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| Photo by Rick Hustead |
In my blog titled Applying the Model of Emotional and Physical Sexuality When the Client
Is Having an Affair, Part 1, I
explained the hypnotherapist’s role in keeping the client’s confidence about
this disclosure. In this essay, I describe the process of helping the person salvage
or even end the marriage/original partnership, depending on the client’s
relationship goals.
Hypnosis
Motivation Institute founder John
Kappas, Ph.D. suggested it may be useful for the hypnotherapist to meet
with the client’s spouse (without disclosing information about the affair)
to gauge how to construct an appropriate therapy for the client. From there,
the hypnotherapist can work with the client to identify which issues need to be
addressed and devise a plan or program for working out the relationship
conflicts. If both partners want to salvage the relationship and the other
person also wants to receive hypnotherapy to address these issues, a different
hypnotherapist should with him or her to prevent conflict of interest. (It may
also be advisable to consult with a licensed Marriage and Family therapist in
this situation.)
If the Physical
Sexual partner won’t “let go” of the relationship, the hypnotherapist can
use the Emotional and Physical Sexuality model to wean the person away from the
rejecting spouse or
lover. The hypnotherapist can work with the person to increase self-esteem,
self-confidence and independence without completely dashing his or her hopes
that reconciliation is still possible. “Don’t get demanding; don’t get
‘physical’ on him. Subtly reject him, don’t get approach him,” Dr. Kappas said.
If and when both partners agree that the
relationship can’t be salvaged, the hypnotherapist may be called upon to help
them come to terms with the fact that the marriage is over and it is time to
part ways. At this time, when the client is in hypnosis it may be appropriate
to take the person through the five stages
of loss or even a process of “de-loving” to help the individual come to
terms with the fact that the relationship has ended.
Consistent with the standards of ethical and legal
practice at HMI, I do not provide couples’ therapy for my
clients because I am not a licensed psychologist. Therefore, during a joint
evaluation session such as what I described above, I would help both partners
define which issues they want to address in therapy and establish guidelines
about how they may interact with each other. To prevent conflict of interest, I
would continue to work with my original client to achieve those relationship
goals and refer the partner/spouse to a different hypnotherapist to
independently work toward his or her relationship goals. Both partners’
therapies should feature a Systems Approach and
take the other person into account when modifying/changing his or her behavior.
Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in
Southern California. She graduated with honors from the
Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about
Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.
© 2016
