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Monday, October 4, 2021

All About Emotional & Physical Sexuality, Part 2

To minimize risk of exposure to and spread of the COVID-19 virus and COVID-19 variants, I am continuing to suspend in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. Meanwhile, phone, and Zoom consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE!

(This blog was originally posted on February 3, 2016)

Photo by Rick Hustead

The cornerstone of Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder John Kappas, Ph.D.’s hypnotherapy practice was the concept of Emotional and Physical Sexuality. In my blog titled, All About Emotional and Physical Sexuality, Part 1, I described the characteristics of these personalities and the importance of knowing a client’s sexual personality as a way to understand, predict and even mold his or her behavior. In today’s blog I will further describe the priorities and goals of each personality in the context of a romantic (sexual) relationship. Please keep in mind that, like suggestibility, there are varying degrees of the Emotional and Physical Sexuality traits; no one is 100 percent “Emotional” or 100 percent “Physical” in terms of the degree to which dominant sexual-personality traits is manifested.

E&P PRIORITIES

EMOTIONAL	PHYSICAL
Career/$ Security (If financial security doesn’t exist, everything else falls by the wayside.)	Relationship/Sex (Relationship and Sex are interchangeable for the Physical. Sex is how the Physical expresses love)
Hobbies/Kids (Emotional male has no friends or work acquaintance, etc. or 1 Physical male friend considers; Emotional female partner as friend. Emotional female has other Emotional female friends. “Kids” are a hobby for an ethnic Emotional)	Children/Family
Relationship/Family (Home base)	Hobbies/ Friends (Physical Female has Physical male friends, often ex-partners, lack of competition; a Physical male will have Physical male friends.)
Sex	Career/$ Security

Emotional Sexual vs. Physical Sexual Personality

Emotionals don’t like to confront the partner. Physicals have no problem asking for or “demanding” what they want and need in the relationship.
Guilt controls the Emotional partner. The Physical partner feels actual, physical pain during a break-up, but when the relationship is over an Emotional “seems” to move on to a new relationship. (A bad break-up can take the Physical out of the dating game for a very long time in some cases, or subconsciously “chooses” another Physical partner because the previous experience with the Emotional lover/end of relationship was so traumatic.)
Sex and the relationship are two different/separate things for the Emotional partner. The Emo can compartmentalize: “It’s ‘just’ sex” with a mistress.
Sex and the relationship are the one and the same for the Physical partner. A Physical Sexual individual can’t imagine being sexually intimate without “feeling” an emotional connection with the other person.
BOTH Emotional Sexual and Physical Sexual partner wants control in the relationship but go about different ways to get it. (E.g., Physical partner shouts/pouts/makes demands for more attention; the Emotional Partner freezes out/ignores the Physical partner, which makes the Physical partner shout/make demands until one of them walks away from the relationship or reconciles the difference.

If you are interested in finding out what whether you are an Emotional or Physical Sexual personality, check out the relationship quiz. It is can be hard to be objective about your own behavior when answering these questions, so I suggest that you take the quiz for (about) your spouse/partner and have the other person do the same for you. Once you know and understand Dr. Kappas’s E&P Sexual Personality model, a whole new world will open up for you in terms of recognizing, predicting and even helping to shape your own behavior and that of other people with whom you share a significant personal relationship.

Special Offer: Intensive Hypnotherapy to Quit Smoking

This session lasts approximately 2 hours. You must be smoking 5 cigarettes or fewer per day and have previously completed the First Hypnotherapy session with me to participate in this program. Relevant handouts and a free, digital reinforcement hypnosis track will be provided at the end of the session. The Intensive Hypnotherapy to Quit Smoking session costs $275. If you also need to do the First Hypnotherapy session, I am also offering a $35 discount on the First Session if you book and pay for both up front, at the same time ($440 total). This promotional discount may not be combined with any other discount or discount package. It is not redeemable for cash. Expires on October 31, 2021.

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. Sara has been voted the Best Hypnotherapist in Santa Clarita, California, three years in a row (July 2019, September 2020, July 2021). For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

Wednesday, September 29, 2021

All About Emotional & Physical Sexuality, Part 1

(This blog was originally posted on February 2, 2016)

Photo by Rick Hustead

The concept of Emotional and Physical Sexuality formed the cornerstone of Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder John Kappas, Ph.D.’s therapeutic philosophies and approach. He believed that these personality traits were more important and influential than a person’s suggestibility, because sexual personality was all about the individual’s motivations and behavior in an intimate relationship.

Whereas suggestibility (how we learn) is learned/acquired from the primary caretaker (usually, mom), the secondary caretaker (typically dad or another father figure) typically models sexual personality traits. Like suggestibility, a person’s Sexual Personality (“E & P”) is described as varying degrees of “Emotional” and “Physical” characteristics. However, emotional and physical Sexual Personality characteristics are not interchangeable with emotional and physical Suggestibility. In his research, Dr. Kappas observed that an individual’s Sexual Personality starts to develop during childhood, typically when the youngster is between eight and fourteen years old. He hypothesized that, at a very subconscious level, modeling the sexual personality traits of the father figure is a way for the child to get (metaphorically) closer to Mother.

Unlike suggestibility, which can change somewhat and be affected by different events in an individual’s life, Sexual Personality does not alter that much during a person’s lifetime. Furthermore, these characteristics facilitate understanding and the ability to predict and shape a person’s behavior. I and my colleagues who also went through the hypnotherapy certification program at HMI appreciate the value and utility of this model when we work with our own clients to achieve their vocational and avocational self-improvement goals.

Following are highlights of Dr. Kappas’s model of E&P Sexual Personality:

Emotional and Physical Sexuality is NOT a male/female thing. The male can be emotional and the female can be Physical, and vice versa.
Opposites attract: An Emotional (e.g., social wall-flower) is drawn to the Physical (e.g., social butterfly), and vice versa because we are naturally attracted to our equal opposites. There is more intensity, more vulnerability with your opposite.
There is a subconscious goal to increase/raise the subdominant personality. For example: The goal of the Physical partner is to raise the Emotional partner’s subdominant trait (physicality).
Different partners trigger different behaviors, depending on your E/P score
The E&P score will also differ depending on the phase of the relationship (Honeymoon vs. Crisis)
50/50 scores on the Sexuality test indicate: “We don’t know what you are.” You will have a different score for different relationships, different phases of the relationship. But you will always have a basic personality.
You can out-Phys/out-Emo a “same” partner. “Opposite” partners/relationships are more intense, but there is 10 times more vulnerability when you are with your subconscious opposite.

4 CORE TRAITS of the Emotional/Physical Sexual Personality

(You must have positive confirmation of 3 core traits before deciding/identifying the sexual personality.)

Parental background (when the pattern breaks, you need to find out why. Parents may be going through a different phase of their relationship.)
Response to rejection (When rejected, the Physical Sexual clings to the partner vs. an Emotional Sexual, who “freezes out” the partner)
Relationship with the physical body (comfortable vs. uncomfortable with physical contact) A Physical Sexual is connected/immediacy to the emotion, needs physical contact. There is a physical sensation with emotional reaction, somatization in the body. The Emotional Sexual has a disconnect of physical sensation to emotion. Sometimes the Emotional doesn’t know how he/she feels. Emotional protects the body, has a territory/boundary because the Emotional doesn’t know how they feel about their body or feelings.
Patterns of personal relationships (History of E/P partners. For example, if you are constantly attracted to a Physical Sexual, you are probably an Emotional Sexual, and vice versa.)

I will describe the priorities and behavioral motivations of the Emotional and Sexual Personalities in my next blog.

Special Offer: Discount on the First Hypnotherapy Session for Active/Retired

Military Personnel & First Responders

Special Offer: 25 percent discount (that is $50!) off the first hypnotherapy session for all active/retired military personnel and first responders (police, fire-fighters, EMT/paramedics, ambulance personnel, emergency dispatchers, ER physicians and nurses, COVID-19 Ward staff).

This offer may not be combined with any other discount or discount package. It is not redeemable for cash.

Tuesday, September 28, 2021

Being Mindful

(This blog was originally posted on March 26, 2016)

Photo courtesy of Microsoft/Bing

One of the most beneficial lessons I have learned is to be more “mindful” of my environment and surroundings. The first time I heard about mindfulness was during my course through the Hypnosis Motivation Institute to become certified to use hypnosis to help people deal with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. I am working on this behavior again as I complete another HMI course on using hypnosis to help care-givers take better emotional and physical care of themselves as well as the person they are looking after. Basically, this concept entails slowing down our usual rush or frenetic, day-to-day behavior of existing and increasing our awareness of the immediate surroundings to slow down and reduce stress so we can live and enjoy life.

Following is an exercise you can practice while you take a bath or shower to increase your mindfulness and awareness of your own environment. The goal of this exercise is to help you focus on the positive, interesting and good things around you, to eventually draw in that goodness to replace any negativity you have been carrying inside.

Rate your level of relaxation on a scale from 0-10, with “0” being least relaxed and “10” being most relaxed.
Draw a long, slow breath through your nose and hold it for the count of four. Release the breath through your mouth. As you exhale, say or think the word, “calm” or “relax”. Continue breathing at your own relaxed rate. When you remember to do so, think or say the word “calm” or “relax” as you continue this Mindfulness exercise.
Step into the shower/bath. Focus your attention on the sensation of the water on your skin. What does the temperature like? How does it feel to have the water droplets falling on your skin (if a shower)? What is the sensation like as the water laps against your body (if a bath) as you position yourself to sit in the tub.
Notice the smell of the soap/bubble-bath/bath salts you are using. Is there a smell? What does it smell like, if anything at all? How does it feel (texture) when the soap/bubble-bath/bath salts touch your skin?
Now take a moment to allow the water from the shower splash over your hand, or to scoop up some bath water in your hands and allow it to spill through your fingers. Notice the shape of the water droplets. Can you see any colors in the water droplets or perhaps even in the bubbles from soap or bubble-bath? What are those colors? What are those shapes?
To conclude the exercise, rate your level of relaxation again, using the same 0-10 scale. What have you noticed during this exercise about your ability to relax and how it feels to be able to focus on something outside of yourself, this way?

This is just one example of how to practice Mindfulness. I use and teach Mindfulness to my hypnotherapy clients to help them relax and to help them reduce stress and anxiety, improve self-care and more. It is a great way to relax and practice noticing things going on around you that affect yet do not necessarily have anything to do with, directly affect, or are directly affected by you.

Special Offer: Discount on the First Hypnotherapy Session for Active/Retired

Military Personnel & First Responders

This offer may not be combined with any other discount or discount package. It is not redeemable for cash.

Friday, September 24, 2021

Overcome Fear of Flying, with Hypnotherapy (Part 2)

(This blog was originally posted on May 15, 2014)

Photo courtesy of Fotolia

If you are afraid of flying, hypnosis and guided imagery can alleviate this anxiety and help to make your journey more comfortable. In this blog, I will describe how I use hypnosis and therapeutic guided-imagery concepts to help desensitize my clients to any negative associations they may have with and fear of flying.

The first thing I do is confirm that the client has a fear and not a phobia of the stimulus (flying). According to Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder John Kappas, Ph.D., a fear is distinguished from a phobia if it has a specific cause or origin. For example, if the plane you were last on went through a thunderstorm and you experienced a lot of turbulence and sudden drop in altitude or a loved one dying in a crash, you might develop a fear of flying. Conversely, a phobia is a generalized anxiety response that is associated with low blood-sugar levels and no specific event triggered the reaction.

Once I make this determination, I will teach the person some basic relaxation techniques, such as diaphragmatic breathing and special-place imagery. When the client is in hypnosis and is in a deep state of relaxation, I will help him or her to create a finger-press anchor to “lock in” that sensation of calm and comfort, which the person can employ if and when he or she feels anxious or afraid. I also guide the person through a series of imagery exercises to desensitize him or her to anticipatory anxiety about flying and to the specific stimulus or stimuli that trigger the fear or anxiety response (e.g., words such as terminal, last call and final destination). I also have the person “rehearse” preparing for and taking the scheduled flight: making travel arrangements, packing for the flight, waking up the day of the trip, eating a nutritious meal, leaving for the airport and boarding the plane. During this exercise, the client gets to visualize, imagine picture or pretend that he or she hears and sees the doors close on the aircraft and feel the plane take off, fly for the estimated duration of the journey and land at the destination. I will then guide the client through a similar exercise to prepare for the trip home.

I incorporate the client’s words/expressions in the hypnotic script to emphasize and reinforce his or her reasons/motivations to overcome the fear (or phobia) about flying. I use guided imagery to help the client replace negative associations between the sensation of flying, with that of the deep relaxation and sense of calm and comfort experienced during hypnosis. In this and future hypnotherapy sessions, I will continue to desensitize the person to triggers of this fear of flying and reinforce the new association between feeling confident, relaxed and in control while traveling in an airplane. Once the client has returned to an alert and aware state I will provide some practical tips to further reduce anxiety while traveling and provide a recording of the hypnosis/visualization portion of the session to further reinforce this relaxed state.

Practical tips to make your flight more comfortable:

Drink water and eat a nutritious meal that contains protein to keep your mood even and anxiety low.

Do not drink alcohol or caffeinated beverages before or during the flight, which can affect suggestibility and may increase your anxiety.

Get plenty of sleep the night before you travel.

Listen to the reinforcement track before bed the night before your flight and on a personal stereo during the flight.

Practice diaphragmatic breathing and activate the finger-press anchor whenever you need to reduce stress or anxiety before or during the flight.

Special Offer: Discount on the First Hypnotherapy Session for Active/Retired

Military Personnel & First Responders

This offer may not be combined with any other discount or discount package. It is not redeemable for cash.

Thursday, September 23, 2021

Overcome Fear of Flying, With Hypnotherapy (Part 1)

(This blog was originally posted on May 14, 2014)

Photo courtesy of Fotolia

It is officially the beginning of Autumn, and many people are preparing for/booking flights to visit relatives for Thanksgiving and the winter holidays. If you are afraid of flying, hypnosis and guided imagery can alleviate this anxiety and help to make your journey more comfortable. In this blog, I will suggest some ideas and concepts to help desensitize you to any negative associations you may have with flying and air travel.

Wrong words: Airport staff, flight attendants and ground crew often make a lot of unintentional negative associations with flying: e.g., terminal (airport building), departure lounge and last and final call to board the airline, final destination of your journey. These are just words and part of flying jargon; they are not meant to imply negative consequences of flying and air travel.

Flying is still one of the safest forms of travel and is statistically less dangerous than driving an automobile.

Airplanes are constructed to have several safety (and back-up safety) mechanisms and computers to keep the crew and passengers safe throughout the journey.

Pilots have thousands of hours of training in flight simulators before they sit at the controls of a commercial jet; even then, they will be working with/supervised by a pilot with more experience to deal with various flight conditions, turbulence and other air emergencies.

Air-traffic controllers/centers are trained to and responsible for monitoring each commercial airplane at specific parts of the flight, from takeoff until landing. The pilot, co-pilot and any other officer on board will be in constant verbal and radar contact with the air-traffic control officers that are monitoring your flight.

The pilot(s) and flight crew all have a vested interest to have a smooth flight and a safe (and timely) arrival. They are well-trained to handle various air emergencies and are highly unlikely to do anything to jeopardize their or their passengers’ safety.

Finally, since the terrorist attacks on 9/11/2001 and, more recently, violent altercations between passengers and on flight crew about Covid-19 safety restrictions (i.e., mandatory masks and vaccination status), more attention is being paid to physical safety during air travel. Passengers and flight crew are aware of the potential risks to their physical safety and health, and have repeatedly proved that they are willing and prepared to physically subdue a potential or suspected threat during the flight.

In my next blog, I will describe some hypnosis and therapeutic guided-imagery techniques that I use to help people work through and overcome their fear of flying.

Special Offer: Discount on the First Hypnotherapy Session for Active/Retired

Military Personnel & First Responders

This offer may not be combined with any other discount or discount package. It is not redeemable for cash.

Wednesday, September 22, 2021

When the Presenting Problem Is a Symptom

(This blog was originally posted on June 10, 2015)

Photo by Rick Hustead

Sometimes, an issue that a client presents to the hypnotherapist during a therapy session is a symptom rather than the cause of another problem. For example, increased anxiety and various signs of physical discomfort such as light-headedness, headache or nausea may suggest that the individual is experiencing symptoms of low blood-sugar levels rather than just responding to a specific stress trigger. Low blood-sugar levels can also trigger a phobic reaction. (For more information about this relationship, see my blog titled Nutrition and the Development of Fears and Phobias.) In this case, it is important for the hypnotherapist to work with the client’s physician to create an appropriate nutrition program to control the blood-sugar level and incorporate suggestions about nutrition and healthy eating during hypnosis to reduce these symptoms.

However, it is also possible that a client’s behaviors or emotional responses/reactions are actually manifestations of his or her repressed emotions: i.e., a body syndrome. Once a licensed medical doctor has ruled out a physical etiology (cause) of the symptom, the hypnotherapist may explore the cause of the symptom in the context of body syndromes. For example, persistent pain in the client’s shoulders and upper back (Responsibility Syndrome) may provide a secondary gain of being “allowed” to avoid participating in certain activities undesirable at work or with the person’s family.

For example, Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder John Kappas, Ph.D., explained how a client’s persistent hoarse throat and fatigue was actually a symptom of her subconscious resistance toward the woman’s husband/manager’s pushing her to accomplish something. The client, a singer, also experienced symptoms of low blood-sugar that were brought on by her husband’s demands for perfection in her performances. The hypnotherapist determined that his client was subconsciously motivated to use her hoarse throat as a way to avoid having to sing when she didn’t feel like it. Consequently, Dr. Kappas approached her therapy by first addressing her behaviors (e.g., feeling tired and hoarseness). He explained how her nutrition contributed to her feeling tired and recommended ways to change her diet that would increase her energy. Next, he explored with her the various reasons why (cause) she was experiencing the hoarseness and addressed the client’s perception of her husband’s perfectionist tendencies as a source of her stress and subconscious resistance.

Once the client understood how the various sources of perceived external and internal pressure on her to perform were affecting her behavior, the hypnotherapist discussed ways of treating her symptoms. First, Dr. Kappas encouraged her and her husband to separately work with a therapist to work out some of their professional conflicts. Then he worked with the client to help her husband agree that they could change their interactions with each other and how this behavior change could be achieved. Ultimately, the woman’s symptoms would dissipate as her relationship with her spouse/manager improved, thus ameliorating her subconscious desire to avoid singing/performing because their pattern of interacting with each other became less stressful.

Special Offer: Discount on the First Hypnotherapy Session for Active/Retired

Military Personnel & First Responders

This offer may not be combined with any other discount or discount package. It is not redeemable for cash.

Monday, September 20, 2021

Are You Afraid to Lose...or Win?

(This blog was originally posted on May 14, 2014)

Photo by Rick Hustead

Have you refused to participate in an activity because you didn’t want to look bad or ruin your current performance record? Have you ever refused to participate in an activity in which you were likely to succeed? Both of these examples are potential causes of performance anxiety, and recognizing what triggers this anxiety is the first step to successfully managing and treating it.

Fear of success is often more difficult for people to imagine feeling, because who doesn’t want to succeed and to be the best at something, right? But success comes with its own kinds of pressure and stress, including responsibility. Suddenly, it does not matter to that newly minted executive that he or she has years of training and experience to validate this promotion. It does not matter that the person has a proved track record of being able to execute profitable negotiations in the boardroom and is willing to make tough decisions about that will benefit the company. Once you get the big promotion that you have been working so hard to receive, you have to do more work and probably take on more roles than you previously had, to earn the new title and salary that you now earn. You will have to use the skills you have honed during your tenure in your previous role and put them to a real test in a leadership position. Like it or not, when you make a decision the buck will start and stop with you.

Or, imagine an honors student at high-school student who has received two letters of acceptance from two different universities. He or she may decide to accept a place in the state university because he or she feels intimidated by the anticipated course demands and his or her family’s expectations about what it means to be a student at Harvard. It doesn’t matter that you have earned academic letters or were the captain of your sport or debate team. It doesn’t matter how many awards you have received for community service or other extracurricular activity. Once you leave the security of high school (and childhood) where you were the top-ranked student of your class, you will be starting over in a new environment that is populated by hundreds of young adults just like you. You may well become the head of your class and set a new standard of academic achievement, or not. Whatever you do academically, high-school graduation and attending college are a rite of passage from childhood to adulthood.

The physical manifestations of performance anxiety take many forms, including trembling or shaking, feeling nauseated or “blanking out” (forgetting) the lines or music you are going to perform or the information you are supposed to present. Hypnotherapy and therapeutic guided-imagery techniques can help you to manage these symptoms and overcome this anxiety so you can do the performance or presentation.

Systematic desensitization to the stimuli that trigger the anxiety/fear response.
Creating hypnotic scripts that reinforce the client’s recent achievements to boost his or her self-confidence about ability to achieve the stated goal.
Use guided-imagery techniques to help the client re-experience those previous successes and further reinforce his or her self-confidence about being able to achieve a new goal.
Teach the client how to practice diaphragmatic breathing and to activate an “anchor” to help relieve symptoms of anxiety.
Educate the client about the relationship between nutrition and anxiety; specifically, the correlation between drops and spikes in blood-sugar level and feeling anxious or afraid.
Instruct the client about using the Emotional Freedom Technique (tapping) to reduce anxiety and replace negative responses with positive/desired responses to achieve a goal.

Performance anxiety affects most people at some time in their lives. As John Kappas, Ph.D. explains in his book Success Is Not an Accident: The Mental Bank Concept, every person has the ability to achieve success. You do not have to be afraid to fail or to succeed to achieve your goals. Now is the perfect time for you to turn your dreams into reality.

Special Offer: Discount on the First Hypnotherapy Session for Active/Retired

Military Personnel & First Responders

25 percent discount (that is $50!) off the first hypnotherapy session for all active/retired military personnel and first responders (police, fire-fighters, EMT/paramedics, ambulance personnel, emergency dispatchers, ER physicians and nurses, COVID-19 Ward staff).

This offer may not be combined with any other discount or discount package. It is not redeemable for cash.