Words, Symbols, Pictures and Images

Photo by Rick Hustead

How many parents have asked their child, “What weighs more: a ton of coal or a ton of feathers?”

Many times, the kid’s first response is to say, “Coal!” The answer seems so obvious. How could those fluffy, white, light-as-air fibers that stuff our pillows weigh more than a chunk of dark, dense rock?

At this point the parents patiently, lovingly correct the youngster and explain how and why there is no difference between the total weights of the objects, although one sample of each object’s weight will obviously be different. It takes a while, but we eventually understand the difference.

I bring up this example to remind us all how the mind learns and processes information: in pictures. When you read “lemon” right now, you may or may not see a yellow, oval object with a fresh scent and tart/tangy taste that makes your mouth water when you bite into it. Or, is your mind watering right now just thinking about it? Either way, how you imagine the word comes down to how and what you know and understand a lemon to be and your suggestibility (how you learn).

Now, think back to when you were a very little boy or girl, just learning how to speak. Most likely, the grown-up teaching you a new word paired the sound coming out of his or her mouth with a corresponding photo or image. For example, when you learned the word “cat” or “dog” you were probably also shown a photograph of the animal; or, your parent pointed to your pet if you had one of those animals at home. Over and over, your repeated exposure to the word or phrase with its physical or symbolic representation until you automatically thought/saw/understood the word you saw or heard on its own.

Speaking of animals, your concept of an innocuous, interesting animal may be very different from that of another person’s. A herpetologist (snake expert) may find exotic snakes like the black mamba, coral snakes and cobras dangerous in the context of needing to take special care when studying or tracking them in their natural environments. However, the person’s fascination with these species and the need to develop effective anti-venom may not deter the individual from handling and interacting with them to achieve this goal. Most people think baby animals like kittens, puppies, foals, and even bear or lion cubs are adorable. On the other hand, if you have ever been bitten or scratched even by one of these infants you know that the immediate sensation is usually some level of discomfort if not genuine pain. If you live somewhere bears, lions and elephants pose a genuine threat to your safety and that of your family and livestock, even a picture of the baby or its adult counterpart can induce fear or phobic anxiety.

What about money? It is more common to see a symbol—$, £, €, ¥, etc.—to indicate U.S. dollars, English pound sterling, Euros or Japanese yen, etc.—followed by the numeric value than to see the quantity expressed in words. Most of us already know what the symbol of our currency looks like and can easily substitute this short-hand without any confusion. In fact, when I teach my clients how to use Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder John Kappas, Ph.D.’s Mental Bank Concept, one of the first things I tell them is how the mind associates numbers with value, which is why we pay ourselves “symbolic” money to reinforce the concept of self-worth.

Since each person’s concept and interpretation of any term or experience can be so different from another’s, when I work with clients in hypnotherapy I encourage them to activate these various perceptions through therapeutic guided imagery. To do this, I suggest that they “visualize, imagine, picture or pretend” that they are in a specific situation. The options in this language enable the person to identify and latch onto a concept anyway they experience it. Whether you see the yellow, oval shape and the porous skin of a lemon (direct and literal) or your mouth starts to water just thinking about the fruit’s tart juice (metaphoric), I want you to completely “experience” that full experience. It is all good. Ultimately, the words, images, pictures and symbols with which you process the objects, people and events in your existence will determine how you experience them.

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2016

The Bite

Photo by Rick Hustead

I eventually learned how to drive an automatic transmission vehicle. That was the kind of cars my parents had (my subconscious known) and I didn’t have a pressing need to learn stick shift. In fact, I was one of the few if only sixteen-year-olds who didn’t really want to drive the second I got my driver’s license. If I had a horse when I was a teenager I might have been more motivated, but that’s another story.

However, in 1997 I decided I wanted (needed) to learn how to drive stick shift. I was living and working in Hull, England, at the time. My work contract and work visa would expire at the beginning of December, and several jobs I considered applying for required the new hire to have a car and be able to drive to various venues. At that time, virtually every vehicle on the road was “manual transmission,” so I didn’t really have any option but to drive what was available. As I recall, as it seemed to be more expensive to have an automatic car in England at that time; driving lessons in an automatic would also cost more. So not only would I have to learn how to drive on the opposite side of the road to what I was used to in the United States, but also to use a clutch pedal and the gear stick.

To my surprise, though, I liked it.

The instructor was very patient with me, despite the number of times I stalled the vehicle. At the very beginning of the lesson, he told me about “the bite,” that moment when the clutch is engaged just so and the driver shifts the car into the correct gear while depressing the accelerator (or something like that). He said that when this is done correctly, with perfect timing, you should feel and hear the car easily slide into the gear and smoothly move forward. No stuttering or sputtering of the engine, no jerking movement of the car as the engine gasps for air before stalling out. Smooooooth. I grinned from ear to ear the first time I felt that bite, and promptly stalled the engine. But, I did it; and the metaphoric significance of the term “bite” continues to resonate with me.

I returned to the United States a few months later. I eventually got a job working as a proofreader and then managing editor at Black Belt® magazine. In 2005, I completed my hypnotherapy training at the Hypnosis Motivation Institute and opened hypnotherapy practice, Calminsense Hypnotherapy®.  I no longer drive stick-shift—it is actually more expensive to buy a manual transmission vehicle here—but the concept of feeling or listening for “the bite” plays a big part in my day. It is the metaphoric exhale of a relaxed breath that my clients take as they drift into hypnosis. It is the optimism I feel about the success of my hypnotherapy practice when I pick up the phone to answer someone’s questions about hypnosis and whether hypnotherapy really works. (It does.) It is the excitement and pride I feel for a client when the person achieves his or her self-improvement goal, glowing with pride and renewed self-confidence at this accomplishment. It is the sense of calm and joy I experience when I first climb onto my horse’s back, as we transition smoothly between his gaits or amble down the street on an impromptu hack.

For me, ultimately, “the bite” represents achievement, success, accomplishment. I know that if I ever absolutely needed to, I could probably still drive stick-shift without stalling the engine too many times. To this day, I still always listen and feel for that moment when my car automatically shifts gears. It makes me happy that I can tell when that happens and even feel bad for the car when the engine seems to be straining too hard going up a hill. Most of all, I enjoy hearing and feeling the bite when, if only for a moment, most things in my and my clients’ lives are comfortable and smooth.

Have you felt your “bite” today?

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2016

Thoughts of the Day

Photo by Sara Fogan

      Every now and then I like (and need) to take a few moments and remind myself about what is really important to me, in my life. If you follow me on my Calminsense Hypnotherapy Facebook page you may have seen some of these quotes before on this page, or will in the future. Many of these Quotes of the Day are beautiful examples and illustrations of the work I do as a hypnotherapist, so I will probably draw on them in future essays.

• “We don’t see things as they are. We see things as we are.” – Anais Nin

• “Two things define you: Patience when you have nothing and your attitude when you have everything.” – Unknown

• “If you’re going through hell keep going.” – Winston Churchill

• “The only limit to your impact is your imagination and commitment.” – Tony Robbins

• “We don’t meet people by accident. They are meant to cross our path for a reason.” – Unknown

• “I haven’t failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” – Thomas Edison

• “Don’t carry your mistakes around with you. Instead, place them under your feet and use them as stepping stones.” – Unknown

• “For your own success to be real, it must contribute to the success of others.” – Eleanor Roosevelt

• “Don’t allow your hurt to hijack your future.” – Anonymous

• “We can let the circumstances of our lives harden us so that we become increasingly resentful and afraid, or we can let them soften us, and make us kinder. You always have a choice.” – Dalai Lama

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2016

Dealing With Rejection in Hypnotherapy

Image courtesy of Microsoft

John Kappas, Ph.D., observed once observed that “Emotional rejection is probably the most difficult [challenge] to overcome.” This may be particularly true of the high-level Physical Sexual men and women. These individuals often build their sense of identity and self-worth around the partner and relationship; when the relationship ends, the person’s confidence and perception of self-worth also plummet. The degree of the person’s physical sexuality and the level of devastation of the rejection will determine how long he or she “hangs on” to the former partner, the Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder explained.

Since a Physical Sexual can only accept that there is a possibility to save the relationship, the first step in hypnotherapy is to affirm the client’s belief, Dr. Kappas advised. At this stage, the hypnotherapist should encourage the person to think about the partner’s good qualities and examine the positive things that happened during and since the relationship began. The individual should be encouraged to describe every detail of the relationship: how long it lasted, who rejected whom, what caused the break-up and how many times “x” event occurred that precipitated the break-up. “Continue to revisit these memories with the client until the pain is gone,” he suggested.

It is important for the hypnotherapist to acknowledge that the client is hurting emotionally, but remind the person that it does not help to blame either party or the break-up for this distress. Instead, remind the individual that the estranged partner was attracted to him or her during the relationship, but something happened during this time that changed the attraction and the person went in another direction.

“A Physical Sexual can’t accept that the partner was at fault in a break-up,” Dr. Kappas said. Even if the partner had another lover or was having an affair, the client is likely to blame the third party for ruining the relationship. The hypnotherapist must gently remind the client that it is the partner who chose to leave their relationship, not the other lover (likely, a Physical Sexual) that he or she is with, now.

It is important to help rebuild the client’s self-confidence so the person can stop grieving for the partner and start to move away from the lost relationship, toward a new life. If the client continues to maintain superficial involvement with the former partner and is still hanging on to the previous relationship, this behavior must also be exposed. “The client must get what’s necessary from the past relationship to get closure on it,” the hypnotherapist explained.

A Physical Sexual’s response to rejection is mostly a phobic reaction, based on misconceptions about the relationship. Dr. Kappas suggested that when the client has not completely let go of the ex-partner or former relationship, the best therapeutic strategy is to desensitize the person to the relationship/partner and expose the facts about it. If the client is/was in an extremely bad relationship and enjoyed no “good times” during that time, in hypnosis have him or her repeatedly bring up all of the “bad times” and then pass those memories (Circle Therapy). If there were any good elements of the relationship, the client should bring those up first, before bombarding his or her subconscious mind with negative associations about the partner, Dr. Kappas advised.

“Desensitize the [person] to hurt by giving more pleasure in the relationship and search out what [the client really wants,” he said.

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2016