Irritability

 To minimize risk of exposure to and spread of the COVID-19 virus and COVID-19 variants, I am continuing to suspend in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. Meanwhile, phone, and Zoom consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE! 

 

(This blog was originally posted on August 20, 2014)

Photo courtesy of Microsoft

 

 

From the moment you wake up and get out of bed, the day goes from bad to worse. It’s like everything that can go wrong, does. Just thinking about doing something is all the Universe needs to know to turn the tables on you and make your good intentions a fail. Following are some tips to help you get through the frustration and take positive steps to turn your situation around.

• Diaphragmatic breathing. Draw a slow, deep breath through your nose; hold it four three or four seconds and then release the air through your mouth. Breathing this way not only relaxes the tension in your physical body; it also provides a tangible example (proof) that you can control a specific physical behavior. Repeat this exercise several times until you notice that your pulse/heartbeat returns to its normal (resting) rate.

• Watch your diet. Good nutrition is a very important component when it comes to how you deal with frustration. John Kappas, Ph.D., founder of the Hypnosis Motivation Institute, observed the way a fluctuation in blood-sugar level can influence our mood and suggestibility and the development of phobias. Reduce your caffeine intake and eat healthy meals that include protein to keep your mood stable, increase your patience and shake off your bad mood.

• Focus on your options/solutions. When your physical body is relaxed and your mind is calm, you can turn your attention to figuring out what is annoying you. Once your subconscious mind has created new associations (knowns­) between feeling relaxed and your ability to solve a problem, it is easier to access previously proved (success) mental scripts to manage your frustration.

• Imagery and visualization. Imagery exercises such as “Special Place” enable you to temporarily escape from whatever is frustrating or irritating you, and mentally someplace where you can feel completely comfortable, calm and relaxed. Anchor these feelings of calm, comfort and relaxation by pressing or rubbing your thumb and index (pointing) finger of your right hand so you can and immediately access this comfortable state.

• Tap it out. Use the Emotional Freedom Technique to neutralize your irritability/bad mood: “Even though I feel irritable/I am in a bad mood/etc. …”

For more information about how hypnotherapy and therapeutic guided imagery can help you relax and manage your mood, or to set up an appointment with me, please contact me at the calminsensehypnosis@yahoo.com or call me at (661) 433-9430.

 

 

Special Offer: Intensive Hypnotherapy to Quit Smoking

This session lasts approximately 2 hours. You must be smoking 5 cigarettes or fewer per day and have previously completed the First Hypnotherapy session with me to participate in this program. Relevant handouts and a free, digital reinforcement hypnosis track will be provided at the end of the session.  The Intensive Hypnotherapy to Quit Smoking session costs $275. If you also need to do the First Hypnotherapy session, I am also offering a $35 discount on the First Session if you book and pay for both up front, at the same time ($440 total). This promotional discount may not be combined with any other discount or discount package. It is not redeemable for cash. Expires on October 31, 2021.

 

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. Sara has been voted the Best Hypnotherapist in Santa Clarita, California, three years in a row (July 2019, September 2020, July 2021). For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2021

 

 

 

Hypno-Anesthesia

To minimize risk of exposure to and spread of the COVID-19 virus and COVID-19 variants, I am continuing to suspend in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. Meanwhile, phone, and Zoom consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE! 

 

(This blog was originally posted on July 12, 2016)

Photo by Rick Hustead

 

 You may recall one of the scenes in Glory, in which a young soldier runs away from Confederate gunfire despite having had one of his legs shot off. Presumably he is in considerable physical pain at that moment, but his subconscious and conscious mind are completely focused on fleeing the danger/surviving the battle and living. He doesn’t even seem to even notice his injuries. Conversely, in Dances with Wolves, Union Army lieutenant John Dunbar (Kevin Costner) runs toward enemy fire in a bid to commit suicide rather than have Union doctors amputate his badly wounded leg. In this case, Lt. Dunbar was likely more afraid of living the rest of his life as an amputee—a totally unknown way of life, compared to the one he knows as a decorated soldier—than the prospect of death, which he faced every time he went to battle.

Even though at least one million sensations are going on in the body at any one time, we typically only perceive a few of them at once. So, at this point in reading my blog I want you to focus attention to your feet and how they feel in the shoes you have on. Until I gave you that suggestion, had you even noticed your feet or shoes? This kind of selective attention is very fortunate; otherwise, we would be in a state of sensory overload every minute—every second—of the day.

This kind of selective attention is also what facilitates hypno-anesthesia. Consider Dr. John Kappas’s definition of hypnosis: “Hypnosis is created by an overload of message units disorganizing our inhibitory process (critical mind), triggering our fight/flight mechanism and ultimately resulting in a hyper-suggestible state, providing access to the subconscious mind.” When you are in this state, the level of awareness is actually heightened. However, the message in the hypnotic script has you focus on a specific issue(s) or sensation(s) while disregarding or reforming the significance of conflicting messages/perceptions. For example, when preparing a pregnant client to manage the discomfort of the contractions in labor, I would suggest that she imagine/perceive the contractions as the gentle massage that is helping to bring her child into the world. By changing the meaning or association of the sensation from something uncomfortable to a process that is bringing joy into her life, she can also change the perception of that sensation.

Hypnosis to manage/control pain is one of the most common requests/uses/applications of this modality. The body naturally produces its own analgesics (pain-control enzymes) when the subconscious mind is overloaded (distracted) or when you are comfortable and relaxed, such as during hypnosis/hypnotherapy/therapeutic guided imagery. Therefore, when you are relaxed and calm in hypnosis, you are more likely to feel greater comfort and be better able to manage or control physical pain. However, the anxiety and fear that often accompany pain typically increase this perception. Since hypnosis helps a person relax and reduces anxiety and stress, being in this state, alone, is a natural analgesic.

Unlike medically-induced anesthesia—which can induce physiological complications from medication-induced side effects—hypnosis is a safe, natural, drug-free state of awareness. In addition to helping create pain-free labor/delivery, it is useful to control pain/discomfort during dentistry procedures, low-back pain, headaches, arthritis and more.*

 

 

*California law allows access by California residents to complementary and alternative health care practitioners who are not providing services that require medical training and credentials. The purpose of a program of hypnotherapy is for vocational and avocational self-improvement (Business and Professions Code 2908) and as an alternative or complementary treatment to healing arts services licensed by the state. A hypnotherapist is not a licensed physician or psychologist, and hypnotherapy services are not licensed by the state of California. Services are non-diagnostic and do not include the practice of medicine, neither should they be considered a substitute for licensed medical or psychological services or procedures.

 

 

Special Offer: Intensive Hypnotherapy to Quit Smoking

This session lasts approximately 2 hours. You must be smoking 5 cigarettes or fewer per day and have previously completed the First Hypnotherapy session with me to participate in this program. Relevant handouts and a free, digital reinforcement hypnosis track will be provided at the end of the session.  The Intensive Hypnotherapy to Quit Smoking session costs $275. If you also need to do the First Hypnotherapy session, I am also offering a $35 discount on the First Session if you book and pay for both up front, at the same time ($440 total). This promotional discount may not be combined with any other discount or discount package. It is not redeemable for cash. Expires on October 31, 2021.

 

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. Sara has been voted the Best Hypnotherapist in Santa Clarita, California, three years in a row (July 2019, September 2020, July 2021). For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2021

 

 

Micro Aggressions

 

To minimize risk of exposure to and spread of the COVID-19 virus and COVID-19 variants, I am continuing to suspend in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. Meanwhile, phone, and Zoom consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE! 

 

(This blog was originally posted on May 3, 2016)

Photo by Rick Hustead

 

Someone is finally doing it. Someone is finally suing Starbucks® because the company “shorts” advertised quantity of coffee in iced beverages compared to the ratio of ice. O-kay, then.

The company argues that ice is supposed to be in an iced beverage. Isn’t that implied—even explicitly stated—in the names of the beverages like iced coffee, iced tea, iced-green-tea latte, etc.? Even the Frappuccino beverages made with a lot of ice. Considering how many units of iced beverages Starbucks® sells each day, I doubt that the plaintiff in this case is the first person who noticed the imbalanced of the coffee-to-ice ratio. Most people who order an iced beverage simply pay and happily walk out of the store or take a seat along the coffee bar and enjoy their drink, end of story. I wonder what inspired this person to actually sue the company over this imbalance instead of simply ask the barista to prepare the beverage with less or even no ice, or simply stop buying coffee there in the first place?

Last year, one of my nephews introduced me to the word “micro-aggression.” I remember laughing at the concept of micro-aggressions. I didn’t laugh because I believe some complaints and perceived injustices are truly funny or deserve to be dismissed out of hand, but because the word itself is demeaning and yet so accurate. In the context of the many injustices (real or perceived) that are occurring in the world, not receiving the advertised amount of coffee in your iced beverage doesn’t seem like a big deal, or even that it should be. Taking the company to court for a $5 million payday over this imbalance is a bit extreme. And yet, it’s happening. My question is: how did this and similar situations get so far?

A couple years ago I posted a blog titled Passive-Aggressive Behavior in which I explained the origins of this behavior, which typically begins during early-childhood. A youngster naturally starts to become more independent from his caregivers between the ages of two and five. However, if the adult does not provide options and opportunities for the child to demonstrate the desired behavior, the youngster may adopt passive-aggressive responses to these requests in order to display some kind of autonomy. Rather than ask directly for something, the individual hints and insinuates that something is wrong/must change until other people in the environment change behavior to accommodate him. Over time, this strategy becomes a subconscious known—a go-to behavior to get what the person wants. I can’t help but wonder if passive-aggression is at the root of so many examples of micro-aggression we are seeing lately.

There is a huge difference between assertiveness and aggressiveness/passive-aggressiveness. In the first case, an assertive Starbucks® customer would immediately, politely, tell the barista that there is too much ice in the beverage and ask for it to be remade. (There is a sign on the counter of every Starbucks® that states the store’s policy about re-making a drink to a customer’s satisfaction.) If the new drink still wasn’t made to the person’s satisfaction, the person could ask for a refund and stop going there for coffee. Maybe even a letter to the CEO would be in order. Conversely, an aggressive customer might rudely complain about the drink, demand the refund/reject apologies from the company, etc., and even stomp loudly off the premises and tell everyone about the lousy experience. The passive-aggressive customer may take the beverage as it was originally prepared and then complain (loudly or discretely) about everything that is wrong with the drink. The final step on this path would be to take the complaint to court.

I do not know all of the details about this customer’s lawsuit. Perhaps the individual has made many attempts to change how the company prepares its iced beverages and even had a one-on-one meeting with the CEO to vent frustration about this perceived rip-off. But is this issue so important to press legal charges, knowing that the cost of hiring a legal team to defend/prosecute this injustice may become financially prohibitive? Sure, the ultimate pay-day could be worth this effort—if and when it eventually comes. The question I have about this issue is whether having a disproportionate ratio of ice-to-coffee symbolic of another more personally meaningful perceived imbalance in this person’s life.

Maybe it isn’t about the coffee, at all.

 

 

 

Special Offer: Intensive Hypnotherapy to Quit Smoking

This session lasts approximately 2 hours. You must be smoking 5 cigarettes or fewer per day and have previously completed the First Hypnotherapy session with me to participate in this program. Relevant handouts and a free, digital reinforcement hypnosis track will be provided at the end of the session.  The Intensive Hypnotherapy to Quit Smoking session costs $275. If you also need to do the First Hypnotherapy session, I am also offering a $35 discount on the First Session if you book and pay for both up front, at the same time ($440 total). This promotional discount may not be combined with any other discount or discount package. It is not redeemable for cash. Expires on October 31, 2021.

 

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. Sara has been voted the Best Hypnotherapist in Santa Clarita, California, three years in a row (July 2019, September 2020, July 2021). For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2021

 

 

 

Recreating the Family of Origin

 To minimize risk of exposure to and spread of the COVID-19 virus and COVID-19 variants, I am continuing to suspend in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. Meanwhile, phone, and Zoom consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE! 

 

                                            (This blog was originally posted on May 19, 2016)

Photo by Rick Hustead

 

When I was a freshman at Occidental College, I noticed something very interesting: all of the students looked the same. Well, not exactly the same, as in identical; but our similarity in physical features and even social backgrounds struck me as uncanny. One of my favorite instructors reminded me of my mother, from her general physique and gentle demeanor to the curly, salt-and-pepper dark hair they wore in a similar style. Maybe that resemblance contributed to her being one of my favorite professors. I remember that my fourth-grade teacher reminded me of one of my grandmothers; Mrs. Payne also happened to be one of my favorite grammar-school teachers. I don’t think that was a coincidence. One of the first good friends I made at Goldsmiths College in London, during my junior year abroad reminded me of my sister; they both even shared the same major in English literature.

On Tuesday, May 17, 2016, KFI AM 640 radio host Gary Hoffman and his featured guest, Wendy Walsh, Ph.D., discussed people’s subconscious tendency to recreate the “home” or family environment/social schema where they work. Dr. Walsh’s description of this behavior sounded a lot like Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder John Kappas, Ph.D.’s Theory of Mind. No matter where we are or who we are with, we subconsciously want to return to those early experiences where we felt comfortable—even if we were experiencing pain in that situation. Both models made total sense.

Many people spend a majority of their waking day at work or at school/college. Whether it is a youngster’s first day in kindergarten or the first time newly minted CEO walks into the boardroom to facilitate a meeting, anxiety (pain) is usually the dominant emotion experienced. To alleviate this discomfort, we subconsciously look for any similarity between what he or she knows/knows how to do and other people with whom we have shared this previous environment or space. I remember the anxiety I experienced when the original owner of Black Belt magazine sold the company in 2001. All of the staff was anxious about our job security, even the senior editors and art directors. We all knew that the new line manager could easily decide this was a chance to “refresh” the current business model and get new writers and editors. Would our possible replacements actually be more skilled at our job or just a better social “fit” for the new boss? As it turned out, most of us kept our job and even got promotions when Black Belt magazine’s current owners bought and expanded the company a few years later. However, it was easy to see that new writers and editors that were hired were much more “like” and compatible with the new executive staff.

When I interviewed for college and, later, future jobs, I subconsciously looked for an environment where I already felt comfortable and shared interests/goals as the people with whom I would be sharing that environment. I have no doubt that Oxy’s college-acceptance board and my prospective employers had similar criteria when they considered how well I would fit in with them. The same could also be said of how I was originally recruited to join NRG—the business-network group to which I belong—and even, to some extent, how my clients “choose” to work with me as their hypnotherapist. What is similar? What is familiar? That is where we ultimately go—and stay.

 

Special Offer: Intensive Hypnotherapy to Quit Smoking

This session lasts approximately 2 hours. You must be smoking 5 cigarettes or fewer per day and have previously completed the First Hypnotherapy session with me to participate in this program. Relevant handouts and a free, digital reinforcement hypnosis track will be provided at the end of the session.  The Intensive Hypnotherapy to Quit Smoking session costs $275. If you also need to do the First Hypnotherapy session, I am also offering a $35 discount on the First Session if you book and pay for both up front, at the same time ($440 total). This promotional discount may not be combined with any other discount or discount package. It is not redeemable for cash. Expires on October 31, 2021.

  

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. Sara has been voted the Best Hypnotherapist in Santa Clarita, California, three years in a row (July 2019, September 2020, July 2021). For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2021

 

 

 

Dehypnotizing the Hypnotized Client

To minimize risk of exposure to and spread of the COVID-19 virus and COVID-19 variants, I am continuing to suspend in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. Meanwhile, phone, and Zoom consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE! 

(This blog was originally posted on July 27, 2014)

Photo by Rick Hustead

 

 

Every now and then, someone seeking hypnotherapy comes in for the appointment already hypnotized. Hypnosis is a completely natural state which every one of us experiences for approximately 30 minutes, at least twice a day—just before drifting to sleep at night and right after waking up in the  morning. As I have explained in previous blogs, we are also susceptible to experiencing a natural, environmentally-induced trance at other times of the day. (For more information about this topic, see: Have You Ever Been Hypnotized Before?; An Extreme Example of Environmental Hypnosis; and Hypnotized by the Grocery Store. And then there are instances in which we hypnotize ourselves. This is the state (and kind) of hypnosis I will address in this essay.

Psychologist and hypnotherapist John Kappas PhD observed that hypnosis occurs when an overload of message units disorganizes the inhibitory process, which triggers the fight/flight response to result in this hyper-suggestible state. Since we are more suggestible to ourselves than any other stimuli in our environment, we can get caught in a pattern of carrying beliefs or behaving in ways that do not work for us, but we continue to act that way because that is what we have always done. For example, someone who continues to accept work that is considerably below the individual’s skill and desired pay-grade may do this because the individual follows a subconscious mental script that says this is the best he or she can do. Now, despite expressing a desire to pursue a more lucrative career and possessing obvious skill to do that work, the person doesn’t even try to pursue a different career because he or she believes that original mental script.

To help an already-hypnotized client exit this state, Dr. Kappas advised deepening the person’s state even further and blocking his or her subconscious mind from accepting negative suggestions or influences from the environment. This must be done before proceeding with the regular hypnotherapy session to address the self-improvement goals that the client wants to actualize, the Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder said. If the client knows when, where and why these negative mental-scripts evolved, I will systematically desensitize the person to the environmental stimuli that trigger the undesired responses/behaviors.

However, if the client does not know how these negative mental scripts evolved, I do not employ age-regression therapy to explore and desensitize the origins of those negative beliefs. (For more information about this topic, see my blog titled “Age Regression…and why I Don’t Use This Technique. Rather, I use a technique called “rejection-proofing,” wherein I provide hypnotic suggestions to help increase the client’s overall self-acceptance, self-appreciation and self-approval. This process enables the individual to dismiss the negative self-talk (“chatter”) in the person’s subconscious mind and re-write a new mental script to reinforce the positive beliefs about his or her abilities to pursue those goals.

Finally, to increase the person’s ability to control entering the hypnotic state, I target the logical (left-brain) side of the client’s subconscious mind during this and subsequent hypnotherapy sessions. I also teach the person how to count out of hypnosis whenever the individual notices that he or she is naturally entering this state at home, work, driving or any other time.

 

 

Special Offer: Intensive Hypnotherapy to Quit Smoking

This session lasts approximately 2 hours. You must be smoking 5 cigarettes or fewer per day and have previously completed the First Hypnotherapy session with me to participate in this program. Relevant handouts and a free, digital reinforcement hypnosis track will be provided at the end of the session.  The Intensive Hypnotherapy to Quit Smoking session costs $275. If you also need to do the First Hypnotherapy session, I am also offering a $35 discount on the First Session if you book and pay for both up front, at the same time ($440 total). This promotional discount may not be combined with any other discount or discount package. It is not redeemable for cash. Expires on October 31, 2021.

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. Sara has been voted the Best Hypnotherapist in Santa Clarita, California, three years in a row (July 2019, September 2020, July 2021). For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2021

 

 

The Role of the Audio Track to Reinforce Hypnotic Suggestions

 
To minimize risk of exposure to and spread of the COVID-19 virus and COVID-19 variants, I am continuing to suspend in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. Meanwhile, phone, and Zoom consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE! 

 

(This blog was originally posted on March 23, 2016)

Photo by Rick Hustead

 

Audio tracks can be used to consistently reinforce a suggestion for changed behavior that is made to a client during the hypnotherapy session. Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder John Kappas, Ph.D.  liked to record of the hypnotic suggestions and affirmations that he gave clients during hypnosis. He then gave the recording to the individual to listen to independently at home and reinforce the suggestions for behavioral change between sessions. He found that these recordings were particularly useful to achieve self-improvement goals such as increase self-confidence, correct or curb impulsive behaviors and behaviors, facilitate weight loss/weight control, and modify fear reactions.

Like the Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder, I also like to offer and typically make an audio track of the hypnosis portion of the session for each of my clients to play at home and fortify the hypnotic message I provided in the office. Sometimes I put it on a CD but, more often lately, I simply e-mail a digital copy of the track to the client to listen to on a mobile device. Since it is designed to relax the listener, I always attach a written warning in the e-mail or on the hard copy that the person must not play the track while driving or at any other time when alert attention is needed.

Unlike the generic, topic-specific hypnosis tracks that you can purchase at book stores or on-line, the recordings I provide for each client are individualized to address each client’s specific therapeutic goals and needs. In almost every case, the suggestions, affirmations and motivational words that I provide in the hypnotic script are created on the spot, based on information that the client provided just moments before being counted into the hypnotic trance. Even scripts that have been previously created to facilitate weight loss, quitting smoking, overcome a fear/phobia, etc. must still be customized this way so the client’s subconscious mind will accept the new message I am providing. Each of these recordings is free, a “take-away gift” I give to the client at the end of each session.

Dr. Kappas advised that hypnotherapists should use discretion when providing the recording for a client. For example, hypnotherapists should only record the session for someone whom he or she feels confident will stop using the track once the problem is resolved or his or her situation has changed, he said. As I mentioned previously, I typically offer to record the hypnosis for each of my clients; this is true regardless of the person’s presenting issue according to the therapeutic guidelines and state regulations of the Business and Professions Code 2908. In addition, each hypnotic script includes suggestions that reflect where the person is on his or her therapeutic journey to address and help the client focus on that stage of the therapeutic journey.

 

 

Special Offer: Intensive Hypnotherapy to Quit Smoking

This session lasts approximately 2 hours. You must be smoking 5 cigarettes or fewer per day and have previously completed the First Hypnotherapy session with me to participate in this program. Relevant handouts and a free, digital reinforcement hypnosis track will be provided at the end of the session.  The Intensive Hypnotherapy to Quit Smoking session costs $275. If you also need to do the First Hypnotherapy session, I am also offering a $35 discount on the First Session if you book and pay for both up front, at the same time ($440 total). This promotional discount may not be combined with any other discount or discount package. It is not redeemable for cash. Expires on October 31, 2021.

 

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. Sara has been voted the Best Hypnotherapist in Santa Clarita, California, three years in a row (July 2019, September 2020, July 2021). For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2021

 

All About Emotional & Physical Sexuality, Part 3

To minimize risk of exposure to and spread of the COVID-19 virus and COVID-19 variants, I am continuing to suspend in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. Meanwhile, phone, and Zoom consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE! 

 

(This blog was originally posted on February 4, 2016)

 

Photo by Rick Hustead

 

 

 

In my previous blogs titled All About Emotional and Physical Sexuality, Part 1 and All About Emotional and Physical Sexuality, Part 2, I described characteristics of John Kappas, Ph.D.’s cornerstone therapeutic model, Emotional and Physical Sexuality. Once you understand how behaviors and motivations of the respective partners affects a relationship, this model can help improve the relationship or even amicably separate from a partner if the relationship has run its course. The Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder used this model to successfully help thousands of hypnotherapy clients to negotiate conflicts in their romantic and personal relationships.

Following is a summary of how the Emotional Sexual and Physical Sexual partner behaves in a relationship.

 

 

Emotionals vs. Physicals

• Emotional Sexual individuals don’t like to confront their partner. Physical Sexual individuals have no problem asking for or “demanding” what they want and need.

• Guilt controls the Emotional Sexual partner. The Physical Sexual partner feels actual, physical pain during a break-up, but when the relationship is over an Emotional “seems” to move on to a new relationship. (A bad break-up can take the Physical out of the dating game for a very long time in some cases, or subconsciously “chooses” another Physical partner because the previous experience with the Emotional lover/end of relationship was so traumatic.)

• The Emotional Sexual partner has 3-day cycles for sexual receptiveness. Day “3” is optimal for sexual intimacy/likelihood of the Emotional Sexual to solicit sexual contact from the partner. On day 3, the Emotional Sexual is most “Physical” (sub-dominance).

• Sex and the relationship are two different/separate things for the Emotional Sexual partner. The Emotional Sexual can compartmentalize: “It’s ‘just’ sex” with a mistress.

• Sex and the relationship are the one and the same for the Physical Sexual partner. A Physical Sexual person can’t imagine being sexually intimate without “feeling” an emotional connection with the other person.

• BOTH the Emotional Sexual and Physical Sexual partner wants control in the relationship but go about getting it in different ways. For example, the Physical Sexual partner shouts/pouts/makes demands for more attention. Conversely, the Emotional Sexual Partner freezes out/ignores the Physical Sexual partner, which makes the Physical Sexual partner become even more needy—shouting/making demands until one of them walks away from the relationship or reconciles the difference.

The goal of the Physical Sexual partner is to raise the Emotional partner’s subdominant (Physical Sexual) trait in order to receive the affection and attention that he or she needs and craves. The goal of the Emotional Sexual partner is to lower the Physical Sexual partner’s physicality in order to give the Emotional more “space” to feel desire and come forward. To reduce negative tension and increase physical desire between the Emotional and Physical Sexual partners, Dr. Kappas recommended that each individual “give a Twinkie” ( a metaphoric treat or favor) in the form of a desired behavior, from time to time. For example:

• The Physical Sexual partner can give the Emotional partner “space” to do his/her own thing for a little while or be an asset to the Emotional partner’s career.

• The Emotional Sexual partner can send love notes to the Physical partner, have flowers delivered, etc. to show that he/she is thinking about the other person even when not in the mood for physical intimacy.

• Understanding the 3-day cycle and planning intimacy around this is “giving a Twinkie” as well. Physical partner is usually responsible for this gesture because the Physical is most likely to feel/be sensitive to Emotional partner’s inadvertent rejection on Day 1 and Day 2 of the sexual cycle.

• The Emotional partner has 3-day cycles for sexual receptiveness. Day “3” is optimal for sexual intimacy/likelihood of the Emotional to solicit sexual contact from the partner. On day 3, the Emotional is most “Physical” (sub-dominance).

• Cubicle release: Emotional wants a strong sensation/ultimate sexual experience to really “feel” intimate with the partner. 1 ejaculation vs. 3 ½ for the physical partner, who can ejaculate in smaller volumes to have many experiences.

• “Buy the symptoms” of the opposite behavior: When the Emotional is cycling, it’s not about you (the Physical partner). It’s about cycle days, so give the Emotional partner the space to come to you (the physical partner). If the Emotional partner only encounters the Physical partner on a cycle day, he/she can feel even more physical. This good experience shortens the length of time between cycle days.

  

References

Kappas, Ph.D., John G. Relationship Strategies: The E & P Attraction. Panorama Publishing, Tarzana, California. © 1992.

 

 

 

Special Offer: Intensive Hypnotherapy to Quit Smoking

This session lasts approximately 2 hours. You must be smoking 5 cigarettes or fewer per day and have previously completed the First Hypnotherapy session with me to participate in this program. Relevant handouts and a free, digital reinforcement hypnosis track will be provided at the end of the session.  The Intensive Hypnotherapy to Quit Smoking session costs $275. If you also need to do the First Hypnotherapy session, I am also offering a $35 discount on the First Session if you book and pay for both up front, at the same time ($440 total). This promotional discount may not be combined with any other discount or discount package. It is not redeemable for cash. Expires on October 31, 2021.

 

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. Sara has been voted the Best Hypnotherapist in Santa Clarita, California, three years in a row (July 2019, September 2020, July 2021). For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2021