Have you ever ignored or tried to “freeze
out”/stop talking to someone you are arguing with once emotions start running high?
Has your spouse, partner or friend ever done this to you? Sometimes people avoid visiting or contacting someone who is seriously or even
terminally ill as a means of denying the seriousness of the disease and
protecting yourself from experiencing any emotional distress that this contact
may trigger in you. These scenarios are examples of withdrawal, a powerful defense mechanism in which a person shuts
off communication with another individual or even physically withdraws from an
unpleasant circumstance as a means of self-protection.
Like other defense mechanisms, withdrawal is: 1) unconscious; 2)
self-deceptive; 3) and it distorts reality through thoughts and action. “Change
is a threat to the subconscious mind,” said John Kappas,
Ph.D. According to the Hypnosis Motivation
Institute founder’s Theory of Mind, people are
subconsciously motivated to maintain and/or restore a known physical and emotional status of comfort and security. Whenever
someone says or does something that causes physical injury, hurts your feelings
or challenges your beliefs, the mind automatically tries to compensate for this
threat or “pain” by activating this or another form of defense mechanism.
In order for a client work through
this defense mechanism, I work with the individual to identify the root cause
or source of the fear that he or she is trying to avoid confronting in the
first place. When the person is in hypnosis, I ask how this fear is negatively
affecting his or her life and interactions with others. For example, does the
client withdraw from others during an argument because he doesn’t want to face
the negative implications of “losing” the debate or being wrong about a
philosophical opinion? Once the person identified this motivation I would
desensitize him to those negative associations and employ guided-imagery
techniques so the person could imagine how it would feel to listen to a
different opinion and be open to learning something new.
If the person is emotionally
withdrawing from or avoiding a terminally ill relative because she doesn’t want
to face her own mortality, I would explore her conceptions about death and
dying and what losing this person means/would mean to her. To help prepare the
client for visiting the patient, I would desensitize her to hear fear/anxiety and
any expectations or ideas she may have about the person’s illness and what she may
actually perceive or experience during their interaction. Finally, I would use
guided-imagery techniques so the person can imagine feeling calm, comfortable
and relaxed during her interaction with this person so she can enjoy the time
they spend together.
Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in
Southern California. She graduated with honors from the
Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about
Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.
© 2015
