Showing posts with label relationship. Show all posts
Showing posts with label relationship. Show all posts

Thursday, June 29, 2023

7 Keys to a Successful, Long-term Intimate Relationship

I am continuing to suspend in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. However, phone, and Zoom consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE! 

 

(This blog was originally posted on February 14, 2014)

 


Photo courtesy of Microsoft

 

 

On Valentine’s Day, many couples around the world spend the day celebrating their love and relationship. Some people will exchange cards and love letters. Others will give their partner a box of chocolates and/or a bouquet of flowers. And, certainly, no other day of the year is more romantic to become engaged. In honor of June being a favorite month in which to get married, I have decided to re-post this blog.

In 2005, I attended an eye-opening seminar at the Hypnosis Motivation Institute about the keys to a healthy, intimate relationship based on the concepts of John Kappas, Ph.D.’s Emotional and Physical Sexuality. In this seminar, instructor Marc Gravelle identified the following seven qualities of a healthy relationship. Following is this list to help you evaluate whether you and your partner are ready to take your relationship to the next level:

1.      You like each other. (This is the most important factor)

2.      You trust each other.

3.      You respect each other.

4.      You have good communication, where you can honestly share your thoughts and feelings about an issue with the other person.

5.      You have good sex (each partner gets his or her needs met).

6.      You have similar interests.

7.      You have separate interests.

Notice that the terms “love” and “in love” are not included in this list. That is because romantic love is what you feel during the honeymoon or early stages of a relationship. Yes, it is exciting, exhilarating and often intoxicating; but the high level of energy required to sustain this stage of infatuation eventually wears away. However, with these seven elements firmly in place, you can still enjoy and appreciate all of these ingredients (qualities) about your partner that first attracted you to each other, and your relationship will continue to flourish.

 

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Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. Sara has been voted the Best Hypnotherapist in Santa Clarita, California, four years in a row (2019-2022). For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/

© 2023

 

 

Monday, December 26, 2022

Whom Do You Trust?

 I am continuing to suspend in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. However, phone, and Zoom consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE! 

 

(This blog was originally posted on May 11, 2016)



Photo courtesy of Sara Fogan

 

One of the most important qualities of a good relationship is the amount of mutual trust shared between the partners. I believe this is especially true of the relationship people share with our equine partners, as well. I am grateful that I have twice been blessed to share this kind of bond with two equines. My first horse, Geeves, was a big Thoroughbred gelding and retired schooling master. He passed away in 2010, and I still feel his loss every day. Galahad, an Arabian/Lipizzan gelding pictured above, is one of my greatest joys and a true embodiment of the knight in shining armor. He has really lived up to his name on many occasions.

A former trainer often reminded me that the Arabian horse is historically a “people” horse. Many people have first-hand experience of how well this breed takes care of the humans in their lives. They love and are great with little kids: put a child on an Arabian or part-Arabian horse’s back and you can trust that the animal will do its best to keep the little one safe during the ride. I still remember my first ride on a little Arabian gelding when I got back into the sport in 2003. Even though I was a grown-up, Vinnie knew that I needed extra support and even some TLC the first time I got back in the saddle after a 19-years’ hiatus. When I lost my balance—which I did a couple times during that first ride—the gelding adjusted his body under me and even stopped so I could find my seat again.

Galahad does that for me, too—and not just when he is under saddle. At our first barn, when I would go out to catch him in the paddock where he was turned out with the other geldings, my horse often turned his body sideways as if to block his herd-mates’ access to me. It was as if he knew and understood that, as a human, I was fragile and more vulnerable to injury from the rough play that he enjoyed with his buddies. No matter where we were in the paddock, my horse immediately changed his posture as if to shield me when another horse approached us. Was this action a gesture of true protection or jealous territoriality? For the first few months after I bought Galahad, whenever I had him on the wash rack to rinse him after a ride, he often moved his body to block my visibility to cars passing by on the street. He actually did this a few times before I realized what was going on, because he usually stood quiet and still to get rinsed off. But before I could detect the sound of an engine, my horse took those few steps to position his body closer to the street.

People scoff at my interpretation of these behaviors—alternately chastising me for anthropomorphizing Galahad’s actions and warning me about the inherent danger of handling and riding horses. Nonetheless, I know what I believe. When I work with equestrians in hypnotherapy, one of the first things I ask is for them to rate their level of trust they have in their equine partner and whether/how much their horse trusts them. Without trust, how can we explain or understand the various things horses allow us to do while we are on their backs? Without trust, how do we feel confident and secure to do those things without being frozen with fear that the horse will run away with us or dump us into the dirt the first chance they get?

I experienced the most significant example of my horse’s apparent concern about my well-being a couple years ago. Once a week or so I would take Galahad for a walk around the neighborhood to give him a change of scene and relax after spending so much concentrated time training in the arena. He got to do all of this work just in his halter, not bridled and under saddle. Even though I didn’t ride him on these excursions, we were still “training” as we practiced serpentine figures, lateral movements and even backing up the street. We practiced staying calm and being brave when the next-door neighbor’s donkey would brays and trot up the fence-line or another neighbor’s dogs barked as we walk past.

One day, about 10 minutes into our walk I became so weak that I could barely finish walking up the street back to the barn. It took fifteen minutes for us to travel about fifty feet, but my horse never put a hoof wrong. Every few yards I needed to stop to catch my breath; every time, Galahad just stood quietly and even cocked a hind hoof as I leaned against him for support. He was like a rock—my rock. Of course, I told him what was going on—that I felt ill and I just needed to rest for a minute before we started off again. I have no doubt that if I actually needed to stretch out on the side of the road he would have been a sentinel for me then, too. (Fortunately, I never needed to do that.) At one point, we stopped very close to where the donkey comes out to greet us. Even though Galahad was used to the sound of the little equine’s bray he still sometimes did a double-take or took a side step if he wasn’t expecting to see the animal. That day, however, my horse never flinched or even look anywhere except over his shoulder at me or straight ahead as we forged our way slowly back to the barn.

 Looking back, I can only express how grateful I was and am to have such a loyal and, yes, protective horse in my life. I was truly vulnerable that day: if he had spooked at a car or a loose dog, who knows what would have happened. I doubt that I could have been able to hold onto the lead line and keep Galahad calm in that situation. What still amazes me is that I never even worried about it, at the time,. I had complete faith and trust in my horse to help get me safely back to the barn the way I have always done for him in the past. Galahad was described as “a knight in shining armor” on the promotional DVD I saw before I bought him. On that day—and every day—he truly lives up to his name and that description.

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. Sara has been voted the Best Hypnotherapist in Santa Clarita, California, four years in a row (2019-2022). For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit my website

© 2022

 



Tuesday, December 20, 2022

The Recipe for a Successful, Long-Term Relationship

I am continuing to suspend in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. However, phone, and Zoom consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE! 

 

(This blog was originally posted on September 29, 2016)


Photo by Rick Hustead

 

Hypnotherapists are not allowed to give relationship “counselling.”* However, it is okay to provide relationship “strategies” for clients who are experiencing conflicts in their romantic partnership. For example, I typically describe characteristics of the Emotional and Physical Sexuality/personalities and how they behave in the context of a relationship to all of my clients. I also outline the seven key factors of a successful romantic partnership. Last but certainly not least, I might offer the following suggestions:

  • Speak real words of appreciation to your partner every day. For example, “Watching you with the children, I can go to work knowing they are taken care of.”
  • Gossip. Talk to your partner/spouse about what went on during your day. Share information, anecdotes etc. When your partnership is based in love, it is actually very sexy to hear that someone else find’s your significant other attractive, too!
  • Ask questions for information, not to criticize the other person. Never talk to your spouse/lover in a way that you would address your kids.
  • Request for change. The way you deal with anger during a conflict is very important. Don’t speak to your partner the way you would never speak to your best friend. No name-calling, no belittling. The relationship has to be built on respect.
  • Share fantasies and dreams and visions of the future.

 

*Business and Professions Code 2908: California law allows access by California residents to complementary and alternative health care practitioners who are not providing services that require medical training and credentials. The purpose of a program of hypnotherapy is for vocational and avocational self-improvement (Business and Professions Code 2908) and as alternative or complimentary treatment to healing arts services licensed by the state. A hypnotherapist is not a licensed physician or psychologist, and hypnotherapy services are not licensed by the state of California. Services are non-diagnostic and do not include the practice of medicine, neither should they be considered as a substitute for licensed medical or psychological services or procedures.

 

 

Autumn Promotion: Hypnosis for Weight Loss

 

Let the power of your subconscious mind help you release extra weight and increase your motivation to make healthier eating/nutrition and exercise choices. Book the entire 10-week series and save $250!

 

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. Sara has been voted the Best Hypnotherapist in Santa Clarita, California, four years in a row (2019-2022). For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit my website

© 2022

 

Thursday, December 1, 2022

Moving On, Part 2

I am continuing to suspend in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. However, phone, and Zoom consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE! 

 

(This blog was originally posted on August 4, 2014)


Image courtesy of Microsoft

 

In 1967, psychiatrists Thomas Holmes and Richard Rahe conducted a study to identify which stressful life events cause physical illness.1 They published the results of this study as the Social Readjustment Rating Scale. It comes as little or no surprise that Holmes and Rahe’s research rated death of a spouse, divorce and marital separation, respectively, as the three most stressful life events. Whatever the cause, letting go of a relationship can be very difficult and painful. For some people, it is traumatic. In this blog, I explain how experiencing grief and working through the five stages of loss during hypnotherapy can help you accept that the relationship is finished.

When someone is having trouble accepting that the relationship is over, Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder John Kappas, Ph.D., advised taking the client through the stages of grief and loss2 during hypnotherapy. Although there are five stages of loss, it is important to remember that not everyone experiences each stage of grief or even go through them consecutively. It is also possible to repeat these stages and to experience one or more at the same time.

  • Stage 1: Denial, characterized by shock and numbness, and refusing to accept that the relationship is over.
  • Stage 2: Resentment. Anger at the other person(s) in the relationship or anyone else who is around.
  • Stage 3: Bargaining, wherein the person tries to make a deal with God, themselves and other people in his or her life to just get the person/relationship back.
  • Stage 4: Grief. This stage is characterized by crying and/or emotional withdrawal. (If the person is crying excessively, I would also require a medical or psychological referral so I could address this issue in hypnosis.)
  • Stage 5: Resolution. During this final stage of grief and mourning, the person starts to get his or her life back on track. The individual begins to feel more hopeful and accepts the fact that the relationship is over, the other person(s) is not coming back.

Remember: the emotional pain we experience at the end of a significant relationship isn’t just sadness about the person who is no longer in our lives. We also feel pain because we have lost or can no longer follow an important mental script or “known” in our subconscious mind. Regardless of the quality of that bond, disengaging from it and the habits or behaviors you have practiced during the relationship entails breaking script. Now, you must venture into the unknown experience of being independent from that relationship. I use therapeutic guided imagery to facilitate the process of forgiveness—of the self and the other person(s)—to help you heal and leave the finished relationship behind. I also employ guided imagery to help you relax and increase/rebuild your self-confidence, improve your self-esteem and reinforce your self-image as you forge this new path.

 It is only when we can say goodbye with love and respect to the lost relationship and the person(s) we shared it with that we can truly move forward in our lives.

 

 

1)     Holmes TH, Rahe RH (1967). "The Social Readjustment Rating Scale". J Psychosom Res 11 (2): 213–8.

2)     Kübler-Ross, E. (1969) On Death and Dying, Routledge, ISBN 0-415-04015-9

 

 

Autumn Promotion: Hypnosis for Weight Loss

 

Let the power of your subconscious mind help you release extra weight and increase your motivation to make healthier eating/nutrition and exercise choices. Book the entire 10-week series and save $250!

 

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. Sara has been voted the Best Hypnotherapist in Santa Clarita, California, four years in a row (2019-2022). For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit my website

© 2022

 

Thursday, November 3, 2022

Breaking Up Is Hard to Do: How Emotional and Physical Sexual Partners Deal with the End of the Relationship

I am continuing to suspend in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. However, phone, and Zoom consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE! 

 

(This blog was originally posted on April 25, 2016)

 

Photo by Rick Hustead

 

According to John Kappas, Ph.D., Emotional Sexuals do not get hung up in a failed relationship for as long or the way a Physical Sexual is likely to do. Physicals focus their lives on a relationship and a loving commitment. Once the relationship becomes physically (sexually) intimate, they tend to plan the future and have high expectations for commitment with the partner.

“The Physical Sexual female subconsciously thinks, ‘Would he make a good husband/father of my child? Could I spend an eternity with him?” The Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder explained. If the other person is a good candidate for such a relationship, this evolution of the partnership will happen naturally.  However, if the relationship seems to be failing or if the other partner (typically an Emotional Sexual) rejects the person’s advances, the Physical Sexual will panic about losing the person and cling even more. When the Physical Sexual backs off a bit—perhaps even making the Emotional Sexual jealous—the relationship tends to start up again.

When the relationship is finally over and the Physical Sexual leaves for good, the person doesn’t go back. However, the person’s fear of the emotional pain resulting from this separation and the fact that self-worth is so closely tied to the relationship makes it difficult to make this final break, Dr. Kappas observed. This fear and the person’s lack of confidence that he or she can survive without the partner will subconsciously motivate the person to hold onto the dead relationship. However, it may be prudent to let the relationship go if you’re not getting what you want or need, he advised.

Since people continue to evolve over time, you should become involved with another person with whom you can grow in this way, Dr. Kappas said. Don’t hold onto a relationship that’s not going anywhere for you and replace expectations about getting married and having a partner with that partner, specifically. “You need to separate what you want for yourself. You have o project availability and attainability. Lovers are not forever, but for now or tomorrow.”

 

 

Autumn Promotion: Hypnosis for Weight Loss

 

Let the power of your subconscious mind help you release extra weight and increase your motivation to make healthier eating/nutrition and exercise choices. Book the entire 10-week series and save $250!

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. Sara has been voted the Best Hypnotherapist in Santa Clarita, California, four years in a row (2019-2022). For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit my website

© 2022

 

Thursday, October 13, 2022

All About Emotional & Physical Sexuality, Part 3

I am continuing to suspend in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. However, phone, and Zoom consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE! 

 

(This blog was originally posted on February 4, 2016)

 


Photo by Rick Hustead

 

 

 

In my previous blogs titled All About Emotional and Physical Sexuality, Part 1 and All About Emotional and Physical Sexuality, Part 2, I described characteristics of John Kappas, Ph.D.’s cornerstone therapeutic model, Emotional and Physical Sexuality. Once you understand how behaviors and motivations of the respective partners affects a relationship, this model can help improve the relationship or even amicably separate from a partner if the relationship has run its course. The Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder used this model to successfully help thousands of hypnotherapy clients to negotiate conflicts in their romantic and personal relationships.

Following is a summary of how the Emotional Sexual and Physical Sexual partner behaves in a relationship.

 

 

Emotionals vs. Physicals

  • Emotional Sexual individuals don’t like to confront their partner. Physical Sexual individuals have no problem asking for or “demanding” what they want and need.
  • Guilt controls the Emotional Sexual partner. The Physical Sexual partner feels actual, physical pain during a break-up, but when the relationship is over an Emotional “seems” to move on to a new relationship. (A bad break-up can take the Physical out of the dating game for a very long time in some cases, or subconsciously “chooses” another Physical partner because the previous experience with the Emotional lover/end of relationship was so traumatic.)
  • The Emotional Sexual partner has 3-day cycles for sexual receptiveness. Day “3” is optimal for sexual intimacy/likelihood of the Emotional Sexual to solicit sexual contact from the partner. On day 3, the Emotional Sexual is most “Physical” (sub-dominance).
  • Sex and the relationship are two different/separate things for the Emotional Sexual partner. The Emotional Sexual can compartmentalize: “It’s ‘just’ sex” with a mistress.
  • Sex and the relationship are the one and the same for the Physical Sexual partner. A Physical Sexual person can’t imagine being sexually intimate without “feeling” an emotional connection with the other person.
  • BOTH the Emotional Sexual and Physical Sexual partner wants control in the relationship but go about getting it in different ways. For example, the Physical Sexual partner shouts/pouts/makes demands for more attention. Conversely, the Emotional Sexual Partner freezes out/ignores the Physical Sexual partner, which makes the Physical Sexual partner become even more needy—shouting/making demands until one of them walks away from the relationship or reconciles the difference.

The goal of the Physical Sexual partner is to raise the Emotional partner’s subdominant (Physical Sexual) trait in order to receive the affection and attention that he or she needs and craves. The goal of the Emotional Sexual partner is to lower the Physical Sexual partner’s physicality in order to give the Emotional more “space” to feel desire and come forward. To reduce negative tension and increase physical desire between the Emotional and Physical Sexual partners, Dr. Kappas recommended that each individual “give a Twinkie” ( a metaphoric treat or favor) in the form of a desired behavior, from time to time. For example:

  • The Physical Sexual partner can give the Emotional partner “space” to do his/her own thing for a little while or be an asset to the Emotional partner’s career.
  • The Emotional Sexual partner can send love notes to the Physical partner, have flowers delivered, etc. to show that he/she is thinking about the other person even when not in the mood for physical intimacy.
  • Understanding the 3-day cycle and planning intimacy around this is “giving a Twinkie” as well. Physical partner is usually responsible for this gesture because the Physical is most likely to feel/be sensitive to Emotional partner’s inadvertent rejection on Day 1 and Day 2 of the sexual cycle.
  • The Emotional partner has 3-day cycles for sexual receptiveness. Day “3” is optimal for sexual intimacy/likelihood of the Emotional to solicit sexual contact from the partner. On day 3, the Emotional is most “Physical” (sub-dominance).
  • Cubicle release: Emotional wants a strong sensation/ultimate sexual experience to really “feel” intimate with the partner. 1 ejaculation vs. 3 ½ for the physical partner, who can ejaculate in smaller volumes to have many experiences.
  • “Buy the symptoms” of the opposite behavior: When the Emotional is cycling, it’s not about you (the Physical partner). It’s about cycle days, so give the Emotional partner the space to come to you (the physical partner). If the Emotional partner only encounters the Physical partner on a cycle day, he/she can feel even more physical. This good experience shortens the length of time between cycle days.

 

References:

1.      Kappas, Ph.D., John G. Relationship Strategies: The E & P Attraction. Panorama Publishing, Tarzana, California. © 1992.

 

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. Sara has been voted the Best Hypnotherapist in Santa Clarita, California, four years in a row (2019-2022). For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit my website

© 2022

 


Wednesday, October 12, 2022

All About Emotional & Physical Sexuality, Part 2

I am continuing to suspend in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. However, phone, and Zoom consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE! 

 


(This blog was originally posted on February 3, 2016)

Photo by Rick Hustead

 


The cornerstone of Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder John Kappas, Ph.D.’s hypnotherapy practice was the concept of Emotional and Physical Sexuality.  In my blog titled, All About Emotional and Physical Sexuality, Part 1, I described the characteristics of these personalities and the importance of knowing a client’s sexual personality as a way to understand, predict and even mold his or her behavior. In today’s blog I will further describe the priorities and goals of each personality in the context of a romantic (sexual) relationship. Please keep in mind that, like suggestibility, there are varying degrees of the Emotional and Physical Sexuality traits; no one is 100 percent “Emotional” or 100 percent “Physical” in terms of the degree to which dominant sexual-personality traits is manifested.

 

E&P PRIORITIES

 

EMOTIONAL

PHYSICAL

                                 Career/$ Security

(If financial security doesn’t exist, everything else falls by the wayside.)

Relationship/Sex

(Relationship and Sex are interchangeable for the Physical. Sex is how the Physical expresses love)

Hobbies/Kids

(Emotional male has no friends or work acquaintance, etc. or 1 Physical male friend considers; Emotional female partner as friend. Emotional female has other Emotional female friends. “Kids” are a hobby for an ethnic Emotional)

Children/Family

Relationship/Family

(Home base)

Hobbies/ Friends

(Physical Female has Physical male friends, often ex-partners, lack of competition; a Physical male will have Physical male friends.)

Sex

Career/$ Security

 

 

Emotional Sexual vs. Physical Sexual Personality


  • Emotionals don’t like to confront the partner. Physicals have no problem asking for or “demanding” what they want and need in the relationship
  • Guilt controls the Emotional partner. The Physical partner feels actual, physical pain during a break-up, but when the relationship is over an Emotional “seems” to move on to a new relationship. (A bad break-up can take the Physical out of the dating game for a very long time in some cases, or subconsciously “chooses” another Physical partner because the previous experience with the Emotional lover/end of relationship was so traumatic.
  • Sex and the relationship are two different/separate things for the Emotional partner. The Emo can compartmentalize: “It’s ‘just’ sex” with a mistress
  • Sex and the relationship are the one and the same for the Physical partner. A Physical Sexual individual can’t imagine being sexually intimate without “feeling” an emotional connection with the other person.
  • BOTH Emotional Sexual and Physical Sexual partner wants control in the relationship but go about different ways to get it. (E.g., Physical partner shouts/pouts/makes demands for more attention; the Emotional Partner freezes out/ignores the Physical partner, which makes the Physical partner shout/make demands until one of them walks away from the relationship or reconciles the difference.

 

If you are interested in finding out what whether you are an Emotional or Physical Sexual personality, check out the relationship quiz. It is can be hard to be objective about your own behavior when answering these questions, so I suggest that you take the quiz for (about) your spouse/partner and have the other person do the same for you. Once you know and understand Dr. Kappas’s E&P Sexual Personality model, a whole new world will open up for you in terms of recognizing, predicting and even helping to shape your own behavior and that of other people with whom you share a significant personal relationship.

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. Sara has been voted the Best Hypnotherapist in Santa Clarita, California, four years in a row (2019-2022). For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit my website

© 2022

Tuesday, October 4, 2022

Mutts© Comics and the Systems Approach

I am continuing to suspend in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. However, phone, and Zoom consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE! 

 

(This blog was originally posted on August 15, 2014)


Photo by Rick Hustead

 

 

I am a devoted fan of Patrick McDonnell’s Mutts© comic strip. During the week of (August 11-August 14, 2014, two of the regular “seaside” characters, Crabby and Mrs. Crabby, were having a marital crisis. Not only was the king crab feeling “happy” and content, he had suddenly become very kind and even solicitous to his wife. Mrs. Crabby was beside herself with worry because she had no idea how to deal with his sudden change in behavior or attitude. She literally did not “know” her husband since he was no longer grumpy and complaining. The Crabby relationship was in jeopardy because the basic system of their marriage had been disrupted.

The source or reason for Crabby’s sudden attitude change wasn’t revealed; it didn’t matter that his gentler, more considerate nature might have ultimately improved the overall quality of their communication their relationship. Remember, doesn’t even matter if the “change” is for the better and could even improve the overall quality of their interactions or communication. According to John Kappas, Ph.D.’s Theory of Mind, anything new is unknown and, therefore, painful. This behavior was very painful to him and Mrs. Crabby—so painful, in fact, that they had to enlist the help of a marriage counselor (an octopus) to help restore the usual status quo and save their relationship.

Right away, I knew that a Systems Theory Approach would be the most effective way to address this conflict. The basic premise of the Systems Approach is: every component of a social/emotional system affects the entire system. Whenever one member of that social system changes his or her behavior in any way, that change could still destroy the relationship if the other parties are resistant toward it. The ultimate goal of a Systems Approach is to bring the original System back into balance.

According to Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder, this approach infiltrates all areas of therapy regardless of what the client’s problem or issue happens to be. Even if only one member of the family or one spouse or partner in a relationship is seeking therapy, that issue must be dealt with within the context of the client’s own system. Therefore, the hypnotherapist must address components in the person’s work, relationships, family past, the hypnotherapy he or she is receiving, plus aspects of the entire social system or relationship. If these other issues aren’t taken into account, the therapy won’t be successful and only the issue being addressed in therapy will be “treated” (improved or eliminated) per the client’s goal, Dr. Kappas warned.

The presenting issue of Crabby and Mrs. Crabby’s case was marital accord, a complete aberration of their normal interactions. If the (hypno)therapist doesn’t keep Mrs. Crabby in mind during the therapy, she is liable to walk out of the marriage because she has not been taken into account within the “system.” Fortunately, both of these spouses were willing to come in for (hypno)therapy to work on their marital issues and learned some techniques to help them restore the natural balance of the relationship.

I am pleased to report that the “therapy” worked, Crabby is back to being his usual “crabby” self and he and Mrs. Crabby is delighted with the results! You can read about their relationship at https://muttscomics.com/strips-archive.

 

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. Sara has been voted the Best Hypnotherapist in Santa Clarita, California, four years in a row (2019-2022). For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit my website

© 2022