What Do You Believe?

 

                I love this quote from actress Cameron Diaz: “I know I am capable of anything because I’ve never been told otherwise.” Wow. What a powerful statement. I can almost hear and feel the confidence in her voice. Unfortunately, many people do not possess the same amount of confidence in their own abilities. Why? For the same reason that Ms. Diaz and other people have high self-esteem or high self-confidence: they learned what to believe about their abilities.

                John Kappas, Ph.D., a psychologist and founder of the Hypnosis Motivation Institute, best explained this phenomenon in his Theory of Mind. Your subconscious mind learns and adopts behaviors and ways of thinking from a very young age. By the time you are about 5 years old the blueprint of your future beliefs and behaviors is estab­lished, based on the beliefs and behaviors you learned during those early years of your life. When you were a very small child, a caretaker believed and encouraged you to believe that anything is possible—or not. You learned by association and repetition of that activity to like and feel comfortable doing it; and every time that person or others encouraged you to participate in the activity/activities you enjoyed, your confidence and self-esteem continued to grow. Conversely, if you received negative messages (e.g., criticism and disapproval) and/or were discouraged from doing “x” your self-confidence and/or self-esteem are unlikely to be so high. For example, there is a fabulous scene in the 1981 film, Paternity, in which Burt Reynolds’ character points to a little boy riding his bicycle on a brick wall. He tells Beverly D’Angelo that the child has never fallen off that wall, but that the day he does fall it will be “the day he finds out about gravity.”

                According to Dr. Kappas, everyone carries the association and enjoyment (or not) of our specific “known” behaviors and beliefs throughout our life or until we are motivated to change this belief or behavior. Whether someone encouraged or discouraged you from doing something or believing in yourself, these patterns formed knowns in your subconscious mind and eventually became part of your subconscious life script. From then on, every time you encountered an unfamiliar situation, this script influenced whether you would attempt a challenge with confidence or bow out because you didn’t believe you could really accomplish the task at hand. Not only does your SCM store the association between those beliefs and behaviors, it also reinforces them every time you engage in that behavior or bow out of an activity. No matter how much your conscious mind dislikes or rails against the self-doubt you carry around with you, so long as your SCM is comfortable and familiar (pleasure) with this known that is what you will continue to believe.

Your subconscious mind may know what you really want, but it is your conscious mind that possesses the will-power, decision-making, reasoning and logic to literally change your mind. I use hypnosis and therapeutic guided-imagery techniques to help my hypnotherapy clients change those unwanted or negative beliefs or behaviors that have prevented them from achieving their true potential. Hypnotherapy works because you want to make those changes, and it helps you to see and realize that anything really can be possible because you no longer tell yourself otherwise.

 

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2014

 

The Emmys

 

The 66^th Emmy Awards ceremony airs tonight. For the first time in probably my entire adult life, I am actually planning to watch the ceremony. I have seen some of the nominated programs, and I am rooting for a few actors to bring home a statue. However, my greatest interest in the broadcast is to “virtually” support Seth Meyers.

I have watched his new talk show, Late Night with Seth Meyers, since it first aired in February 2014. To be honest, I was initially skeptical about the series’ potential; but as the months passed I found myself laughing as much or more as I did when I watched Jay Leno. I find that Mr. Meyers has a more adult sensibility than most of his late-night peers, which really resonates with my sense of humor. Or maybe I just appreciate the way he greets his audience each night, always taking care to ask: “Is everyone well?” Ever the impeccable host, he could almost be hosting a dinner party.

Since this is his time hosting the Emmys, I can’t help but wonder if he is nervous. Of course, he is not lacking in experience as an Emcee: in2010 he hosted the 2010 ESPY Awards, and the following year he made the President of the United States laugh at the 2011 Correspondents Dinner. Telling jokes and making people laugh and feel at ease without making fun is his forte. But just in case Mr. Meyers is feeling a little nervous before he steps on-stage, here are some suggestions to help him strengthen his self-confidence and control of the room before the curtain rises:

·         Eat a nutritious meal. Be sure to eat a nutritious meal—or at least a hearty snack—that contains protein before you begin the show. Protein helps to stabilize blood-sugar levels, which in turn prevents moodiness and lower anxiety. I know chicken is your favorite food, so a piece of roasted chicken would be a good choice.

·         Avoid caffeine and alcohol. Caffeine and alcohol both affect suggestibility, so hold off drinking either of these beverages until the party. (Make sure you have a designated driver if you have alcohol!)

·         Activate your anchor. Take a few minutes to think about similar successful events you have hosted in the past. Visualize, imagine, picture or pretend that you are there again. How did you feel? What was your level of enthusiasm? Confidence? Excitement/enjoyment of that event? When you have a good sense of this experience in your mind, press your thumb and index finger together of either hand to anchor that good, positive energy. Every time you activate that anchor this way, you will be giving yourself another jolt of that positive energy. (Good news: You can do this when your hand is behind your back, in a pocket, behind the podium, etc. and no one has to know!)

·         Remember who you are. Make a mental list of your accomplishments to remind yourself why you are the perfect host for the 2014 Emmy Awards. You are a master comedian—former head writer of Saturday Night Live!—and you host your own talk show. You are the voice of your very own super-hero show, The Awesomes, on Hulu.

·         Deep breathing. Practice diaphragmatic breathing and visualization to really get yourself in your zone for tonight. Draw a slow, deep breath through your nose; hold it four three or four seconds and then release the air through your mouth. Breathing this way not only relaxes the tension in your physical body; it also provides a tangible example (proof) that you can control a specific physical behavior. Repeat this exercise several times until you notice that your pulse/heartbeat returns to its normal (resting) rate. Each time you inhale: visualize, imagine, picture or pretend that you are drawing in confidence, relaxation, humor/inspiration for impromptu jokes, a positive/receptive audience and/or any other positive affirmation. Each time you exhale: visualize, imagine, picture or pretend that you are releasing any negative emotion, anxiety, etc. to the universe where it can no longer affect you or anyone else. (Repeat as necessary.)

·         Visualization. Visualize, imagine, picture or pretend that you are on the stage. Mentally rehearse your jokes; hear the laughter and applause and appreciation for your quips booming through the theater. See yourself, smiling and becoming more and more confident and relaxed as every moment of the awards ceremony goes by. Activate each of your senses—smell, sound, sight, touch, even taste (if applicable) to really get a sense of this event and your success. Remember: Your subconscious mind doesn’t know the difference between fantasy and reality; in your SCM, you have already nailed tonight’s gig! When you have a good image of this in your mind, activate your anchor. You’re ready to take the stage!

Have a great time tonight, Mr. Meyers! I know you will be Awesome.

 

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2014

 

Wake-Up Call

(This blog is a modified version of an essay I posted March 18, 2014) 

 

 

California is no stranger to earthquakes. Consequently, public-service announcements regularly remind us to prepare for the Big One. (It’s coming!) When a 6.4 earthquake hit Santiago, Chile, yesterday, local news stations reminded Southern California residents to store enough food and water to last five days in case we had a similar quake in the near future. No need to wait: Napa Valley, California was rattled by a 6.0 quake at 3.20 this morning.

Anyone who experienced the 1989 San Francisco or the 1994 Northridge quake knows how deadly and destructive they can be. This morning’s temblor is reportedly the most powerful earthquake to strike Northern California since San Francisco’s “World Series Quake” in 1989. Regardless of its magnitude, any earthquake is terrifying and disorienting. It also triggers our two most basic emotional reactions, as described in John Kappas, Ph.D.’s Theory of Mind: fear of loud noises and fear of falling.

When the ground starts to move, buildings creak and groan as the structures sway or collapse on their foundations. Furniture and the objects resting on them, books standing on shelves or pictures hanging on the walls, may crash to the floor. The ground moves beneath our feet and can trigger vertigo and the innate fear of falling. Even if you have never experienced an earthquake before, you probably already know enough about this phenomenon to be concerned for your safety when the shaking starts. Everyone who has felt an earthquake before probably felt genuinely, understandably scared. However, this fear was not just about the disorienting physical sensations we experienced, but the violence of our anticipatory anxiety that was also triggered when the shaking started.

According to the Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder anticipatory anxiety is an example of the fight/flight response, whereby a person instinctively prepares himself or herself to face a potential threat based on previous experience that the threat exists. “You’ve had the panic [and] you start worrying it will recur. You’re more affected by what you think will happen,” he observed. When the shaking started it must have triggered many people’s memories of the 1989 quake and their anticipatory anxiety about what could happen, this time. This is how it started/what it felt like last time. There is nowhere to go! There was so much damage to my house! Parts of the freeway collapsed. The neighbor had a heart-attack. Two homes in the neighborhood were condemned… Many people were still sleeping (and had not yet eaten breakfast) this morning when the shaking started, so a lower blood-sugar-level may have also exacerbated the physiological sensations that can occur during a fear or phobic response. Throughout the earthquake, heart-rates accelerated and breathing became shallow. Some people may have started to sweat profusely, felt dizzy or confused, and even experienced tunnel vision as they were reminded that they have no control over the environment (at that moment).

Although none of us have control over when, where and how large the movement of those tectonic plates beneath us will be, we absolutely can and do have control over our response during an earthquake. Take these hours and days when the memory of the fear and “flight” response is still fresh in your mind, and write a new mental script that focuses on and will activate the “fight” response. Make and rehearse an emergency plan with your family so everyone knows where to go, what to do and who to contact if there you need to reunite somewhere after the quake. Know where your gas meter is located on your property and be able to turn the gas off to prevent a leak. Participate in the earthquake “drills” at your school/college and in your neighborhood so you know what to do during and where to go after the earthquake. Learn CPR so you can provide first aid to the injured. Memorize the access routes into and out of your community if you need to evacuate the area. Pack the recommended quantity of food and water for you, your family and your pets—and make sure these supplies are accessible if you need to grab them in a hurry. Create a list of neighbors and out-of-state friends or relatives whom you can contact to send a message to loved ones about your health and whereabouts in case the phone lines are down after the earthquake. Learn breathing and relaxation techniques—even self-hypnosis—that you can use to be calm and focused during and after the earthquake, which will enable you to help yourself and others survive the days and weeks to come.

For more information about this morning’s earthquake in the Napa Valley go to http://earthquake.usgs.gov/earthquakes/eventpage/nc72282711#summary. You can find ore information about earthquake preparedness at www.redcross.org.

               

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2014

 

Thinking About Tomorrow

Photo courtesy of Microsoft

                One of the most important things we can do for our mental and emotional well-being is to allow ourselves to relax. I know, I know: that is easier said than done, especially on a Sunday night, because, well, tomorrow is Monday. Indeed, sometimes it feels like all of Sunday isn’t even part of the weekend, let alone a day of rest, because it has morphed into a day of preparation for Monday. It’s when we rush to put the finishing touches on homework assignments or projects for work and start psyching ourselves up for the grind of the week ahead. Furthermore, the more we think about the deadlines that are coming up, the social events or school activities that we “must” attend next week or the rush-hour traffic we will have to negotiate early tomorrow morning, the more anxious we become. It’s enough to ruin the weekend, but only if we let it. Here are some suggestions to help you relax and enjoy the day:

·         Before you leave work, etc. on Friday, make a contract with yourself to not bring/do work at home; or, if you know that you must work on a project, that you will reserve some time between Friday evening and Sunday evening to relax and unwind.

·         Use imagery to visualize, picture or pretend that you are able to relax and enjoy the rest and relaxation that you deserve this weekend.

·         During this “Me Time,” just do what you want whether that is sleeping in, participating in a sport or hobby or even doing nothing at all.

·         Turn your activities into opportunities for moving meditation. In other words, focus only on what you are doing at that moment. If/when you notice that you are actively thinking and worrying about work or school, draw a couple of deep breaths and center your attention back on you and what you are doing right now. Whether you are cuddling your spouse, playing fetch with your dog or watching a movie with your kids, you will be able to enjoy whatever you are doing right now if that activity is occupying your full attention.

·         Use or recite affirmations that support your decision to relax and to think only about the present (i.e., what you are doing right now.)

·         Before you go to bed, make a mental or literal check-list to confirm that you are prepared to deal with tomorrow’s challenges. For example, is your mobile phone charged or charging? Are your completed home-work assignments in your backpack? Is the project you completed for work in your brief-case? Once you have verified that everything is okay, you can sleep quickly, soundly and deeply and know that you are in the perfect place to enjoy a successful, productive week.

 

 

 Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy®, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2014

 

Don't Rise to the Bait

Photo Courtesy of Fotolia

Whether we are the antagonist or the target of nasty comments,
responding to those taunts actually reinforces the mental script behind them. 

                Whether it’s a colleague at work or another kid at school who is subtly or not-so-subtly challenging you, the most effective strategy to dissipate the tension between you is to ignore the taunt. Unfortunately, nothing is one of the most difficult things to do when we want to stand our ground and defend what we believe. This is even more challenging when we buy into and believe the criticism or digs someone is directing our way. Like children on the playground, adults can also get caught in a seemingly endless cycle of verbal sparring because this kind of interaction has become an established pattern between the participants. There may not be a specific reason why this behavior occurs; and for the purposes of this essay, it doesn’t even matter. The point here is the behavior and how you can prevent yourself from responding to and engaging with whatever has instigated it.

                Whenever you find yourself in a potentially negative interaction ask yourself: Is the trash talk part of your usual repertoire with this individual or individuals? If your answer is yes, consider who is instigating the negativity. Be honest! It surprises many people to realize that they may have started the argument or made the first dig without even consciously knowing or intending to do this. If you did intend to stir something up with the other person, consider your reason or reasons for doing so. Sometimes we criticize another person’s behavior or appearance, etc., because we actually disapprove of or even resent that attribute in ourselves. If your answer is no, think back to a similar, previous occasion or events in which you were the object of the other person’s animosity. How did you react in those situations? How did the other person respond to what you said or did? If this scenario has been repeated several times, it is likely that you both follow a subconscious mental script in which you trigger specific antagonistic/combative and defensive/combative responses in each other.

Even if this behavior has become a habit, the good news is that you both can unlearn it and rewrite your mental scripts to create a more constructive way of interacting. Do not use or waste this time and your energy trying to come up with a clever retort to the other person’s taunt, either. Any temporary pleasure you may feel when you say it will be overshadowed by the fact that your quip will only reinforce the unwanted behavior you’re trying to get rid of and the other person’s negative behavior toward you. The easiest way to start changing the original pattern is simple: just do not respond to that dig or verbal jab. Instead, draw a deep breath through the nose and hold it to the count of four and then exhale the breath through your mouth. As you inhale, visualize, imagine, picture or pretend that you are inhaling calm, focus, patience and any word that you associate with feeling powerful, in control, and loving or benevolent. Then when you exhale, imagine that you are releasing from your body every last bit of anger, stress, frustration or negative energy or emotion that you feel about the other person and/or this situation.

                For all intents and purposes, you are in a kind of “relationship” with the other person or people with whom you share this behavior. Like any other relationship in your life, this one is also subject to the principles behind the Systems Approach, whereby you cannot separate one component of the system from the sub-total or entire system. According to John Kappas, Ph.D., the founder of the Hypnosis Motivation Institute, changing your behavior in the relationship—i.e., no longer respond to comments or communicate with the other party the way you used to—will necessarily affect the basic structure of the relationship or system and create resistance within it. The ultimate goal of the Systems Approach is to bring the System back into balance. However, if that system is no longer working for you and the other party or parties is unwilling to change their behavior to restore this balance, the relationship as it stands will not survive. Under those circumstances, you may ultimately find that leaving the toxic relationship and combative social environment is the better option anyway.

 

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2014

Irritability

Photo courtesy of Microsoft

 

                From the moment you wake up and get out of bed, the day goes from bad to worse. It’s like everything that can go wrong, does. Just thinking about doing something is all the Universe needs to know to turn the tables on you and make your good intentions a fail. Following are some tips to help you get through the frustration and take positive steps to turn your situation around.

1.       Diaphragmatic breathing. Draw a slow, deep breath through your nose; hold it four three or four seconds and then release the air through your mouth. Breathing this way not only relaxes the tension in your physical body; it also provides a tangible example (proof) that you can control a specific physical behavior. Repeat this exercise several times until you notice that your pulse/heartbeat returns to its normal (resting) rate.

2.       Watch your diet. Good nutrition is a very important component when it comes to how you deal with frustration. John Kappas, Ph.D., founder of the Hypnosis Motivation Institute, observed the way a fluctuation in blood-sugar level can influence our mood and suggestibility and the development of phobias. Reduce your caffeine intake and eat healthy meals that include protein to keep your mood stable, increase your patience and shake off your bad mood.

3.       Focus on your options/solutions. When your physical body is relaxed and your mind is calm, you can turn your attention to figuring out what is annoying you. Once your subconscious mind has created new associations (knowns­) between feeling relaxed and your ability to solve a problem, it is easier to access previously proved (success) mental scripts to manage your frustration.

4.       Imagery and visualization. Imagery exercises such as “Special Place” enable you to temporarily escape from whatever is frustrating or irritating you, and mentally someplace where you can feel completely comfortable, calm and relaxed. Anchor these feelings of calm, comfort and relaxation by pressing or rubbing your thumb and index (pointing) finger of your right hand so you can and immediately access this comfortable state.

5.       Tap it out. Use the Emotional Freedom Technique (www.eftuniverse.com) to neutralize your irritability/bad mood: “Even though I feel irritable/I am in a bad mood/etc. …”

For more information about how hypnotherapy and therapeutic guided imagery can help you relax and manage your mood, or to set up an appointment with me, please contact me at the calminsensehypnosis@yahoo.com or call me at (661) 433-9430.

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2014

 

Empty Your Mind

Photo courtesy of Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht.

 

                When I was an editor at Black Belt® magazine (www.blackbeltmag.com), I often came across the following quote in which martial artists were urged to practice mushin no shin or “mind of no mind” during combat or competition. Basically, this term philosophy urges you to empty your mind and turn off your emotions so you can think and perceive what’s going on around you. I had an opportunity to practice this philosophy while I hung out with Galahad this afternoon.

                The time I spent with my horse was not in combat but in a kind of moving meditation as I groomed him. Once I had him secured in the cross-ties, I turned all of my attention to making him feel relaxed while I gently curried away shedding hairs and dirt. He did a lot of sighing and fluttered his nostrils a few times, so I am pretty sure he was beyond comfortable and probably a little blissed out during his mega-grooming session. (My trainer has commented several times that my horse is a bit hedonistic.)

Unlike complete Galahad, relaxation has never been easy for me; it is a rare day that I am not doing two or three things at one time. Even spending quiet time at the barn is not an inherently relaxing activity. For example, I always need to know where my feet and hands are to avoid being accidentally stepped on or nibbled when I give Galahad a treat. I have to be careful not to let my horse walk directly behind me when I lead him or he could run right over me if something spooked him and he bolted forward. When I ride, I must use various parts of my body to ensure that I communicate exactly what I want my horse to do and he understands what I am asking for. In addition, my entire body must be soft and relaxed while I remain aware of my surroundings and alert to anything that could spook my horse, including changes in my body that indicate I’m not focused on what I’m doing.

Of course, the reason why I sometimes have so much trouble quieting my mind and directing my focus is, multi-tasking is my go-to behavior. It is my known. Even though I was physically relaxed while I groomed my horse—the repetitive motions of currying and brushing are actually hypnotizing, pun intended—my mind was anything but. Random thoughts kept popping into my head: What should I blog about today? Has so-and-so received my e-mail? I have to get ready for that meeting tomorrow, etc. Whenever my thoughts drifted away from what I was doing with Galahad, he would politely by pointedly change his posture as if to remind me to pay attention to what I was doing. After all, this was his time to be with me and get fussed over.

Spending time with my horse is my favorite time of day and my absolute favorite thing to do, but I sometimes have trouble completely turning off the rest of the world even when I’m with him. Today was one of those days. I know I shouldn’t have to work so hard at relaxing but, let’s face it: sometimes tuning out is really hard work. My conscious mind knows that it should not be more stressful to relax and take time to decompress from the day than it is for me to multi-task various responsibilities I must fulfill and projects to complete during the day. My subconscious mind knows otherwise: Multi-tasking is my default, go-to behavior. It is a subconscious known, an established behavior, a mental script. Furthermore, according to John Kappas, Ph.D.’s Theory of Mind, I reinforce that behavior every day, when I am working (e.g., preparing for a session, working and following up with clients after their appointment and taking continuing education courses). Then I go out to the barn and ride/hang out with my horse, where I typically do several things at the barn just to stay safe. (As much as I love and trust Galahad, I know that I am physically no match against his 900-pound might if I ended up in the wrong place at the wrong time.)

Well, I have been working very diligently to rewrite that old mental script that says I have to multi-task every minute of my day. I’m pleased to say that after a few false starts this afternoon I was finally able to get into a groove with Galahad when I was able to tune out that extra chatter in my head for longer and longer periods of time. When I caught myself thinking about something that didn’t have to do with him, I simply re-directed my attention back on Galahad where it belonged. By the end of our afternoon together, the image and sound of him contentedly nibbling on grass and the earthy smells around me were the only thoughts on my mind.

Mind of no mind.

               

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2014