Welcome: November 2021

Monday, November 22, 2021

A Different Way to Look at Performance Anxiety

To minimize risk of exposure to and spread of the COVID-19 virus and COVID-19 variants, I am continuing to suspend in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. Meanwhile, phone, and Zoom consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE!

(This blog was originally posted on September 15, 2016)

Photo by Rick Hustead

Performance anxiety, or the fear of performing some task or behavior in front of other people, is a common phenomenon. Indeed, a majority of my hypnotherapy practice centers on helping clients overcome performance anxiety to some extent. Whether the person wants to increase confidence to speak or play an instrument in public, or overcome a “nervous stomach” before taking the field at a big game or horse show, performance anxiety is the culprit. Many people who come in to quit a tobacco habit or lose weight are initially surprised to learn that smoking/chewing tobacco or over-eating are replacement behaviors their subconscious mind uses to repress or stuff down this anxiety.

What if the source of your performance anxiety has less to do with the specific activity you are about to do and is more about being evaluated for that performance? In her book titled The Power of the Herd, A Nonpredatory Approach to Social Intelligence, Leadership, and Innovation¹, Linda Kohanov theorizes that the source of this stress has more to do with the evaluation than the task. The Eponaquest LLC founder calls this phenomenon “evaluation apprehension,” and describes various physiological symptoms of anxiety that we associate with performance anxiety including increased blood pressure and pulse/heart-rate and rapid speech pattern. Above all else is that overwhelming fear that everyone in the room is hyper-critical of and negatively rating everything we do. She even explains that the most deleterious effect of evaluation apprehension is the way it inhibits our desire to learn or try something new for fear of receiving this negative response from others.

When I read Kohanov’s take on performance anxiety, her concept of evaluation apprehension being the cause of this phenomenon really resonated with me. For example, it seems incongruous to hear that our favorite actor or dancer experiences severe “stage fright” before each performance despite having received the highest accolades for his or her work. What do they have to be afraid of when they have won every award there is for what they do? And yet, time and again they insist how much easier and preferable it is to do the work than to see the movie or a video of the performance, hear or read reviews about it later.

Her recognition of the “fear of the unknown” as a source of a person’s anxiety to try something new also dovetails with the Theory of Mind² that John Kappas, Ph.D., referenced in so much of his hypnotherapy work. According to the Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder, the subconscious part of the mind is uncomfortable about and resistant to doing new or different things even when the conscious mind (logic, reason, will-power/free-will and reasoning) says that it’s okay to do so. This resistance comes from the “knowns” (familiar stimuli) and that subconscious mental script we all carry around to protect us from real and perceived threats. If you have a subconscious mental script that keeps reinforcing the message that everyone really is judging and evaluating you—and you believe that this judgment is negative—of course you will avoid that situation at all costs. Since the subconscious mind works on expectation and imagination, over time, we learn to expect others to respond to and interact with us in a particular way based on that previous experience.

With that in mind, I would suggest looking at the phenomenon of performance anxiety in the context of “evaluation apprehension.” In fact, I really already do that in my hypnotherapy practice as I teach clients various breathing techniques to increase their relaxation and imagery exercises so they can focus on all the things that can and will go right during the task. I also encourage clients to use memories of positive experiences/outcomes in similar situations to increase their self-confidence and self-esteem. Ultimately, when we are confident and relaxed doing the behavior, it is easier and even enjoyable to do the task and not even think about, let alone worry, what other people may think about our performance.

1. Kohanov, Linda. The Power of the Herd: A Nonpredatory Approach to Social Intelligence, Leadership, and Innovation. New World Library: Novato, California. 2013. pp. 188-189

2. Kappas, Ph.D., John G. Professional Hypnotism Manual: A Practical Approach for Modern Times (4^th Edition). Panorama Publishing Company: Tarzana, CA. 2001. pp. 10-13

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. Sara has been voted the Best Hypnotherapist in Santa Clarita, California, three years in a row (July 2019, September 2020, July 2021). For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

Friday, November 19, 2021

Moving On, Part 2

(This blog was originally posted on August 4, 2014)

Image courtesy of Microsoft

In 1967, psychiatrists Thomas Holmes and Richard Rahe conducted a study to identify which stressful life events cause physical illness.¹ They published the results of this study as the Social Readjustment Rating Scale. It comes as little or no surprise that Holmes and Rahe’s research rated death of a spouse, divorce and marital separation, respectively, as the three most stressful life events. Whatever the cause, letting go of a relationship can be very difficult and painful. For some people, it is traumatic. In this blog, I explain how experiencing grief and working through the five stages of loss during hypnotherapy can help you accept that the relationship is finished.

When someone is having trouble accepting that the relationship is over, Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder John Kappas, Ph.D., advised taking the client through the stages of grief and loss² during hypnotherapy. Although there are five stages of loss, it is important to remember that not everyone experiences each stage of grief or even go through them consecutively. It is also possible to repeat these stages and to experience one or more at the same time.

Stage 1: Denial, characterized by shock and numbness, and refusing to accept that the relationship is over.

Stage 2: Resentment. Anger at the other person(s) in the relationship or anyone else who is around.

Stage 3: Bargaining, wherein the person tries to make a deal with God, themselves and other people in his or her life to just get the person/relationship back.

Stage 4: Grief. This stage is characterized by crying and/or emotional withdrawal. (If the person is crying excessively, I would also require a medical or psychological referral so I could address this issue in hypnosis.)

Stage 5: Resolution. During this final stage of grief and mourning, the person starts to get his or her life back on track. The individual begins to feel more hopeful and accepts the fact that the relationship is over, the other person(s) is not coming back.

Remember: the emotional pain we experience at the end of a significant relationship isn’t just sadness about the person who is no longer in our lives. We also feel pain because we have lost or can no longer follow an important subconscious mental script or “known” in our subconscious mind. Regardless of the quality of that bond, disengaging from it and the habits or behaviors you have practiced during the relationship entails breaking script. Now, you must venture into the unknown experience of being independent from that relationship. I use therapeutic guided imagery to facilitate the process of forgiveness—of the self and the other person(s)—to help you heal and leave the finished relationship behind. I also employ guided imagery to help you relax and increase/rebuild your self-confidence, improve your self-esteem and reinforce your self-image as you forge this new path.

It is only when we can say goodbye with love and respect to the lost relationship and the person(s) we shared it with that we can truly move forward in our lives.

1) Holmes TH, Rahe RH (1967). "The Social Readjustment Rating Scale". J Psychosom Res 11 (2): 213–8.

2) Kübler-Ross, E. (1969) On Death and Dying, Routledge, ISBN 0-415-04015-9

Wednesday, November 17, 2021

Moving On, Part 1

(This blog was originally posted on August 3, 2018)

Image courtesy of Microsoft

I recently read a quote from Redefining Refuge which really resonated with me: “Cutting people out of your life doesn’t mean you hate them, it simply means you respect yourself. Not everyone is meant to stay.” Think about it: children are born, grow up and eventually move out of the family home. They may attend college, get married and start their own families; or, they choose a vocation and start their career, perhaps moving out of state (or out of the country) to establish their own lives. Changing and moving on is part of living; growing up emotionally as well as physically and chronologically. While these separations are initially hard for both the parents and the “kids,” that doesn’t mean these life transitions should not occur.

Just as we grow up and outgrow our roles as children in the family home, we can also outgrow the relationships we have forged during the course of our lives. As we mature, it is natural to develop different and separate interests from the ones we shared with our childhood and school friends. We often away from friendships and romantic relationships we have enjoyed as adults. But, why shouldn’t this occur? We continue to grow and mature every minute of our lives. It is not so unusual to discover that the things that you couldn’t imagine liking or wanting to do at seventeen have become sources of profound enjoyment at thirty-seven. If the relationship devolves from friendship and respect to resentment and even physical and/or physical abuse, it is time to cut those ties and move on to a healthier relationship and a safer environment. But knowing this doesn’t make it easier to do. Does it?

It isn’t just that we continue to feel strong emotions about or bonds to the other person that makes this separation so difficult. Rather, per John Kappas, Ph.D.’s Theory of Mind, it is so difficult to “leave” a relationship we have outgrown because we must give up a powerful known in our subconscious mind. This relationship and the person(s) we share it with have become part of our subconscious mental script; the longer we have been following this script by interacting in loving and respectful ways with the other person, the more difficult it is to stop following that script. The same is also true if and when we have been following an unloving and disrespectful or abusive script. Even if you do not or no longer have positive feelings about the other person or people, this separation may be painful because you must venture into the unknown experience of being independent from that relationship. Regardless of the quality of that bond, disengaging from it and the habits or behaviors you have practiced during the relationship entails breaking script.

Whatever the cause, letting go of a relationship can be very difficult and painful. In the next blog, I will explain how experiencing grief and the five stages of loss during hypnotherapy can help accept that the relationship is finished. When we are able to say goodbye with love and respect, we can move forward in our lives and so can they.

Tuesday, November 16, 2021

Going for a Cause

(This blog was originally posted on May 4, 2014)

Photo by Rick Hustead

At some time in our lives, just about everyone uses a defense mechanism to cope with a stressful or disappointing experience. These strategies can include denial or displacement of the unpleasant emotion, repression of a memory, substance abuse, regressing to an earlier stage of development or even substance dependency. However these behaviors provide only a temporary perception of control over the environment; eventually, we have to deal with and resolve the primary issue that has triggered the defense mechanism in order to achieve personal growth. To be an effective hypnotherapist, I must recognize which one(s) a client may be using, how and why the device is working in this situation, and when it is preventing desired change and personal growth to occur.

According to John Kappas, Ph.D., resistance to changing a behavior is the first stage of effecting this change. “We do things systematically to avoid change,” said the founder of the Hypnosis Motivation Institute. “Change is a threat to the unconscious mind.” To facilitate change in a client’s behavior—such as helping someone to quit smoking or to lose weight—the hypnotherapist must “buy” the person’s symptoms of defensive behavior and provide some symptomatic relief. But for the problem or unwanted behavior to be truly resolved it is often necessary to go for the cause of the conflict or symptom. “The client may be subconsciously protecting [the cause] by employing defense-mechanism devices,” Dr. Kappas explained.

Usually, many factors combine to create the primary issue or problem, and the client is suggestible to those precipitating factors, the hypnotherapist explained. Consequently, the first hypnotherapy session with a client is the most important component of the therapeutic process, because this is the first opportunity to start working with the client’s suggestibility and “suggest” certain changes in behavior. For example, I might work with a client to desensitize the person to the association of smoking a cigarette while drinking an alcoholic beverage before supper. Or, I would create a new association in which a client would “choose” to write about his or her negative emotions in a journal rather than eat a bowl of ice cream when the person felt angry or sad. But these changes in behavior—social drinking and displacing negative emotions through eating—can and will only occur when the client is ready to recognize the relationship between the emotion and behavior.

“You cannot cure a person by telling him what the problem is,” Dr. Kappas said. “Whenever you hit the cause of the problem, symptoms start to disappear. Once you identify and remove the primary cause of the problem, you must alleviate secondary issues.”

Monday, November 15, 2021

Hyper-Suggestibility at the Doctor's Office

(This blog was originally posted on June 30, 2019)

“Patients cannot hear it when you say disparaging things about them to colleagues

out of earshot. But they can feel it.” – Mark Reid, M.D.

When you go to the doctor’s office, you are likely to perceive a lot of things. You will see the doctor’s white coat, smell the astringent odor of anti-septic and cleaning products, feel the cool air circulating throughout the clinic (it always seems so cold in a doctor’s office). Then there will be sounds: a child’s cough, the buzz over the reception area desk instructing the next patient to step check in, the voices of other patients’ chatting in the waiting room, the medical staff discussing…whatever. Sometimes the topic of the medical team’s conversation or the tone of their voices causes unnecessary (and unintended) anxiety and distress.

For example: I once overheard an Ob/Gyn physician call to his nurse, “Bring the cow in here.” Now, calling a woman a “cow” is unkind and derogatory, to say the very least. I was seething. What kind of physician would refer to his patients this way? I wondered, gritting my teeth. Then I saw the nurse wheel a computer into the examining room and shut the door. Cow. C.o.W. Computer on Wheels. But you wouldn’t have known what the doctor really meant if you hadn’t seen the item he wanted the nurse to bring into the room.

The tone of the medical professionals’ voice and cadence of their speech can also influence your level of anxiety or comfort/relaxation during a medical visit. When I over-heard the doctor instruct the nurse to bring the C.o.W. into the examining room, his tone was mild or even indifferent. My hyper-suggestible state intensified my emotional-suggestible interpretation to his comment. I immediately jumped to the conclusion that he was mocking or belittling the patient and he didn’t seem to care that he was insulting her. If I had been in that examining room, I would have been very insulted—until the computer came into the room, anyway.

Whether you are at the clinic for a regular check-up, preparing for/recovering from a scheduled surgery or an unexpected trip to the emergency room, hospitals and medical environments can be an overwhelming and anxiety-inducing experience. As the smells, sounds and sights of this environment fill and overwhelm the senses, it is easy and natural to slip into a hyper-suggestible state of awareness (i.e., environmental hypnosis). Fear, anxiety and/or nervousness you experience being in this medical environment, combined with any negative emotions/associations you have about the examination or procedure you are about to undergo likely intensifies this state.