Applying the Model of Emotional and Physical Sexuality When the Client Is Having an Affair, Part 1

Photo by Rick Hustead

Rapport between the hypnotherapist and the client is a key component of therapeutic success. One way to build rapport between them is for the client to know that the information disclosed to the hypnotherapist is that this information is confidential. (An exception to this protocol is if the client expresses an intention to harm him- or herself or another person. In that context, the hypnotherapist is obligated to inform authorities and/or warn the intended victim of this danger.) But if a client discloses that he or she had or is having an affair the hypnotherapist must honor the person’s trust and not disclose this information to the spouse/significant other.

Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder John Kappas, Ph.D. advised the client to not tell the spouse/partner about the infidelity if the person wanted to preserve the marriage if this disclosure was likely to destroy that relationship. During the cognitive portion of the hypnotherapy session the hypnotherapist must help the client understand the nature of Emotional and Physical Sexuality and how the person’s having an affair fits into this model. For example, an Emotional Sexual personality may have an affair because he or she has become bored or frustrated in the marriage.

It is important that the client “buys” the symptoms or behaviors of these personalities in order to understand why he or she was unfaithful. Dr. Kappas explained: “An Emotional [Sexual] male doesn’t feel guilty about cheating, just that the other person will feel hurt. The Emotional male has probably already replaced [his wife], but he’s not too concerned about the mistress because he usually doesn’t end up with her. But once he thinks about the futility of the behavior in therapy, he usually returns to the relationship.” Conversely, an Emotional Sexual male wouldn’t believe that his wife would be unfaithful, and it is difficult for a Physical Sexual male to tell the Emotional Sexual female that he has had an affair. 

The hypnotherapist should also explain to the client how each sexual personality response to frustration in a relationship and the perception/fear of being abandoned. A Physical Sexual will also leave a relationship if he or she is bored or the Emotional Sexual partner “set it up” that way by rejecting the partner until he or she leaves the marriage, etc. However, a Physical Sexual may become even more locked into the failing relationship if he or she feels rejected, the HMI founder warned. “Never tell a Physical Sexual to leave a relationship; it won’t work,” he said.

In tomorrow’s blog I will describe how hypnotherapy can be used to help the client salvage or end the marriage/original partnership depending on the person’s relationship goals.

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

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