Wednesday, September 30, 2015

Parental Guidance


(This blog was originally posted on September 25, 2015)



Photo courtesy of Microsoft 

                Little kids are like sponges. They literally absorb every piece of information around them. Good or bad, if a child sees or hears something he or she is likely to imitate or repeat the behavior at the first opportunity. Like their adult counterparts, they have come into the world not knowing anything except the reactions to a fear of falling and of loud noises. Over time, they will learn countless behaviors and beliefs by association and repetition of those same behaviors and beliefs they have observed in people around them. As children, we learn attitudes and behaviors from our primary caretaker (usually mom) that are likely to stay with us throughout our lifetime. This is Theory of Mind.

                A couple of things in the media have recently really caught my attention because they are real-life examples of Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder John Kappas, Ph.D.’s model. In the first, a television advertisement depicts a man and his young son hanging out together for the day. The little boy imitates everything his dad does from the way the adult crosses his legs to how he brushes his teeth. At one point, the father looks over at his son sitting beside him on the sofa eating potato chips right out of the bag just like he is. It is as if a light-bulb goes on in the father’s head: he suddenly gets up, turns off the TV and goes into the kitchen with his son to prepare a cooked meal. 

                In the second example, last year a radio talk-show host discussed a news story in which a popular young television actress has reportedly filed a restraining order against her alleged abusive boyfriend. Apparently, the young man had been physically and verbally abusive toward her throughout their relationship. During the course of his report, the host issued his own impromptu, loving “warning” to his daughter and her boyfriend. He told them that as the teenage girl’s dad, would not tolerate anyone mistreating his daughter in any way for one day, let alone four years. He ended the segment by observing that both loving/considerate and abusive/inconsiderate behaviors are learned. Of course, if his daughter’s boyfriend really ever did mistreat her, it might not be productive to contact the boyfriend’s dad to “break up with” the other boy. After all, he mused, when and where/from whom was the kid must likely to have learned that abusive behavior was okay? 

I can’t remember what—if any—product was being marketed in the advertisement I described at the beginning of this blog. That didn’t matter to me, because the ultimate message viewers would receive is that parents or guardians must provide a healthy, loving role model for the children around them. When kids see the adults in their lives eating healthy foods, exercising or playing sports, and communicating with them and each other, they are more likely to imitate these positive behaviors. When a parent quits smoking cigarettes and cuts out unhealthy snacks in his or her own life, this is also a positive example. It shows the child that he or she “walks the walk” of the healthy lifestyle behavior that the parent is encouraging for the rest of the family. Similarly, children can (and do) just as easily pick up negative behaviors when the adult makes unhealthy lifestyle choices or is emotionally and/or physically abusive to other people in the environment. Regardless of which behavior is consciously or subconsciously (and perhaps unintentionally) taught or encouraged in the home, every time the child repeats this belief or action it becomes more firmly entrenched in his or her own subconscious life script.

As the grown-ups in our kids’ lives, it is up to us to be an example of the adults we would like them to become.


               


Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.
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