Passive-Aggressiveness and Fear of Success

I am continuing to suspend in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. However, phone, and Zoom consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE! 

 

(This blog was originally posted on July 10, 2014)

 

Photo by Sara Fogan

 

 

Passive-aggressive behavior is one of the most common ways that we sabotage ourselves. According to developmental psychologist Erik Erikson, it usually starts very early in life: between the ages of 3 and 6 years old (although as young as 18 months is possible). During this time, which Erikson characterized as the play-age/loco-motor stage of development, a child is learning the difference between right and wrong behavior, on his or her way to learning to become independent.

To facilitate healthy development at this stage, Erikson believed that children should be encouraged to be creative and use their imagination when they play. In addition, they should be allowed to play adult roles and assert their individuality by taking initiative and doing things on their own. Otherwise, they may develop a sense of guilt and believe that everything they do is “wrong.” When children are not allowed or is discouraged from expressing their feelings, they may try to punish their parents for causing this discomfort. When they continue this behavior as adults, however, they become the object of this punishment, Erikson warned.

“A passive-aggressive person first believes that asserting himself will cause him pain, so he backs off from people who challenge him,” John Kappas, Ph.D., explained. However, even if the individual initially seems very passive and cooperative, the objective in this behavior is to teach someone a lesson. Passive-aggression is self-sabotaging and is at the passive-aggressive person’s expense, such as quitting a job before being fired, the Hypnosis Motivation Institute explained.

For example, even if a person wants to have a successful career in a specific vocation, he or she may find reasons to not pursue this goal. The individual may decide that it is taking too long to achieve that goal, even though the person is already very good at this job. It may even be true that he or she could earn more money doing something else instead of wasting precious time learning pre-requisite skills to advance and achieve the desired career. But that is what the conscious mind—the area of will-power/free will, decision-making, reasoning and logic—says. This is what the subconscious mind, which still follows an early-life mental script, says: “You will never be good/talented/smart enough to do that.” This belief is the actual reason why the person will walk away from that “dream” job.

My role as this person’s hypnotherapist would be to change his or her subconscious mental script by helping to increase self-confidence and perception of self-worth. I would also help the individual change the passive-aggressive tendencies to assertiveness by setting realistic career goals, following through with goals and reinforcing the person’s new self-confidence (behaviors and beliefs). Finally, I would teach my client about the Mental Bank Concept and incorporate it in the person’s daily life to reinforce these new behaviors and perception (belief) of self-worth.

For more information about passive-aggressive behavior, read my blog titled “Passive-Aggressive Behavior.” You can also find out more about how the Mental Bank process works in my July 7, 2014 blog titled Introduction to the Mental Bank Concept or watch the free online video about this topic at http://www.hypnosis.edu/streaming/#Mental-Bank-Program.

 

 

Special Offer: Free 30-Minute Phone or Zoom Consultation

This is a great opportunity to find out why hypnosis is so effective and how hypnotherapy can help you achieve your self-improvement goals. Call or text me at (661) 433-9430 or send me an e-mail at calminsensehypnosis@yahoo.com to set up your free, 30-minute phone or Zoom consultation* today! 

*This is not a full hypnotherapy session. Hypnosis will not be provided during this consultation. This offer is not redeemable for cash and may not be combined with any other promotion.

 

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. Sara has been voted the Best Hypnotherapist in Santa Clarita, California, four years in a row (2019-2022). For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/

© 2023

 

How Passive-Aggressive Behavior Affects Motivation

 To minimize risk of exposure to and spread of the COVID-19 virus and COVID-19 variants, I am continuing to suspend in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. Meanwhile, phone, and Zoom consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE! 

 

 

(This blog was originally posted on August 29, 2016)

 

Photo by Sara Fogan

 

 

According to Erik Erickson’s Stages of Development model, passive-aggressive behavior begins when a child is between three to six years old (Loco-Motor stage), when he or she is just starting to become independent. The youngster also learns about guilt and initiative at this time. Erickson observed that if a child is punished or discouraged from expressing initiative, he or she would try to sabotage the parents. For example, the individual might wet or soil the pants instead of going to the bathroom despite having been toilet trained. This kind of passive-aggressive behavior carries over into adulthood as a way to subtly hurt or frustrate someone as if to teach a lesson to the other person. However, it is ultimately the person who behaves in this passive-aggression way who suffers the most.

John Kappas, Ph.D., considered passive-aggressive behavior part of a “losing syndrome” in which the person subconsciously always expects to fail because he or she was never allowed or encouraged to succeed at a task, or was even punished for being assertive. An example of passive-aggressive behavior in adulthood is an employee saying or doing something at work that contradicts the workplace environment/culture that jeopardizes the individual’s chances of promotion or even gets the person fired.

In the above example, Dr. Kappas worked with a man who sought hypnotherapy to increase his motivation about his job and stop procrastinating. The client conceded that he had had 20 jobs over the years; despite feeling optimistic and believing he would succeed at the beginning of each employment, it ultimately wouldn’t work out. When asked why the jobs didn’t work, the client blamed his co-workers when something went wrong; or, he became bored very quickly if he didn’t feel challenged if the job didn’t pay well.

To help the client work through these issues, the hypnotherapist identified and pointed out common denominators between the unwanted behavior (procrastination and low motivation) and the man’s passive-aggressive tendencies. Examples included tardiness to work, tendency to daydream, avoidance of responsibility and failing to show up at meetings or appointments. Next, Dr. Kappas recommended specific dietary changes to stabilize the client’s blood-sugar level and reduce anxiety and frustration. He also gave the client positive suggestions for future personal growth and appreciation of his abilities. Finally, Dr. Kappas introduced him to the Mental Bank Concept to increase the client’s motivation and sense of self-worth.

“Passive aggressiveness gets worse as the person gets older,” warned the Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder, which is why it is so important to obviate these behaviors sooner than later to ensure continued growth and opportunities for self-improvement.

 

 

Limited-Time Special Offer: Free 30-minute Phone/Zoom Consultation

 January—the start of a new year—is a great time to fulfil New Year’s resolutions and complete projects you may have been putting off. Call/send me a text message at (661) 433-9430 or send me an e-mail at calminsensehypnosis@yahoo.com to set up your free, 30-minute phone or Zoom consultation and find out why hypnosis and therapeutic guided imagery are such effective modalities to help you achieve your self-improvement goals and finish those projects! 

 

Offer valid through February 28, 2022. May not be combined with any other offer. Not redeemable for cash.

 

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. Sara has been voted the Best Hypnotherapist in Santa Clarita, California, three years in a row (July 2019, September 2020, July 2021). For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/

© 2022

 

Micro-Aggressions

 In compliance with current WHO and CDC recommendations to minimize risk of exposure to and spread of the COVID-19 virus, I am temporarily suspending in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. However, phone and Skype/Zoom consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE! 

 

(This blog was originally posted on May 3, 2016)

 

Photo by Rick Hustead

 

Someone is finally doing it. Someone is finally suing Starbucks® because the company “shorts” advertised quantity of coffee in iced beverages compared to the ratio of ice. O-kay, then.

The company argues that ice is supposed to be in an iced beverage. Isn’t that implied—even explicitly stated—in the names of the beverages like iced coffee, iced tea, iced-green-tea latte, etc.? Even the Frappuccino beverages made with a lot of ice. Considering how many units of iced beverages Starbucks® sells each day, I doubt that the plaintiff in this case is the first person who noticed the imbalanced of the coffee-to-ice ratio. Most people who order an iced beverage simply pay and happily walk out of the store or take a seat along the coffee bar and enjoy their drink, end of story. I wonder what inspired this person to actually sue the company over this imbalance instead of simply ask the barista to prepare the beverage with less or even no ice, or simply stop buying coffee there in the first place?

Last year, one of my nephews introduced me to the word “micro-aggression.” I remember laughing at the concept of micro-aggressions. I didn’t laugh because I believe some complaints and perceived injustices are truly funny or deserve to be dismissed out of hand, but because the word itself is demeaning and yet so accurate. In the context of the many injustices (real or perceived) that are occurring in the world, not receiving the advertised amount of coffee in your iced beverage doesn’t seem like a big deal, or even that it should be. Taking the company to court for a $5 million payday over this imbalance is a bit extreme. And yet, it’s happening. My question is: how did this and similar situations get so far?

A couple years ago I posted a blog titled Passive-Aggressive Behavior in which I explained the origins of this behavior, which typically begins during early-childhood. A youngster naturally starts to become more independent from his caregivers between the ages of two and five. However, if the adult does not provide options and opportunities for the child to demonstrate the desired behavior, the youngster may adopt passive-aggressive responses to these requests in order to display some kind of autonomy. Rather than ask directly for something, the individual hints and insinuates that something is wrong/must change until other people in the environment change behavior to accommodate him. Over time, this strategy becomes a subconscious known—a go-to behavior to get what the person wants. I can’t help but wonder if passive-aggression is at the root of so many examples of micro-aggression we are seeing lately.

There is a huge difference between assertiveness and aggressiveness/passive-aggressiveness. In the first case, an assertive Starbucks® customer would immediately, politely, tell the barista that there is too much ice in the beverage and ask for it to be remade. (There is a sign on the counter of every Starbucks® that states the store’s policy about re-making a drink to a customer’s satisfaction.) If the new drink still wasn’t made to the person’s satisfaction, the person could ask for a refund and stop going there for coffee. Maybe even a letter to the CEO would be in order. Conversely, an aggressive customer might rudely complain about the drink, demand the refund/reject apologies from the company, etc., and even stomp loudly off the premises and tell everyone about the lousy experience. The passive-aggressive customer may take the beverage as it was originally prepared and then complain (loudly or discretely) about everything that is wrong with the drink. The final step on this path would be to take the complaint to court.

I do not know all of the details about this customer’s lawsuit. Perhaps the individual has made many attempts to change how the company prepares its iced beverages and even had a one-on-one meeting with the CEO to vent frustration about this perceived rip-off. But is this issue so important to press legal charges, knowing that the cost of hiring a legal team to defend/prosecute this injustice may become financially prohibitive? Sure, the ultimate pay-day could be worth this effort—if and when it eventually comes. The question I have about this issue is whether having a disproportionate ratio of ice-to-coffee symbolic of another more personally meaningful perceived imbalance in this person’s life.

Maybe it isn’t about the coffee, at all.

 

 

Limited-Time Offer: Free Phone, Skype or Zoom Consultation

This is a great opportunity to find out why hypnosis is so effective and how hypnotherapy can help you achieve your self-improvement goals. Call/send me a text message at (661) 433-9430 or send me an e-mail at calminsensehypnosis@yahoo.com to set up your free, 30-minute phone, Skype or Zoom consultation, today! (Limited to one consultation per person.)

Offer valid through September 30, 2020.

 

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. In July 2019 she was voted the Best Hypnotherapist in Santa Clarita, California. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2020

 

 

Passive-Aggressiveness and the Fear of Success

In compliance with current WHO and CDC recommendations to minimize risk of exposure to and spread of the COVID-19 virus, I am temporarily suspending in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. However, phone and Skype consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE! 

(This blog was originally posted on July 10, 2014)

Photo by Sara Fogan

Passive-aggressive behavior is one of the most common ways that we sabotage ourselves. According to developmental psychologist Erik Erikson, it usually starts very early in life: between the ages of 3 and 6 years old (although as young as 18 months is possible). During this time, which Erikson characterized as the play-age/loco-motor stage of development, a child is learning the difference between right and wrong behavior, on his or her way to learning to become independent.

To facilitate healthy development at this stage, Erikson believed that children should be encouraged to be creative and use their imagination when they play. In addition, they should be allowed to play adult roles and assert their individuality by taking initiative and doing things on their own. Otherwise, they may develop a sense of guilt and believe that everything they do is “wrong.” When children are not allowed or is discouraged from expressing their feelings, they may try to punish their parents for causing this discomfort. When they continue this behavior as adults, however, they become the object of this punishment, Erikson warned.

“A passive-aggressive person first believes that asserting himself will cause him pain, so he backs off from people who challenge him,” John Kappas, Ph.D., explained. However, even if the individual initially seems very passive and cooperative, the objective in this behavior is to teach someone a lesson. Passive-aggression is self-sabotaging and is at the passive-aggressive person’s expense, such as quitting a job before being fired, the Hypnosis Motivation Institute explained.

For example, even if a person wants to have a successful career in a specific vocation, he or she may find reasons to not pursue this goal. The individual may decide that it is taking too long to achieve that goal, even though the person is already very good at this job. It may even be true that he or she could earn more money doing something else instead of wasting precious time learning pre-requisite skills to advance and achieve the desired career. But that is what the conscious mind—the area of will-power/free will, decision-making, reason and logic—says. This is what the subconscious mind, which still follows an early-life mental script, says: “You will never be good/talented/smart enough to do that.” This belief is the actual reason why the person will actually walk away from that “dream” job.

My role as this person’s hypnotherapist would be to change his or her mental script by helping to increase his or her self-confidence and perception of self-worth. I would also help the individual change the passive-aggressive tendencies to assertiveness by setting realistic career goals, following through with goals and reinforcing his or her new self-confidence (behaviors and beliefs). Finally, I would teach my client about the Mental Bank Concept and incorporate it in the person’s daily life to reinforce these new behaviors and perception (belief) of self-worth.

For more information about passive-aggressive behavior, read my blog titled “Passive-Aggressive Behavior.” You can also find out more about how the Mental Bank process works in my July 7, 2014 blog titled “Introduction to the Mental Bank Concept” or watch the free online video about this topic.

Special Offer!

Save 15 percent on all a la carte (individual) phone and Skype hypnotherapy sessions, including the 2-hour introductory First Session!

*This offer may not be combined with other promotional discounts/session packages and is not redeemable for cash. Offer expires on June 30, 2020

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. In July 2019 she was voted the Best Hypnotherapist in Santa Clarita, California. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2020