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(This blog
was originally posted on March 2, 2017)
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Winning. Losing. Some people do a lot of one; others do a lot of the
other. No matter what you do, the more you practice (repeat) a behavior, the
more likely it is to become a habit. And as many of us know, it can be very
difficult to change an unwanted behavior because, well, change is hard.
As I explained in a previous
blog titled Traditions: It’s All in the Family, the subconscious part of the mind likes and
wants to do what is familiar (known), because this sense of familiarity
represents “safety” and comfort. Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder John
Kappas, Ph.D. proposed that
human behavior is based on the subconscious mental scripts that we create during early childhood.
During this time the subconscious mind is accumulating and storing various
message units that will ultimately comprise the subconscious life script. We will
behave and even think in ways that are consistent with it even when the script
does not facilitate achievement of our personal goals. Each message is ultimately categorized as a
positive (pleasure) or negative (pain) experience, and anything that the
subconscious mind does not recognize falls under the category of “pain.” Even
if the conscious mind questions the behavior, its
logic/reasoning/will-power/decision-making faculties will be no match for the
unspoken acceptance of that action, in the subconscious mind.
Fortunately, it is possible to
change or get rid of an unwanted habit. This change starts in the conscious
mind, where logic, reasoning, decision-making and reasoning faculties hold
court. This is the area of the mind where we notice that this particular
behavior isn’t working and is even making life more challenging for us. Noticing
and deciding that you want to make this change is the first positive step to
making it happen. However, the real change
happens in the subconscious mind. This is the area of the mind where the
subconscious mental script was originally written and continues to be
carefully, lovingly nurtured to keep us comfortable. Or so we think.
Because each of us is most suggestible to ourselves, when we feel
discouraged or sad or unhappy or are even hungry, we may be more likely to not
only hear but also listen to those negative messages. The more down on
ourselves we become, the more we subconsciously behave in ways that reinforce
the feedback we give ourselves. For example, consider the individuals who are
running for President right now. Pay attention to the language they are using
in their campaign: “If I become
President” versus “When I become
President.” Have you noticed a trend whereby the individuals who say when seem to be doing better in the
polls and in recent elections? Of course there are other issues at stake and to
consider, but it is striking how many more candidates who seem less confident
about being electable are not doing so well or have suspended their campaigns.
For example, a John Grisham novel
called Gray Mountain features a protagonist who recently been furloughed from a
well-paying, high-status job as a lawyer. It is 2008, right before the
recession. As a condition of her unemployment, she can keep her health-care
benefits and a chance to get her job back if she does the volunteer work at one
of the small law firms her P.R. department has recommended. After she receives nine
rejections in one day while applying for pro bono (unpaid) work, she decides
(conscious decision) that she does not want to get a tenth one, so she makes a
conscious effort to change her negative attitude about her situation. Yes, the
prospective firm is tiny by comparison, located in a tiny town and she will
have to practice the kind of law she hasn’t done since she was in law school.
She tries to be more optimistic and enthusiastic about the opportunity to
practice real law for “real” clients, as time passes she discovers that she
really enjoys and values the work she is doing at this tiny law firm, compared
to the corporate law that she has become used to. She is finally doing the work
that she (her subconscious mind and subconscious mental script) believes is
truly worthwhile and meaningful for clients who really need her. The more she
believes her work is valuable and valued, the harder she works to do the right
thing for her clients. And the harder she works for her clients, the more they
appreciate her and what she is doing for them. (Well, most of them. This is a
thriller, after all.) The important thing to remember in this instance is that
the protagonist’s subconscious mental script identifies with those ideals she
originally held when she decided to become a lawyer. The idea and ideal of
actually helping people resonates with what she must do to fulfill the
conditions of her furlough.
At the end of the day, each one of us behaves in way(s) that fulfill our
subconscious goals. Whenever we make a conscious decision to change a behavior,
the success of that decision is largely dependent upon our subconscious mind
facilitating that change. Remember: the conscious messages you pay attention to
the most that reinforce which subconscious messages and which mental script
most resonates with you. The more you listen to and believe the negative
messages, the more you reinforce those negative beliefs. Conversely, the more
attention you pay to and believe the positive messages, the more you reinforce
those beliefs. Ultimately, the subconscious mental script and the extent to
which your subconscious mind accepts these goals determine whether your desired
behavior change can and will occur.
If you want to achieve a desired goal, pay attention to what messages
you’re listening to!
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Sara
R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern
California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. Sara has been
voted the Best Hypnotherapist in Santa Clarita, California, four years in a row
(2019-2022). For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up
an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/
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