"Good" Girls and "Bad" Boys

All hypnotherapy sessions are conducted via phone or Zoom. 

 

(This blog was originally posted on September 23, 2014)

 

Photo by Rick Hustead

 

“Disobedience is my joy.” Princess Margaret of England (1930-2002)

 

The lyrics of the 19^th Century nursery rhyme titled “What Are Little Boys Made of?” proclaim that little girls are made of “sugar and spice and all things nice.” On the other hand, so says the poem, little boys are made of “snips and snails and puppy dog tails.” Not only is this attitude about boys very mean-spirited, it is also an inaccurate and unfair portrayal of both sexes’ behavior. No one is generally good all of the time; and no one is generally bad. Human behavior varies along a sliding scale that can fluctuate from day to day. So, why don’t social expectations about girls being “good” and boys being “bad” seem to change? Moreover, why is it more socially acceptable for a male than a female to not be good all the time?

 Why do people believe—and encourage others (future generations) to believe—that this dichotomy is a good thing? Perhaps my question isn’t about social acceptability but subconscious knowns. At some point during our lifetime, probably when we were very little children, we learned a belief/attitude and behavior that we practiced over and over, until it became a subconscious life script. Little girls sit with crossed legs and like to play with dolls? Check. Little boys pull pranks on their sisters and prefer rough play? Check. We see someone model these behaviors and we are rewarded for doing that, too.

The thing about these kinds of stereotypes is that they establish false expectations about how most people generally behave in the real world. Fairy tales about young women languishing in a tower just waiting for a dashing prince to rescue them from an uncertain fate so they can live happily ever after is incredibly detrimental to their self-esteem and self-confidence. Who says the woman couldn’t or shouldn’t be able to do something to rescue herself? After all, Maggie Q’s portrayal of the title character in Nikita, Scandal’s Olivia Pope and virtually every female in Game of Thrones take matters into their own hands to create their own fate in every episode. Why shouldn’t we encourage modern females to model and emulate their smarts, strength and emotional fortitude? Oh, right. Because these women may not always do the socially acceptable correct and expected thing; sometimes, like their bad-boy counterparts, they go a little rogue to get the job done.

Meanwhile, many of us follow the media’s lead in practically glorifying the “bad boy” motif. Gloria Estefan sings about them. Movies and television series fashion them as veritable demi-gods. As I recall, Jake Ryan—Molly Ringwold’s character’s crush in Sixteen Candles—was supposed to have been one (sort of). Last night, television audiences learned in the season finale of Dallas, J.R. Ewing—the man everyone “loved” to hate on the original series—has a self-proclaimed rival in his son John Ross. Even the POTUS on Scandal has immoral (and some criminal) tendencies. Finally: hands up, Vampire Diaries fans, if you think Damon Salvatore is much more fun than his brother Stefan. Nonetheless, no matter what dastardly deeds they have done or plan to do, they somehow, typically end up winning the day. Furthermore, no matter what evil these men unleash on their family, friends or foes, audiences just want more of the same. Maybe that’s because we want to live vicariously through their misbehavior. As for the women in these men’s lives, well…they’re turning out to have a darker side, too.

Not a “bad” side; just a more realistic one.  

 

Special Offer:

Hypnotherapy to Release Weight

Hypnosis for weight loss series: $2,000 for the 10-week series. Each session lasts approximately one hour and includes a free, digital recording of the hypnosis portion of the session. If you pay for the 10-week series up front it is $1,600 to save $400!

 

*May not be combined with any other offer. Not redeemable for cash.

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. Sara has been voted the Best Hypnotherapist in Santa Clarita, California, four years in a row (2019-2022). For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/

© 2023

Mimicry. Imitation. Communiation.

 

I am continuing to suspend in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. However, phone, and Zoom consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE! 

 

(This blog was originally posted on September 2, 2014)

Photo by Jennifer Berkowitz

 

I recently witnessed something very interesting. While I was hanging out with my horse yesterday, a crow sitting on a branch in the tree beside me started to imitate the “honk” of some geese next door to my trainer’s property. I know that crows are exceptionally bright, but I have never seen or heard anything like that. I don’t believe that this was just a case of mimicry, either: the crow deliberately honked to the goose several times as if trying to get the other bird’s attention. When it finally responded, the crow honked right back a few times and then waited for the goose to communicate again. Meanwhile, another crow nearby cawed at the original one in the tree; the first crow responded in kind a few times and then resumed its calls to the goose. How cool is that?

This incident made me think about the different ways people imitate another person’s voices in speech and in song. Not just the words someone else says but also even the tone, pitch, rhythm/cadence of the words and even regional dialect or accent. Why do we do this, and how—and when—do we know that we are getting it right? For example, when I lived in England while I worked on my post-graduate degree, I gradually developed a slight lilt in my voice. I didn’t notice this change in my speech until I returned to the United States and people commented that I had developed a cool accent while I was away. This change made perfect sense, as the people with whom I worked, lived and socialized were British; over time, my subconscious mind accepted these accents as a new known and I eventually adopted it (or a version of it) as my own.

Similarly, I often sing along when a favorite song comes on the radio or my iPod. My conscious mind knows that I do not sound anything Celine Dion, Annie Lennox, Katy Perry, Bon Jovi or Tim McGraw, but I still try to imitate those singers’ voices when I’m singing along to their songs. Why won’t my subconscious mind let me give up that ghost and sing without trying to sound like someone I’m not? Even when I consciously try to sing in my own voice, in the back of my mind I can still imagine hearing what one of those performers sound like and I catch myself trying to sing the same way.

My answer to that question may be found in Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder John Kappas, Ph.D.’s Theory of Mind. Dr. Kappas stated that from the moment we are born we start to develop a subconscious life script by learning specific behaviors through association and identification. Even though most of this script is written by the time we are about eight years old, the mind continues to take in more information which the subconscious mind may accept or reject. For example, we learned how to talk by associating and identifying specific words that a primary caretaker taught us, and then we imitated this behavior (e.g., how to move our mouths to create words) to speak. Over time, we also modeled other people to learn and correct our pronunciation and increase our vocabulary. Many parents or caretakers sing to their young children, which may explain people’s fondness for listening to music and singing, or participating in these activities ourselves. And, just like we did when we learned how to speak, once we learn the words to a song we like we subconsciously imitate the way the singer performs the lyrics.

I wonder if the crow I observed yesterday was unintentionally imitating the neighbor’s goose to communicate with the other bird the same way humans do in speech and song.

 

 

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. Sara has been voted the Best Hypnotherapist in Santa Clarita, California, four years in a row (2019-2022). For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit my website. 

© 2022

 

Mourning the Ones We Loved But Never Knew

 To minimize risk of exposure to and spread of the COVID-19 virus and COVID-19 variants, I am continuing to suspend in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. Meanwhile, phone, and Zoom consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE! 

 

(This blog was originally posted on January 14, 2016)

 

When someone dies, it is hard to say goodbye to a person we loved and a relationship we enjoyed. But, how to explain the intense and complicated feelings of loss and sadness when we never personally knew the person who has passed away and the relationship was (and could only ever be) one-sided?

It isn’t just that we continue to feel strong emotions about or bonds to the other person that makes this separation so difficult. Rather, per Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder John Kappas, Ph.D.’s Theory of Mind, it is difficult to “leave” or let go of a relationship we have outgrown or has ended because we must give up a powerful known in our subconscious mind. Even when this relationship is one-sided, the attachment to the other person can still be very strong because the person represents a powerful part of that subconscious life script. We still invest a lot of emotion, fantasy/hope and expectations in it. Whether the relationship consists of binge-watching a favorite performer’s movies, following the star on a concert tour and trying to meet the individual “in-person”, the emotional attachment is very real. The emotional “high” we experience during those moments of real or virtual contact are also very powerful. Consequently, the longer we have followed this subconscious mental script, the more difficult it is to stop and let go even when the object of our affection or interest has passed away.

For years, people have flooded to Graceland to tour and take pictures of the estate that Elvis Presley, aka the King of Rock and Roll, once called home. There is usually at least one vigil there for him on his birthday, and the Elvis Presley-themed wedding is a popular attraction in Las Vegas. Some of my good friends remember how their mother pulled off the road to cry on the shoulder when Presley’s death was reported on the radio. To this day, they are all devoted fans of his music. I knew someone else who sobbed for three days when John Lennon was murdered in New York City and continued to feel sad about his loss twenty-plus years later.  

After Diana, Princess of Wales was killed in a car crash in Paris in 1997—20 years ago, today—it seemed like the entire world stopped to catch its breath. Suddenly the woman who had touched so many hearts and imaginations with her seemingly fairy-tale life was just gone, and her admirers felt the loss keenly. I remember standing in Hyde Park and watching the gun carriage bearing her coffin pass, with the sound of weeping all around. I saw at least mounted police officer wiped tears from her eyes, and a couple of people nearby called her name, half-sobbing, half-screaming in their grief. I doubt that many, if any, of the people standing with me to watch the funeral on the Jumbo-Tron screens set up in the park. That didn’t matter. They were mourning her as they might a dear friend. When I stopped by the gates of Kensington Park the following week to drop off a bouquet in the Princess’s memory, the floral arrangements and tributes extended almost to the curb and the overwhelming smell of fresh flowers and rotting foliage filled the air. Radio and television tributes to her seemed to air for weeks, and Elton John’s revised version of Candle in the Wind played on popular-music radio stations at least once an hour for about as long.

In January 2016, Rock ’n Roll icon, David Bowie, passed away after a battle with cancer. Ironically, just a day or two before he passed away I suddenly and inexplicably thought of his starring turn in the 1983 vampire film, The Hunger. Other than his song, Space Oddity, which is one of the most haunting, creepy and even saddest songs I have ever heard, I didn’t know much about him. As social-media outlets were flooded with tributes to the star, I had a chance to check out more of his music. Someone on Facebook shared a video of Bowie performing “Let’s Dance” with Tina Turner, and I wished fervently for a moment that I could have seen this performance in person. That man had a voice (and some impressive dance moves!). I regret sad that I didn’t appreciate his talent more during his lifetime.

Similar to the fans who are missing and mourning Bowie, I imagine my sadness learning about Alan Rickman’s death has more to do with what the actor—especially his roles—symbolized for me during various times during my life. I actually walked right past him in London many years ago. It was Christmastime, and Rickman was carrying several large bags in each hand. I remember he was very tall; by the time I registered who he was, the actor had walked past, his back already to me. I might not even have seen him at all if the friend I was with at the time hadn’t elbowed me in the ribs and whispered, “There’s your man.” Looking back on that almost-close-encounter today, gives me goosebumps. It was thrilling to know I had walked past one of my favorite actors.

Of all the characters Rickman had portrayed during his career, the role of “Jamie” in Truly, Madly, Deeply, affected me the most. It is still one of the only films that can still make me cry even after countless viewings. Watching Rickman teach on-screen love Juliet Stevenson to let go and say goodbye to him (his ghost) was and continues to be a symbolic lesson for me about coping with various kinds of grief and adapting to change. His films will live on, but the idea that the man in front of (and occasionally behind) the camera is no longer around makes me feel strangely adrift. It wasn’t like I personally knew him. I never crushed on him, although I know I am among Rickman’s many fans that could listen to his signature baritone voice with those precise inflections for hours.

It is not unusual to feel sadness and even experience grief following the death of someone who has played a significant role or influenced your life. It is not “wrong” to experience these emotions even if you have had minimal or no direct contact with this individual. Every time you danced to, sung along with or cried over one of Bowie’s songs, the emotional response that triggered this behavior was based on how his music resonated with your subconscious life script. Your memories of those moments are now like snapshots or movies about what was going on in your life at that moment in time. Similarly, every time I laughed, cried or cringed watching one of Rickman’s movies, I responded according to how the scene represented something familiar (known) in my subconscious life script. I will never be able to watch his films again without feeling the bittersweet emotions attached to my memories about what I was doing, where I was and whom I was with, the first time I saw the movie.

For more information about the stages of grief and processing a significant emotional loss, I invite you to read my blogs titled Moving On, Part 1 and Moving On, Part 2.

 

 

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. Sara has been voted the Best Hypnotherapist in Santa Clarita, California, three years in a row (2019, 2020, 2021). For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/

© 2022

Mimicry. Imitation. Communication.

To minimize risk of exposure to and spread of the COVID-19 virus and COVID-19 variants, I am continuing to suspend in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. Meanwhile, phone, and Zoom consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE! 

 

(This blog was originally posted on September 2, 2014)

 

Photo of Jon Bon Jovi, by Jennifer Berkowitz

 

 

I recently witnessed something very interesting. While I was hanging out with my horse yesterday, a crow sitting on a branch in the tree beside me started to imitate the “honk” of some geese that belong to a  next door to my trainer’s property. I know that crows are exceptionally bright, but I have never seen or heard anything like that. I don’t believe that this was just a case of mimicry, either: the crow deliberately honked to the goose several times as if trying to get the other bird’s attention. When it finally responded, the crow honked right back a few times and then waited for the goose to communicate again. Meanwhile, another crow nearby cawed at the original one in the tree; the first crow responded in kind a few times and then resumed its calls to the goose. How cool is that?

This incident made me think about the different ways people imitate another person’s voices in speech and in song. Not just the words someone else says but also even the tone, pitch, rhythm/cadence of the words and even regional dialect or accent. Why do we do this, and how—and when—do we know that we are getting it right? For example, when I lived in England while I worked on my post-graduate degree, I gradually developed a slight lilt in my voice. I didn’t notice this change in my speech until I returned to the United States and people commented that I had developed a cool accent while I was away. This change made perfect sense, as the people with whom I worked, lived and socialized were British; over time, my subconscious mind accepted these accents as a new known and I eventually adopted it (or a version of it) as my own.

Similarly, I often sing along when a favorite song comes on the radio or my iPod. My conscious mind knows that I do not sound anything Celine Dion, Annie Lennox, Katy Perry, Bon Jovi or Tim McGraw, but I still try to imitate those singers’ voices when I’m singing along to their songs. Why won’t my subconscious mind let me give up that ghost and sing without trying to sound like someone I’m not? Even when I consciously try to sing in my own voice, in the back of my mind I can still imagine hearing what one of those performers sound like and I catch myself trying to sing the same way.

My answer to that question may be found in Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder John Kappas, Ph.D.’s Theory of Mind. Dr. Kappas stated that from the moment we are born we start to develop a subconscious life script by learning specific behaviors through association and identification. Even though most of this script is written by the time we are about eight years old, the mind continues to take in more information which the subconscious mind may accept or reject. For example, we learned how to talk by associating and identifying specific words that a primary caretaker taught us, and then we imitated this behavior (e.g., how to move our mouths to create words) to speak. Over time, we also modeled other people to learn and correct our pronunciation and increase our vocabulary. Many parents or caretakers sing to their young children, which may explain people’s fondness for listening to music and singing, or participating in these activities ourselves. And, just like we did when we learned how to speak, once we learn the words to a song we like we subconsciously imitate the way the singer performs the lyrics.

        I wonder if the crow I observed yesterday was unintentionally imitating the neighbor’s goose to communicate with the other bird the same way humans do in speech and song.

 

 

Special Offer: Discount on the First Hypnotherapy Session for Active/Retired

 Military Personnel & First Responders

 

Special Offer: 25 percent discount (that is $50!) off the first hypnotherapy session for all active/retired military personnel and first responders (police, fire-fighters, EMT/paramedics, ambulance personnel, emergency dispatchers, ER physicians and nurses, COVID-19 Ward staff).

 

This offer may not be combined with any other discount or discount package. It is not redeemable for cash.

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. Sara has been voted the Best Hypnotherapist in Santa Clarita, California, three years in a row (July 2019, September 2020, July 2021). For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2021

 

Mimicry, Imitation, Communication

In compliance with current WHO and CDC recommendations to minimize risk of exposure to and spread of the COVID-19 virus, I am temporarily suspending in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. However, phone and Skype consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE! 

(This blog was originally posted on September 2, 2014)

Photo by Jennifer Berkowitz

I recently witnessed something very interesting. While I was hanging out with my horse yesterday, a crow sitting on a branch in the tree beside me started to imitate the “honk” of some geese that belong to a  next door to my trainer’s property. I know that crows are exceptionally bright, but I have never seen or heard anything like that. I don’t believe that this was just a case of mimicry, either: the crow deliberately honked to the goose several times as if trying to get the other bird’s attention. When it finally responded, the crow honked right back a few times and then waited for the goose to communicate again. Meanwhile, another crow nearby cawed at the original one in the tree; the first crow responded in kind a few times and then resumed its calls to the goose. How cool is that?

This incident made me think about the different ways people imitate another person’s voices in speech and in song. Not just the words someone else says but also even the tone, pitch, rhythm/cadence of the words and even regional dialect or accent. Why do we do this, and how—and when—do we know that we are getting it right? For example, when I lived in England while I worked on my post-graduate degree, I gradually developed a slight lilt in my voice. I didn’t notice this change in my speech until I returned to the United States and people commented that I had developed a cool accent while I was away. This change made perfect sense, as the people with whom I worked, lived and socialized were British; over time, my subconscious mind accepted these accents as a new known and I eventually adopted it (or a version of it) as my own.

Similarly, I often sing along when a favorite song comes on the radio or my iPod. My conscious mind knows that I do not sound anything Celine Dion, Annie Lennox, Katy Perry, Bon Jovi or Tim McGraw, but I still try to imitate those singers’ voices when I’m singing along to their songs. Why won’t my subconscious mind let me give up that ghost and sing without trying to sound like someone I’m not? Even when I consciously try to sing in my own voice, in the back of my mind I can still imagine hearing what one of those performers sound like and I catch myself trying to sing the same way.

My answer to that question may be found in Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder John Kappas, Ph.D.’s Theory of Mind. Dr. Kappas stated that from the moment we are born we start to develop a subconscious life script by learning specific behaviors through association and identification. Even though most of this script is written by the time we are about eight years old, the mind continues to take in more information which the subconscious mind may accept or reject. For example, we learned how to talk by associating and identifying specific words that a primary caretaker taught us, and then we imitated this behavior (e.g., how to move our mouths to create words) to speak. Over time, we also modeled other people to learn and correct our pronunciation and increase our vocabulary. Many parents or caretakers sing to their young children, which may explain people’s fondness for listening to music and singing, or participating in these activities ourselves. And, just like we did when we learned how to speak, once we learn the words to a song we like we subconsciously imitate the way the singer performs the lyrics.

I wonder if the crow I observed yesterday was unintentionally imitating the neighbor’s goose to communicate with the other bird the same way humans do in speech and song.

Limited-Time Offer: Free Phone Consultation

This is a great opportunity to find out why hypnosis is so effective and how hypnotherapy can help you achieve your self-improvement goals. Call/send me a text message at (661) 433-9430 or send me an e-mail at calminsensehypnosis@yahoo.com to set up your free, 30-minute phone or Skype consultation, today!

Offer valid through August 31, 2020.

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. In July 2019 she was voted the Best Hypnotherapist in Santa Clarita, California. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2020

"Good" Girls and "Bad" Boys

(This blog was originally posted on September 23, 2014)

Photo by Rick Hustead

“Disobedience is my joy.” Princess Margaret of England (1930-2002)

        The lyrics of the 19^th Century nursery rhyme titled “What Are Little Boys Made of?” proclaim that little girls are made of “sugar and spice and all things nice.” On the other hand, so says the poem, little boys are made of “snips and snails and puppy dog tails.” Not only is this attitude about boys very mean-spirited, it is also an inaccurate and unfair portrayal of both sexes’ behavior. No one is generally good all of the time; and no one is generally bad. Human behavior varies along a sliding scale that can fluctuate from day to day. So, why don’t social expectations about girls being “good” and boys being “bad” seem to change? Moreover, why is it more socially acceptable for a male than a female to not be good all the time?

        Why do people believe—and encourage others (future generations) to believe—that this dichotomy is a good thing? Perhaps my question isn’t about social acceptability but subconscious knowns. At some point during our lifetime, probably when we were very little children, we learned a belief/attitude and behavior that we practiced over and over, until it became a subconscious life script. Little girls sit with crossed legs and like to play with dolls? Check. Little boys pull pranks on their sisters and prefer rough play? Check. We see someone model these behaviors and we are rewarded for doing that, too.

The thing about these kinds of stereotypes is that they establish false expectations about how most people generally behave in the real world. Fairy tales about young women languishing in a tower just waiting for a dashing prince to rescue them from an uncertain fate so they can live happily ever after is incredibly detrimental to their self-esteem and self-confidence. Who says the woman couldn’t or shouldn’t be able to do something to rescue herself? After all, Maggie Q’s portrayal of the title character in Nikita, Scandal’s Olivia Pope and virtually every female in Game of Thrones take matters into their own hands to create their own fate in every episode. Why shouldn’t we encourage modern females to model and emulate their smarts, strength and emotional fortitude? Oh, right. Because these women may not always do the socially acceptable correct and expected thing; sometimes, like their bad-boy counterparts, they go a little rogue to get the job done.

Meanwhile, many of us follow the media’s lead in practically glorifying the “bad boy” motif. GloriaEstefan sings about them. Movies and television series fashion them as veritable demi-gods. As I recall, Jake Ryan—Molly Ringwold’s character’s crush in Sixteen Candles—was supposed to have been one (sort of). Last night, television audiences learned in the season finale of Dallas, J.R. Ewing—the man everyone “loved” to hate on the original series—has a self-proclaimed rival in his son John Ross. Even the POTUS on Scandal has immoral (and some criminal) tendencies. Finally: hands up, Vampire Diaries fans, if you think Damon Salvatore is much more fun than his brother Stefan. Nonetheless, no matter what dastardly deeds they have done or plan to do, they somehow, typically end up winning the day. Furthermore, no matter what evil these men unleash on their family, friends or foes, audiences just want more of the same. Maybe that’s because we want to live vicariously through their misbehavior. As for the women in these men’s lives, well…they’re turning out to have a darker side, too. 

Not a “bad” side; just a more realistic one.  

Limited Special Offer!

Save an additional 10 percent on the 10-week hypnosis for weight-loss package.

This discount only applies to the 10-week weight-loss program and may not be combined with any other offer. It is valid through February 15, 2019 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2019