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Monday, March 28, 2022

The Saddest Thing I Ever Heard

I am continuing to suspend in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. However, phone, and Zoom consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE!

(This blog was originally posted on September 6, 2016)

Photo by Rick Hustead

In August 2016, a four-year-old-girl was rescued from an abusive home in Hot Springs, Arkansas.¹ When police officers rescued her she reportedly told them that her name was “Idiot” because that’s what her mother’s boyfriend allegedly called her. Apparently, she was called that so often that she didn’t even know her real name.

This incident absolutely broke my heart.

According to John Kappas, Ph.D., the subconscious mind works on expectation and imagination. Over time, we learn to expect others to respond to and interact with us in a particular way based on our previous experience with those individuals. Eventually, this treatment becomes part of our subconscious mental script as we also learn to internalize the message or emotion we perceive in those interactions. All of this can and does affect self-confidence and self-esteem, the Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder explained. No matter what the “message” is, the more you hear and repeat it to yourself your subconscious mind starts to believe and even “own” that message. When everyone around you constantly bombards you with so much criticism and negativity, including referring to you as an idiot or some other derogatory slur, it’s no surprise that your self-confidence and self-esteem take a hit. It’s really only a matter of time until you start to believe in the negative hype, and when you are as young and impressionable as this child it takes even less time to create a negative mental script.

Now that this little girl has been found and her alleged abusers—her mother and her mother’s boyfriend—are in custody, she can start to heal from the psychological damage she endured as well as her physical injuries and emaciation. Hopefully the inner resources that helped her endure the negative treatment and messages she received during these early years will also help her to heal, thrive and find happiness, safety and security throughout the rest of her life.

1. “Abused 4-Year-Old Child Tells Police Her Name Is ‘Idiot’: Mother, Boyfriend Charged After Abuse Reported” by Anneclaire Stapleton, CNN. http://www.clickorlando.com/news/national/abused-4yearold-child-tells-police-her-name-is-idiot

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. Sara has been voted the Best Hypnotherapist in Santa Clarita, California, three years in a row (2019, 2020, 2021). For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/

Wednesday, March 23, 2022

The Post-Hypnotic Suggestion

I am continuing to suspend in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. However, phone, and Zoom consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE!

(This blog was originally posted on September 26, 2017)

Photo by Rick Hustead

When I work with my hypnotherapy clients, I give a lot of suggestions during the session. Some of those suggestions happen at the very beginning of hypnosis. For example, I will tell a Physical suggestible client: “You are allowing your eyes to close.” Or I might say to the Emotional Suggestible person, “Right about now you are noticing that your eyelids are feeling verrrrrrrry heavy.” The content of the suggestions I use to facilitate the client’s desired behavioral changes will depend on the person’s therapeutic/self-improvement goal and his or her suggestibility. I also include two specific post-hypnotic suggestions during the session.

The first is the post-suggestion to re-hypnosis. This is what enables the client to easily, comfortably re-enter the hypnotic state in future hypnotherapy sessions whenever a specific word/phrase or physical trigger occurs: the words “deep sleep” and me snapping my fingers or touching the client’s forehead. I include the phrase, “Each time deep sleep is suggested to you for the purposes of hypnosis, with your permission and only your permission” to ensure that this state will be induced only in the context of hypnotherapy. When I work with children/teens I make it clear during the cognitive (alert) and hypnosis portions of the session that only the hypnotherapist can induce the hypnotic sleep, not a parent or sibling, etc. Similarly, when I use hypnosis to help a pregnant woman and her birthing partner prepare for childbirth, I include a similar caveat. For example, the client will not be suggestible to doing anything that is not relevant to relaxation and aspects of the birth process.

The second post-hypnotic suggestion I use is called the post-suggestion to reaction. This is a specific suggestion that activates a desired behavior change when the client is no longer in hypnosis and has returned to an alert and aware state. For example, I might suggest to a client to wants to feel more relaxed and confident when speaking in public begins to notice a specific color that represents relaxation and calm everywhere around him, all over the environment. Furthermore, every time the person sees this color, he immediately feels completely confident, relaxed and in control of his response to every situation and can express himself and his ideas easily, comfortably and confidently.

Tuesday, March 22, 2022

Correction...Not Perfection

I am continuing to suspend in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. However, phone, and Zoom consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE!

(This blog was originally posted on October 17, 2016)

Photo by Rick Hustead

As with any behavior-modification program—which hypnotherapy is, by the way—clients typically come in with a list of all the things they believe are “wrong” with them. They can’t stay away from sweet or high-calorie/high-fat foods. They can’t give up cigarettes. They can’t get over the former spouse or lover and accept that the relationship is truly over. They don’t like to be or even feel safe when they are outside their comfort zone, an area that may not extend beyond the confines of their home. They “completely freak out” when they see a spider. And so on.

In addition to changing or abolishing the negative behavior, clients often want to know how it took hold in the first place. I couch this explanation in the context of John Kappas, Ph.D.’s model, Theory of Mind. Basically, the person learned to do “x” or adopted “y” belief by imitating, or modeling, these behaviors they observed in their social environment. A parent or guardian, peer or another role model explicitly or implicitly taught the individual to do it, and the person derived some kind of reward for doing it, too.

Another factor comes into play here, too: constant repetition of the behavior reinforces its strength and significance in the subconscious mind. There is a lot of truth to the expression, “Perfect practice makes perfect performance,” and this is especially true when it comes to reinforcing any behavior in the subconscious mind. Remember, the SCM does not know the difference between fantasy and reality, objective observation and a joke. So long as the behavior is giving the person some kind of positive feedback (pleasure), the individual will continue to do (practice) that activity. Furthermore, this practice is perfect, as far as the subconscious mind is concerned.

I help my hypnotherapy clients change unwanted behaviors or beliefs by rewriting the content of the subconscious mental script that previously reinforced those old patterns. Since everything we do and believe has been learned, these patterns can also be corrected and even un-learned when we decide they no longer work for us or serve our best interest. Then we can create a different, positive mental script and continue to reinforce the behaviors and attitudes that will help us accomplish our new self-improvement goals.

Monday, March 21, 2022

Open to Interpretation

I am continuing to suspend in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. However, phone, and Zoom consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE!

(This blog was originally posted on June 23, 2016)

“Effective communication is 20% what you know and 80% how you feel

about what you know.” – Jim Rohn

Photo by Rick Hustead

The sentiment in quote above is very similar to a saying that the late hypnotherapist, Alex G. Kappas, Ph.D., used to tell his students when explaining (mis)communication. Here is the quote: “I know you believe you think you understand what I have just said; but I am not sure that what you heard is not what I meant.” Are you confused? Don’t worry about it; the play on words is intentional and meant to illustrate his point: effective communication is equally a matter of expression interpretation. When the message or “point” of that communication is missed or misunderstood, all sorts of chaos can ensue.

For example, in the Game of Thrones: “Battle of the Bastards” episode, a particularly nasty character warned his estranged wife that he would always be a part of her. Like other devoted fans of the show, those words set off a number of alarm bells in my mind. “Could Sansa be pregnant? After everything that horrible man put her through, could she really be carrying Ramsay Bolton’s baby?” I was alternately horrified and sad for her.

Then I took a deep breath and decided not to second-guess the implications of Lord Bolton’s warning. First of all, the plot of GoT is nothing if not a mental chess game. I, for one, have no intention of spending a year wondering about Sansa Stark’s state (with child or not) like I fretted for eight months whether Jon Snow truly died in last year’s season finale. (Spoiler alert: he did not.) I reminded myself that emotional suggestibility makes it more likely to read/interpret a hidden meaning into a statement like that. Author George R. R. Martin and the skilled filmmakers, scriptwriters and directors who have brought his best-selling books to celluloid life know how to create action and scenarios that seduce readers and viewers, taking us with them into their fantastic worlds.

Conversely, one of the series co-stars (Liam Cunningham, “Davos Seaworth”) reportedly told the Huffington Post that his interpretation of Lord Bolton’s warning was more likely a literal statement of fact than foreshadowing the birth of his heir. Cunningham explained that Bolton wanted Sansa to know that while their time together was fairly short, she would always remember and feel how he tortured her and these memories would continue to torment her. If you have read the books and/or watched their video incarnation on HBO, you know exactly why his words would be true.

Having said that, in keeping with Dr. Alex Kappas’s instruction and the guessing-games and mental gymnastics Game of Thrones subjects (pun intended) its fans to, the true meaning of this statement truly is up for inference and interpretation. And a little (or a lot of) imagination.

Thursday, March 17, 2022

Blowing Bubbles

To minimize risk of exposure to and spread of the COVID-19 virus and COVID-19 variants, I am continuing to suspend in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. Meanwhile, phone, and Zoom consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE!

(This blog was originally posted on September 28, 2016)

Photo courtesy of Microsoft

The thought of bubbles makes me smile. I would even go so far as to say that it’s impossible to think or say the word “bubbles” without feeling a grin begin to form at the corner of my mouth. It doesn’t take long after that for me to feel lighter and less stressed. As the image of that bubble takes form in my mind, whatever was worrying or annoying me a minute ago starts to disappear.

I think bubble imagery is a great stress-relieving technique for several reasons. First: in nature bubbles are composed of two elements: air and water (or some other liquid). We all need air to breathe, so the physical form of a bubble is a great inference or metaphor for this behavior/response. The slow, deep breaths of diaphragmatic breathing and the more forceful action of power breathing are simple techniques I teach my hypnotherapy clients to help them relax and release stress/anxiety and negative emotions.

Second: bubbles are moved by the air, whether that is through our breath or simply being lifted up and carried by a breeze or air currents blowing through a ventilation system. The pocket of air within the thin film of water that envelopes it makes the bubble buoyant as it floats and bobs its way along its seemingly invisible path. Bubbles do not seem to travel in a purposeful direction; they just exist for a brief amount of time and just travel with the flow of activity around them. Wouldn’t it be marvelous to feel and be so carefree, if only for a little while?

Third: the image, sensation and sound of water—whether it is the ocean, a stream or a placid lake—are very soothing and relaxing for many people. The fact that there are two molecules of oxygen (air) in each drop of water reinforces the subconscious association with breathing. Meanwhile, the soft form of a bubble drifting through the air is so whimsical that it is easy to get temporarily distracted and from what’s going on around us temporarily get carried away on its short journey.

Next time you find that you are annoyed, frustrated or stressed out about something, give yourself permission to take a couple seconds’ imaginary journey with some bubbles. It doesn’t matter what kind of bubbles you envision. Perhaps you are thinking of the tiny, fragrant and frothy suds in a bubble bath or the ones you create in a kids’ bubble-blowing kit. Draw in a long, deep breath and slowly, gently release the air through your mouth. Visualize, imagine, picture or pretend that you are blowing some bath bubbles off the top of the tub or creating the largest bubble you ever made using the straw in the bubble kit. The goal is to keep the bubble form as long as possible before it naturally disintegrates in the air. To do this, make sure that your exhale is just strong enough to send the bubbles aloft/create the shape without being so forceful that it pops right away. When the bubble finally does pop, visualize, imagine, picture or pretend that you are also watching the release of any negative energy, stress or anxiety you have been carrying around. Then take another deep breath, drawing in confidence and relaxation in your knowledge that this unwanted negativity is gone can no longer affect you or anyone else.

Now, go blow some bubbles!

Wednesday, March 16, 2022

Powerball

(This blog was originally posted on January 8, 2016)

Image courtesy of Microsoft

On January 8, 2016, the local news reported that the Saturday, January 9, 2016, Powerball Lottery jackpot had reached $800 million. People were shown purchasing lottery tickets from electronic machines and over the counter at their local grocery or liquor stores. Some favored venues where previous (albeit, considerably lower-value) winning tickets had been purchased in the hope that the location would bring some of the same luck to them. Others chose numbers that represented a significant dates in their lives—wedding anniversary, the age of a pet or child, spouse’s birthdate—in the hope and belief that these digits would show up on each of the winning balls. A recent AP report had punters estimating that the grand prize would surpass $1 billion for the next drawing if no one has the right numbers the following night.

When asked what they will/would do if they win the jackpot, many people said they would pay off credit-card debts. Buy a new car. Pay off the mortgage on their home and/or even buy a new house—maybe a gift for a senior parent. Some fantasized about going on a shopping spree, taking a cruise around the world. There were so many options and so much money to be spent…

The thing interesting thing about coming into a lot of money so quickly is how quickly it also disappears. We often hear about that actor or athlete who once commanded a high paycheck, or a lucky Lottery winner, is suddenly broke and in debt. How did that happen? we wonder. Where did all the money go?

How a person earns, spends and saves money has a lot to do with the individual’s subconscious mental script about finances. According to Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder John Kappas, Ph.D., everyone follows a subconscious mental script that is created very early in our lives. We behave and even think in ways that are consistent with that script even when it does not facilitate achievement of our personal goals. Depending on the subconscious mental script about having and handling money, the future winner (or winners) of this Powerball jackpot may have some challenges when it comes to saving or spending all that cash.

For example, someone who grew up having to scrimp and save every penny may continue to behave as if there he does not have any financial security throughout the rest of his life even when this is no longer the case. It doesn’t matter that when he grew up, he got a good job with health and retirement benefits; maybe he even made some good financial investments and is now able to live quite comfortably on the dividends. He may even be a millionaire by now. However, his subconscious mind only knows how it feels to be “poor” and his lifestyle reflects this belief. Consequently, he still drives the same car he’s owned the past 15 years (and will until it can’t be repaired anymore), wears clothes he’s owned for 30 years, never goes on vacation and rarely treats himself with a meal at a restaurant. After all, who knows where money for the next meal is coming from? He is careful to save every penny he has, because that is what he “learned” while he was growing up. This is what he knows how to do.

Conversely, that person may follow a different mental script that says he should spend every penny that comes his way. He watched his parents earn and spend money. Whether the family possessed a lot of money at one time or just a little, there was usually enough for basic needs. And when there was a little bit extra on-hand, they spent that, too. After all, who knew when that opportunity would come around again? If the individual was consistently exposed to this kind of “feast or famine” attitude about money, he likely learned to assuage his physical or emotional discomfort (e.g., hunger or envy) was to spend cash when he had it. Unfortunately, these spending sprees often lead the person back to the “famine” part of the cycle because, at the end of the day, this state is more comfortable (“known”) to his subconscious mind.

Each scenario poses distinct challenges for the future winner of this Powerball jackpot. Someone who is used to conserving money will likely need to learn how to feel comfortable spending some of it. On the other hand, someone who is used to or even feels compelled to spending money whenever he has it will need to learn how to feel comfortable about choosing not to spend that winning ticket.

On October 23, 2018 another huge Powerball Lottery drawing worth $1.4 billion yielded just one winning ticket in South Carolina. Whether one person or a group of work colleagues get to cash in on that jackpot, even after taxes have been deducted from the final prize, that’s a lot of money to be taking home. I hope the following information helps the winner(s) successfully adjust to this monetary windfall.

Monday, March 14, 2022

Mourning the Ones We Loved But Never Knew

(This blog was originally posted on January 14, 2016)

When someone dies, it is hard to say goodbye to a person we loved and a relationship we enjoyed. But, how to explain the intense and complicated feelings of loss and sadness when we never personally knew the person who has passed away and the relationship was (and could only ever be) one-sided?

It isn’t just that we continue to feel strong emotions about or bonds to the other person that makes this separation so difficult. Rather, per Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder John Kappas, Ph.D.’s Theory of Mind, it is difficult to “leave” or let go of a relationship we have outgrown or has ended because we must give up a powerful known in our subconscious mind. Even when this relationship is one-sided, the attachment to the other person can still be very strong because the person represents a powerful part of that subconscious life script. We still invest a lot of emotion, fantasy/hope and expectations in it. Whether the relationship consists of binge-watching a favorite performer’s movies, following the star on a concert tour and trying to meet the individual “in-person”, the emotional attachment is very real. The emotional “high” we experience during those moments of real or virtual contact are also very powerful. Consequently, the longer we have followed this subconscious mental script, the more difficult it is to stop and let go even when the object of our affection or interest has passed away.

For years, people have flooded to Graceland to tour and take pictures of the estate that Elvis Presley, aka the King of Rock and Roll, once called home. There is usually at least one vigil there for him on his birthday, and the Elvis Presley-themed wedding is a popular attraction in Las Vegas. Some of my good friends remember how their mother pulled off the road to cry on the shoulder when Presley’s death was reported on the radio. To this day, they are all devoted fans of his music. I knew someone else who sobbed for three days when John Lennon was murdered in New York City and continued to feel sad about his loss twenty-plus years later.

After Diana, Princess of Wales was killed in a car crash in Paris in 1997—20 years ago, today—it seemed like the entire world stopped to catch its breath. Suddenly the woman who had touched so many hearts and imaginations with her seemingly fairy-tale life was just gone, and her admirers felt the loss keenly. I remember standing in Hyde Park and watching the gun carriage bearing her coffin pass, with the sound of weeping all around. I saw at least mounted police officer wiped tears from her eyes, and a couple of people nearby called her name, half-sobbing, half-screaming in their grief. I doubt that many, if any, of the people standing with me to watch the funeral on the Jumbo-Tron screens set up in the park. That didn’t matter. They were mourning her as they might a dear friend. When I stopped by the gates of Kensington Park the following week to drop off a bouquet in the Princess’s memory, the floral arrangements and tributes extended almost to the curb and the overwhelming smell of fresh flowers and rotting foliage filled the air. Radio and television tributes to her seemed to air for weeks, and Elton John’s revised version of Candle in the Wind played on popular-music radio stations at least once an hour for about as long.

In January 2016, Rock ’n Roll icon, David Bowie, passed away after a battle with cancer. Ironically, just a day or two before he passed away I suddenly and inexplicably thought of his starring turn in the 1983 vampire film, The Hunger. Other than his song, Space Oddity, which is one of the most haunting, creepy and even saddest songs I have ever heard, I didn’t know much about him. As social-media outlets were flooded with tributes to the star, I had a chance to check out more of his music. Someone on Facebook shared a video of Bowie performing “Let’s Dance” with Tina Turner, and I wished fervently for a moment that I could have seen this performance in person. That man had a voice (and some impressive dance moves!). I regret sad that I didn’t appreciate his talent more during his lifetime.

Similar to the fans who are missing and mourning Bowie, I imagine my sadness learning about Alan Rickman’s death has more to do with what the actor—especially his roles—symbolized for me during various times during my life. I actually walked right past him in London many years ago. It was Christmastime, and Rickman was carrying several large bags in each hand. I remember he was very tall; by the time I registered who he was, the actor had walked past, his back already to me. I might not even have seen him at all if the friend I was with at the time hadn’t elbowed me in the ribs and whispered, “There’s your man.” Looking back on that almost-close-encounter today, gives me goosebumps. It was thrilling to know I had walked past one of my favorite actors.

Of all the characters Rickman had portrayed during his career, the role of “Jamie” in Truly, Madly, Deeply, affected me the most. It is still one of the only films that can still make me cry even after countless viewings. Watching Rickman teach on-screen love Juliet Stevenson to let go and say goodbye to him (his ghost) was and continues to be a symbolic lesson for me about coping with various kinds of grief and adapting to change. His films will live on, but the idea that the man in front of (and occasionally behind) the camera is no longer around makes me feel strangely adrift. It wasn’t like I personally knew him. I never crushed on him, although I know I am among Rickman’s many fans that could listen to his signature baritone voice with those precise inflections for hours.

It is not unusual to feel sadness and even experience grief following the death of someone who has played a significant role or influenced your life. It is not “wrong” to experience these emotions even if you have had minimal or no direct contact with this individual. Every time you danced to, sung along with or cried over one of Bowie’s songs, the emotional response that triggered this behavior was based on how his music resonated with your subconscious life script. Your memories of those moments are now like snapshots or movies about what was going on in your life at that moment in time. Similarly, every time I laughed, cried or cringed watching one of Rickman’s movies, I responded according to how the scene represented something familiar (known) in my subconscious life script. I will never be able to watch his films again without feeling the bittersweet emotions attached to my memories about what I was doing, where I was and whom I was with, the first time I saw the movie.

For more information about the stages of grief and processing a significant emotional loss, I invite you to read my blogs titled Moving On, Part 1 and Moving On, Part 2.