Welcome: behaviors

Showing posts with label behaviors. Show all posts

Monday, July 3, 2023

"Good" Girls and "Bad" Boys

All hypnotherapy sessions are conducted via phone or Zoom.

(This blog was originally posted on September 23, 2014)

Photo by Rick Hustead

“Disobedience is my joy.” Princess Margaret of England (1930-2002)

The lyrics of the 19^th Century nursery rhyme titled “What Are Little Boys Made of?” proclaim that little girls are made of “sugar and spice and all things nice.” On the other hand, so says the poem, little boys are made of “snips and snails and puppy dog tails.” Not only is this attitude about boys very mean-spirited, it is also an inaccurate and unfair portrayal of both sexes’ behavior. No one is generally good all of the time; and no one is generally bad. Human behavior varies along a sliding scale that can fluctuate from day to day. So, why don’t social expectations about girls being “good” and boys being “bad” seem to change? Moreover, why is it more socially acceptable for a male than a female to not be good all the time?

Why do people believe—and encourage others (future generations) to believe—that this dichotomy is a good thing? Perhaps my question isn’t about social acceptability but subconscious knowns. At some point during our lifetime, probably when we were very little children, we learned a belief/attitude and behavior that we practiced over and over, until it became a subconscious life script. Little girls sit with crossed legs and like to play with dolls? Check. Little boys pull pranks on their sisters and prefer rough play? Check. We see someone model these behaviors and we are rewarded for doing that, too.

The thing about these kinds of stereotypes is that they establish false expectations about how most people generally behave in the real world. Fairy tales about young women languishing in a tower just waiting for a dashing prince to rescue them from an uncertain fate so they can live happily ever after is incredibly detrimental to their self-esteem and self-confidence. Who says the woman couldn’t or shouldn’t be able to do something to rescue herself? After all, Maggie Q’s portrayal of the title character in Nikita, Scandal’s Olivia Pope and virtually every female in Game of Thrones take matters into their own hands to create their own fate in every episode. Why shouldn’t we encourage modern females to model and emulate their smarts, strength and emotional fortitude? Oh, right. Because these women may not always do the socially acceptable correct and expected thing; sometimes, like their bad-boy counterparts, they go a little rogue to get the job done.

Meanwhile, many of us follow the media’s lead in practically glorifying the “bad boy” motif. Gloria Estefan sings about them. Movies and television series fashion them as veritable demi-gods. As I recall, Jake Ryan—Molly Ringwold’s character’s crush in Sixteen Candles—was supposed to have been one (sort of). Last night, television audiences learned in the season finale of Dallas, J.R. Ewing—the man everyone “loved” to hate on the original series—has a self-proclaimed rival in his son John Ross. Even the POTUS on Scandal has immoral (and some criminal) tendencies. Finally: hands up, Vampire Diaries fans, if you think Damon Salvatore is much more fun than his brother Stefan. Nonetheless, no matter what dastardly deeds they have done or plan to do, they somehow, typically end up winning the day. Furthermore, no matter what evil these men unleash on their family, friends or foes, audiences just want more of the same. Maybe that’s because we want to live vicariously through their misbehavior. As for the women in these men’s lives, well…they’re turning out to have a darker side, too.

Not a “bad” side; just a more realistic one.

Special Offer:

Hypnotherapy to Release Weight

Hypnosis for weight loss series: $2,000 for the 10-week series. Each session lasts approximately one hour and includes a free, digital recording of the hypnosis portion of the session. If you pay for the 10-week series up front it is $1,600 to save $400!

*May not be combined with any other offer. Not redeemable for cash.

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. Sara has been voted the Best Hypnotherapist in Santa Clarita, California, four years in a row (2019-2022). For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/

Thursday, June 22, 2023

The Power of Imagery

I am continuing to suspend in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. However, phone, and Zoom consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE!

(This blog was originally posted on February 21, 2017)

“Imagination is a place where all the important answers live.” – Joe Meno

Photo by Rick Hustead

I am continuing to suspend in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. However, phone, and Zoom consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE!

(This blog was originally posted on February 21, 2017)

“Imagination is a place where all the important answers live.” – Joe Meno

Photo by Rick Hustead

I use therapeutic guided imagery in every hypnotherapy session. Let me tell you why.

· It is an effective deepening technique. When you use imagery, you invoke every perception: visual, olfactory (smell), auditory (hearing), tactile (touch) and taste. All of the senses are more finely attuned during hypnosis. Therefore, when I suggest that you “Visualize, imagine, picture or pretend…” that you are in the middle of a specific scenario you subconsciously incorporate the experiences of these sensations/perceptions, which also strengthens the hypnotic suggestion. The more perceptual details you notice and process, the greater sensory overload you will experience and the more deeply relaxed you will become during your hypnotherapy session.

· The subconscious mind does not know the difference between fantasy and reality, you can practice in your mind those new beliefs and behaviors you want to adopt before you try them out in the real world. Therefore, once you have imagined doing something—as far as your SCM is concerned—you have actually done it.

· Imagery of nature scenes/being in nature is a great way to release stress and tension. Many people experience a deep sense of relaxation and state of calm when they are in nature. Virtually any natural environment—at the beach, in a mountain forest or desert, or near a body of water (moving or still)—brings a sense of calm and comfort that can be difficult to match in our daily lives. The opportunity to take a mini-vacation to one of these scenes during a guided-imagery journey can be just what you need to rejuvenate and feel re-energized to complete a task at work or resolve a problem.

· Through imagery, you can access problem-solving skills and resources that you have used before to help you overcome a similar situation and conquer the current setback. The theory behind this practice is: If you have overcome ‘X’ before, your subconscious mind knows how to use these skills to succeed, again!

For more information about how therapeutic guided imagery in hypnotherapy can help you achieve your vocational and avocational self-improvement goals, please contact me at (661) 433-9430 or send an e-mail to calminsensehypnosis@yahoo.com.

Special Offer:

Hypnotherapy to Release Weight

Hypnosis for weight loss series: $1,250 for 10-week series. (This is a $250 savings!) The $200 fee for the first session will be included in this rate only when the package is purchased up front. Book this package before June 30, 2023, to lock in this price as my rates will be going up on July 1, 2023.

*May not be combined with any other offer. Not redeemable for cash.

Monday, June 5, 2023

Recipe for Success, Part 1

I am continuing to suspend in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. However, phone, and Zoom consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE!

(This blog was originally posted on January 18, 2017)

Photo by Rick Hustead

People often come in for hypnotherapy to change or adopt a behavior that will help them achieve a specific goal or succeed at a particular endeavor. Contrary to popular belief (and the stories we tell ourselves), Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder John Kappas, Ph.D. asserted that such success had nothing to do with intelligence, working hard, being nice or deserving, etc. Rather, success (or lack thereof) boiled down to the mental “programming” a person received and how that program was reinforced in daily life (behaviors).

Dr. Kappas attributed the difficulty to change or re-program these behaviors to homeostasis, whereby a person tends to only go so high before hitting a metaphoric “ceiling” to this success. Silently, suddenly self-sabotaging behaviors start to happen to keep the individual stuck in the same (comfortable and familiar) life patterns he or she is trying to change or improve. It is easier and oftentimes more socially rewarding) to stay the same or resist change (see Systems Approach in Hypnotherapy). Fortunately, there is also a metaphoric “floor” to this resistance, at which time the person goes so low that he or she is motivated to make a positive change and break out of this negative or limited cycle.

In Part 2 of this blog, I will describe the Recipe for Success to help you stop the self-limiting script and help you achieve your self-improvement goals.

Special Offer:

Hypnotherapy to Release Weight

*May not be combined with any other offer. Not redeemable for cash.

Tuesday, April 25, 2023

Don't Believe Everything You Tell Yourself

I am continuing to suspend in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. However, phone, and Zoom consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE!

(This blog was originally posted on December 12, 2016)

Photo by Rick Hustead

I addressed our human tendency to believe too much in terms of what we see/hear in social media in my blog titled, Think It All Through. Today, I will tackle the most powerful source of influence of our beliefs and behavior: our own mind.

The subconscious mental script that dictates most of our activities started to be written long before we became aware of—let alone noticed—when we act a particular way or why we do what we do. The more we reinforce (repeat) those beliefs and behaviors, and the more we are rewarded socially or emotionally for them, the stronger they will become. However, that doesn’t mean they are true or right.

For example, if you generally received praise for your efforts and encouragement to solve a problem or resolve a conflict, and reassurance and emotional support to overcome a disappointment, you are likely to repeat these actions in similar situations. Conversely, if your efforts to succeed were met with derision and discouragement to undermine your current and prospective future success, you are more likely to internalize and believe these negative messages.

It doesn’t have to be this way. To paraphrase a beloved Native American parable, everyone has a “good” wolf and a “bad” wolf inside that is constantly fighting for control. The good wolf is confident and self-assured; it wants to do the right thing and do right by others. Conversely, the bad wolf lacks that self-confidence; in fact, it is insecure and self-loathing. It has no respect for others or itself and would just as soon cause pain and discomfort than share joy and opportunity. Ultimately, the winner of this fight will be the one you feed.

In my blog titled It’s Just a Thought, I explained the benefits of dismissing outright all of those negative messages that you do not want or need to incorporate in your current mental script. This is essentially controlling what you think and the ideas you allow yourself to entertain. Instead, practice imagining or visualizing what you/it would look like to experience that success you are working so hard to achieve. What kinds of words do you want and need to hear to actualize this positive outcome, and practice saying and thinking them until they replace that negative chatter. Believe that this positive outcome is possible because you realized the old way of behaving not only doesn’t work for you anymore, but it has triggered actions and beliefs that can only help you succeed.

April Promotion: Hypnosis to Stop Smoking! $800 for six, weekly sessions lasting approximately one hour each week. This is a $100 savings! (A la carte sessions cost $150 each.) In addition, I will waive the $200 fee for the separate First Session if you purchase and book the six-week package up front.

Monday, April 17, 2023

Getting to the Cause Through Corrective Therapy

I am continuing to suspend in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. However, phone, and Zoom consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE!

(This blog was originally posted on September 14, 2016)

Photo by Rick Hustead

I use Corrective Therapy to help to identify the subconscious cause or root of my client's hypnotherapy goal. In this cognitive technique, I have the person write five or six sentences about what he or she wants to accomplish through hypnotherapy and replace each word (or group of words) with a relevant synonym (subconscious symbolism).

The intention of this technique is to identify the true goal of the therapy as it exists in the client’s subconscious mind. The process or format of each of these sentences will depend on his or her suggestibility (Emotional versus Physical). To start, the person writes the sentence with each word the head of its own “column.” As the client writes each new sentence, the Physical Suggestible client will provide synonyms to replace each word in the original sentence; the Emotional Suggestible client will provide a synonym or metaphor/association for each word in the previous sentence.

Consider the following example for a client who comes in for hypnotherapy with the following stated goal: I want to lose weight. A Physical Suggestible client might choose the following synonyms to replace the original word or phrase for this goal in follow-up sentences:

I	Want	to lose	weight
Me (I) ↑	desire (want)	to drop (to lose)	pounds (weight)
(client’s) name (I)	need (want)	to take off (to lose)	inches (weight)
Man/Woman (I)	have to (want)	release (to lose)	body mass (weight)
Person (I)	must (want)	let go of (to lose)	size (weight)

When an Emotional Suggestible client chooses replacement words to express the goal, this individual will be replacing the word from the previous sentence with a new synonym/association. The word or phrase in parentheses indicates the term that has been replaced.

I	Want	to lose	weight
Woman/man (I)	need (want)	relinquish (to lose)	pounds (weight)
Sister/Brother (woman/man)	want (need)	missing (to lose)	obesity (pounds)
Daughter/son (sister/brother)	rejection (want)	lacking (missing)	ugly (obesity)
Husband/Wife (daughter/son)	isolation (rejection)	deficit (lacking)	lonely (ugly)

I employ Corrective Therapy during the cognitive (alert) portion of the hypnotherapy to discover any underlying, subconscious motivation(s) behind the person’s unwanted behaviors that may be preventing the desired behavior change. One benefit of this technique is that it is very visceral: the person can literally read the story about how the origins or basis of this subconscious resistance evolve while writing the responses to each question (ideomotor response). Once the issue is revealed, I will discuss it with the client in terms of his or her beliefs and feelings about the problem/conflict and create strategies to change unwanted behaviors and accomplish this goal. When the person is in hypnosis, I incorporate specific suggestions in his or her hypnotic script to help the person implement these new beliefs or behaviors to help actualize this self-improvement goal.

Limited-Time Special Offer: Free 30-minute Phone/Zoom Consultation

January—the start of a new year—is a great time to fulfil New Year’s resolutions and complete projects you may have been putting off. Call/send me a text message at (661) 433-9430 or send me an e-mail at calminsensehypnosis@yahoo.com to set up your free, 30-minute phone or Zoom consultation and find out why hypnosis and therapeutic guided imagery are such effective modalities to help you achieve your self-improvement goals and finish those projects!

Offer valid through February 28, 2022. May not be combined with any other offer. Not redeemable for cash.

Monday, December 26, 2022

Whom Do You Trust?

I am continuing to suspend in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. However, phone, and Zoom consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE!

(This blog was originally posted on May 11, 2016)

Photo courtesy of Sara Fogan

One of the most important qualities of a good relationship is the amount of mutual trust shared between the partners. I believe this is especially true of the relationship people share with our equine partners, as well. I am grateful that I have twice been blessed to share this kind of bond with two equines. My first horse, Geeves, was a big Thoroughbred gelding and retired schooling master. He passed away in 2010, and I still feel his loss every day. Galahad, an Arabian/Lipizzan gelding pictured above, is one of my greatest joys and a true embodiment of the knight in shining armor. He has really lived up to his name on many occasions.

A former trainer often reminded me that the Arabian horse is historically a “people” horse. Many people have first-hand experience of how well this breed takes care of the humans in their lives. They love and are great with little kids: put a child on an Arabian or part-Arabian horse’s back and you can trust that the animal will do its best to keep the little one safe during the ride. I still remember my first ride on a little Arabian gelding when I got back into the sport in 2003. Even though I was a grown-up, Vinnie knew that I needed extra support and even some TLC the first time I got back in the saddle after a 19-years’ hiatus. When I lost my balance—which I did a couple times during that first ride—the gelding adjusted his body under me and even stopped so I could find my seat again.

Galahad does that for me, too—and not just when he is under saddle. At our first barn, when I would go out to catch him in the paddock where he was turned out with the other geldings, my horse often turned his body sideways as if to block his herd-mates’ access to me. It was as if he knew and understood that, as a human, I was fragile and more vulnerable to injury from the rough play that he enjoyed with his buddies. No matter where we were in the paddock, my horse immediately changed his posture as if to shield me when another horse approached us. Was this action a gesture of true protection or jealous territoriality? For the first few months after I bought Galahad, whenever I had him on the wash rack to rinse him after a ride, he often moved his body to block my visibility to cars passing by on the street. He actually did this a few times before I realized what was going on, because he usually stood quiet and still to get rinsed off. But before I could detect the sound of an engine, my horse took those few steps to position his body closer to the street.

People scoff at my interpretation of these behaviors—alternately chastising me for anthropomorphizing Galahad’s actions and warning me about the inherent danger of handling and riding horses. Nonetheless, I know what I believe. When I work with equestrians in hypnotherapy, one of the first things I ask is for them to rate their level of trust they have in their equine partner and whether/how much their horse trusts them. Without trust, how can we explain or understand the various things horses allow us to do while we are on their backs? Without trust, how do we feel confident and secure to do those things without being frozen with fear that the horse will run away with us or dump us into the dirt the first chance they get?

I experienced the most significant example of my horse’s apparent concern about my well-being a couple years ago. Once a week or so I would take Galahad for a walk around the neighborhood to give him a change of scene and relax after spending so much concentrated time training in the arena. He got to do all of this work just in his halter, not bridled and under saddle. Even though I didn’t ride him on these excursions, we were still “training” as we practiced serpentine figures, lateral movements and even backing up the street. We practiced staying calm and being brave when the next-door neighbor’s donkey would brays and trot up the fence-line or another neighbor’s dogs barked as we walk past.

One day, about 10 minutes into our walk I became so weak that I could barely finish walking up the street back to the barn. It took fifteen minutes for us to travel about fifty feet, but my horse never put a hoof wrong. Every few yards I needed to stop to catch my breath; every time, Galahad just stood quietly and even cocked a hind hoof as I leaned against him for support. He was like a rock—my rock. Of course, I told him what was going on—that I felt ill and I just needed to rest for a minute before we started off again. I have no doubt that if I actually needed to stretch out on the side of the road he would have been a sentinel for me then, too. (Fortunately, I never needed to do that.) At one point, we stopped very close to where the donkey comes out to greet us. Even though Galahad was used to the sound of the little equine’s bray he still sometimes did a double-take or took a side step if he wasn’t expecting to see the animal. That day, however, my horse never flinched or even look anywhere except over his shoulder at me or straight ahead as we forged our way slowly back to the barn.

Looking back, I can only express how grateful I was and am to have such a loyal and, yes, protective horse in my life. I was truly vulnerable that day: if he had spooked at a car or a loose dog, who knows what would have happened. I doubt that I could have been able to hold onto the lead line and keep Galahad calm in that situation. What still amazes me is that I never even worried about it, at the time,. I had complete faith and trust in my horse to help get me safely back to the barn the way I have always done for him in the past. Galahad was described as “a knight in shining armor” on the promotional DVD I saw before I bought him. On that day—and every day—he truly lives up to his name and that description.

Tuesday, September 6, 2022

Emotional & Physical Sexual Personality Examples in Popular Songs

I am continuing to suspend in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. However, phone, and Zoom consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE!

(This blog was originally posted on May 1, 2018)

Photo by Rick Hustead

The cornerstone of Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder John Kappas, Ph.D.’s hypnotherapy practice is his concept of Emotional and Physical Sexuality. In my blog titled, All About Emotional and Physical Sexuality, Part 1, I described the characteristics of these personalities and the importance of knowing a client’s sexual personality as a way to understand, predict and even mold his or her behavior. I provided more information about each personality—in particular, their priorities and goals in the context of a romantic (sexual) relationship—in the follow-up blog titled All About Emotional and Physical Sexuality, Part 2. In today’s blog I will present relationship perspectives in three songs (“scenarios”) that may give you a lyrical insight about how Emotional Sexuals and Physical Sexuals might behave at the end of a relationship.

· “Buy Me a Rose,” by Kenny Rogers. In this song, Kenny Rogers represents the Emotional Sexual partner in a relationship. Remember, an Emotional Sexual generally does not feel comfortable expressing his feelings for a lover or spouse (the same is true for Emotional Sexual women). Consistent with this personality, he shows the love he feels for his wife by working hard to provide a good home and lifestyle for her. Since an Emotional Sexual’s core values are financial security/work; hobbies; friends and family; and the relationship, in his mind the relationship is going great because he is providing for her so well. However, since he does not verbalize his emotions or even show affection by calling her from work to say hello/I love you, or even bring her flowers from time to time, their marriage is not really so great.

· “Wrecking Ball,” by Miley Cyrus. Sung from the post-breakup perspective, the lyrics describe a post-mortem of all the extreme and excessive clinging behaviors with which a Physical Sexual overwhelms and often alienates her Emotional Sexual lover. For example, when Cyrus describes how she “came in like a wrecking ball”—full of emotion and demanding attempts to get closer to her partner—you can almost imagine a hurricane-force ball of energy hurling at you. Meanwhile, the other partner keeps pulling away from her until she is burning with rejection. The heart-breaking line in the bridge of the song is when she concedes, “Instead of using force/I guess I should have let you in.” If she had taken a step (or several) back and given him some space—the metaphoric “Twinkie”—the relationship might not have imploded. (Although this song is sung by a woman/her perspective, it is also applicable to a Physical Sexual man in a similar situation.)

· “Just Give me a Reason,” by Pink featuring Nate Ruess. For me, this song represents the dynamics and communication (or miscommunication) between Physical Sexual and Emotional Sexual partners as their relationship starts to unravel. The lyrics trace the trajectory of their early attraction in the romance to a plateau stage in the relationship, where the passion and urgency of new love has worn off. The Physical Sexual female notices that her partner is talking in his sleep and no longer seems as attentive or interested in her compared to what is going on in his life. Meanwhile, the Emotional Sexual male is confused about her insecurity about their relationship: “Your head is running wild again/my dear we still have everythin’.” As the title of this song suggests, the outlook for this couple seems bright, though, because both partners want to work through their insecurities and misunderstandings to save the relationship.

Although the three songs I have chosen for this essay seem to emphasize stereotypical male/female roles, it is important to note that Dr. Kappas’s theory of Emotional and Physical Sexuality is not based on male/female behaviors. A man can be a Physical Sexual and a woman can be an Emotional Sexual. For example, in her hit “Ex’s and Oh’s,” singer Elle King is the Emotional Sexual partner whose (Physical Sexual) lovers are pining and cursing her name after she ends the relationship.

This is also a sliding scale, so no one will be 100 percent Emotional Sexual or 100 percent Physical Sexual. Rather, we each possess characteristics of both personalities but tend to be more “dominant” in one or the other category.

For fun, consider the lyrics of your favorite relationship song in the context of Emotional and Physical Sexual personality. You may find an entirely new perspective or understanding of the song.