(This blog was
originally posted on March 1, 2017)
 |
| Photo by Rick Hustead |
According to psychologist and hypnotherapist Dr. John Kappas, an individual develops his
or her sexual
personality by modeling these behaviors of the secondary caretaker, usually
dad or another male role model. Indeed, once I know whether my client is an Emotional
or Physical Sexual, I have a great picture of how the person’s parents
interacted in their relationship. This model is so accurate that I can usually
correctly identify who was the primary earner and who tended to make the first
move toward reconciliation after an argument or fight.
As I explained in a previous blog titled All
About Emotional and Physical Sexuality, Part 1, sexual personality is
modeled after the secondary caretaker (usually dad or another primary male role
model) starting when you are around eight years old. If this person was focused
on work and running the household you are likely to adopt these priorities in
your life, as well. Conversely, if he spent more time focused on relationships
and his hobbies, etc., these will probably become your priorities (core
traits), too. However, there are a couple of instances in which this model does
not apply.
- Identity of the secondary caretaker. Although mothers are typically the primary caretaker who assumes most of the day-to-day responsibility of raising a child, sometimes dad or another relative has this role. If the father has the primary-caretaker role, he will model suggestibility and mom (or the other adult) will model the sexual personality. This pattern is also applicable if the child has two moms or two dads, etc.
- Stage of your parents’ relationship. Emotional expression between partners tends to ebb and flow depending on where the couple is in their relationship. For example, during the honeymoon stage both individual are more affectionate and participate more in each other’s hobbies and family activities. A youngster perceives and processes these behaviors as a subconscious known and begins to model them. Conversely, if this role model is focused on earning an income or developing his career or business, the child is likely to develop similar priorities.
- Birth order. This category also reflects the stage of the parents’ relationship in that experience raising a child may make the parents more or less relaxed about being a parent during your upbringing. If you are the first child and were born very early in your parent’s relationship/marriage, the secondary caretaker may be more focused on securing the family’s financial stability. Younger children may have a different relationship with their parents who feel more relaxed and comfortable in their role after nurturing other kids. In this case, the way your parents communicated and interacted with you as a young child will also affect which traits and core values you integrate in your own behavior.
- No interaction with the secondary caregiver. Finally, little or no interaction with a secondary caretaker between ages eight to 14 years old, or a difficult relationship with that person, can result in modeling the primary caretaker’s sexual personality as well as suggestibility.
For more information about Emotional and Physical sexuality, I invite
you to check out my other blogs titled:
Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in
Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation
Institute in 2005. For more
information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an
appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.
© 2018
