. (It may also be advisable to consult with a licensed Marriage and Family therapist in this situation.)

If the Physical Sexual partner won’t “let go” of the relationship, the hypnotherapist can use the Emotional and Physical Sexuality model to wean the person away from the rejecting spouse or lover. The hypnotherapist can work with the person to increase self-esteem, self-confidence and independence without completely dashing his or her hopes that reconciliation is still possible. “Don’t get demanding; don’t get ‘physical’ on him. Subtly reject him, don’t get approach him,” Dr. Kappas said.

If and when both partners agree that the relationship can’t be salvaged, the hypnotherapist may be called upon to help them come to terms with the fact that the marriage is over and it is time to part ways. At this time, when the client is in hypnosis it may be appropriate to take the person through the five stages of loss or even a process of “de-loving” to help the individual come to terms with the fact that the relationship has ended.

Consistent with the standards of ethical and legal practice at HMI, I do not provide couples’ therapy for my clients because I am not a licensed psychologist. Therefore, during a joint evaluation session such as what I described above, I would help both partners define which issues they want to address in therapy and establish guidelines about how they may interact with each other. To prevent conflict of interest, I would continue to work with my original client to achieve those relationship goals and refer the partner/spouse to a different hypnotherapist to independently work toward his or her relationship goals. Both partners’ therapies should feature a Systems Approach and take the other person into account when modifying/changing his or her behavior.

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2016

Applying the Model of Emotional and Physical Sexuality When the Client Is Having an Affair, Part 1

Photo by Rick Hustead

Rapport between the hypnotherapist and the client is a key component of therapeutic success. One way to build rapport between them is for the client to know that the information disclosed to the hypnotherapist is that this information is confidential. (An exception to this protocol is if the client expresses an intention to harm him- or herself or another person. In that context, the hypnotherapist is obligated to inform authorities and/or warn the intended victim of this danger.) But if a client discloses that he or she had or is having an affair the hypnotherapist must honor the person’s trust and not disclose this information to the spouse/significant other.

Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder John Kappas, Ph.D. advised the client to not tell the spouse/partner about the infidelity if the person wanted to preserve the marriage if this disclosure was likely to destroy that relationship. During the cognitive portion of the hypnotherapy session the hypnotherapist must help the client understand the nature of Emotional and Physical Sexuality and how the person’s having an affair fits into this model. For example, an Emotional Sexual personality may have an affair because he or she has become bored or frustrated in the marriage.

It is important that the client “buys” the symptoms or behaviors of these personalities in order to understand why he or she was unfaithful. Dr. Kappas explained: “An Emotional [Sexual] male doesn’t feel guilty about cheating, just that the other person will feel hurt. The Emotional male has probably already replaced [his wife], but he’s not too concerned about the mistress because he usually doesn’t end up with her. But once he thinks about the futility of the behavior in therapy, he usually returns to the relationship.” Conversely, an Emotional Sexual male wouldn’t believe that his wife would be unfaithful, and it is difficult for a Physical Sexual male to tell the Emotional Sexual female that he has had an affair. 

The hypnotherapist should also explain to the client how each sexual personality response to frustration in a relationship and the perception/fear of being abandoned. A Physical Sexual will also leave a relationship if he or she is bored or the Emotional Sexual partner “set it up” that way by rejecting the partner until he or she leaves the marriage, etc. However, a Physical Sexual may become even more locked into the failing relationship if he or she feels rejected, the HMI founder warned. “Never tell a Physical Sexual to leave a relationship; it won’t work,” he said.

In tomorrow’s blog I will describe how hypnotherapy can be used to help the client salvage or end the marriage/original partnership depending on the person’s relationship goals.

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2016

Thoughts of the Day

Photo by Sara Fogan

      Every now and then I like (and need) to take a few moments and remind myself about what is really important to me, in my life. If you follow me on my Calminsense Hypnotherapy Facebook page you may have seen some of these quotes before on this page, or will in the future. Many of these Quotes of the Day are beautiful examples and illustrations of the work I do as a hypnotherapist, so I will probably draw on them in future essays.

• “The obscure we see eventually. The completely obvious, it seems, takes longer.” – Edward R. Murrow

• “Focus on where you want to go, not on what you fear.” - Anthony Robbins

• “What you resist, persists.” – Carl Jung

• “Your ability to endure difficult things today is in direct proportion to the clarity of your vision of the future.” – Bruce van Horn

• “You must expect great things of yourself before you can do them.” – Michael Jordan

• “Words mean more than what is set down on paper. It takes the human voice to infuse them with shades of deeper meaning.” – MayaAngelou

• “There are no chains like hate...dwelling on your brother's faults multiplies your own. You are far from the end of your journey.” – Buddha

• “We have more opportunities available in each moment than we realize.” – Thich Nhat Hanh

• “Sometimes life takes an unexpected wrong turn in the right direction.” – Anonymous

• “Some spaces look negative on the surface but you’ll soon realize that space is being created in your life for something new to emerge.” – Eckhart  Tolle

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2016