Defense Mechanisms: Withdrawal

 

            Have you ever ignored or tried to “freeze out”/stop talking to someone you are arguing with once emotions start running high? Has your spouse, partner or friend ever done this to you? Sometimes people avoid visiting or contacting someone who is seriously or even terminally ill as a means of denying the seriousness of the disease and protecting yourself from experiencing any emotional distress that this contact may trigger in you. These scenarios are examples of withdrawal, a powerful defense mechanism in which a person shuts off communication with another individual or even physically withdraws from an unpleasant circumstance as a means of self-protection.

Like other defense mechanisms, withdrawal is: 1) unconscious; 2) self-deceptive; 3) and it distorts reality through thoughts and action. “Change is a threat to the subconscious mind,” said John Kappas, Ph.D. According to  the Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder’s Theory of Mind, people are subconsciously motivated to maintain and/or restore a known physical and emotional status of comfort and security. Whenever someone says or does something that causes physical injury, hurts your feelings or challenges your beliefs, the mind automatically tries to compensate for this threat or “pain” by activating this or another form of defense mechanism.

            In order for a client work through this defense mechanism, I work with the individual to identify the root cause or source of the fear that he or she is trying to avoid confronting in the first place. When the person is in hypnosis, I ask how this fear is negatively affecting his or her life and interactions with others. For example, does the client withdraw from others during an argument because he doesn’t want to face the negative implications of “losing” the debate or being wrong about a philosophical opinion? Once the person identified this motivation I would desensitize him to those negative associations and employ guided-imagery techniques so the person could imagine how it would feel to listen to a different opinion and be open to learning something new.

If the person is emotionally withdrawing from or avoiding a terminally ill relative because she doesn’t want to face her own mortality, I would explore her conceptions about death and dying and what losing this person means/would mean to her. To help prepare the client for visiting the patient, I would desensitize her to hear fear/anxiety and any expectations or ideas she may have about the person’s illness and what she may actually perceive or experience during their interaction. Finally, I would use guided-imagery techniques so the person can imagine feeling calm, comfortable and relaxed during her interaction with this person so she can enjoy the time they spend together.

               

 

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2015

 

 

 

 

 

After the Watershed Hour

 

I can remember a time when there was very little if any profanity in books or movies or on television. What little swearing there was would have been bleeped out. If someone cursed during an interview and the word slipped out before the bleep could be superimposed, the individual and/or the network on which the word was heard would likely offer profuse apologies for the offense. On-screen kisses were generally fairly chaste, and if a couple was shown in bed, both partners had one foot on the floor. When Rhett Butler told Scarlett O’Hara, “Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn” at the end of Gone with the Wind, audiences were equally if not more scandalized by that line than Miss Scarlett’s constant machinations to seduce Ashley Wilkes.

These days however, very few words or activities are off-limits on-screen, on the radio or on the page. Even then, it is often possible to discern what is being said or done. I am constantly amazed at the amount of fairly explicit sexual innuendo and even depiction of sexual activity on network television before 9 p.m. A wider variety of expletive language has become more prevalent among public figures, as well: Remember when Los Angeles Mayor Eric Garcetti dropped an F-bomb during a speech to celebrate the Los Angeles Kings hockey team winning the Stanley Cup in June 2014? New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady apparently let one fly in November 2013, and Jennifer Lopez reportedly did the same on American Idol in March 2014. What happened to the idea that public figures such as athletes, politicians and other celebrities should be role models for youngsters? What gives?

According to Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder John Kappas, Ph.D.’s Theory of Mind, every belief and behavior other than a reaction to the fear of falling and a reaction to the fear of loud noises is learned. First we identify a stimulus (e.g., smell, sound, taste, sight, touch) and associating it with a positive or negative response or experience (knowns). As these associations gradually create our life script (mental script), we continue to behave in ways which we have learned “work” to help us accomplish a particular goal. As our primary caretaker(s) and, eventually, other influential people in our environment, repeatedly introduce us to specific beliefs or behaviors, the critical area of the mind identifies this random data as “knowns” in the SCM.

I doubt that expletive language, sex and violence have become more prevalent or extreme in recent years. Rather, I think our acceptance of and familiarity with them in our daily lives has facilitated our acceptance and tolerance of them on-screen and in books, etc. This isn’t good or bad, just an observation about how we behave and our expectations and attitudes about these behaviors. Sure, Mario Puzo’s The Godfather (film) had very little swearing in it. However, I bet if the film was made today there would be a lot more “bad words” simply because it is more socially acceptable to use profanity in books, movies and on television that it was forty-plus years ago.

Eventually, we become desensitized to that stimulus (e.g., profanity, sexual imagery, etc.) in our environment so that its presence in our entertainment also feels familiar and comfortable. I think that with these words and images now playing such a big part in (a large portion of) society’s subconscious mental script, it would almost feel unrealistic if they were missing in today’s entertainment.

 

 

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2014

 

Two Routes, One Destination

Diagram courtesy of Microsoft Bing
 

                In life, there are often several routes we can take to reach the same destination or techniques we can use to achieve the same goal. I find it interesting that once we have chosen a specific path or method, we are very reluctant to try the alternative.

                A couple weeks ago, I suggested to my dad that he drive to my nephew’s school Christmas pageant the same way I go to see my horse. I knew that this route would enable him to avoid both the round-about on the freeway exit and having to make a left-hand turn into the school parking lot. To my surprise, he was very resistant about going the way I suggested. To my surprise, it turned out he had never driven that way to the school, which accounted for his initial protest about taking this unfamiliar route. I had to admit that I felt a pang of sympathy for him. Even though it was known and comfortable for me because I almost always drive the route I was encouraging him to take, once upon a time, I felt the exact same way about it. Maybe one day it will become this familiar and comfortable for my dad, as well.

                Several years ago, I used to always go to the barn the same way my dad wanted to drive to the school. I was aware that a simpler, more direct route existed; there was even an alternative that avoided the freeways altogether. However, since I had never gone either way I was wary about going any way other than the way I was used to. It was so familiar that I barely had to think about when to turn or where. It was comfortable and known, a subconscious mental script that I (almost) could have driven to the barn with my eyes closed. It didn’t matter that I had a GPS in my car and several local maps I could use if I took a wrong turn. It didn’t matter that I had lived in the area for most of my life and, theoretically, already knew—or should have known—how to at least find my way home if I got lost. I had no reason or desire to change this habit, so I didn’t—until “my” freeway ramp was closed for landscaping and I had no choice but to take the path unknown.

                I plugged the alternate route into my GPS, took a deep breath and started to drive according to the GPS Voice’s instructions. So what if I had to get on the freeway a few exits over from my usual starting point? I asked myself as I merged into traffic. I soon realized that I had been worried for no reason when I started to recognize familiar road signs and landmarks that reassured me I really was going the right way. I even discovered that this new route even had some perks: I had to make fewer left-hand turns and fewer lane-changes, and my overall drive time was actually a little shorter. Best of all, I didn’t have to deal with that round-about where I usually exited the freeway. After driving this way a few times, I became so comfortable and confident taking this new route that it became a new mental script but even my preferred way to drive out to this part of the city.

 

               

                               

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2014

Opportunities to Handle It

“Life is 10 percent what happens to you and 90 percent how you handle it.”  – Lou Holtz

Photo courtesy of Microsoft Bing

 

I think a part of my subconscious mind was already tuned in to ESPN football analyst and former National Collegiate Athletic Association football coach Lou Holtz’s philosophy when I detached the filter from the machine. Before that moment, I had never ever tried to clean the filter so soon after the espresso finished dripping through; but that day my mind was on about 20 other things and I wasn’t focusing on what I was doing. In my rush to be efficient so I could tackle my next task (baking), I reached for the filter handle to clean up the machine after I made my latte.

BOOM! POP! Espresso grounds flew everywhere.

Let me just say that before I enrolled at the Hypnosis Motivation Institute—let alone became a certified hypnotherapist—this kind of incident probably would have wound me up more than the caffeine I was drinking. But this time, I was willing and very able to take my mishap in stride. Sure, the mess was inconvenient; but there was a silver lining to the clean-up I had to do. I took HMI founder Dr. John Kappas’s advice to just “turn the situation around” directly to heart. Now that I already had to clean up the espresso grounds, this would be a perfect opportunity to really clean the espresso machine as well.  I had recently noticed that the water was filtering very slowly of late; or, sometimes inconsistent amounts of the beverage would be produced. It was time to figure out what was going on so I could get back to enjoying my latte.

The clean-up was also a great opportunity to do some of the relaxation techniques I recommend and teach to my hypnotherapy clients when they are frustrated. I practiced diaphragmatic breathing—drawing slow, deep breaths through my nose, holding the breath for several seconds and slowly released the air through my mouth. Meanwhile, I focused on completely brushing away the errant grounds and then ran the machine with just clear water to flush out the remnant espresso that got stuck in the machine. To prevent my subconscious mind from drifting into negative self-talk and recrimination about all the time I had to spend cleaning up the mess, I sang along with the holiday songs playing on the radio. I thought about all of the holiday festivities to come in the coming days. I even thanked myself for creating an opportunity to give the machine a mini tune-up that would ultimately brew better espresso.

Before I knew it, I had completely handled the mess as well as my non-reaction to it. The espresso maker was clean and working better than it had in a long time, and I had plenty of time to enjoy my beverage before I started my holiday baking. Win-win.

 

 

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2014

 

Body Syndromes: Guilt and Sexual Frustration Syndrome

 

Have you ever told an acquaintance that you can’t make it to their party because you have a headache—only to develop a bad stomachache that prevents you from attending a different event that you really wanted to go to? Alternatively, perhaps you have noticed that your period has become irregular or other symptoms of your reproductive organs.  If so, you may have experienced Guilt/Sexual Frustration Syndrome.

According to John Kappas, Ph.D., whenever a person represses or holds in (does not express) an emotion the displaced energy from that experience is converted into a physical “symptom” of that emotional trauma. Even though there are no nerve endings in the brain, emotions in the brain through our perceptions (e.g., smell, taste, sight, hearing, touch). Electric impulses carry this information through the body and begin to manifest physical discomfort in those areas that are specifically associated with a certain repressed emotion, the Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder stated.

Illnesses of the adrenal glands, hips, intestines, lower back and sexual organs typically manifest Guilt/Sexual Frustration Syndrome which are related to guilt and sexual/relationship problems. Symptoms related to this syndrome include: anorgasmia, constipation, irregular menstruation, Irritable-Bowel Syndrome, lower-back pain and prostate or ejaculatory dysfunction. Perhaps you feel guilty about not disclosing something on an official document or flirting with someone other than your spouse, etc. Alternatively, these illnesses can also manifest sexual/relationship problems, such as sexual frustration, sexual dysfunction, abstinence and sexual confusion).

As a certified hypnotherapist, it is out of my scope of expertise to diagnose an illness or to recognize/identify specific symptoms that have a psychological or physiological origin. However, once a licensed medical or psychology expert has ruled out a medical etiology of your symptom, with a follow-up referral from that licensed professional, I can continue to work with you in hypnotherapy to alleviate and/or control these symptoms. In addition, I can use hypnosis and therapeutic guided-imagery techniques to address the specific emotional trauma that has triggered those symptoms and help you to pursue and achieve your vocational and avocational self-improvement goals.

 

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2014

 

 

Dressing the Part

 

                Whenever I have to get something done, I dress the part. When I was working as a magazine editor, I wore a suit to work just about every day. I don’t know why I started doing that. Perhaps it was because, having just returned from England after living abroad for seven years, I was used to seeing professional people looking like they had somewhere important to go. Monday through Friday, on the London Underground, at bus stations and walking around the city, everyone looked so chic. (Of course, people dressed the part in Los Angeles, too; but since most people drove cars out here it was hard to know how they really looked from outside the vehicle.) But I also discovered that it was easier for me to get and maintain that mind-set for my work throughout the day.

My days as a magazine editor are long over, but I continue to dress for whatever part or role I am playing on a given day. If am going to give a presentation about hypnotherapy or work with my hypnotherapy clients, I wear business attire. If I am going out to the barn to ride my horse or just hang out with him and do chores around the barn, I put on my “horse clothes”: i.e., britches, shirt or sweater, half-chaps, Mountain Horse Jod boots. Right before I get on Galahad, I am also wearing gloves and my Troxel riding helmet. If I am competing in a horse show, I wear specific riding gear for that: white britches, white blouse and stock tie, black dressage coat and my tall dressage boots—plus white leather gloves, hair-net and stock pin. If I am going out for the evening, I wear appropriate attire for whatever the activity or event I am attending.

Finally, dressing the part helps to increase my self-confidence in my ability to do whatever task is at hand. When I was dressed like an editor—or what I thought an editor should wear—I also looked and acted like an editor. As a hypnotherapist, it is important to me that I can convey a sense of confidence, experience, calm and support to my clients. Sometimes, I also wear a name badge to reinforce this image when I work with someone for the first time. When I’m at the barn, I feel more confident and secure about my activities knowing that I am wearing protective gear that is specifically designed to prevent serious injury if I fall off a horse or get kicked or stepped on.

Guess what? I even put on something that tells me (and my subconscious mind) it’s time to relax and unwind from the stresses of the day when I am just planning to hang out at home reading or watching television. I know that my SCM should “know” how to relax as instinctively as it knows how to do most of the activities I mentioned above. However, sometimes I even have to remind myself that it’s okay to just do one thing (or nothing) at a time. In a way, the clothing functions like the critical area of my subconscious mind, as Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder John Kappas, Ph.D. described in his Theory of Mind. This is the area of the mind that rejects any unknown or unfamiliar (painful) information for the SCM. So, to put this model into effect, when I am at work seeing a client, my official attire reminds my mind rejects distracting message units about the time I will spend with Galahad later in the day. And when I am with my horse, my riding garments remind me to focus on him.

 

Especially the boots: they have a reinforced steel toe to protect my feet in case I start thinking about something other than my boy, who likes to remind me where my attention should be focused  if it drifts away from him.

                                                                            

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2014

 

 

 

 

The Horse as Equine Partner

(This blog was originally posted on May 18, 2011)

 

 

I believe that people who train and work with horses should aim to achieve a partnership with their horse. I love the way Monty Roberts and Kelly Marks talk about their “equine partners” when they teach horsemanship and training techniques. My trainers teach every student at the barn to consider and interact with their mount as an equine partner. But, what does this term really mean? What does it mean to be a human partner to your horse?

Enid Bagnold’s classic novel, National Velvet, depicts a teenage Velvet Brown’s bond with a piebald gelding, which she rides to victory in the Grand National horse race. In Walter Farley’s The Black Stallion, Alec Ramsay earns the trust of an Arabian stallion when they are shipwrecked on a deserted island. “The Black” demonstrates his devotion to Alec when he kills a cobra poised to bite the boy; after they are rescued, Alec enlists the help of a former jockey to train them for an important race. Finally, in one of the most exciting scenes in my favorite movie, The Man From Snowy River, Jim Craig’s trusted mount gallops at breakneck speed, headlong down a cliff and over rugged terrain in their quest to round up a herd of wild horses.

Now, consider the horses that you have known in your life: The horse that carried you safely home when you were sure that you were “lost” on the trail. The horse who, even after “dumping” you at that oxer, stood patiently beside you and waited for you to catch your breath (and gathered your pride) before climbing on his back. The horse that braced his body perpendicular to a steep incline, allowing you to pull yourself up the hill by using the reins and his weight as leverage. Finally: The horse that carried you to a first-place win after crossing 100 miles of grueling terrain in an endurance race, or bested the other equine athletes at a three-day, combined-training event. How—or, why—do they do these things for us?

While considering this question, I am reminded of the famous challenge in President Kennedy’s inaugural speech: “Ask not what your country can do for you, but ask what you can do for your country.” I believe that this theme forms the basis of the partnership that is forged between a horse and his rider. Rather than focus on the prize or reward that is being offered at the end of the ride, consider what it takes to achieve that goal.

Spend time watching your horse in pasture and take the time to learn how to communicate and interpret the horse’s body language. Groom him and establish a mutual bond of trust and respect before you even think about climbing onto his back. Rather than jabbing a spur into his side and demanding your horse to go forward, first “ask” him to walk/trot/canter out with gentle aid, such as a cluck or squeeze. Reward the horse with praise and gentle pats when he does what you have asked. When you must correct the horse’s behavior, be firm—but fair: refusing to go forward because he is belligerent is not the same thing as not understanding what you have asked him to do. If your horse spooks at something on a trail or in the arena, help him to build his confidence by remaining patient and calm through the incident. Be an example of bravery as you desensitize him to what has previously startled him. Demonstrate and reinforce your role as herd leader by providing him with food, water, shelter and time to just be a horse.

If, as Kelly Marks writes, you can “be the owner your horse would choose for himself,” he can be a reliable equine partner for you.

 

 

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.