Possible Factors Behind Road Rage

All hypnotherapy sessions are conducted via phone or Zoom. 

 

(This blog was originally posted on April 6, 2016)

Photo by Rick Hustead

 

A few years ago, listeners of KFI AM 640 Radio called into the station to describe their experiences with road rage. One person described how someone tail-gated his vehicle for several miles before getting into a physical altercation. Another person reported witnessing a situation where an older woman “stole” a parking place close to the shopping mall that another, younger driver had been coveting; when the first driver blew her a kiss, the younger woman apparently shouted, “I will find you!” In another instance, someone described her fear when she and  another driver had pulled over to the shoulder of the road and the other individual came at her with a jack. She said she was certain he would beat her up with it when the man suddenly turned around, got back into his vehicle and drove away.

As I listened to these anecdotes, I noticed some very interesting physiological changes going on in me. The first was astonishment, anxiety and even fear for the people involved. I couldn’t imagine what I would do if someone came at me with a crow-bar because I cut in front of that person in rush-hour traffic. I see drivers do that all the time, usually without consequence or a sharp bleep of a car horn. I felt horrible for the woman who received the veil threat that the other, wronged driver was coming after her because she took the other person’s parking spot. Yes, it was inconsiderate (to put it politely) and even mean for her to slip into a spot that someone else had been waiting for. But did this action deserve the implied threat, “I’m coming for you!”

My next response was anger. I wondered how any of those situations justified violence or even threatened violence. Sure, that annoying driver might have ignored the rules of the road or went out of the way to cause aggravation for other people “just because.” But what if one of the drivers made a mistake and realized, almost too late, that he needed to get into another lane to exit the freeway? Perhaps another person, unfamiliar with the city or roads, was lost and even having a panic attack, which explained his excruciatingly slow speed. What if the older driver who “stole” the parking place that another person was clearly waiting for had a physical disability? Apparently, she blew a kiss to the first woman as she pulled in, which allegedly sparked the other woman’s rage. What if the older woman blew that kiss not to goad the other person but was a gesture of her gratitude?

Now picture yourself in this scenario: You are driving in heavy, rush-hour traffic when a car cuts across the freeway and merges into your lane, right in front of you. Instinctively, you slam on your brakes to prevent crashing into the other vehicle, only to have the car behind you lay into her horn. You really haven’t done anything wrong in this situation; the person in front of you was driving dangerously and you were trying to prevent a crash. Anyone else would have done the same thing. Nonetheless, your nerves are in tatters from the near-miss and the loud horn is the last straw.  You flinch, startled by the loud noise and you feel your face flush with fury. Perhaps you mutter a few curse words and go on your way, annoyed but also relieved when the other driver speeds past with another loud beep of the horn. You wonder what just happened and hope you stop shaking soon.

·        Fear: The screeching of your brakes and the sound of the loud horn blaring from the car behind you created an immediate fear reaction. As Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder John Kappas, Ph.D., explained in his model of the Theory of Mind, at birth we “know” only two things: reaction to the fear of falling and reaction to a fear of loud noises. These fear responses are lodged in the Primitive Area of the mind, always accessible and easily triggered to protect us from impending danger. The sounds of the screeching brakes and beeping horn, plus the sensation of lurching forward (“falling”) as you slammed on your brakes, triggered your fear response. Big time. When the first driver executed an unsafe lane change in front of your car, your first emotional response was probably terror that you were about to be in the worst car crash ever. The loud squeal of your brakes and perhaps the blast of your or another driver’s horn reinforces that fear response. When you slammed on the brakes, you were immediately grateful that the car behind you didn’t drive right into the rear bumper of your car, either. In fear, we perceive that we are literally at the mercy of the circumstance to not be harmed. We believe that have little or no control over the outcome, which is when the fight/flight response kicks in. Some people are very tolerant and possess a live-and-let-live attitude about everything. For them, the initial fear they experienced after nearly being involved in an accident on a busy freeway is appreciated for what it was: a “near miss.” Life and the rest of the drive goes on, perhaps with prayers of thanks or just a sigh of relief, but (hopefully) no more drama on the road.

·       Anger: However, fear and anger often go hand-in-hand. Conversely, when we feel angry we generally perceive that we have a greater perception of control over our circumstances. Furthermore, we even have the perception of the luxury of control over whether the behavior deserves to be punished and how much punishment to dole out. Once you know the danger had passed, the anger started to build up and you thought/yelled: Don’t you (other driver) know how scared I was just now because your careless/erratic driving almost caused me to crash my car? And to the car behind you, Why are you honking at me, you so-and-so, I was scared and trying not to crash into that such-and-such! It’s not my fault!  Don’t get mad at me! What did you want to do to the person who cut into traffic in front of you? What did the driver behind you do in this situation?

·   Suggestibility: The next variable to consider in this reaction is Suggestibility. When the first car merged in front of yours, did you immediately place blame on his or her careless driving? Did you wonder if this action was to punish you for something you may or may not have done (or be aware of doing) in traffic a few miles ago? In your state of heightened alertness and fear, did you consider the possibility that the driver behind you was actually trying to reprimand the first driver for unsafe driving, in the first place?

·        Hunger and Nutrition: In my blog titled This Afternoon on the Radio, I described how low blood-sugar levels can affect suggestibility and behavior including memory problems, inability to focus, irritability and increased anxiety or even paranoia. This physiologically compromised state can exacerbate irrational and even potentially violent behavior in you and/or the other drivers that are involved in this situation. Hunger, compounded with the stress of driving in heavy, rush-hour traffic can bring out the worst in anyone.  Another example of this kind of aggressive response recently and notably happened in a California-based McDonald’s in 2018. The state had just enacted a ban on distributing plastic straws, whereby restaurant customers had to specifically ask an employee for a straw if they wanted one instead of the straws being easily accessible. On this occasion, a man allegedly became aggressive with an employee when she told him about the new policy while taking his order. The guest reportedly became so incensed about this policy that he even reached over the counter to grab her, and then started punching her. A supervisor was called over to try to ameliorate the situation; meanwhile several of her colleagues and some customers rushed to help the clerk get out of the man’s grip (she also fought back) and separate the parties. Later, when various news outlets asked passersby what they believed might have triggered this violence over availability of a plastic straw, several astutely replied: “I think [the customer] was hangry.” You have probably also heard or even heard this term yourself in reference to the angry/aggressive influences many people experience when they become hungry. For more information about this relationship, check out my blog titled How This Snickers Bar Got It (Sort of) Right.

When fear for your life is compounded with the desire to punish someone who caused that fear by acting carelessly or recklessly, the situation can quickly become deadly for all parties involved. Unfortunately, these kinds of situations happen all too often on the road these days. If you are involved in a dangerous encounter on the road the best, safest and advised thing to do is call law-enforcement right away. Do not get into the altercation in the first place. Call police or drive to the nearest police or highway patrol station to report what is going on. No matter what yours or the other driver’s offense happened to be, it is not worth killing or getting seriously injured or dying for. There is always another place to park your car or a different lane to merge into. A smashed car can be replaced. A life cannot.

 

 

Special Offer:

Hypnotherapy to Release Weight

Hypnosis for weight loss series: $2,000 for the 10-week series. Each session lasts approximately one hour and includes a free, digital recording of the hypnosis portion of the session. If you pay for the 10-week series up front it is $1,600 to save $400!

 

*May not be combined with any other offer. Not redeemable for cash.

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. Sara has been voted the Best Hypnotherapist in Santa Clarita, California, four years in a row (2019-2022). For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/

© 2023

 

Schadenfreude and the Law of Attraction

All hypnotherapy sessions are conducted via phone or Zoom. 

 

(This blog was originally posted on March 14, 2016)

 

Photo by Rick Hustead

 

There is a scene in International Velvet when a horse on a rival Olympic team knocks down a pole and incurs a points-error. When the protagonist’s aunt Velvet sees the error on television, she shouts, “Good!” The opponent’s error has made a little more room for her niece, Sarah, to secure a team gold medal if she can get around the course without making any mistakes. (Of course, she does.) But that doesn’t happen before Velvet’s partner, John, raises an eyebrow and comments, “That’s not very sporting of you!”

Schadenfreude.

I came across this word in the context of the plot in A Trick of the Light, a novel by Louise Penny, which I finished reading a few weeks ago. Basically, it means “deriving pleasure from someone else’s misfortune.” In the book, one of the characters is finally enjoying the critical recognition of her talent at a private show for her paintings, followed by a celebratory barbecue at her home. However, her husband and some friends discover the body of a former friend/enemy their garden the following day. The artist wants to celebrate the success of her show and budding career, but she feels guilty about wanting her art to be lauded even after the crime that happened in front of her home. Perhaps more disturbing to her is the eventual realization that her husband, a successful artist, has actually been jealous of her talent for many years and secretly hoped that the murder might derail her success a little bit.

In addition to the scenarios described above, Urban Dictionary lists several common examples of this experience: hearing someone shout “Hold the door!” while running for an elevator, only to reach the lift just as the door shuts. Or a straight-A student missing one question on a five-question quiz to bring the test score down to a B (80 percent). How about when the quarterback on the opposing team gets sacked after preventing your team from scoring a touch-down? Another example might be watching the value of a company’s stock shares plummet right after you have been fired. And so on.

It is not uncommon or even unnatural to feel happy about or want to get a small bit of compensation for our own misfortune. But, how “good” does it really feel? Does it make you feel happy? Relieved? Or do you scramble for all of the reasons why the other person deserved this misfortune or inconvenience so you can justify feeling good about it? Human emotions can be very tricky things. They can be accompanied by physiological sensations such as palpitations, change in breathing, trembling, etc. Sometimes censorial thoughts from the conscious mind (and conscience) intrude on these celebrations, too: Why do I feel good about someone else feeling bad?

Try this simple technique to get a different perspective about what is going on inside and around you: Draw a deep, calming breath and hold this air in your lungs for four seconds. Do not think about the situation, your emotions or why you think/imagine you felt the way you do or did when the situation first occurred. Instead, focus your attention on your breath and someone or something that brings you a lot of love and joy. Perhaps it is your spouse, or your kids, a pet, your job, a hobby, etc. Then, as you exhale, release the breath on the word love. Repeat this exercise several times to reinforce this positive direction of your attention.

In his book, Success Is Not an Accident: The Mental Bank Concept, Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder John Kappas, Ph.D., explains how the subconcious mental scripts we program into our subconscious mind determine the outcome of our actions. Whether we imagine a positive or negative result, the SCM follows that subconscious mental script to actualize the goal you “want.” When we focus on enjoying the negative outcome another person is experiencing, we may also be reinforcing a subconscious desire for a similar negative event to happen to us. Conversely, when we send out positive, encouraging energy to celebrate another person’s success, we are also telling the subconscious mind, I want success, too! Whether that success includes getting into an elevator before the door closes or celebrating your partner’s triumphant art show, wishing another person well is more likely to attract good things to you than the temporary pleasure of schadenfreude ever could.

For more information about the Law of Attraction, I invite you to read my blog titled Intuition and the Law of Attraction and check out the book resources on this topic in Suggested Reading.

 

 

Special Offer:

Hypnotherapy to Release Weight

Hypnosis for weight loss series: $2,000 for the 10-week series. Each session lasts approximately one hour and includes a free, digital recording of the hypnosis portion of the session. If you pay for the 10-week series up front it is $1,600 to save $400!

 

*May not be combined with any other offer. Not redeemable for cash.

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. Sara has been voted the Best Hypnotherapist in Santa Clarita, California, four years in a row (2019-2022). For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/

© 2023

 

Selective Listening

All hypnotherapy sessions are conducted via phone or Zoom. 

 

(This blog was originally posted on March 2, 2017)

 

Photo by Rick Hustead

 

Winning. Losing. Some people do a lot of one; others do a lot of the other. No matter what you do, the more you practice (repeat) a behavior, the more likely it is to become a habit. And as many of us know, it can be very difficult to change an unwanted behavior because, well, change is hard.

As I explained in a previous blog titled Traditions: It’s All in the Family, the subconscious part of the mind likes and wants to do what is familiar (known), because this sense of familiarity represents “safety” and comfort. Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder John Kappas, Ph.D. proposed that human behavior is based on the subconscious mental scripts that we create during early childhood. During this time the subconscious mind is accumulating and storing various message units that will ultimately comprise the subconscious life script. We will behave and even think in ways that are consistent with it even when the script does not facilitate achievement of our personal goals. Each message is ultimately categorized as a positive (pleasure) or negative (pain) experience, and anything that the subconscious mind does not recognize falls under the category of “pain.” Even if the conscious mind questions the behavior, its logic/reasoning/will-power/decision-making faculties will be no match for the unspoken acceptance of that action, in the subconscious mind.

Fortunately, it is possible to change or get rid of an unwanted habit. This change starts in the conscious mind, where logic, reasoning, decision-making and reasoning faculties hold court. This is the area of the mind where we notice that this particular behavior isn’t working and is even making life more challenging for us. Noticing and deciding that you want to make this change is the first positive step to making it happen. However, the real change happens in the subconscious mind. This is the area of the mind where the subconscious mental script was originally written and continues to be carefully, lovingly nurtured to keep us comfortable. Or so we think.

Because each of us is most suggestible to ourselves, when we feel discouraged or sad or unhappy or are even hungry, we may be more likely to not only hear but also listen to those negative messages. The more down on ourselves we become, the more we subconsciously behave in ways that reinforce the feedback we give ourselves. For example, consider the individuals who are running for President right now. Pay attention to the language they are using in their campaign: “If I become President” versus “When I become President.” Have you noticed a trend whereby the individuals who say when seem to be doing better in the polls and in recent elections? Of course there are other issues at stake and to consider, but it is striking how many more candidates who seem less confident about being electable are not doing so well or have suspended their campaigns.

For example, a John Grisham novel called Gray Mountain features a protagonist who recently been furloughed from a well-paying, high-status job as a lawyer. It is 2008, right before the recession. As a condition of her unemployment, she can keep her health-care benefits and a chance to get her job back if she does the volunteer work at one of the small law firms her P.R. department has recommended. After she receives nine rejections in one day while applying for pro bono (unpaid) work, she decides (conscious decision) that she does not want to get a tenth one, so she makes a conscious effort to change her negative attitude about her situation. Yes, the prospective firm is tiny by comparison, located in a tiny town and she will have to practice the kind of law she hasn’t done since she was in law school. She tries to be more optimistic and enthusiastic about the opportunity to practice real law for “real” clients, as time passes she discovers that she really enjoys and values the work she is doing at this tiny law firm, compared to the corporate law that she has become used to. She is finally doing the work that she (her subconscious mind and subconscious mental script) believes is truly worthwhile and meaningful for clients who really need her. The more she believes her work is valuable and valued, the harder she works to do the right thing for her clients. And the harder she works for her clients, the more they appreciate her and what she is doing for them. (Well, most of them. This is a thriller, after all.) The important thing to remember in this instance is that the protagonist’s subconscious mental script identifies with those ideals she originally held when she decided to become a lawyer. The idea and ideal of actually helping people resonates with what she must do to fulfill the conditions of her furlough.

At the end of the day, each one of us behaves in way(s) that fulfill our subconscious goals. Whenever we make a conscious decision to change a behavior, the success of that decision is largely dependent upon our subconscious mind facilitating that change. Remember: the conscious messages you pay attention to the most that reinforce which subconscious messages and which mental script most resonates with you. The more you listen to and believe the negative messages, the more you reinforce those negative beliefs. Conversely, the more attention you pay to and believe the positive messages, the more you reinforce those beliefs. Ultimately, the subconscious mental script and the extent to which your subconscious mind accepts these goals determine whether your desired behavior change can and will occur.

If you want to achieve a desired goal, pay attention to what messages you’re listening to!

 

 

Special Offer:

Hypnotherapy to Release Weight

Hypnosis for weight loss series: $2,000 for the 10-week series. Each session lasts approximately one hour and includes a free, digital recording of the hypnosis portion of the session. If you pay for the 10-week series up front it is $1,600 to save $400!

 

*May not be combined with any other offer. Not redeemable for cash.

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. Sara has been voted the Best Hypnotherapist in Santa Clarita, California, four years in a row (2019-2022). For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/

© 2023

 

 

Hypnotherapy for Health and Well-Being

All hypnotherapy sessions are conducted via phone or Zoom. 

 

 

(This blog was originally posted on January 5, 2014)

 

Photo courtesy of Fotolia Hypnotherapy incorporates the client's words to increase motivation to follow healthy behavior and improve well-being.

 

 

One of the most common requests I receive is to help someone, through hypnotherapy, to live a healthy lifestyle. Each person will have a specific issue or area that he or she would like to address and/or focus on or improve or change. Hypnotherapy is such an effective tool to facilitate these health-related behavior changes because the hypnotic scripts incorporate the client’s own words and motivations to achieve those goals. I further reinforce these suggestions by utilizing the client’s suggestibility (physical, emotional or somnambulistic suggestibility) so person's subconscious mind will comfortably and easily identify, accept and understand the hypnotic suggestions to incorporate the new, desired behaviors and accomplish the self-improvement goals.

• Lose weight or maintain weight lost; 
• Stop smoking;
• Improve quality/quantity of sleep;
• Exercise/increase physical activity;
• Reduce/manage stress;
• Make healthy food choices;
• Drink more water/increase hydration;
• Improve/increase motivation to follow the new lifestyle regimen. 

 

Special Offer:

Hypnotherapy to Release Weight

Hypnosis for weight loss series: $2,000 for the 10-week series. Each session lasts approximately one hour and includes a free, digital recording of the hypnosis portion of the session. If you pay for the 10-week series up front it is $1,600 to save $400!

 

*May not be combined with any other offer. Not redeemable for cash.

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. Sara has been voted the Best Hypnotherapist in Santa Clarita, California, four years in a row (2019-2022). For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/

© 2023

 

Using Logic to Deal with Superstitions

All hypnotherapy sessions are conducted via phone or Zoom. 

 

 

 (This blog was originally posted on March 24, 2015)

Photo courtesy of Microsoft

 

 

Many years ago, a friend warned me not to turn on a computer on Friday the thirteenth—any Friday the Thirteenth—because a computer virus was supposedly automatically triggered to infect every machine on that date. Was it true? I had no idea, but I believed that the source was reliable, so I didn’t really question the veracity of that claim. Furthermore, I was also fairly computer illiterate at the time, so I reasoned that the safest bet was to stay off a computer on that date—which I did, for many years—just in case.

That subconscious mental script was pretty much locked in and faithfully followed until last month. For whatever reason, perhaps because I simply had too much work to do online to stay off the computer that day—I decided to test and rewrite that script. I ignored the whining, “Oh, but you can’t! You shouldn’t!” protests of my subconscious mind and turned to the logical, reasoning, and decision-making part of my conscious mind to evaluate what kept me stuck in this behavior.

The first and obvious reason I followed this suspicion was, you guessed it, my suggestibility to friends and perceived influential people (Friendly influences, December 3, 2014). According to Hypnosis Motivation Founder John Kappas, Ph.D., we get our early suggestibility from how the primary caretaker (usually the mother) takes care of and interacts with us during early childhood (birth up to age 5). When we are around eight years old, the secondary caretaker (usually dad) has more influence over our suggestibility, while peers, teachers and others impact suggestibility between the ages six to nine years old. By the time we are adults, our suggestibility is pretty much established, but our subconscious mind remains receptive to other people’s suggestions if they resonate with our established known behaviors or interests. Since a friend originally told me about that computer virus, and I trusted this person and believed his knowledge about computers and technology to be superior to mine at that time, I believed the warning was legitimate. While it was fine to be cautious, the error in judgment was not investigating whether the threat was legitimate.

The second thing I noticed was, I had been using this date as a defense mechanism—specifically, undoing (Defense Mechanisms: Undoing and Superstitions, March 23, 2015)—to avoid doing necessary work on a specific date. Since the middle of the month is typically a very busy time of the month, the thirteenth of the month is when a lot of companies are really gearing up to get things done. With news of so many technological advances being made in computers, it was reasonable to worry that someone has also designed a super-bug to disable computers whenever its inventor decides the time is right to launch it into cyberspace. Since I enjoy a three-day weekend as much as the next person—who hasn’t heard about “bad things” that happen on this day?—I was willing to indulge in my superstition so I could kick back a little bit.

Make no mistake, I took every precaution to stay “computer safe” when I decided to test that superstition for myself. I had recently installed a very high-end anti-virus program. One of my good friends is a computer guru, and I am on a first-name basis with the computer technicians at Staples. No one I know has ever been “contaminated” with the Friday the Thirteenth virus (or whatever it’s really called). The time had come to make a stand. I logged on. And nothing happened.

Nothing bad happened, I mean to say. Something very good happened, too. I rewrote a negative, subconscious mental script that no longer worked for me so I could get back to work.

I do love it when a subconscious script has a happy ending—even if it’s a rewritten happy ending.

 

 

Special Offer:

Hypnotherapy to Release Weight

Hypnosis for weight loss series: $2,000 for the 10-week series. Each session lasts approximately one hour and includes a free, digital recording of the hypnosis portion of the session. If you pay for the 10-week series up front it is $1,600 to save $400!

 

*May not be combined with any other offer. Not redeemable for cash.

 

 

Defense Mechanisms: The Reaction Formation

All hypnotherapy sessions are conducted via phone or Zoom. 

 

(This Blog was originally posted on February 17, 2015)

 

Photo by Rick Hustead

 

 

    Have you ever felt (secretly) very hostile or resentful of a sibling or colleague, but behaved in a considerate, solicitous and even friendly way toward that individual? Or, have you ever put on a brave face and nonchalantly agreed to ski down a more advanced run even though you felt (privately) terrified to advance past the bunny slope? If so, you have experienced a defense mechanism known as the reaction formation.

   This response is characterized by transforming negative emotions or behaviors—or, more accurately, emotions or behaviors that are perceived to be negative or inappropriate—into a more desirable and functional form. Like all other defense mechanisms, the reaction formation is characterized by four common traits: 1) it is unconscious; 2) it is self-deceptive; 3) it contains elements of denial; 4) it distorts reality through thoughts and action. Their primarily role is to protect the subconscious mind from what it perceives as a threat or “pain.” In this case, the pain would be caused by our peers negatively judging our attitudes or behavior that contradicts acceptable beliefs or behaviors: “How can/why do you resent someone you barely know just because he or she possesses a specific skill or talent?” Rather than risk other people’s criticism of your feelings—the origins of which are unclear even to you—you overcompensate and cultivate those more socially acceptable behaviors to be accepted in your social group.

   According to Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder John Kappas, Ph.D’s Theory of Mind, we are all subconsciously motivated to maintain and/or restore a known physical and emotional status of comfort and security. In this case, social acceptance represents pleasure, whereas criticism and potential rejection from our peers are pain. Since the SCM is motivated and even programmed to seek the pleasure stimuli, we may adopt these defense mechanisms to literally “defend” against potential social rejection (pain). For example, a veterinary student who so transforms his personal dislike of dogs to specialize in caring for canines has a greater chance of running a successful veterinary practice, where dogs are often patients.

  Even though almost everyone uses one to ameliorate an undesirable reaction to an unpleasant circumstance at some point, these defense mechanisms provide only a temporary perception of control over the environment. Eventually, we must deal with and resolve the primary issue that triggered the defense mechanism to achieve personal growth.

 

 

Special Offer:

Hypnotherapy to Release Weight

Hypnosis for weight loss series: $2,000 for the 10-week series. Each session lasts approximately one hour and includes a free, digital recording of the hypnosis portion of the session. If you pay for the 10-week series up front it is $1,600 to save $400!

 

*May not be combined with any other offer. Not redeemable for cash.

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. Sara has been voted the Best Hypnotherapist in Santa Clarita, California, four years in a row (2019-2022). For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/

© 2023

 

Defense Mechanisms: Turning Against Self

I am continuing to suspend in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. However, phone, and Zoom consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE! 

 

(This blog was originally posted on January 14, 2015)

Photo by Rick Hustead

 

Sometimes, emotional pain or intense disappointment because something didn’t go our way can lead to self-criticism and self-recrimination (self-blame). Rather than direct our negative emotion toward the cause or source of this pain, we turn on ourselves. For example, have you ever told yourself that the reason a romantic partner ended the relationship with you was because you were unattractive and actually “unworthy” of his or her love? Have you ever scolded yourself for being unskilled and “hopeless” at your job when a relatively new, junior colleague got the pay-raise or promotion you deserved after you landed that big account? Or, have you ever blamed yourself for “doing something stupid” that resulted in an injury while playing your favorite sport or doing a maintenance project around the house? If so, you have turned against yourself, which is a form of defense mechanism.

I previously touched on this phenomenon in my blog titled Stop! Negative Self Talk. Every time we disparage ourselves we create powerful, negative subconscious messages about ourselves that undermine our self-confidence and self-esteem. Since the subconscious mind doesn’t know the difference between fantasy (imagination) and reality, thinking or speaking these negative beliefs in a moment of pique cause equal damage.

Like other defense mechanisms, turning against self is: 1) unconscious; 2) self-deceptive; 3) and it distorts reality through thoughts and action. According to the Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder John Kappas, Ph.D.’s Theory of Mind, people are subconsciously motivated to maintain and/or restore a known physical and emotional status of comfort and security. Whenever someone says or does something that causes physical injury, hurts your feelings or challenges your beliefs, your mind automatically tries to compensate for this threat or “pain” by activating this or another form of defense mechanism. In this case, you turn against yourself to avoid having to experience the pain of rejection or disappointment that someone else caused you.

To help someone change this behavior, while the client is in hypnosis I desensitize him or her to the situation (and similar situations) that triggered this defense mechanism. I also employ therapeutic guided-imagery techniques to help them reframe their negative beliefs and self-recrimination to positive thoughts that are self-nurturing and promote self-love and self-confidence. Finally, I use imagery techniques to enable the individual to find solutions for those situations and visualize how they have overcome this setback and which lessons they learned from this experience have increased self-confidence and social coping skills.

 

Special Offer:

Hypnotherapy to Release Weight

Hypnosis for weight loss series: $1,250 for 10-week series. (This is a $250 savings!) The $200 fee for the first session will be included in this rate only when the package is purchased up front. Book this package before June 30, 2023, to lock in this price as my rates will be going up on July 1, 2023.

*May not be combined with any other offer. Not redeemable for cash.

 

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. Sara has been voted the Best Hypnotherapist in Santa Clarita, California, four years in a row (2019-2022). For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/

© 2023