Applying the Model of Emotional and Physical Sexuality When the Client Is Having an Affair, Part 2

Photo by Rick Hustead

In my blog titled Applying the Model of Emotional and Physical Sexuality When the Client Is Having an Affair, Part 1, I explained the hypnotherapist’s role in keeping the client’s confidence about this disclosure. In this essay, I describe the process of helping the person salvage or even end the marriage/original partnership, depending on the client’s relationship goals.

Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder John Kappas, Ph.D. suggested it may be useful for the hypnotherapist to meet with the client’s spouse (without disclosing information about the affair) to gauge how to construct an appropriate therapy for the client. From there, the hypnotherapist can work with the client to identify which issues need to be addressed and devise a plan or program for working out the relationship conflicts. If both partners want to salvage the relationship and the other person also wants to receive hypnotherapy to address these issues, a different hypnotherapist should with him or her to prevent conflict of interest. (It may also be advisable to consult with a licensed Marriage and Family therapist in this situation.)

If the Physical Sexual partner won’t “let go” of the relationship, the hypnotherapist can use the Emotional and Physical Sexuality model to wean the person away from the rejecting spouse or lover. The hypnotherapist can work with the person to increase self-esteem, self-confidence and independence without completely dashing his or her hopes that reconciliation is still possible. “Don’t get demanding; don’t get ‘physical’ on him. Subtly reject him, don’t get approach him,” Dr. Kappas said.

If and when both partners agree that the relationship can’t be salvaged, the hypnotherapist may be called upon to help them come to terms with the fact that the marriage is over and it is time to part ways. At this time, when the client is in hypnosis it may be appropriate to take the person through the five stages of loss or even a process of “de-loving” to help the individual come to terms with the fact that the relationship has ended.

Consistent with the standards of ethical and legal practice at HMI, I do not provide couples’ therapy for my clients because I am not a licensed psychologist. Therefore, during a joint evaluation session such as what I described above, I would help both partners define which issues they want to address in therapy and establish guidelines about how they may interact with each other. To prevent conflict of interest, I would continue to work with my original client to achieve those relationship goals and refer the partner/spouse to a different hypnotherapist to independently work toward his or her relationship goals. Both partners’ therapies should feature a Systems Approach and take the other person into account when modifying/changing his or her behavior.

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

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