Forgiveness

I am continuing to suspend in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. However, phone, and Zoom consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE! 

 

(This blog was originally posted on September 15, 2014)

Photo courtesy of Microsoft

 

 

Have you ever got stuck in a blame-game with someone, refusing to accept some responsibility for your role in the situation or to accept the other person’s apology for hurting you? Do you ever hold onto the anger and emotional pain about something that occurred so long ago that you don’t even feel those emotions anymore but keep holding onto them because…you don’t even know why? Would you be willing to let go of all that negative energy if you knew this release would help you feel better, to be at peace and free you from the emotional baggage you have been dragging around?

I recently saw this quote from Inspirationboost.com, and it really resonated with me: “Forgive. Not because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace.”

At some point during our lifetime, someone hurts us. This injury may be physical or metaphoric, intentional or accidental, but long after the physical wounds have healed some emotional scars continue to feel raw. To assuage this pain and gain a sense of control over what happened, we may claim that the injury was justified or believe that we somehow brought it on ourselves. Indeed, it can be very difficult to see past this pain when someone you once cared about is hurling verbal and legal barbs your way during an acrimonious divorce or dissolution of a business or social relationship. You may even resent and even guilt/shame for having ever trusted him or her with your heart (and your finances).

The problem with holding onto these negative emotions is that you are the one who continues to suffer emotional pain long after the relationship has ended, and you and the other person have parted ways for good. Whenever you dwell on the negative events that happened during the relationship and the sadness or anger that you felt at the time, you reinforce the strength and the habit of feeling (and feeding) those negative emotions. This continued bombardment of thoughts, memories and negative associations with the past relationship overloads the conscious mind, triggering the fight/flight mechanism and putting you in an even more hyper-suggestible state (hypnosis). Since we are most suggestible to ourselves, every time we repeat a thought or behavior you reinforce its strength and power in your subconscious mind. In other words, you are hypnotizing yourself to perpetuate this unwanted behavior. Ultimately, the most effective way to heal from that hurt is to forgive the person who inflicted it so you can pursue the life that you want and deserve to be living.

       

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. Sara has been voted the Best Hypnotherapist in Santa Clarita, California, four years in a row (2019-2022). For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/

© 2023

 

Power Breathing

I am continuing to suspend in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. However, phone, and Zoom consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE! 

 

(This blog was originally posted on August 30, 2016)

Photo by Rick Hustead

 

Breathing—especially diaphragmatic breathing—is one of the most natural and basic things that you can do to relax and calm down during a stressful situation. Power breathing is an effective technique to release/force out negative emotions you associate with that situation, event or even a person.

These techniques are similar in that both entail taking deep breaths of air through the nose and holding the air in the lungs for a few seconds before releasing it through the mouth. In power breathing, however, the air is released more forcefully, often with a “whoosh” sound, as if you are blowing out a very large candle. I find that imagery of Old Faithful’s steamy eruption or the sound and sight of the mist produced when whales or dolphins breathe on the surface of the ocean are useful for this exercise. Other good metaphors include a tornado, the power of a wind tunnel or even a volcano; it is completely up to you which imagery—if any—to use when you practice this technique.

The important and therapeutic aspect of this technique is that you associate the forceful release of your breath with symbolically, forcefully releasing those negative emotions or events, etc., you associate with holding back or impeding your personal growth. It doesn’t matter if you identify specific stressors to release (Physical Sexual/Physical Suggestible) or simply recognize them as a generic category of “everything that bothers me.” (An Emotional Sexual/Emotional Suggestible individual is more likely to do this.) The important thing is that you are allowing yourself to release—even force out—those negative associations this way. The force with which you let go of these things physically strengthens this intention in the conscious mind. The fact that these negative associations are being released on the exhale—a natural process of every breath we take—reinforces this intention in the subconscious mind.

It is a great breathing technique to help release stress and tension when you are stuck in rush-hour traffic, too!

 

 

Special Offer: Free 30-Minute Phone or Zoom Consultation

This is a great opportunity to find out why hypnosis is so effective and how hypnotherapy can help you achieve your self-improvement goals. Call or text me at (661) 433-9430 or send me an e-mail at calminsensehypnosis@yahoo.com to set up your free, 30-minute phone or Zoom consultation* today! 

*This is not a full hypnotherapy session. Hypnosis will not be provided during this consultation. This offer is not redeemable for cash and may not be combined with any other promotion.

 

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. Sara has been voted the Best Hypnotherapist in Santa Clarita, California, four years in a row (2019-2022). For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/

© 2023

 

Just Say No!

(This blog was originally posted on April 23, 2014)

Elton John sings, “‘Sorry’ seems to be the hardest word.” That may be true; but ‘no’—the key word in assertiveness, in my opinion—is right up there in the Number Two position of difficulty for so many people to say, especially females. I often wonder why that is. Perhaps it has to do with the texture of the words, themselves. The definite, hard consonant “n” and then a long “o” gives the pronunciation and enunciation of no a cold, harsh sound. In comparison, the sometimes-vowel “y”, short “e” and the soft, drawn out “s” when we say yes create an almost musical or lyrical sound. Yes is a nice word to hear and say.

This point brings me to the implication and connotations associated with each of these words. From early childhood, we learn to associate positive emotions and experiences—such as presents, treats and rewards, with yes; whereas adherence to strict rules, criticism and/or punishment tend to go with no. What child has not categorized a parent, guardian or teacher who says yes a lot as being “nice,” compared to the adult who expects Johnny and Sue to be on their best behavior and do their homework before they get to go outside to play? Even in adulthood, it is natural to prefer the company of someone who does what we like and want them to do, compared to an individual who will not go along with our plans or desires just to please us, if doing so won’t benefit the other person. In the heat of the moment, it is impossible to understand the motives and inner fortitude of people who can say “no” without blinking an eye and refuse to back down: how come they are so stubborn?  Sometimes, we even resent them for their willingness to stand up and fight for their beliefs, especially when this stance blocks or interferes with our plans. And yet, these are the people many of us secretly admire and want to be like.

Self-confidence and self-esteem are key components behind the willingness to say yes and the ability to say no. Neither trait is automatic, nor are they mutually inclusive: It is possible to be very confident but have very low self-esteem (self-value), and vice versa. When I work with a client to help the person become more assertive, one of the first things I do is assess and, if necessary, increase the person’s self-confidence and strengthen his or her self-esteem. This work is imperative because it shores up the person’s defenses against negative self-chatter and suggestibility to other people’s criticism as he or she works to achieve this vocational and avocational self-improvement goal. Next, I use relaxation and therapeutic guided-imagery techniques in hypnosis to help the person rehearse using the assertive behaviors. This exercise not only creates a new known in the subconscious mind that he or she can be assertive, it reinforces the person’s confidence that he or she can use this new skill effectively and successfully in the real world.

No isn’t so hard to say, after all.

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2015

The Reaction Formation

 

                Have you ever felt (secretly) very hostile or resentful of a sibling or colleague but still behaved in a considerate, solicitous and even friendly way toward that individual? Or, have you ever put on a brave face and nonchalantly agreed to ski down a more advanced run even though you felt (privately) terrified to advance past the bunny slope? If so, you have experienced a defense mechanism known as the reaction formation.

This response is characterized by transforming negative emotions or behaviors—or, more accurately, emotions or behaviors that are perceived to be negative or inappropriate—into a more desirable and functional form. Like all other defense mechanisms, the reaction formation is characterized by four common traits: 1) it is unconscious; 2) it is self-deceptive; 3) it contains elements of denial; 4) it distorts reality through thoughts and action. Their primarily role is to protect the subconscious mind from what it perceives as a threat or “pain.” In this case, the pain would be caused by our peers negatively judging our attitudes or behavior that contradicts acceptable beliefs or behaviors: “How can/why do you resent someone you barely know just because he or she possesses a specific skill or talent?” Rather than risk other people’s criticism of your feelings—the origins of which are unclear even to you—you overcompensate and cultivate those more socially acceptable behaviors to be accepted in your social group.

     According to Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder John Kappas, Ph.D.’s Theory of Mind, we are all subconsciously motivated to maintain and/or restore a known physical and emotional status of comfort and security. In this case, social acceptance represents pleasure, whereas criticism and potential rejection from our peers are pain. Since the SCM is motivated and even programmed to seek the pleasure stimuli, we may adopt these defense mechanisms to literally “defend” against potential social rejection (pain). For example, a veterinary student who so transforms his personal dislike of dogs to specialize in caring for canines has a greater chance of running a successful veterinary practice, where dogs are often patients.

Even though almost everyone uses one to ameliorate an undesirable reaction to an unpleasant circumstance at some point, these defense mechanisms provide only a temporary perception of control over the environment. Eventually, we have to deal with and resolve the primary issue that triggered the defense mechanism to achieve personal growth.

 

 

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2014