Establishing Personal Boundaries

Favory Alisa II, a Lipizzan stallion
Photo by Sara Fogan

  

My riding instructor owns four stallions. Each horse is well-mannered and trained to go under saddle and be handled on the ground. I have fed, clipped and groomed each one of them. I feel comfortable working with them, and it is exciting for me that I am able to do this because, well, they are stallions. Favory Alisa II (“Amadeus”), a Lipizzan, is not a particularly tall horse, but he is very muscular. He literally oozes charisma, power and attitude no matter what he is doing. Sometimes he goes up on his hind legs and holds a levade (half-rear) for a few seconds, one of the haute école movements for which the breed is famous at the Spanish Riding School. Yesterday I watched him gallop around the turnout arena with his favorite toy, an orange traffic cone, in his mouth. I admit he looked kind of silly doing that and I had to smile. And yet, I know with 100 percent certainty that this is not a horse to be messed with. The other horses on the property know it, too. As I watched Amadeus play, my former trainer’s words echoed in my mind: “He is a stallion and he knows it, and he deserves respect.”

That memory got me thinking about respect in general and self-respect, in particular. Some individual’s possess this quality in spades while others do not. I considered the difference between how I would behave around the Warmblood stallion versus when I handle my current trainers’ stallion. I decided it had to do with my own self-respect. Ten years ago, I was more in awe and a little bit afraid of my former trainer's big bay stud to even consider what I would do if he ever tried to disrespect me, because I never got close enough for that to be an issue. In my mind, that horse was a symbol of all the power and fiery temperament I imagined a stud must possess to be a stallion. The first time I clipped one of my current trainer’s stallions, I had to get over myself and my pre-conceptions about what a stallion really was (a horse) and, more important, what he was and was not allowed to get away with in the context of working with and being around humans. It was a simple arrangement and no different from the one I have with my own gelding: So long as I was handling the stallion for whatever reason, he had to respect me and my space.

Helping my clients to respect themselves and increase their self-esteem is one of the most important things I do in my hypnotherapy practice. Following are 10 things you can do to increase your self-esteem, reclaim your self-respect and earn the respect of other people around you.

1.       Call someone out on the behavior if someone insults you.

2.       Treat other people fairly and expect to receive fair treatment in return.

3.       Hold a person accountable for his or her bad behavior.

4.       Maintain separate own interests, etc. when you are in an intimate relationship.

5.       Confront the issue or problem when a conflict arises.

6.       Stand up to intimidation: Remember who you are!

7.       Stay true to yourself and remain consistent in your opinions, beliefs, and attitudes about the things that matter to you.

8.       Set physical and emotional boundaries with other people. Of course, people can get in to intimate areas of your life but only with your permission and at your invitation.

9.       Ask for what you want.

10.   Let go of a situation that isn’t working out for you or person who has rejected you.

For more information about ways hypnotherapy and therapeutic guided imagery can help you increase self-respect and self-esteem and change those negative thoughts and behaviors that may be preventing positive self-growth, please contact me at (661) 433-9430.

 

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2015

Adjusting to the Times We Live In

 

In a recent episode of Downton Abbey, Mrs. Hughes, the housekeeper at the estate, observed that “Downton Abbey is catching up with the times we live in” by bringing a Wireless (radio) in to hear King George V’s speech. Although automobiles existed in England during the early 20^th Century, horse-drawn carriages or wagons were also still in use and trains were the primary mode of long-distance public transportation. Telephones were rare, and most of them had multi-party lines, which limited opportunities to have a private conversation. Typewriters existed but there were no computers or Smartphones to send text messages or e-mails. Therefore, the only ways to listen to music or keep up with events going on around you when they happened meant you had to go to a club or attend an event at a town hall.

Needless to say, the butler, Mr. Carson, was not impressed. He was worried about the different ways the new machine and other modern inventions of convenience would destroy the order and way of life he has known throughout his life. He worried that those devices that were being created to make people’s lives easier and more convenient also threatened his livelihood and even identity by making the role of a household servant redundant. Mr. Carson didn’t know how to do any other job other than his roles in a life of service. Where would he and his colleagues go, what would they do, if the Wireless and similar machines took hold and squeezed him out of the only life he knew how to live?

According to Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder John Kappas, Ph.D.’s Theory of Mind, human behavior is based on the subconscious mental scripts that we create during early childhood. From birth until about eight years old, the SCM is accumulating and storing various message units that will ultimately comprise the subconscious life script. Each message is ultimately categorized as a positive (pleasure) or negative (pain) experience. Anything that the subconscious mind does not recognize falls under the category of “pain.” According to Dr. Kappas, the subconscious mind is uncomfortable about and resistant to doing new or different things even when the conscious mind (logic, reason, will-power/free-will and reasoning) says that it’s okay to do so. The SCM likes and wants to stick to what is familiar, comforting and safe: i.e., knowns.

To put this model in the context of the scenario I described above, Mr. Carson likely perceived the opportunity to listen to the King of England give a speech as a threat to his concept of normal social order. As a butler to and not a member of the aristocracy he served, this experience would not ordinarily have been available to him based on his role in society. In addition, he did not understand how the Wireless worked (let alone the mechanisms that enabled it to work), which likely made the idea of this experience that much more frustrating and anxiety-inducing. Meanwhile, several younger members of his employer’s family and younger members of the household staff were more excited about and open to the idea of having a Wireless. Scientific advancement was a “known” for them; it made their lives more exciting, a little easier and more fun. They were accustomed to enjoying modern conveniences that Mr. Carson and many of his peers had only recently, begrudgingly accepted as part of their lives in a modern era.

 

 

 

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2015

 

When Illness Shows Up in Your Handwriting

Photo courtesy of Microsoft

 

                Many years ago, my former boss got appendicitis. Based on the symptoms he described—fever, nausea, severe pain in his lower-right abdomen—I worried he might have appendicitis. One of my colleagues and I told him to go to the emergency room and get it checked out. Our suspicions were correct and he received appropriate treatment. When my returned to work a couple of weeks later, I noticed something very weird about some of the instructions had written to me around the time he was getting sick. There was a tiny gap in the lower-right quadrant of the oval letters before he went to the hospital, but the gap closed up again after his surgery. How interesting, I thought.

I was just completing my hypnotherapy certification at the Hypnosis Motivation Institute at that time, so I consulted my notes and workbook from my class on handwriting analysis. I knew that while handwriting is a manifestation of what you consciously think, it is motivated by a subconscious ideomotor (automatic physical) response. The way you write—the shape and size of each letter, whether you connect the letters and even the speed of your writing—are literally a reflection of your behavior and personality traits. Handwriting does not reveal the age, gender or handedness of the writer; nor did it predict the future. However, it did reveal the writer’s mood, personality traits, suggestibility and subconscious motivations at the time of writing this sample. It could also indicate if the writer had a physical problem based on the way the person forms the letters l, g and y.

To identify which area of the body is affected, the handwriting analysis draws a human body over the letter. The location or area of the weakness or problem in the body is revealed by a break (weak or wriggled stroke or line, or no continuity or a training line) on the letter. A problem in the body may also be reflected in the writing if a corresponding area of the letter is very thick: in this case, the affected letter is usually revealed in writing by continuity or a training line.

If the writer has a problem with his or her feet or legs, the break in the writing will be seen in the stem or at the bottom of the loop. A corresponding break in the lower- or upper-middle part of the loop may indicate that he or she has a weakness in the upper or lower torso. A break at the top of the loop may indicate that the person has a head/brain or neck injury or disease. Emotional and psychological issues would be revealed in openings or gaps at the bottom of a letter, especially an o and a.

As a certified hypnotherapist, it is out of my scope of expertise to diagnose an illness or to recognize/identify specific symptoms that have a psychological or physiological basis. I use handwriting analysis to help me identify specific personality and behavioral characteristics to help me address my clients’ presenting issue. I do not use handwriting analysis to identify, diagnose or treat possible medical or physical issues that the client may have. However, I do and will refer clients to an appropriate licensed medical or psychology professional to determine the cause and/or treat that specific physical symptom that the person mentions. Once this other expert has ruled out a medical etiology of your symptom, with a follow-up referral from that licensed professional, I can continue to work with you in hypnotherapy, which can provide complementary therapeutic benefits and help to alleviate and/or control these symptoms and help you to pursue and achieve your vocational and avocational self-improvement goals.

 

 

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

©2015

Letting Go to Find Yourself

 

                If something causes you to lose your self-confidence, isn’t it great to have someone around to remind and reassure you of all the talents and abilities you possess, encouraging every positive step you take to rebuild that confidence? Similarly, when you lose your keys or your wallet it is wonderful to have support as you look for and set about retrieving that object.

                However, it is not always or necessarily a good idea to “find” what we have lost when it comes to a relationship that has ended.

                Often, at the end of a romantic relationship one partner feels like he or she has “lost” the other person either to a romantic rival or various life circumstances. Of course the emotional distress we experience at this time can be incredibly painful and is sometimes traumatic. Even amicable separations often induce some soul-searching and melancholy: What went wrong? What will happen to me now? Where will I go? What will I do without ____ in my life? And so on.

                Sometimes during a relationship people ignore or even devalue our hobbies or goals in deference to their partner’s expectations and interests. Perhaps they naturally lost interest in or even outgrew (over-rode) their previous interests or beliefs (subconscious life script) during the course of the previous relationship. Alternatively, they may have subconsciously deferred their interests and career goals to benefit those of their partner. Now that the relationship is over, they may want to take this opportunity to reintegrate that behavior in his or her life. On the other hand, they may decide it is time to start completely fresh and create new behaviors and beliefs (subconscious mental script) that are more consistent with their current life situation with no ties to the past relationship.

Therefore, it is important to reframe this client’s goal from “I want to get over so-and-so/the relationship I lost” into a more positive-action goal. I want the person to override the subconscious message that the “lost” relationship must be found. To accomplish this, I will help the person rephrase the goal to one of creating a new life that is full of exciting possibilities for personal and professional growth based on the client’s own terms. For example: “I am working through the issues/feelings I am carrying from this relationship and continue leading a productive and fulfilling life whether I am on my own or in another, mutually nurturing relationship in the future.”

When I work with clients in this situation one of the first things I work on is to help increase their self-confidence and self-esteem so they can enjoy their own interests and pursue personal goals. While the person is in hypnosis I use therapeutic guided imagery to enable him or her explore these different options and possible strategies the individual can use to realize these new goals. Guided imagery and visualization techniques let the person metaphorically see and even experience, in their imagination, how these new behaviors can positively impact and improve his or her new life. Since the subconscious mind does not know the difference between fantasy and reality, the client can draw on those positive messages and images to enact change and individual self-growth in the real world. If appropriate or necessary, I may also take the person through the five stages of loss so the individual can experience and ultimately resolve the grief and sadness that he or she feels about the end of the relationship.

 

 

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2015

 

More Inspirational Musings

                Every now and then I like (and need) to take a few moments and remind myself about what is really important to me, in my life. If you follow me on Facebook you may have seen some of these quotes before on this page, or will in the future. Many of these Quotes Of the Day are beautiful examples and illustrations of the work I do as a hypnotherapist, so I will probably draw on them in future essays.

 

·         “Never, ever, let anyone tell you what you can and can’t do. Prove the cynics wrong. Pity them for they have no imagination. The sky’s the limit. Your sky. Your limit. Now. Let’s dance.” – Tom Hiddleston

·         “You were born to win, but to be a winner, you must plan to win, prepare to win and expect to win.” – Zig Ziglar

·         “The greatest danger to our life is apathy.” – Jane Goodall

·         “Evaluate the people in your life; then promote, demote, or terminate! You’re the CEO of your life!" – Tony Gaskins

·         “Always believe that something wonderful is about to happen.” – www.behappy.me

·         “A hero is an ordinary individual who finds the strength to persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles.” – Christopher Reeve

·         "Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending." –  Maria Robinson

·         “If you yearn for more faith, if you want answers, you must begin by listening. You must be still and listen.” – Rena Pedersen

·         “Man will never get to the furthest reaches of space until he gets to the furthest reaches of himself.” – Fred Armisen

·         “Hate is like acid. It can damage the vessel in which it is stored as well as destroy the object on which it is poured.” – Ann Landers

·         “Life is short, live it. Love is rare, grab it. Anger is bad, dump it. Fear is awful, face it. Memories are sweet, cherish it.” – Zig Ziglar

·         “Gratitude goes deeper and lasts longer than merely being thankful.” – Cindy Weigand

 

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2015

 

 

Choosing the Right Horse

(A version of this blog was originally posted on March 25, 2011)

 

 

 

“You're not perfect, sport, and let me save you the suspense: this girl you've met, she's not perfect either. But the question is whether or not you're perfect for each other.” –Good Will Hunting

 

 

 

I love that quote. Ben Affleck may have been giving romantic advice to Matt Damon in Good Will Hunting, but the insight is also appropriate when you’re looking for an equine partner. Once you start “shopping” for a new horse, you need to ask yourself some very important questions about your goals and ideas about your future, “perfect” equine partner.

 

• What kind of riding do you want to do? Whether you train in dressage, jumping, reining, or any other riding discipline, you should look for a horse that is trained in the area you would like to do.

 

• How much more “experienced” should the horse be? It is usually recommended that less-experienced riders look for a horse that is schooling in that discipline and working at a slightly higher level than they ride. However, the horse should not have so much more training/experience that the animal is likely to get bored working on material he or she has already mastered while the rider is learning to do basic techniques.

 

• What kind of riding ability do I need to have in order ride a horse that is working/training at a higher level than I am currently training? The more time you spend in the saddle, the better. In addition to working regularly with a trainer, spend time working with your horse on your own to practice the movements or techniques you are working on in your lessons. It is important to remain patient, relaxed and calm when you are with your horse so you can feel confident enough in your riding skill to go beyond your comfort zone. For example, before I bought my horse, Galahad, I had never ridden such a “forward” mount; I had to do a lot of strength training and spend time riding him to get used to this kind of action.

 

• What kind of ability/talent should the horse have? This will come down to the horse’s conformation and its work ethic/attitude. If you are looking for a “forward” moving horse that is likely to excel in competitive riding, he or she will need to have plenty of flexibility, impulsion, and action and strength in the hindquarters as well as physical and mental ability to accomplish those goals.
• Which breed of horse should I be looking at? A horse of any breed may be able (or not) to do the kind of riding you enjoy. For example, Warmbloods make good mounts in dressage and jumping competitions. Quarter Horses are typically seen in Western Pleasure and reining competitions. Arabian horses can succeed in English and Western show classes, although they particularly excel in endurance competition. To some extent, the horse’s breed will be less important than his personality/attitude, patience, conformation, and ability to achieve your riding goals. The choice of breed may depend on what you want to do with your equine partner, but keep the motto “Form to Function” in mind. You don’t want to end up “over-horsed” or overwhelmed by an animal that is too big for your body and too strong to handle when you are riding.  For example, if you are very petite like me a large horse such as a Thoroughbred or Warmblood breed would literally be too big for me and possibly a lot of horse to handle. A better choice for you might be a small horse or a large pony in terms of size and ease/accuracy of applying riding aids.

 

• Decision time. Bring someone along to look at the horse who is an experienced rider or horse trainer. Your current trainer or riding instructor is the ideal choice because he or she can evaluate the horse’s talents in the context of your equestrian experience and goals and provide a neutral, objective evaluation of the animal.. Have the current owner ride the horse before you get on, and see if your trainer will do the same. Also, be sure to get a veterinarian to do a thorough physical evaluation of the horse to check for soundness. You may want to get X-Rays of the horse’s legs and hooves and even draw blood to rule out tranquilizing drugs, etc. in its bloodstream. If possible, ask a veterinarian you already know and have worked with to do this check. First, you already have a working relationship and trust with this person; second, the veterinarian can also provide important feedback about suitability of the horse for you based on his or her familiarity with you.

 

 

At the end of the day, it will be up to you to make the ultimate decision whether to buy the horse. Your trainer, the veterinarian and even the person selling the horse can provide information and his or her professional opinion about suitability of the horse for you. But you will be the one who will ultimately spend the most time working with and caring for the horse if you buy it. Whether you want to compete or take long rides along the beach it is important to take your time to make a decision that will be in the best interest of you and your new equine partner.

 

 

 

 

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2015

 

Our Thoughts Create Our Reality

“Our thoughts create our reality. Where we put our focus is the direction

we tend to go.” – Peter McWilliams

 

Photo by Sara Fogan

 

It sounds easy. Just focus on something you want to have or want to achieve in your life, and then attract that object or goal to yourself. It’s almost like the universe conspires to help you get what you asked for. Consider what actor/comedian Jim Carrey did at the start of his career. He reportedly wrote himself a check for $15 million and kept that intention in his mind as he built his career until he actually did have that much money (and then some) in his bank account.

Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder John Kappas, Ph.D., stated that we begin to write our individualized subconscious mental scripts from a very young age. Furthermore, we will behave and even think in ways that are consistent with that script even when it doesn’t facilitate achievement of our personal goals. It wants (and tries) to help you realize your goals whether they are great or small, beneficial or detrimental to your well-being. After all, you are the one who created that script, right?

So what happens when you muse about something negative just for a split-second and that is what manifests in your life? Remember, the subconscious mind doesn’t know the difference between your passing thought about the frequency of rear-end car crashes and your true desire to have a safe journey when an SUV smashes into your new car two seconds later. You can think, I didn’t mean it! But it’s too late: your subconscious mind has already sent that thought out and the universe has replied.

As the examples above demonstrated, your subconscious mind will put a specific mental script into action as soon as the opportunity arrives for you to enact it, so you can “get” what your SCM thinks you want (or wanted). Therefore, it is important to always be mindful of what you are thinking about or telling yourself, because your subconscious mind is paying attention to every word (thought) in the subconscious mental script you created.

 

 

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2015